4.5% acidic |
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Sunday, April 30, 2006
can't stop listening to: damien rice. waiting for cd stores to open. cannot believe i have not bought this album yet.
i have very divergent tastes in movies... three films i am eagerly anticipating (but will probably not see. i haven't seen a movie in freaking ages) i'm as much anticipating as i am dreading this. it's going to be so bad.  never thought i'd look forward to jack black.  this would be good on imax if they have it.  i found this funny. but don't watch if you're religious (christian or whatnot). "the passion of the dead"
i'm still sleepy... *whines* i was making out with a hot girl when she snorted between kisses. after i woke up i realized it was my mom who was snoring. today i'll be sporting bloodshot, puffy eyes. i'm 22 and i don't have my own room on weekends. *wails* Saturday, April 29, 2006
read the entire script for when harry met sally to find this. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Harry: I miss her. Sally: I don't miss him, I really don't. Harry: No even a little? Sally: You know what I miss? I miss the idea of him. Harry: Maybe I only miss the idea of Helen. No, I miss the whole Helen. Friday, April 28, 2006
似乎沒有人相信我是認真的 很好笑嗎? 我不覺得啊 如果我真的只是無聊 我為什麼不選一個輕鬆一點的呢 人不能選擇自己喜歡的人 更不能控制自己的感覺 這些不用我來提醒你吧? 原來剖開心房告訴你我的一切感受 喜怒哀樂 你是當聽故事一樣 當故事沒有發展沒有娛樂性質之後 你竟然說 妳趕快換一個對象啦 我真的到這一刻才發現 你真的從來沒有懂過 如果下次你傷心的時候我冷漠的說一句 你換個對象不會啊 不是可以很隨意的挑選嗎 你會是什麼感受 不是怒了 是我的心在降溫
rummaging through this tiny room full of secrets. found: two toulouse-letrac posters more 村上春樹 novels weird device from dad's police training days (some sort of weapon?) lots of brand new stationary whistles a very very old picture of grandpa mom and dad's wedding pictures foreign currency three slightly moudly large lv luggage bags at least 7 watches 11 passports loads of books i want to read all the awards i ever recieved and report cards too everything from hawaii/ma'ema'e a "my 'me' book" made in gr.1 that i dedicated to "my best friend justin" (aww) (apparently i liked the number 9, the color red, and tuesdays in 1991. i also had no best quality and wanted to grow up to be a painter.) all my drawings there's also an electronic dictionary that beeps at 4:24pm everyday even though it appears to be completely out of batteries. i found handcuffs (real ones) in this room when i was a kid but those have disappeared. mood: overwhelmed but glad.
"stay away from dr pepper"... *laughs hysterically* Thursday, April 27, 2006
一邊溫習著台詞一邊吃午嶼藒M驚醒 發現我吃的是大餅牛肉 裡面夾著很夠份量的大蔥... 所以計畫終究還是再度泡湯了 下午改成和claire的約會 在老地方 - 久違的魚窩 兩人一貫各說各話的討論方式 乍聽之下感覺沒有交集 但習慣了的我們 以這樣的對話 依然順利的解開了兩人的謎底 claire以慣性挺我的立場講解 不是我不夠好 是我太好 原來是這樣 我似乎忘了我現在在台灣 不再是溫哥華 身分地位錢勢 砌出一道道令人無力跨越的鴻溝 *無奈* 出太陽的下午 開心的穿著白裙子搭細跟三吋高跟鞋出門 早該料到的 果然在回家的時候下起了大雨 書緯好心的送我到捷運站 車上溢滿了be delicious的香氣 為什麼有福的人就是不懂惜福? 這個下午好多感觸 我應該多出門才對的 我真的不貪心 我只想要一個機會 一個機會而已
based on my lifestyle in vancouver:
holy shit. seriously?? Wednesday, April 26, 2006
one bad summer, one good summer, one bad summer... this one is supposed to be a good summer(?) 耳機有將近36個小時沒摘下了 是的 就算睡覺的時候也戴著 昨晚沒有睡 一直到現在 浪費生命 我很擅長 我的腦子清不空 滿滿滿滿的期待與恐懼 "what must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?" - chandler from friends, season 10 episode 3.
my chest hurts. :( the neurologist felt that a MRI would be redundant. these are my newest (but still old) blood test results: Acetylcholine Receptor Antibodies Qualitative Result: POSITIVE HIGH Patient: 8077 cpm Cut-off point for positivity: 412 cpm Sample's date: 06 Jan, 2006 Assay date: 19 Jan, 2006 i don't know what cpm stands for, but those numbers don't look good.
明天早上要辦新的身分證 用的照片是七月的時候照的 表情有點呆滯 因為攝影師調燈光調了很久 我的眼皮開始往下垂了 不過還算是耐看的照片吧 要看個十幾年呢 這麼一想 大家最近都有照身分證照呢 好想來交換照片喔 像交換學士照那樣 嘻嘻
this is the second summer in a row i bailed on a chance to go to tokyo with free lodgings. how odd. it'll make it just that much more special when i finally go. or disappointing...
還在下雨呢 好想去游泳 如果週末天氣好的話可以約大家去海邊呢 也野i是很難講 大家都很忙的樣子 常常覺得身邊的人都很忙 只有我一個人停滯 如果是這樣的話 那我已經落後很多很多很多 日本不去了 時間過的越久就越不期待 而且我想我當時實在沒有想通 跟男生同居實在還是太奇怪 本來因為要去atlanta所以想說不去日本的 結果atlanta方面的行程也被取消了 本來是要去探望大姨媽的 她剛做完化療 可是她說她要開始上班了 後來不了了之 所以 五月也會像四月一樣的深居不出嘛? 五月中旬定了去花蓮的火車票 本來以為會每隔一個星期就去一次的 後來為了種種原因一直待在台北 真是個蠢蛋 也許可以慫恿爸爸下午車子給我 悠閒在海邊讀書 台灣的觀念是夏天到了就要美白 北美洲的觀念是夏天到了就要曬成小麥色 兩個極端在掙扎 可是畢竟我怎麼樣也不會曬成小麥色 所以我還是乖乖的當死面女鬼好了 上個禮拜示範裸妝給w看 她被嚇到了 敷清潔面膜 去角質 洗臉 化妝水 眼霜 精華液 保濕霜 隔離霜 遮瑕 粉底液 膏狀腮紅 防曬粉餅 粉狀腮紅 打底眼影 膚色眼影 眼線液 睫毛膏 睫毛膏top coat 眉色膏 眉粉 唇蜜 其實我還跳過了幾個步驟呢 像修容啊打底啊唇筆啊 w摸了摸我的臉再看看自己的手指頭 困惑的問 你真的有上妝嘛...? 你知道我原始的面貌是什麼樣子嗎 我跟你說 是慘白色的 慘白色的!! 是個面具啊 不曉得為什麼覺得要帶上了這繁複的面具才會被接受 a better version of myself.
