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Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
mood: pessimistic. had a very busy/full three days. haven't had more than 5 hours continuous sleep for weeks. always wake up after only 3-4 hours even when i'm absolutely exhausted. a lot of thoughts whipping through my head these past few days. too many.
you can burn fingernails! i guess it's commonsense, but i was still a little surprised when i smelt something burning and saw that my nails were charred. i thought at first it was just the nail polish but my nail itself is blackened and brown. that's kinda nasty... beware the hidden dangers of rose scented candles... oh dear, my thumb is numb with stinging sensations again. i need to stop playing with fire. my throat hurts... i've been talking all day. the irony... Wednesday, March 29, 2006
四月裡一個晴朗的早晨, 我在原宿的一條巷子裡, 和 一位100%的女孩擦肩而過. 並不是怎麼漂亮的女孩, 也沒穿什麼別緻的衣服, 頭 髮後面, 甚至還殘留著睡覺壓扁的痕跡, 年齡很可能已 經接近三十了. 可是從五十公尺外, 我已經非常肯定, 她對我來說, 正是100%的女孩. 從第一眼望見她的影子 的瞬間開始, 我的心胸立刻不規則的跳動起來, 嘴巴像 沙漠一樣火辣辣的乾渴. 或許你有你喜歡的女孩類型, 例如你說小腿纖細的女孩 好, 或還是眼睛大一點的女孩子好, 也許非要手指漂亮 的女孩才行, 或者不知道為什麼, 老是被吃東西慢吞吞 的女孩子吸引, 就是這種感覺. 我當然也有這一類的偏 好. 在餐廳一面用餐的時候, 就曾經為鄰座女孩的鼻子 輪廓, 看傻眼過. 可是誰也無法把100%的女孩具體描述出來. 她的鼻子到 底長成什麼樣子? 我是絕對想不起來. 不, 甚至到底有 沒有鼻子, 我都搞不清楚. 現在我能記得的, 頂多只是, 她不怎麼漂亮. 如此而已. 真是有點不可思議. "昨天我在接上遇見一個100%的女孩子." 我跟某一個人 這樣說. "哦?" 他回答說: "漂亮嗎?" "不, 不算漂亮." "那麼該是你喜歡的類型吧?" "這個我也不記得了. 眼睛長的什麼模樣, 或者胸部是 大是小, 我簡直一點都想不起來喲." "真是奇怪啊." "實在奇怪噢." "那麼......" 他有點沒趣地問說: "你做了什麼嗎? 開口招呼她, 或者從後面跟蹤她?" "什麼也沒做: "只不過擦身而過而已." 她從東邊往西邊走, 我從西邊往東邊走, 真是一個 非常舒服的四月的早晨. 我想, 就算三十分鐘也好, 跟她談談看. 想問一問她 的身世, 也想告訴她我的一些事. 而且更重要的, 是 想解開一九八一年四月裡, 某個晴朗的早晨, 我們在 原宿的巷子裡, 擦肩而過為止的類似命運經緯的東西. 那其中必然充滿了像是和平時代的古老機器似的溫暖 的秘密. 我們談完這些之後, 就到什麼地方去吃午餐, 甚至看一 場伍迪艾倫的電影, 再經過飯店的酒吧, 喝個雞尾酒什 麼的,如果順利的話, 接下來或許會跟她睡一覺. 可能性正敲響我的心門. 我和她之間的距離, 已經只剩下十五公尺了. "妳好!只要三十分鐘就好, 能不能跟我談一談?" 好顱! 簡直像在拉保險嘛. "對不起!這附近有沒有二十四小時營業的洗衣店?" 這也驢! 首先我就沒拎一袋要洗的東西啊. 或者乾脆單刀直入地坦白說:"妳好! 妳對我來說是100% 的女孩喲." 她或許不會相信這種對白. 而且就算她相信也好, 很可 能她並不想跟我說話. 對你來說, 雖然我是100%的女孩 子, 可是對我來說, 你並不是100%的男孩子啊. 她或雪|這樣說. 如過事態落入這種地步, 那我一定會變的極 端混亂, 我已經三十二了, 年紀大了, 結果就是這麼回 事. 在花店前面, 我和她擦肩而過. 一團溫暖而微小的空 氣團拂過我的肌膚. 柏油路面灑了水, 周圍飄逸著玫瑰 的芬芳. 我竟然對她開不了口. 她穿著白毛衣, 右手拿 著一封還沒有貼郵票的白色信封. 她不曉得寫信給誰? 她眼睛看起來非常睏的樣子, 或許她花了整個晚上寫完 那封信? 而那信封裡面很可能收藏著她一切的秘密吧? 走過幾步再回頭看時, 她的影子已經消失在人群裡了. (continue'd) -- 村上春樹
wednesday is almost over. on the metro ride home i felt a profound exhaustion. all i wanted to do was to run home and hide in my humiliation. i'm not brave. i give up. Tuesday, March 28, 2006
四月裡一個晴朗的早晨, 我在原宿的一條巷子裡, 和 一位100%的女孩擦肩而過. 並不是怎麼漂亮的女孩, 也沒穿什麼別緻的衣服, 頭 髮後面, 甚至還殘留著睡覺壓扁的痕跡, 年齡很可能已 經接近三十了. 可是從五十公尺外, 我已經非常肯定, 她對我來說, 正是100%的女孩. 從第一眼望見她的影子 的瞬間開始, 我的心胸立刻不規則的跳動起來, 嘴巴像 沙漠一樣火辣辣的乾渴. --------------------------------------------------------------------- 在花店前面, 我和她擦肩而過. 一團溫暖而微小的空 氣團拂過我的肌膚. 柏油路面灑了水, 周圍飄逸著玫瑰 的芬芳. 我竟然對她開不了口. 她穿著白毛衣, 右手拿 著一封還沒有貼郵票的白色信封. 她不曉得寫信給誰? 她眼睛看起來非常睏的樣子, 或許她花了整個晚上寫完 那封信? 而那信封裡面很可能收藏著她一切的秘密吧? 走過幾步再回頭看時, 她的影子已經消失在人?裡了. - 村上春樹, 遇見100%的女孩 我想要把這本書送給百分百ipod男孩. Monday, March 27, 2006
mood: excited!! finally found the box with all of my old books. the ones that weren't throw out or given away at least. 好多光瑀, 吳淡如, 張曼娟, 張小嫻, 還有村上春樹. 我決定拋下手邊的一切 (包括睡眠) 再度閱讀遇見100%的女孩. :)
