today is valentine's day?!
there's been too many of those in the past 365 days, too darn many i say.
it's like some kinda trap... you go watch 'the breakup' and wonder why there's so many couples out on a wednesday night and you come home and you realize it was valentine's day. and by 'you' i mean 'i'. just like the time i went to see romeo and juliet on valentine's day. why do i keep on doing that?!

should've gathered up the girls and gone to sing k like last year.
i need a room full of people to sing 分手快樂 and give me hugs again. >____<
but everyone's sick. W was at the ER again yesterday, Cl just finished a four day hospital stay, L's got some kinda lombarthic(?) infection, i think Co caught something in mongolia, and i've had the flu for two months. work people said their agenda is to 'pick up hot guys' at clubbing, sounds a little bit too much on the wild side for me.

yeah... so i'll just sit here and wrap up some work... it's the end of the month, gotta get those manuscripts in anyway, right? a preview of my future adult life... you'd think seeing the breakup would make someone NOT want to be in a relationship, with all the fighting and stuff. but i never really fight much. my relationships all die somewhat quietly. it's worse that way i think. it's like it was doomed from the beginning so you don't even fight it when it ends. hmm. no... i'll go write some upbeat manuscripts. maybe "How Can I Save the Earth" or "Happiness Is Around Us All the Time". yeah, i think i'll work on those.
posted by melody at 8/30/2006 11:21:00 p.m.

the ants found my candy stash
Cannonball is in In Good Company
hurt but somewhat hopeful
for the time being.
posted by melody at 8/27/2006 04:52:00 a.m.

what a gloomy sunny friday afternoon.
i feel completely lacking in purpose or motivation.

stranded. i feel stranded.
perhaps it's better than drowning, no?


不知不覺學會了從來沒看懂過歌詞的'素直'。
posted by melody at 8/25/2006 05:29:00 p.m.

so this is the good thing about reading two books at once -

i don't have that "oh crap i have to go back into the real world now" feeling when i finish one. :)
posted by melody at 8/24/2006 09:52:00 p.m.

changing quotes.

used to be:
only those who risk going too far can
possibly find out how far one can go.
--T.S. Elliot

but then i found out how far i can go...
too damn far, that's how far.
too far east is west, you see.

so now:
the world is a comedy to those that think,
a tragedy to those that feel.
--Horace Walpole

and maybe:
losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth.
--Ludwig Borne
posted by melody at 8/23/2006 02:58:00 a.m.

unbelievable.

i finally finish with school for a while and i'm wide awake at 6 in the morning browsing and ordering books on amazon.ca.

and apparently i'm enrolled in palaeontology (?!)

blogger is making me enter "pshiqt".
hahaha.. try pronouncing that out loud.
posted by melody at 8/19/2006 06:43:00 a.m.

so that was it.
i no longer need to go into the office and i'm done with my exams.
as soon as i finish this essay, my summer will officially begin.
(yes, i only get about half a month of summer)

hopefully that'll be the last time i run after a bus in heels and a short skirt. it's extra annoying seeing as my bus route from work passes at least 8 car dealerships. their bright glass fronts taunt me! although it's my own choice not to drive in taipei.

i feel like the last day of work is always anti-climatic. it was the same when i left senior high division too. you're thinking, this means something, but everyone else has their own work to do, so even if they care they don't have much time to give you a real send-off. so u really just clock out like any other day, just with a couple more bags of stuff to carry home.

i think it's been a really fulfilling "vacation".
what i intended to be a really long break away from all sources of stress is now looking like the beginning of my most eventful year. well, i'm not sure anything will ever top immigrating to a foreign country by myself at the age of 13, but it's been pretty... well, i don't know what it's been.

maybe i'm overrating it. afterall i didn't even do much traveling.
but working two jobs (two pay raises, whoohoo), securing a work-at-home part-time job for the next year and a future career was pretty neat.
it was also interesting to find out that i can finish 10 novels, 5 essays and 2 finals in under 3 weeks.
and walk around all day in 3 inch heels (trust me, it's some kind of acheivement)
and my capacity for healing and getting hurt and healing again (?) is rather astounding. maybe i'm an optimist afterall. is there such a thing as a cynical optimist?