movies i desperately want to watch: (some of these are old, but i've sorta been a hermit all april) 1. inside man 2. hostel 3. thank you for smoking 4. the grudge 2 (english version of course. edison's in it!) 5. lady in the water 6. hard candy 7. nanny mcphee 8. tristan and isolde 9. fragile ("Another Euro horror movie about a haunted hospital and mysterious cases of children's bones being broken by an unseen entity.") 10. art school confidential 11. an american haunting 12. down in the valley (no idea what it's about, but it's got edward norton) 13. the science of sleep (looks promising, need to see trailer) 14. half nelson (dumb plot, but ryan gosling!) 15. the illusionist (edward norton again! with jessica biel! *sqeals in delight*) only four of the above are currently playing in taiwan. :( and is it just me or are miss usa's boobs fake?  Tuesday, April 25, 2006
we've been taught since we were young that like goes with like. mickey mouse goes with minnie mouse, donald duck goes with daisy duck. i don't know what's the point of this particular rant. it just feels like he belongs in another spatiotemporal dimension sometimes. hence my hesitation?
i am... someone who used to think she is weak but pretending to be strong and then went through a phase where she thought she was strong but percieved as weak and now doesn't know if she's strong or weak anymore. you are my forbidden apple. :(
又來了 成分又變了... (有點惱羞) * 豬鼻屎彈：17.49% * 毒電波：17.49% * 斷背山中的斷背者：11.27% * 缺了安裝序號的正版軟體：6.37% * 雞包紙紙包雞雞包紙紙紙包雞再包雞雞雞紙：5.70% * 匈牙利葡萄人：0.89% * 正義之心：0.71% Monday, April 24, 2006
You are a shy flirt. You are more inclined to leave anonymous love notes for your crush then go up and ask them out. You prefer to leave the ball in their court and see where it takes you. A lot of people find this style romantic, but sometimes you are going to have to work up the nerve and ask your crush out, because if your crush is shy too, you may both like each other and never know. Take this quiz
凌晨四點半一邊喝san pellegrino一邊記事的悠閒 成分又變了 # 要不得的心態：17.49% # 被地球撞死的覺悟：17.49% # 戀母情結：11.27% # 愛：6.37% # 友愛：5.70% # 匈牙利葡萄人：0.89% # 小男孩的輕吻：0.71% Sunday, April 23, 2006
i don't think i ever knew my grandpas. it makes me a little sad and quite ashamed that i don't try harder. one grandfather passed away when i was in third grade and the other when i was 11. one grandma passed away when i was in 5th grade? the other i see about once a week. from what i've heard they led pretty amazing lives. one fought WWII, another fought against the communist regime in china. both escaped to taiwan in the 40s. one of my grandmas even has teeny bound feet. i barely know anything about them. only little idiosyncracies are left... for a person who wishes she could look back less often, i'm quite forgetful.
mood: less angered than expected. this morning we moved my grandfather's ashes. i personally don't believe in any of the buddhist rituals we performed, but i went along with it anyway as quietly and respectfully as i could because i knew it'd make my grandma and aunts/mom feel more peaceful about it. why are other people so decidedly irreverent? and i hate it when people complain about lack of sleep to me. if i'm up and smiling with only one hour of sleep, why are you the one with the piss-ass-everyone-owes-you-money face? i'm too tired to be angry.
thought it was 6:25am so got up when i couldn't sleep anymore. turns out there's still 1.5 hours till i was supposed to get up. went to bed at... 4:20am? system going to crash... Saturday, April 22, 2006
睏 儘管乖乖的躺在床上 仍然完全沒有睡著 到了早上九點多才慢慢的失去一點意志 夢裡我在海邊漂浮著 不知不覺已經漂流到看不見海岸線的地方了 猶豫著該不該回頭時 一陣大浪把我?的更遠 趕緊以仰式往岸邊游 發現我的力量完全超出自己所想像 很快的 往後撥水的手觸及了沙灘 媽媽很狠的到了3:30才匆匆告訴我照身分證的優惠只到5pm 我不想未來幾十年都要看著一張疲憊不堪的邋遢臉 明天 也許明天再去別家照好了 其實我還有暑假照的證件照片啊 她自己不願意還我而已 言語不受控制 昨晚花了兩個小時才看完20頁的課本 我完全無法專心於手邊該做的事情
我的成分變了 可是還是只有59.92%... 這是個很想解開的迷團 * 心機：17.49% * 尼古丁：17.49% * 戴奧辛：11.27% * 沒翅膀卻硬要飛的倔強：6.37% * 腦漿：5.70% * 匈牙利葡萄人：0.89% * 高頻雜訊：0.71% Friday, April 21, 2006
i'm confused. old news now, but rain was on stage with p diddy at his madison square garden concert and appeared on mtv world? what?  i'm confused because the guy wears more torn up clothes than britney spears and manages to turn classic michael jackson dance moves into man whore dancing, but i still like him.  must be the lips.