spent more than 5 hours in the hospital. i wonder how many germs i inhaled... this old man sitting next to me said he got there at 5:50am to line up to make an appointment. i went at 7:50 only to find that there were only 4 spots in total and of course they were all gone, so i had to ask the doctor to let me in. for the first time ever i talked to people while waiting to see the doctor. old people too! old age is unpleasant. but i'm in my early twenties and sitting there with them, not much better off. :( surprisingly enough i got the gist of what they were saying even when they were speaking taiwanese. no further testing required today, no additional treatment options neccesary at this point either. got off with my prescription for 504 pills. yay...? Sunday, March 26, 2006
woke up after only 2 hours of sleep. my eyes burn. so do the nasty cuts i got from my boots yesterday. what's the meaning of this madness? Saturday, March 25, 2006
*looking in the mirror* WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? had the interview moved up from tuesday to this afternoon. we sat in on a children's english class for 2.5 hours before the interview. it was 100% excrutiating, what with the unruly children and the teacher's placating voice booming over the microphone. then came the 40+ minute interview with the director. L was unfortunate enough as to use the phrase "would like to try", so we listened to a whole bunch of stuff about how it's a career choice, it takes serious dedication and application... anyway. first test is memorizing all 108 sentence patterns from one of their textbooks. ought to be simple enough, cept i'm reluctant to buy the textbook. L is supposed to sit in and listen to a bunch more classes before they (maybe) start her on some TA work. i start apprenticing in a bit of everything after i get back from japan, including marking essays, helping work on pronounciation, etc, and will hopefully start teaching adult conversation lessons in a bit. i'm to call them after i get back. if the pay is semi-decent maybe i'll give it a go. while i was sitting there during the long, didactic interview, i kinda wondered why i'm listening to this bullcrap when i could be out there making NT500-800/hour home tutoring. but then i figure i've never had this kind of experience before. might be interesting. and it wasn't that bad. i'm loath to show that i'm intimidated in social situations, so i compensate by a faked but hearty dose of projected self-confidence. i even pay attention to my body language to portray a relaxed, open, i'm-not-afraid-of-you attitude. so i took the interview from "there's really no point if you're leaving in august" to "you just might make it in our company". whoohoo. fake it till you make it huh? went to kmall afterwards because L "wanted to ask some questions about ipod models". (i'm sure you did......) anyway it's no use. i don't know who i am anymore. if i can fake/project a confident personality in an interview, why can't i... oh it's no use, no use... i'm useless. *weep* Thursday, March 23, 2006