i guess cynical optimism defines me pretty well.
my cynicism tells me i never learn. i will always be making the same mistakes, including procrasination, which i'm now doing. half an essay away from total freedom, really (rolls eyes in mockery of self). my optimism tells me, things always straightens themselves out in the end, even if it does take a really long time.

like my plane ticket. i was stuck without a seat for a while, but now i got one back. who knows, maybe everything will work out... maybe i'll finally get my credits for shakespeare, maybe i'll pass genetics this time around, maybe i'll even do well in my GREs, maybe i can finish my lab project and get it published before i graduate, maybe i'll even get a fellowship and a place at some decent graduate school. if that doesn't go through, maybe by some insane madness (or mix-up) i'll get that internship at cosmo. the possibilities are endless, endless!!

ok... enough insane ranting...
i'm gonna go get some caffeine to calm me down and tackle that essay...
posted by melody at 8/18/2006 07:19:00 p.m.

what's up with guys who ask for your msn but never add you?
is this the new "number-close"?
i know where you work dammit!!

hahaha. that amused me.
posted by melody at 8/15/2006 11:14:00 p.m.

oh no, i think i'm going through another people-hating bout again. but i want to go jeans shopping... such a sunny day, seems almost masochistic to stay home to read to the lighthouse, of all books...

for some reason the italian restaurant we went to last night played ciara's "goodies" for the entire duration of our stay. after we paid the bill they switched tracks, but it was way too late, that song is going to be stuck in my head forever. we had a private booth with purple velvet curtains too so at some points it was confusing whether we were at a trattoria or a club... but 8 entrees, 4 main courses and 8 desserts + drinks? MMmmm.
posted by melody at 8/13/2006 04:59:00 p.m.

終於搞定一科了
在信義區考試真的是很妙的體驗
平常考試都是徹夜未眠 邋遢的穿著幾天沒換的t-shirt 亂著一顆頭去考試
可是在國貿大樓考試真的不能這樣
如果不穿的像樣點 我看門口的警衛可能不會那麼好口氣的放我上二十五樓
還好考試的教室沒有窗戶 不然我可能會看風景看到發呆
以前在高中部六月戰的時候 就常常在會議室裡面改考卷 變成看著窗外發呆

好久沒有考試了 很不習慣在短時間內必須快速生產有調理的文字
兩個小時寫了十五頁 沒有空通通再看一遍
依稀記得有次考試我寫了22頁 現在怎麼也想不起來是如何做到的

考完試走到紐約紐約那裡搭650 看到時髦的人們在蹓狗逛街
覺得落差好大 本來剛好想去看看新的香水的 可是還是直接上了公車
上次去試聞香水的時候 很開心
雖然我們喜歡的味道都不一樣 可是覺得無所謂 一樣開心
那時候的樣子 真好

現在啊 我想上次見面的時候 我被凍傷了 *笑*
終於考完試 很疲倦 可是睡一睡還是醒了 然後就哭了
我知道 可是我不懂 就是這樣子 所以走不出來
結束的時候 我永遠都沒有懂過 只是在不在意的問題吧
這次 我很在意 就是這樣 所以難過這麼久 是不是呢

也沒有很久嘛 我認識你 竟然還不到半年
嚴格來說 還不到三個月呢 好奇怪
從陌生人開始 到--- 到陌生人...
好快.
posted by melody at 8/13/2006 02:50:00 a.m.

horoscope (aug 10th):
今天工作進度如期完成，讓你很有成就感，只要靈活運用金錢，就能創造更多財富，不過面對情人的冷漠態度，你有些自怨自艾，所以愛情不能滿足的部份，你只好尋求工作的慰藉囉！

恩 來吧 用工作淹沒自己吧
調了一下我的目標 本來打算一個月交30篇稿子的
就改成43份好了 雖然有點多 可是趁能賺的時候理當該多賺一點

劉老師說我回來教國二啊
真的喔... 跟國二小毛頭交手啊...
我怕我拿日本武士刀把他們的頭一顆顆砍下來
可怕的國中部啊...