and it will break my heart to see you go i'd rather die than live alone i don't wanna go no where and meet somebody new i'd rather spend my time just missing you. - ken hirai, missin' you (it will break my heart) 不了解那是什麼感受 從來都做不到寧為玉碎不為瓦全 也未曾真正領悟寧缺勿濫的境界 就算難過到覺得再也無法相信再也無法愛了 心裡深處也很理智的明白 心是會再一次悸動的 悲傷的日記已經許久沒有新的entry了 mou atarashii uta utaetta. 比我期望中花了更長的時間 但比我想像中快多了. Thursday, April 20, 2006
my hair is brown. at first i thought it was just the dyed ends giving off the impression that all my hair is brown. but i looked in the mirror last day with some weak sunlight streaking in the window, and the full length of my hair is brown! i haven't messed with most of the length of my hair, but even the roots are brown. what's next, are my irises going to turn brown too? it's silly but i always prided myself in my ridiculously black hair and abnormally dark colored irises. this is punishment for dying my hair too much. :(
XXX (我啦) 成分測驗的結果: * 御宅氣：17.49% * 退化的頭腦：17.49% * 天然呆：11.27% * 鐵拳無敵孫中山後代：6.37% * 吃鼻涕的習罐：5.70% * 匈牙利葡萄人：0.89% * 最有資格當去死去死團的團員：0.71% 好可怕的測驗 看過幾個人的答案都覺得很準 可是我還有40.08%去了哪裡啊 我是59.92%的女孩嘛? 要用英文名字才會變成99.99%啊 可是總覺得用英文不會靈驗 這一定是個神準的測驗 因為百分百男孩的成分加起來 是99.99% 真的 我沒騙你 Wednesday, April 19, 2006
陽光好燦爛 像你的笑 照亮了我的黑暗 陽光好耀眼 像你的笑 刺痛了我的悲傷 原來早晨的晴空是這樣的 我已經很多天沒有看見了 本來以為我的眼疾已改善 原來我只是適合黑暗的夜 站在陽台上眺望山水湖景 我的雙眼閉成了兩條細縫 縫中看到的 足夠讓我見識到那美麗境界 縫中看到的 少到讓我明白那是我伸手不及的世界 Monday, April 17, 2006
i'd like to see melissa george get more memorable roles. that being said she's not the most talented actress. she keeps playing the same roles. i've seen her in amityville horror and derailed, and i had to check imdb.com to remember that she was also "molly the hot nanny" on friends and... and lots of other stuff i don't watch. it's hard, isn't it? ryan reynolds has several film projects on hand, including an action comedy titled "blowback", which stars reynolds and the rock as san francisco cops. *sigh* ryan ryan, i would like to take you seriously as an actor. why all the shitty roles? ugh. i should be working on that essay that's due on the 18th. wait a second... isn't it the 17th right now?
i got tricked into confessing to my smoking habits to my mom. actually i didn't get tricked, i crumbled under interrogation. ok, fine. all she did was ask if i smoked or if i ever smoked, and i caved. forgiveness is more easily given than permission(?)
if i have the chance to talk to someone. =______________________=
and so it is just like you said it would be life goes easy on me most of the time and so it is the shorter story no love no glory no hero in her sky i can't take my eyes off you i can't take my eyes off you i can't take my eyes off you i can't take my eyes off you i can't take my eyes off you i can't take my eyes... and so it is just like you said it should be we'll both forget the breeze most of the time and so it is the colder water the blower's daughter the pupil in denial i can't take my eyes off you... did i say that i loathe you did i say that i want to leave it all behind i can't take my mind off you i can't take my mind off you i can't take my mind off you i can't take my mind off you i can't take my mind off you i can't take my mind... my mind... my mind... till i find somebody new - damien rice
my cellphone doesn't ring as much anymore so i'm less reminded of "the blower's daughter" (my ringtone). before when i thought about the song, i figured it was about sorrow, it was about not getting over someone, never completely moving on. lately though i've been paying more attention to the last line. after repeating "i can't take my eyes off you", the singer half whispers "till i find somebody new." and that's what happens, isn't it? someone else shows up who you can't peel your eyes off of. and the butterflies in stomach, the longing, the loving, and heartaching, it all begins all over again. till you find somebody new, again. so is the song about how even though you feel like you'll never forget, you eventually do? that each time you think this is the one, you think differently when the next one comes along? there was this theory that we move through life constantly replacing things, thinking the next one will be better. and someday we realize that we had given up the best one already, and nothing that comes after will be the same or as good. i wonder if that's true. i'd like to be the kind of person who doesn't always look backwards. i would like to live in the moment, or live for the future. but it's not that simple. my future does not yet exist, my present is informed by my past. i am my past (?)
my mom is in the living room watching 2fast2furious. i got bored and handed her the remote before leaving, and i guess she didn't want to swtich the channel. i don't know what entertainment value she gets out of it... she can barely identify my car. oh, there you go, she just changed the channel in the middle of the best car chase. Friday, April 14, 2006
a whole new world of possibilities: i just realized i don't have to go back to vancouver in september. i can distance ed most things and just go back for spring semester of 2007. let's see... i can distance ed the remaining 6 credits of english literature and 6 credits of science electives... on my return i will take the 6 credits of biopsyc and 3 credits from english seminar... wait, i thought there was more... i'm still missing either 6 credits of english or 6 credits of biopsyc. which is it? dammit, i'm so not on top of things. if that's the case i should get my ass to work pronto. but staying in taiwan for a year... i think i'll actually die from my allergies. oh wait i'm totally forgetting about grad school applications. but then again if work goes well then fuck gradschool, right? ughhhhhhhhhhh. these decisions are too serious for my brain.
want to watch: 25th hour. i love edward norton. random facts about edward norton that make him adorable: - is an actor. producer. director. writer. cinematographer. composer... - gave remarkable performances in films like fight club, american history x, everyone says i love you, kingdom of heaven, the italian job, the people versus larry flint, primal fear... yet only one golden globe for supporting actor and two oscar nominations. just nominations. poo on the academy, poo i say. - speaks spanish and some japanese. - took soap making lessons with brad pitt while filming fight club. - is an avid non-smoker. actually turned down roles which required him to smoke. - applied to be a new york city cab driver. - was supposed to play private ryan in saving private ryan (damn!) - was supposed to play patrick bateman. (yes, patrick bateman of american psycho, winnie!) - dated courtney love (ugh). played guitar during a few of her band's gigs. - graduated from yale, majored in history. (i like actors with brains)
ugh i think i might hurl. i only had about 300mL of the green tea, but i feel like i downed 3 red bulls. minus the high. do you know what that feels like? is this what 醉茶 feels like? if it is then i don't want to try it anymore...
current obsession: youtube.com and visee's good curl double impact mascara new and well applied mascara always makes me cheerful. is it wired in our genes? are all girls naturally obsessed with shoes, bags, and mile-long lashes?