still awake. second round then. 1) First Grade Teacher: i still can't remember her name. 2) Last word you said: 掰掰 3) Last song you sang: 我想我們在一起, mavis 4) Last person you hugged: grandma. 6) Last time you said 'I love you': i'd rather not remember. 7) Last time you cried: 4 days ago. 8) What's in your CD player: don't own one right now. 9) What color socks are you wearing: barefooted. HA... BEAR FOOTED 10) What's under your bed: i don't know. the boogie man? 11) What time did you wake up today: i haven't had the luxury of sleep today. 12) Current taste: dentyne ice. 13) Current hair: blackish. curled at the ends. 14) Current clothes: purple cotton teeshirt, light blue striped pj's. grey cotton zip-up hoodie. 15) Current annoyance: itchy lips. 16) Current longing. for my lips to stop itching. for it to be nighttime so i can go to sleep and wake up around now. 17) Current desktop picture: kate beckinsale from underworld:evolution. 18) Current worry: none... hey wow! 19) Current hate: my new-found shyness. 20) Story behind your LJ username: it's complicated. 21) Current favourite article of clothing: grey abercrombie zip-up hoodie. 22) Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex/same sex: smile. wait that's not a physical feature. eyes then. 23) Last CD that you bought: K's "over..." 24) Favourite place to be: emerald bay at pangkor laut pops into mind right now. but i guess starbucks, cuz it's the same no matter where you are. that's comforting. 25) Least favourite place: dirty public washrooms. 26) Time you wake up in the morning: i wake up around dusk. 27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: piano. i changed my answer! 28) Favorite color: "cool" colors. 29) Do you believe in an afterlife: no. 30) How tall are you: 157cm 31) Current favourite word/saying: "boo, you whore." from the movie mean girls. 32) Favorite book: 傷心咖啡店之歌 33) Favorite season: fall 34) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: sakuragi. 35) Favorite day: valentine's. lots of happy people everywhere. it's nice. 36) Where do you want to go: kmall...? heehee. 37) What is your career going to be like: nonexistent, if i keep doing whatever the hell it is i'm doing. 38) How many kids do you want?: not sure i want any. 39) What kind of car will you have: none... my driving days may be over. 40) Type a line you remember from any book: "遇見百分百女孩" 41) A random lyric: 唉呦..... 我說我說我要我們在一起 柔情的日子裡 生活得不費力氣 傻傻看你 只要和你在一起 不像現在只能遙遠地唱著你
i can't sleep. so i'll redo a survey and see if my answers change. 1. name : melody 2. nicknames: melly, mellexence, meldo, shmelly (whyyyy) 3. location : formosa 4. sex : female 5. marital status : avowedly single 6. birthday : feb 27 7. piercings : 4 8. tattoos : thankfully none. 9. height : 157cm 10. shoe size : 6 11. hair color : black 12. length : past shoulders 13. eye color : black. not brown; black. 14. pets : none. last 15. movie you rented : crash 16. movie you bought : eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and lost in translation 17. song you listened to : mavis, 我想我們在一起 18. song you had stuck in your head : mavis, 我想我們在一起 19. person you've called : my mommie. 20. person that called you : christopher. 21. tv show you've watched : 我愛黑澀會. 22. movie you've watched : in theatres? the dark. 23. person you were thinking of : *blush* 24. person you hugged : ... grandma? 25. person you kissed : no one. my effing lips are effing threatening to effing fall off my face. 26. person you went to eat out with : my mommie. 