好吧 今天不理智的夠久的了 不能再墮落下去了
還有37個小時就要考試了 (一點都沒有那種感覺)
posted by melody at 8/09/2006 11:09:00 p.m.

唉 無名上盡是一些非常非常不開心的東西
所以這裡的版面清潔了很多
我不想要負面可是無法不負面
所以只好把負面都整理好
裝箱封起來 是這樣吧

整理好 把黑色收起來
明天我會以porcelain的身分對你笑著打招呼
我的眼下不會有任何陰影
我的眼白不會有一條血絲
我會給你17條肌肉控制的真誠的笑容

應該不難才對 因為在你身邊整體上都是開心的
只有離開了太陽的溫暖才會覺得冷

but where there is light there must be shadow
and that's where i belong.
posted by melody at 8/08/2006 11:32:00 p.m.

今天回去高中部做最後的搬家動作
拿個支票 還制服 拿六月戰學生陸續出現的贈禮
將整理的很辛苦的簡章部傳給聖倫的"小孩"
感覺今晚公司人氣不太旺 氣氛怪怪
回家看看大家的網誌才發現 哇 又暴走了

我的天啊 短短兩個星期怎麼有這麼多的變動
深深的感覺到 我離開了一個是非之地
可是又有一點點不捨 因為"大家"這個詞吧
喜歡當"大家"的其中一份子

明年如果回來的話 會是以完全不同的身分
即使大家都還在的話 也無法打成一片了吧
有點可惜 可是每個人都有不同的路要走吧

希望有聯絡的會更熟起來

噢 我在感傷什麼
過幾個月搞不好就名字都記不起來了
我老是這個樣子
posted by melody at 8/08/2006 03:40:00 a.m.

decided on the lanyard headphones instead of big hip hop headphones.
just seems so much more practical.

so now, where to get them from?
posted by melody at 8/06/2006 06:27:00 a.m.

spent 8 hours studying, but highly unproductively.
quickly reading through Rasselas again, remembering how much it affected me the first time i read it. have i changed since then? have i taken its lessons to heart? only half, it seems.

"Ye who listen with credulity to the whispers of fancy, and persue with eagerness the phantoms of hope; who expect that age will perform the promises of youth, and that the deficiences of the present day will be supplied by the morrow; attend to the history of Rasselas prince of Abissinia."
- Samuel Johnson
posted by melody at 8/06/2006 06:27:00 a.m.

參加者請複製以下兩項！(遊戲+規則)
遊戲名稱：【愛的大集合】
遊戲規則：
1. 必須發表一篇文章，把所有愛的問題都答出來
2. 寫完所有愛的問題後，自己加多一題，請點名5位的lucky朋友繼續串聯下去