御茶園的"醒茶"always makes me sick. i don't know what it is. the label says "茶葉量增量1.2倍, 濃味綠茶", but it can't be the extra caffeine that makes me sick, i consume lots more caffeine than this on a regular basis. yeah, the fine print says caffeine less than 250ppm. ugh... i dun feel well. why'd i have to buy half a dozen bottles of it at once... =________="
you've gotta love and fear the internet. random surfing of random blogs, see familiar faces in pictures in random blogs, then find out you were at the same place at the same time at the same function as mr. random blogger? and relocated to the same place at the same time after said same function? *chuckles* i guess it's still not really about coincidence than it is about how small and boring vancouver is. although there was the time where i ended up in the same theatre in taipei watching the same movie as someone i knew from vancouver, and not finding out about it till i was saying later how some idiot said something really lame out loud during the movie, only to find out the idiot was my friend. exhibit A and B of N? small world. really is. Thursday, April 13, 2006
i haven't watched stuff on my laptop while lying in bed for a while. in vancouver i'd prop the laptop on my chest and just lie there watching tv or movies. i was doing that last night and when i was getting up the underside of the laptop scalded my skin!! you know how u go and examine the things that hurt you? well i looked at the underside of the laptop, and the first thing i see is a sign saying "WARNING: HOT BASE MAY CAUSE BURN. AVOID PROLONGED CONTACT WITH BARE SKIN." thanks toshiba... thanks for the warning on the underside of my laptop. which i wouldn't have noticed if it hadn't already burned my bare skin.
i tried exercising some self-control today and made only one cup of coffee instead of my usual two. i'm utterly unsatisfied. but it's just as well, i think i only have enough coffee to make another 1.5 cups. o-e. such a long trek to the coffee bean store. i ought to just take the car. yesterday afternoon during one of my half-lucid dreams i was driving and was completely NOT in control of the car. i have a lot of these dreams where i'd hit the brakes but the car wouldn't listen to me. sometimes it skids in slow motion, sometimes it simply takes way too long to stop. i can't remember if i ever actually hit anything. i would drift real close to the car in front of me and i'd glue my foot to the brakes and press down with all my strength but my car would keep on sliding. yet i don't remember if i ever collided with other cars. if i were to do an analysis of the dreams i think that point would be important. anyhow, the point is... normally when i have these dreams i go down and take a drive and quelch my fears - i can drive. but now it's been 3 months since i was behind wheels. i'm not so sure now. mom wants me to drive around when we go to atlanta. i wonder if i can even rent a car in the states with a new driver license? what is that, class 5? class 7?
fur 送我的主題曲 跟蹤你 - Boy'z 曲:伍樂城RNLS 詞:黃偉文 跟蹤你 第四天 來到你 天天必經 的餐店之前 期待你會慣性 三點三走過 在身邊 跟蹤你 第九天 曾共你 於ＣＤ鋪 一起買唱片 暗地 戴你戴過 試聽那耳筒 在回味你仍殘留 那點溫暖 望了你很久 但我從未開口 路上 讓我在你七尺以外陪你走 走到你街口 對著背影揮手 並沒運氣共你拖過手 仍然在暗地?跟你遊過街 也就夠 跟蹤你 十八天 遙望你 於清早的 車廂?安眠 迎面北風呼呼 關好窗等你 睡好點 跟蹤你 廿七天 陪著你 偷偷摸摸 一起進戲院 隔著 兩米與你看好戲上演 總算共你 曾同時 覺得心軟 我愛你 有陣時 不必真正講出口 望了你很久 但我從未開口 路上 讓我在你七尺以外陪你走 走到你街口 對著背影揮手 並沒運氣共你拖過手 沿途護送著你在你的背後 也就夠 我暗?享受 那溫柔 已足夠 Wednesday, April 12, 2006
trimmed my nails and mopped the floor around the apartment. just that drained all the strength in my arms. had to use both hands to push the nail clipper. waiting for medication to start working before i can wash my hair. reading The History of Rasselas, Prince of Abissinia. in the first few chapters Rasselas berates himself for his idleness (in a way). i can't get through a page without reflecting upon my own inaction. is japan trip happening or not? only tokyo is approved, kyoto and kyushuu are on review. apparently i'm going to atlanta for a couple weeks in late may. dad is asking when i'm going to hualien again. maybe next wednesday. i'll barely be in taipei at all from april to may. GRE exam in june. i think i was supposed to take the written part prior to the exam date. well that's a moot point, i haven't even signed up for the exam. do i really want to go to grad school? i was too lazy to get up today so i lay in bed and drifted in and out of dreams. i think i drowned some puppies in one of them. that'll teach me to get up and about when i wake up tmw morning. the weather is growing increasingly hot and humid. sitting here plagued by faint itches and a general sticky sensation. all things spell out "bad time to make a move." but i've gotta, right?
my face is all patchy and warm. patchy as in blotchy red. like when someone gets really nervous and their face goes red but in uneven spots. must've been something i was eating but what? coffee? guava? mentos? last i checked i wasn't allergic to any of the above... maybe it was that moth that flew into the room. moth dust. yeah maybe that was it. didn't do anything today. really felt like doing something or going somewhere, but chickened out. i was reading more random xangas today. you find the most superficial people on xanga, but it doesn't happen so much with blogger. why is that? anyway. there was this one girl whose friend just attempted suicide and she not only xanga-ed it for the world to see but her reaction was "don't do that again because you scared the shit out of me." what the fuck kind of thing is that to say to a friend? if you feel like killing yourself, i suggest you turn the knife point against these insensitive jackasses in your life who drove you to suicide in the first place. Tuesday, April 11, 2006
我聽不懂hirai先生在唱什麼 我好想聽懂喔 我只有聽懂他一直在說"strawberry sex" =_____=" 台北到東京坐日亞航來回 -> NT10,000+ 東京到京都坐JR -> 13,000yen+ 還有京都到大阪的JR及大阪到九州的船費沒算出來 還有從九州再回東京搭機嗎? 好討厭安排行程. 好昂貴喔 我是不是乖乖待在台灣讀GRE好了 都還沒開始讀 一定考很爛的分數 然後不得不打消上研究所的主意 我真的好糟糕 什麼時候拖軌的這麼嚴重
今天(昨天?)是跟 L 的臨時起意約會 從 starbucks 的 study date開始 我完全無法投入 書有看沒有讀 一切變的好艱難 為什麼句子都那麼長 有話不能直說嘛 最近很認真的在想 我真的不想讀書了 可是不讀書能怎樣 我也沒有在工作 今天是標準學生裝扮 特別是因為揹了書包的關係 不曉得多久沒有揹過書包了 感覺很像小女生 (真不要臉) 所以整個人的舉止都小孩狀 在衣蝶二館蹦蹦跳跳的 在一館這樣就算了 二館好像不太適合 可是還是受到各專櫃小姐們的禮遇 是台灣最近專櫃小姐終於學會尊重顧客 還是他們能偵查到我是個購物狂?  christian louboutin 鞋小姐 我好想把你抱回家 可是580歐元 我真的付不出來吶...