27. person you slowed dance with : my imaginary dance partner. no really. when's the last time i slow danced with anyone? 28. person you yelled at : i can't remember. dumbass honger benz woman? 29. person who made you laugh: podcast host. 30. person who made you smile : cf. #23 31. person who said they love you : my mommie. 32. person to talk to : jim, oddly enough. oh no wait, chris on phone. *smacks head* Best 34. feeling : like you really, really matter to somebody you care about. 35. thing in the world : peace of mind. 36. thing that happened to you today : new medication starting to work on my swollen lips. people 37. closest : oh so embarrassing... you guys know who you are. 38. tallest : L!!! giantess in boots. 39. shortest : me... mini me. 40. meanest : bush. he doesn't care about black people. (not funny, i know. i just can't think of anyone.) 41. nicest : jenny for taking care of my place, listening to me rant, etc :))) 42 loudest : ann. (haha same answer as 3 years ago) 43. smartest : still ann. 44. craziest : michael jackson. 45. most violent : HAHA look at my answer from 3 years ago -> from what i've heard, jim 46. best singer : eason 47. best dresser : ...? 48. makes you laugh the most : thesuperficial.com 49. makes you smile the most : ... cf. #23? 50. has a crush on you : the nerdy pharmacy guy... >____<" 51. gives you a funny feeling : cf. #23... 52. turns you on : ryan reynolds' abs. DO: 53. you have a bf or gf : no. 54. you wish you could live somewhere else : no. 55. you think about suicide : only once this year. 56. you believe in online dating : no. 57. you want more piercings : yes. 58. you want more tattoos : no. 59. you drink : no. 60. you do drugs : does heavy reliance on ibuprofen, mestinon and allegra count...? 61. you like cleaning : no. 62. you write in cursive or print : print 63. you carry a donor card : no. for or against: 64. long distance relationships : cf. 2003 answer -> if it's a long term or permanent long-D relationship, then i'm against it, cuz ppl are gonna get hurt eventually. 65. using someone: cf. 2003 answer -> against, but i'm a hypocrite... 66. suicide: if necessary. 67. killing people : yes. 68. teenage smoking : cf. 2003 answer -> who am i to say? 69. doing drugs : against hard drugs. 70. premarital sex : cf. 2003 answer -> yes. virginity is overrated. 71. driving drunk : cf 2003 answer: AGAINST!! what are u, out of ur mind?! 72. gay/lesbian relationships: for. (in 3 years i'm for the same things, except now i'm also pro-murder? intriguing...) Favorite 73. song : maybe "ano hi no you ni" by misia. 74. thing to do : read a good book while enjoying good coffee. 75. thing to talk about : gossip. 76. sport: swimming. 77. drink : lattes. 78. perfume/scent : current addiction: dior addict 2 79. holiday : secluded islands. 80. ever cried over a girl/ boy : yes. 81. ever lied to someone : yes. 82. ever been in a fist fight / arrested : kind of / no. 83. first crush : justin. (we were 6...) 