01.愛的食物：墨魚汁義大利麵
03.愛的地方：海邊
04.愛的口頭禪:不知道
05.愛的顏色：黑色
06.愛的偶像：Eason
07.愛的甜食：義美QQ軟糖葡萄口味
08.愛的節目：Lost
09.愛的書籍 : 噢 好難... 不要逼我選啦
10.愛的店： ... starbucks?
11.愛的作家 : margaret atwood
12.愛的唱作人 : christina aguilera
13.愛的國家/地方：venice, italy.
14.愛的座右銘 : 最新的 - "Life is a comedy for those that think, a tragedy for those that feel." - Horace Walpole
15.愛的習慣 : 浪費時間胡思亂想
16.愛的腔調 : 小孩狀的喃喃自語
17.愛的是守還是攻 : 有默契的彼此靠近
18.愛的星座 : 火象星座 (唉)
19.愛的休閒：發呆/睡覺
20.愛的個性：認真
21.愛的女人/女仔 : 從缺
22.愛的男人/男仔 : 噢 別提了
23.愛的公仔 : 我的兔子, sheepie 還有 fleecie
24.愛的動作 : 縮起來
25.愛係點的 : 嗄?
26.愛人地點對你 : 誠實地
27.愛的名稱 : 應該不會再聽到了
28.愛的科目 : abnormal psyc
29.最憎的人: 心肌重的騙子
30.現在心情 : 肚子痛/睡不著/很睏
31.愛的香水 : dior addict 2 / be delicious
32.短期目標係咩 : 在照常上班的狀況下趕完工課準備考試
33.你會最想保護邊個人 : 朋友. 還有點天真的朋友.
34.愛的理想對象 (形容下) : 遇到了才了解 理想中的不理想
35.看過最開心的電影 : 只記得傷心的電影. 也許 american wedding 吧
36.愛的生活 : 整天躺在床上看小說 然後晚上悠閒的和朋友去吃好吃的
37.近日最開心係咩事 : ... 沒有
38.最近愛哪首歌 : 不想想太多
39.愛的季節 : 秋天
40.你愛上既係咩網 : thesuperficial.com
41.最fd果個係邊個(只可一個) : f...d...? fucked? what?
42.愛的Brand : 台灣地攤
43.愛朋友定愛黃金 : 不會因為我再專心賺錢沒時間玩時就跑不見的朋友
44.你喜歡去愛人多d定係被人愛呀?: 要選的話當然是被愛 可是要選在一起的人會選我愛的 所以根本不可能發生喜歡愛我多一點的人的事 我終於想出謎底了
45.你最難忘的事 : alzeheimer's will take it all away
46.你最愛聽咩說話 : everything will be alright
47.愛訓覺定食野: 吃
48.戀上唔應該愛既人,你會點? : 自認倒楣 然後一頭栽進去
49.愛的上司 : 不講屁話的上司 說到做到的上司
50.愛的黃金歲月 : 可能已經過了啊 真糟
51.愛的感動之話 : i'm here for you
52.最尊敬的老師 : 嗯... 好像沒有. 我是不是該說劉毅老師啊 哈哈哈哈
53.愛的內衣款式：黑色的
54.愛的工作 : 事少錢多離家近
55.愛的設計師/建築師 : 不懂
56.愛的史上最丟臉搞笑的事蹟: 國王的新衣
57.愛的推薦 xanga blog: davidjohn's
58.愛的身體部分: 鎖骨
59.愛的悲傷經歷: 太多

好無聊的問卷
課本都比它有趣
是怎麼回事
posted by melody at 8/03/2006 01:42:00 a.m.

hmm.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.5
Mind:	3.9
Body:	4.3
Spirit:	3.6
Friends/Family:	2.4
Love:	1.4
Finance:	6.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

posted by melody at 8/03/2006 01:30:00 a.m.

超難得的姊妹們的聚會 我一路冷場
sorry 我知道我走憂鬱路線走的有點太久了
可是還是走不出來 請包容

(其實我想我這輩子都走不出來了)

今天上班連打了十幾個哈欠
已經連續多久 到了天亮了還睡不著
昨天晚上/今天早上 一樣是哭到著入眠
失眠很久了 好累 希望今天晚上可以睡得著
好渺小的要求
posted by melody at 8/02/2006 10:43:00 p.m.

extra sullen today, don't know why.

wide awake in bed till past 7am.
a little sick of work.
cough syrup getting nastier by the bottle.
wish i could stop going to see doctors.
need a dentist appointment, the last one fucked up my teeth.

not liking the heroine in Northanger Abbey. at all.
not liking ANY character in Northanger Abbey, in fact.
how strange.

missed the bus today so took metro n' transferred instead.
met old coworkers from high school division.
poor kids, it's tough work, what they do.
crappy starbucks service, should've gone to the usual one instead.
newbie cashier was very eager but forgot to deduct NT10 for bringing in my own cup, and nearly lost my cup cap. then the barrista almost broke it trying to fit it on. wasn't even good coffee. blegh.

worst of all (?)
my left headphone is making buzzing noises.
my headphones!!
how the hell am i supposed to shut the world out now?

.........

i need to cheer myself up somehow, or it's gonna be a real long night.
posted by melody at 8/01/2006 09:49:00 p.m.

i want the black star of africa.
posted by melody at 8/01/2006 01:49:00 a.m.