repeatedly listening to: ken hirai's "popstar" \\ POP STAR \Lyrics: Hirai Ken Music: Hirai Ken I wanna be a pop star Kimi wo motto Muchuu ni sasete ageru kara ne Kirakira no pop star Hane wo hiroge mahou wo kakete ageyou Kimi dake ni Kimi ni deaeta yorokobi to Kimi ni ae nai sabishi sa no Ryouhou wo te ni irete Koi wa hashiri dasu Sora mo tobe nai boku dakedo Kodoku wo utau yoru dakedo Sono hoho ni hohoemi wo ataerareta nara Hajimete kimi wo dakishimeta shunkan ni Kami-sama ga boku ni kudashita Shimei wa kimi dakeno HIIROO I wanna be a pop star Kimi wo motto Muchuu ni sasete ageru kara ne Kirakira no pop star Hane wo hiroge Mahou wo kakete ageyou I wanna be your pop star Kimi wo gyutto Dakishimete ageru kara oide Kirakira no pop star Hane wo hiroge mahou wo kakete ageyou Kimi dake ni Kakushite itai kurayami mo Kimi wa sotto hiroi agete Taisetsu na boku nan dato Dakishimete kureta Hikari he to tsuduku michi wo aruite yukou Kizu kabau kono migite wa Kimi to te wo tsunagu tame ni You're gonna be my pop star Boku wo motto Muchuu ni sasete yo hohoende Kirakira no pop star Sono hitomi de boku ni mahou wo kakete You're my only pop star Boku wo gyutto Dakishimetara mou hanasa nai Kirakira no pop star Sono hitomi de boku ni mahou wo kakete Ima sugu ni Koi ni ochitara Daremo ga dareka no pop star Kami-sama ga boku ni kudashita Shimei wa kimi dake no HIIROO :) Monday, April 10, 2006
decided i had to wash the coffee maker before i slept. the sick feeling returned. vomited stomach-acid flavoured saliva into the sink. maybe i should take their advice and try half a sleeping pill or some xanax/valium...
i feel really sick... sweaty... clammy... generalized pain... like there is no blood reaching my brain i feel like i'm too warm it seems very hot in here i can't breathe... and i can't feel my heart beat... but it'll pass... just a few more minutes... i know what i have to do. i must concentrate on my breathing. breathe in. breathe out. breathe in. breathe out. in. out. in. out. in. out. i have survived another attack. i will go and try to get more sleep.
reading a billion xanga posts of various vancouverians. came across a line that reminded me of a line and decided to put our lady peace on. it's not good when i feel like listening to OLP. Sunday, April 09, 2006
today i had 3 cups of coffee and one bowl of macha (japanese green tea) and made 16 posts. unless we're counting the last 26 hours, then make it 5 cups of coffee and two bowls of macha and 18 posts. i'm on some kind of insane caffeine overdrive. before, i had three vices and i was trying to narrow it down to just two. boys who were bad for me, nicotine, and caffeine. since i've quit both bad boys and nicotine i'm overdosing on the caffeine. i've been sleeping alright since japan trip but i still haven't gotten more than 6 hours of sleep in a row yet. i don't think i've gotten more than 6 hours of sleep per day, even. macha's terrible for me. i like the taste and in terms of health it does wonders, but after i make it my hand goes limp. you have to vigorously scratch the tea powder and water for a while... i don't know if that's how you describe it... but anyway it's something that is terrible for people who suffer from generalized mg. maybe i can train my left hand to make macha... *sips* bleggggghhhh, i didn't mix it enough. but my right hand is shaking already. :(  在清水寺看到的可愛情侶 我來不及拍他們的正面 女生的上衣是跟男朋友的皮夾克一樣的紫色喔 雖然照片裡面他們沒有牽手也沒有靠的很近 可是覺得他們都穿一樣色調的紫色就覺得是很有默契的情侶 他們好搭喔 應該一起去了地主神社那邊祁求緣結 也許還一起求了緣定的御守呢 雖然也許都只是我的浪漫想像 可是我一直為他們開心 我也好想要喔 看到一些情侶一起去喝音羽靈水的愛情泉 忍不注納悶 他們都是在想對方嗎 都是期望可以跟對方長長久久嗎 會不會其中一個在想說 我希望遇到一個更好的 那樣好糟糕喔 可是我覺得一定會有吧 年輕的情侶 有幾對會純真到覺得這就是天長地久了啊 縣在還有人相信婚姻這麼一回事嗎? 其實相信的人一定還是很多 對 我身邊很多覺得結了婚的那一個就是希望可以一起走一輩子的那個 為什麼我無法相信 我也想要相信啊 我的美夢 被喚醒的太早
今天看了 derailed 還有霍元甲 derailed 跟想像中不一樣呢 很好看 為什麼票房那麼差呢 為什麼clive owen不能演james bond呢 真的好有男人味喔 看霍元甲的時候也一直覺得李連杰好可愛 我最近好花癡 甩一甩 快點甩掉
今天是在景美的活動 好久沒有回去了喔 景美夜市什麼時候變的那麼熱鬧? 感覺上我跟景美一點都不搭尬 可是我走到哪也都沒有"屬於"的感覺吧 雖然連看了兩部電影眼睛已經花到開始發昏了 我還是東張西望著想說會不會看見熟人 從來都沒有碰到過啊 不知道在那裡期待個什麼勁 還沒有跟劉毅那邊聯絡 該背的108句一口氣英語VIII也連買都還沒買 腦子中只盤算著出去玩的事情 5/1-5/2 要去宜蘭 5/3 也許出發去東京 五月下旬左右也許去綠島 六月也許去馬來西亞或印尼 七月後有花蓮海洋世界的活動 我很久沒有碰學業的東西了 我想要一直無所事是下去 我不想有夢想有目標 好沉重 因為覺得自己達不到 所以就不想去嘗試 我鄙視自己 可是還是這樣苟且求生
我永遠不會了解穿裙子出遊的女生. 我知道因為愛漂亮而且出遊會拍照所以要穿的好看點 可是走那麼多路 在郊外 而且還騎車 穿什麼裙子 神經病啊 是個出遊一概只帶牛仔褲的半女生. 所以說我頂多只是個50%的女孩啊.
you know what they need to make? waterproof ipod. i want to go take a shower but i don't want to take my headphones out.