84. first love : cf. 2003 answer -> the wrong guy. :p 85. most recent crush : cf. #23 what 86. shampoo do you use : this banana stuff i got from pangkor laut. 87. are you scared of : rejection/failure 88. do you look for in a bf/gf? : cf. 2003 answer -> somebody i have 'feel' for. 89. do you think is cool? : just the right amount of confidence. someone being really comfortable in their own skin. number 90. of times I have had my heart broken: twice. i think this stuff is relative though, because in 2003 i wrote "twice" as well, and i've added a new one since then. so it ought to be 3, but i can't come up with 3...?? oh.. unless #1 and #3 was the same person... ohh it makes sense now... 91. of hearts I have broken: answering this will make me feel like a bad person. but then again, is it possible to break a guy's heart? they're heartless. 92. of boys I have kissed? : i don't kiss and tell. (aka i lost track. i'm j/king. sort of.) 93. of girls I have kissed? : 4. 94. of continents I have lived in: 2 95. of drugs taken illegally: 0 96. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: five? 97. of people I consider my enemies: cf. 2003 answer -> 0, but i have a lot of ppl that i'd like to do evil things to... u know, mutilate them, roast their eyeballs, pour acid over, etc. 98. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with: all the ones who matter, minus one or two. 99. of cd's that I own: 200+. 100. of things in my past that I regret: cf. 2003 answer -> many, many, many... i once said "i regret some but i'd change none". i'm not so sure now tho... there are things i would've liked to change, but who knows if they'd've worked out better. wait... oh i can remember something i'd definetly want to go back and change... it probably would've changed the answer to question #90... *sigh* wow... what do you know... i 'went back' and changed it and it didn't change the answer of #90.
過去24個小時 9am 睡著 5pm 醒 6pm 看醫生 7pm 吃婆婆包的水餃 很好吃 11pm 到家 1-7am 用功讀書 7am - now 想著想著睡不著 i am the lion who needs some courage. who will lend me some? 6 more days. i'm scared. :( Wednesday, March 22, 2006
lately. 星期二早上要回去劉毅英文 觀摩教學+面談 我們家的鄰居在補習班教物理月入三十萬耶 很沒骨氣的想說 一切順利的話 留下來在補習班上班算了 最近嘴唇過敏很嚴重 應該說他越來越嚴重 今天起床的時候兩片嘴唇是黏在一起的 因為不斷湧出的淋巴液凝結成一塊一塊的 好噁心 現在我的嘴唇是粉紅色飽滿豐盈的形狀 可是我不要好不好 還給我死白的薄唇好了 這樣24小時又癢又痛 刺刺麻麻的 好難受 期待的虹吸式(siphon)咖啡機應該今天到貨的 還沒有出現 我好期待喔 被打入冷宮的espresso機跟moka壺心裡一定很幹 可是皮膚科醫生叫我不要喝咖啡 不行不行 怎麼可能不喝咖啡 今天幫外婆殺了12隻蚊子 還有至少3隻沒殺到 不曉得怎麼會這麼多 可是心裡有滿足感 回家的路上踩死一隻蟑螂 很好 我要把你們趕絕殺淨 星期三又要再去Kmall 希望不要再僵硬了 Sunday, March 19, 2006
i could've been sleeping or studying but i chose to watch ESOTSM again. i've practically memorized the entire movie and the dvd is sitting right next to my laptop. i don't know why i had this compulsion to watch it at this inconvenient hour just because it was on hbo. there's no way i can fall asleep now.  "i thought i knew her so well but i don't know her at all. what a loss to spend that much time with someone only to find out she's a stranger." - joel barish. how happy is the blameless vestal's lot! the world forgetting, by the world forgot eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd - alexander pope. Saturday, March 18, 2006
今天出門忘了帶藥 而且我是跟人約了去看電影吃飯 真的很糟糕 電影側著頭瞇著眼勉強看完了 吃飯的時候手拿筷子拿不穩 差一點認輸的說 你餵我好了 媽媽不准我騎機車 所以只好等公車 無法抬眼皮看公車車號 還要麻煩人家送我上車 我要變成一個廢人了我 禮拜一早上要去排隊叫醫生幫我加診 *下決心* Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
yes yes yes! yeah... geeks probably won't land themselves in academic probation...
oh poo.
the day of a gazillion quizzes done instead of my homework begins.
I see a red door and I want it painted black No colors anymore I want them to turn black I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes I see a line of cars and they’re all painted black With flowers and my love both never to come back I see people turn their heads and quickly look away Like a new born baby it just happens ev’ry day I look inside myself and see my heart is black I see my red door and it has been painted black Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts It’s not easy facin’ up when your whole world is black No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue I could not foresee this thing happening to you If I look hard enough into the settin’ sun My love will laugh with me before the mornin’ comes I see a red door and I want it painted black No colors anymore I want them to turn black I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes Hmm, hmm, hmm,... I wanna see it painted, painted black Black as night, black as coal I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black Yeah! Monday, March 13, 2006
今年很難得的只買了一張cd k - beyond the sea 是個發日文專輯的韓國人 這是我對他唯一的了解 看了"over..."的mv就跑去買唱片了 mv讓人覺得有當初陶?的沙灘的感覺 像dennis說的 會想放下手邊的一切 去聆聽 也許只是mv拍的太好了 可是將影像消除了還是很感動 可是專輯還是制式的收錄了幾首快歌... 不予置評好了
i've found you. 今天終於踏進我夢想中的咖啡屋 雖然他不盡完美 雖然他嚴格來說不是咖啡屋 可是他讓我覺得 我夢想中的 就該是這個樣子 除了完全不酸也不苦的完美虹吸式咖啡外 位在四樓的海棠 店的兩面是兩塊大玻璃 往南方望 只見謙虛實在花蓮市延伸出去 往東方望 你只看的到一個風景 - 太平洋 由近而遠 一個懸? 一段沙灘 簡潔堤防 再來的就是白浪 再放眼望過去 就是海 藍色的海 一直延伸到跟藍天的交界 我用任何我會的語言及文字都無法告訴你 面對著那海 喝一杯完美的咖啡 是什麼感覺
我慢慢的開始喜歡上這個城市 其實稱不上是城市 也許我喜歡的正是這一點 本來只是打算待幾天的 不知不覺的住了半個月了 我喜歡一切這裡都很簡單 我不會覺得趕 不會覺得我一定要去什麼地方 悠閒的在茶舖 一壺玫瑰鐵觀音可以喝好久 下午的latte 和幾本慢慢讀的書 連網路都慢 所以不再匆忙的瀏覽幾十個網頁 真的好輕鬆 連病況都似乎有改善 還有 還有 這是一個名副其實靠海的地方 不像台北是個令人沮喪的盆地 不像溫哥華靠的其實是海峽根本不是一望無際的海 連續兩天都近距離貼近蔚藍的太平洋 真的是藍色的 好棒
回來台灣之後我的皮夾慢慢的膨脹起來 鈔票總面額快速的劇減 發票則悄悄的暴增 但除此之外 緩緩的增加了一些東西 本來有的 (帶回來的): 那感覺像是上輩子的東西 就只有學生證而已 單純為了購買學生票而容許它留在身邊 兩張電話卡 一張很原始的 一張IC卡好像從來沒用過 一張舊的信用卡 用來買warner bros的電影票 會有折扣 另一張許久沒用過的信用卡 好像該剪掉了 本來就留在台北的: 捷運悠遊卡 是一張普通adult卡 很奇怪 我明明該買學生卡 身分證 14歲時照的照片 還是覺得看起來比現在還老 康是美會員卡 帶著它幾年了 好像沒享受過什麼好處 ebase vip 卡 今年只動用了一次 我脫離honger風格了嗎 健保IC卡 沒有照片的 用它的次數有點過多 二輪電影院的票一疊 該去用用掉 starbucks隨行卡 幾乎每天都在用 真是太奢侈 某英文補習班的名片 一直沒去聯絡工作的事情 魚窩II的優惠? 我會來這麼久了竟然沒有想回去那裡 為什麼? 新增的: 新的信用卡 黑色的很酷 可是不是amex 嘻嘻 生活工場vip卡 最近很迷玫瑰精油 酸鍋子集點卡 吃不厭 真的 spa的名片 這次把我的睫毛燙壞了 真糟糕 花蓮電影院的vip卡 我vip卡真多 我一定是個很重要的人 (冷) 海棠的名片 我該多拿幾張的 我想幫他們宣傳一下 ipod男孩的名片 Saturday, March 11, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
it's one of those nightmares again. this morning i woke up sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow. i just wanted it all to stop. i asked myself later on in the day - would u trade all your dreams, the good ones and the boring ones and the nonsensical ones - all of them, would u trade them all away just so you will never have a nightmare like that again? no, i don't think i shall, thank you very much. so there's still hope of some sort dangling in the horizon, i think. Wednesday, March 08, 2006
today he brought her a big red box with a massive red satin bow on top. she had been dreading this. for months she knew it was bound to happen soon enough. this must be it. presents were unusual. he asked her to open it and she did as she was told. inside there was a gleaming dagger with a silver, engraved handle. it gleamed under the cool light. even before she touched the blade she could feel that it was cold. like a block of ice, except its contour refuses to be changed by the warmth of her touch. the delicate monstrosity of the weapon entranced her. inexplicably, her fingers reached to feel the cool blade. she retracted her hand fast as lightening