你是一個太完美的夢想. 一個星期不見 覺得你美好的不真實 是綠洲嗎 我接近你的話你就會幻滅嗎? 不存在的是我啊 你沒發現我的存在所以我就不存在. 卑微的希望你是沒發現我的存在 而非不在意我的存在 我的天啊 真的是好卑微的期望.
好幾天了 王力宏的"第一個清晨" 一直在我腦中盤旋. 好想唱給誰聽 或是誰唱給我聽 春天了嗎? 第一個清晨 作曲：王力宏 填詞：李焯雄 光透進來 把夢刷白 捨不得你會醒過來 不要現在 昨夜走太快 說不上來 隱隱燙在胸口一塊 吻妳臉頰 證明此刻真的存在 是你 讓我相信愛 對我慷慨 是愛 我們是註定 不是意外 這是愛 我們的愛 還不確定卻好實在 把你貼在胸懷 靜靜的 代替表白 還不願放開 這是愛 給妳的愛 沒名字卻停不下來 在忐忑裡期待 雀躍中想到未來 是你 我才明白 這就是愛 但夢還在 小心不讓妳醒過來 也許現在 就是永恆的未來 第一個我們的清晨 比默契更私密的 無限可能 言語都顯得太浮淺
new albums. ken hirai's "uta baka" and mika nakashima's "best" loading them into my ipod. it's kind of stupid to buy a cd and immediately convert it to mp3 and load into ipod... what's the point of buying the cd then...? saw a few celicas in japan. i miss my kaka. i miss sitting in my car in the parking lot at english bay late at night, listening to music and staring out into the silenced landscape.
帶電腦去婆婆家的時候 姊妹們吵著說要看我跟"男生"的照片 我才發現我真的刪的好乾淨 什麼都不剩 好刻意. you didn't become "just another folder in my computer". you became the skeleton in my closet. quite literally so. 有點惆悵.
我覺得這樣真的很糟糕耶 常常在分手之後在那裡想:"沒有嘛 他根本沒愛過我 他根本沒認真過." 為什麼要這樣想? 這樣想不會比較好過啊 為什麼不能相信在當下所說的一切所做的一切都是認真的 誠懇的? 因為這樣會比較不痛嗎? 還是因為分手的時候都不太能理解 所以就這樣解釋掉? 我努力說服自己你當時是認真的 可是就是無法去相信. 才剛剛說了不要去摳疤, 又想到眼框開始發熱了.
還是很想去打耳洞啊 打在右邊耳骨上 我回台灣以後好像花了很多心思和時間在我的外表上 覺得自己越來越膚淺與空洞 覺得我真的是很沒內涵很無聊的一個人 所以廟公說我是精品店真的是對的 在很多層面上 例如說 精品店是包裝漂亮的 一個一個展示出來你才會覺得它好 我也是 big fish only when in a small pond. 還有精品店其實也是亞洲製造然後送出國加工的 我也是 還有精品店買了總覺得不值那個價 也許我也是這樣的令人失望 和 L 一起反反覆覆的討論 自己到底是好還是不好 很難下定論 可是如果連 L 都覺得自己是無聊的沒內涵的膚淺人 那我根本就不值個屁 我有什麼值得你珍惜的? 你買回家後有失望嗎? 一定有. 因為你最後拋棄了 決定不要了 不是嗎 被說中的感覺真的很討厭 可是真的是這樣子 深深的認同 L 對空氣發問的一句話 我對你來說有吸引力的地方 只有新鮮感而已是嗎? 我有很多很多的問題 可是慢慢的 從迫切的想要逼出一個答案 到了不想發問的程度了 傷結疤了 我慢慢學著不去撥弄它 不知不覺中似乎就要痊癒了 希望這不只是暫時的假象 no relapse, please.  這次去日本是參團去的 因此本來一點都不期待 可是還是玩的很開心 非常難得的根大家都相處愉快 認識了一些有趣的人 隨然依我的習慣不會再連絡 可是還是很開心有遇見這些腳色 例如說 很友善 開朗 六十歲了 可是甜蜜到讓人眼紅的 陳叔叔和陳媽媽 有趣的拍照狂人夫妻 (五天拍了三千多張) 年齡差了13歲喔 穿帥氣皮夾克 帶著巨大的nikon像機 拍照pose標準到不行 跟大家都相處愉快 非常孝順狀的 在日本交換學生的葉san 竟然是清大的electrical engineering 學生 (怎麼跟外國的理工學生差這麼多) 我喜歡 我喜歡!! 去了幾個地方是十年級的時候去過的 例如說東大寺, 清水寺... 回憶慢慢的回來了! 特別記得的是清水寺 有三注從山上流下的清水, 叫音羽靈水. 傳言說一注是黃金水, 讓你變聰明的; 一注是延命水, 讓你健康長壽的; 最後一注是愛情水. 我十年級的時候喝了愛情水 覺得根本沒有效, 我覺得我應該成熟一點 所以我這次喝了黃金水. 我笑說選神水根本是一個 maturity test. 可惜我再接了水要喝的時候 有個人撞到我的鐵盃的長握把 鐵杯撞上我的鼻樑 瘀清了呢 痛死了 我罵了一聲 fuck 然後生氣的喝下一口神水. 哈哈哈, 這樣一定沒效... 原來清水寺裡有個地主神社是出名的保佑戀情的 十年級的時候導遊刻意隱瞞啊!! 那裡有的戀愛占卜石 如果你閉著眼能從一塊石頭走到另一塊前面 你就會和你心中想的人順利 我失敗了耶 媽媽一直說跟她的聲音走 完全分神 不過剛好 她吵到我忘了要想對象 不準不準!! grade10 時去的時候真是沒有好好珍惜 很奇怪我對那次映像最深刻的 根本和交換學生或是旅遊完全無關 Saturday, April 08, 2006
今天逛街的時候被拉去參賽 是olay的淨白美人大募集活動 基本上他們是在找美白代言人 強調"捨不得上妝的淨白美肌" 我根本就是貪參賽就會送的美白精華液 很阿沙力的送整瓶喔 所以我就參賽了 希望不要入圍 我為了貪一瓶精華液惹了麻煩了 不過應該不會有後續 我根本就是因為很整體邋遢所以懶的上妝 所以參賽照片也是邋遢狀 絕對不會入圍的 今天去婆婆家的路上看到香水百合 很開心的買了一束送婆婆 婆婆這兩天對我非常滿意 嘻嘻
旅遊日誌放著不寫 玩起點名遊戲來了. 這次是 "10 1 10問卷" 先寫下１０樣最想做的事，回答問題後再加上自己的一個問題，最後再點名１０個人 ------------------------------------------------ 十樣最想做的事： １.再去日本玩一次 (希望可以順利實現) ２.跟喜歡的人去pangkor laut ３.希望myasthenia gravis可以痊癒 (似乎不可能) ４.希望家人都可以開心 和睦相處 好像有點高難度 那就基本的禮貌相處好了 拜託正常一點好不好 ５.希望可以不要過敏了 或是出現神效藥也好 ６.大家都開心的參與2007的畢業旅行 每次旅遊的計畫都有人掃興 ７.可以在ipod男孩面前很自在的做自己愉快的對話 ８.找回用功讀書的動力 ９.我要像阿馬一樣踏上夢想的路 １０.okanemochi ni naritai... １的問題： 問題１：心目中的對象是誰？！ Ａ： 百分百ipod男孩 問題２：如果妳的家人跟男／女朋友一起跌入海，妳會先救誰？ Ａ：很難講耶 希望我的男朋友擅長游泳 這樣我就可以放心的救媽媽了 爸爸自己來沒問題的 問題３：直到現在有哪幾首歌，最能感動到妳？ Ａ：一時之間想不起來 陶?的沙灘accoustic版吧 光良的第一次. 還有呢... 問題４：如果妳有多拉Ａ夢，你想要他什麼法寶？ Ａ：我不知道他有什麼法寶呢 那個可以開往各處的門好像不錯 可以省很多機票費 問題５：看漫畫的人為何看漫畫？不看漫畫的人為何不看漫畫？ Ａ：看漫畫的人強烈的希望脫離現實 不看漫畫的人... 我覺得比較心智成熟 (對 我就是說你們幼稚 怎麼樣怎麼樣) 問題６：想戒掉的小毛病或習慣？ Ａ：胡思亂想的個性 還有戒煙總是戒得不徹底 問題７：人生對妳而言最重要的事情什麼？ Ａ：快樂 問題８：哪部電視或電影作品是從開始愛上後到現在還是很喜歡？ Ａ：romeo&juliet, eternal sunshine, gone with the wind, sleepless in seattle, you've got mail... 噢好多喔 大部分都是愛情片 沒有扯到愛情的電影真的很少 問題９：覺得目前為止做過最有意義的事情？ Ａ：沒有 我活的很沒意義 我今天企圖做一件好事 在公車上有個妹妹坐我前面 之後一個一看就很不舒服的很台的四十多歲男人上車 就坐在妹妹的旁邊 妹妹的是單人座耶 那男人就被對著她的側面做在扶手上 還往後靠了一點 兩手放在椅背上 妹妹明顯的不適 往窗邊靠 我看了覺得我不做什麼好像不好 所以站起來說"先生我的位子給你坐好不好 你這樣後面的人很不自在." 結果一邊嚼著檳榔的先生說 他的腳不能彎 (他右腳確實怪怪的) 跟我道了聲謝 我就只好坐回自己的座位了 雖然他的理由還蠻正當的 可是我還是覺得他那樣靠很奇怪 不過至少妹妹有聽到吧 不會覺得這個人純粹是變態靠過來... 問題１０：哪一件事情讓妳永生難忘？ Ａ:現在會覺得很多 可是我相信總有一天都會淡的 特別是現在阿芝默海症如此盛行 不過硬要說的話 我記得很多小事 一些特別的moment 例如說要搬去夏威夷的時候 離開婆婆家的時候我做了一個怪臉 六歲的時候喜歡的男生生我的氣 因為我發現如過要討厭的男生不來欺負你 就給他們一個 air kiss 他們就會裝做覺得很噁心的跑走 結果justin似乎吃醋了 哈哈 第一次在一起的男生對我的不信任與大嘴巴 還有一些就是戀情中的事情啊 一個眼神一個擁抱一次爭吵 這樣渺小的事 幾乎不講話的奶奶住院的時候問我怕不怕她生病 奶奶後來就過世了 很多事情 我相信有一天都還是會忘記 問題１１：如果還有來生，要當男生女生？ Ａ：我要抄襲claire的答案 我也要當帥哥 問題１２：大頭貼/視訊/數位像機/手機，最愛用哪一個拍? Ａ：古董像機... 問題１３：寫到這妳累了嗎? Ａ：這是什麼爛問題 問題１４：學校合作社爛不爛?(要說哪間學校) Ａ：你說SUB的starbucks嘛 還不錯 哈哈哈 (UBC) 問題１５：阿?為什麼你會想寫網誌？ Ａ：發洩還有記事 還有這樣一樣的事不用重複跟大家講很多遍 問題１６：喜歡的理由是什麼？ Ａ：感覺對了 問題１７：為什麼世界上白目這麼多？ Ａ：什麼是白目啊 是眼球翻上去所以白白的那樣嘛? 哈哈哈 我這樣問好像就是白目 問題１８：肚子餓，可是只有１０塊錢你會？ Ａ：買個包子 現在10塊可以買到包子嘛? 問題１９：有嘗試過網戀﹖！ Ａ：算嘛? 也許吧. 問題２０：當妳快死的時候，妳最想見到誰？ Ａ：現在要我回答的話 大概是100%吧 因為看見家人好友我會難過啊 我想看見個會讓我開心的人 問題２１：妳願意為誰去死？ Ａ：這個問題我很認真的想 大家有回答的話都會說家人或情人吧 我覺得我已經不是把生命看的很重了 可是還是不會為誰去死耶 為家人死了他們也活的不安穩吧 可是我莫名的覺得我可以為sakuragi死 以前有這樣想過 很奇怪 這樣好了 我不會願意為誰去死 可是我可以為一個人而活 像高中有一陣子覺得 我只是為了父母而在撐下去 問題２２：所謂好朋友的定義是什麼？ Ａ：我覺得claire的答案很好呢, 他說朋友是"互相了解，互相包容，不會在背後捅你，有困難會鼎力相助，談的來，可以一起瘋，和他（們）在一起會得到真正開心" 可是我覺得要求有點高 我想是在一起很有聊 可是就算沒的聊也不會無聊的人 開心悲傷都可以分享的 可以自由的表現自我的人 問題２３：為什麼你要交我這ㄍ朋友？ Ａ：因為我們有血緣關係 真是現實 不然我覺得我們不會成為好朋友 問題２４：支持達欣嗎??支持的話，是支持達欣裡的誰!?不支持的話，那你是哪隊球迷!? Ａ：什麼東西... 是球隊嗎...? 我覺得中華職籃是廢的 問題２５：為什麼賀軍翔會那麼帥？ Ａ：誰啊...?! 玩點名遊戲就會深深感受到我是的外國人 問題２６：喬傑立有出好傢伙嗎？ 都很爛對吧？ 還是你愛啊？ Ａ：什麼啦!!! 那是什麼啦!! 問題２７：你會發呆跟自言自語ㄇ？這是怪行為ㄇ？？ Ａ：會發呆也會自言自語, 就算是在別人面前. 對喔 我要改的習慣就是在有人的地方還大聲自言自語... 是有點怪啦. 問題２８：當食物只剩牛大便跟豬大便的時候，你要選哪種吃!?? Ａ：豬大便 因為牛是吃素的我想營養不太夠... (好科學) 問題２９：會不會跟喜歡的人告白？有告白經驗嗎？ Ａ：真是敏感問題 我敢的話就不會在這裡一直感嘆了 告白經驗是有過 可是回應很糟糕 (你自我反省一下 那算什麼狗屁回答) 問題30: 如果在地上撿到NT1000 你會拿來做什麼? A: 收入錢包當作平常的錢一樣花 所以應該是會吃掉 點名：我不喜歡點名 而且我覺得我友在看的朋友搞不好不到十個 還是不要丟臉好了. Friday, April 07, 2006
今天心情真的很好 好棒喔 雖然一個人坐在這裡傻笑有點蠢 可是真的很開心 沒有什麼別的理由 想一想也沒什麼特別值得開心的 搭飛機回來的時候還清楚的從空中看到台灣的空氣和海水污染 全身因昨晚的螃蟹料理劇烈的過敏著 功課又要來不及交了 可是好開心好開心好開心 我一直咧嘴笑 本來想要寫些有關旅遊的事的 我想還是等我冷靜的一點的時候好了 如果你現在在我面前 我一定會對你很燦爛的笑 然後約你去喝杯咖啡 Sunday, April 02, 2006
i got about 6 hours of sleep last night, waking up three times in between. it's the most sleep i've had in quite a while. i'm still tired right now though. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "deserve" is an odd word that i find myelf reluctant to use. am i plagued with feelings of low self-worth? i don't think that's it either. i think i do believe that i deserve better sometimes, but i just don't aim high, i don't make requirements for myself, like "you have to get here, you want to be there." what do i deserve? i deserve a sincere apology. i deserve to be dealt honestly with. or do i? have i always been sincere? have i always been honest? can you be sincere without being completely honest? -------------------------------------------------------------------------- leaving for japan in... in... oh no, i don't know what time my flight is. everybody's leaving for japan, it seems. more than half our group of friends has or will leave for japan, mostly for an extended period of time. winnie and dewi left in second year. (why didn't i go?) ann left last year. 阿馬 left 3 days ago for 5 years. i think chris might be leaving today or something. roz and fur will leave for japan in summer. why do we flock to japan? osaka -> kyoto -> nara. it's jap exchange trip all over again! extended edition. wonder if we'll go to that temple with the three fountains again. there were three streams of water. one is for luck in love/matrimony, one for health, and one for blessings in academics/business. back in 2000 i think i drank from the love/matrimony stream and it didn't seem to work. maybe it did though; maybe the fountain helps you ensure that instead of getting what you want in the present moment, you get what is good for you. this time around which fountain will i drink from? which would you drink from? ------------------------------------------------------------------------- i want to have someone who i can be good to. does that make any sense? earlier this week i accompanied claire to get her electromyogram(?), then sat by and listened to her give her bf hell for not going with her. they were only on the phone, but her attitude was so bad i felt like if i was her bf i would've given her a bloody slap across the face before storming off. but he didn't do anything like that. he rushed over to pick her up, offered to drive me home (in a far and opposite direction), and when asked where they're going he said: "anywhere you want to to go." i think this is when i started thinking about the question of who deserves what. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ my ipod is still taking about 6 hours to fully charge even when it was nearly full to begin with. i don't want to bring it back to the store... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ i'm quite tired. i need to start packing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ L說要玩得開心喔. 是一個很制式的祝福, 可是聽起來還是有一點奇怪. 出國旅遊應該一定是開心的. 需要特別期望會開心就表示你出發的時候心事重重. 回來之後可能會去重慶南路那邊上班, 或甚是南陽街上. 好近啊. 可是又好遠. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 我想我愛上了一個陌生人. Saturday, April 01, 2006
a new form of insomnia. having trouble falling and staying asleep. generally i've been getting two naps per day, around 2-3 hours long each. the last time i slept for 8 full hours was march 23rd, and that was from 9am-5pm. this insomnia is finally exerting its ill effects. despite my increased dosage of medication, i simple cannot keep my eyes open. it was terrible b/c we went to a national park and i couldn't fully enjoy the scenery. i finally found really good ramen in taipei though. better than kintaro. i'm so tired... :(  |