and immediately red stained her dainty fingertips. he snickered. fuelled by the sight and smell of her blood, he requested that she kneel in front of him. taking the knife in his right hand he paused and contemplated the creature before him. she was almost special. but he had grown bored. and what's more, he was a jealous type of collector. he plunged the knife deep into her chest. then he carved a half moon. slipping on some surgical gloves he reached in and unceremoniously extracted her heart. he held it in his hand for a moment, feeling its futile thumping against his palm, its faltering heat. so this is what a human heart looks like. nothing extraordinary. he let it fall to the ground with a dull thud, turned on his heels, and began to stride away. will you simply leave me here to bleed to death? she pleaded. she should have known questions were no good. he never did like that part about her. but it didn't matter anymore. he was long gone.
a bruised fist. swelling and swelling. "you have a cavity." "i know. (i haven't been taking care of myself.)" it's too much. it's not enough. make it stop. i don't want it to. the contents of my stomach keep trying to escape through my mouth. i'm a fucking iddiot. sometimes when i think of you, i wish i could die just so i won't ever have to think of you again. Tuesday, March 07, 2006
after agonizing over my request for an extension, this was my prof's breezy reply: "OK Melody. Send it in when you can. I don't penalize students for late papers." i LOVE this guy! is it ok to send your married prof chocolates? this is probably not a good thing for me. it might've been better if he had said "oh you're so screwed i'm taking 40% off." good luck to me ever getting anything in on time again. Monday, March 06, 2006
reading the relationship pre-nup gave me nightmares. i dreamt of the worst breakup ever. it was horrible. i woke up feeling desolate and helpless. it was too real, disconcertingly real. the emotions were all too familiar, the characters, the tactics (or should i say antics), the lie... i allowed myself a full 40 minutes to calm down before i got up and went about the day's business. it took me 40 minutes to come to the sad realization that the nightmare wasn't all that bad - it was still better than reality. it wasn't that different, and it couldn't have been worse. could it? fur said that all the entanglements after a breakup - they cheapen what you had; they make everything that you shared unspecial. i think she's right. they were stolen moments, and how do you rejoice in something not justly obtained? i think we've ruined everything. Sunday, March 05, 2006
hilarious (although disturbingly long). RANT: The Rules of Breaking Up There seems to have been some confusion regarding division of property and space since we have broken up. YOU, hereafter referred to as the Dumper, do not retain the same rights to such things as ME, hereafter referred to as the Dumpee. Clearly the Dumpee has been wronged (except in certain situations, see Section 1(b) below), and thus retains more rights than the Dumper. To clarify, I have assembled a crack legal team to outline this document, so that you will quit being a complete and total prick. Actually, not all of these things apply to us, but for the sake of friends, family, and members of the general public who have also been Dumped, I’ve included other situations. This document applies only to those relationships that involved terms such as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” not couples who have taken that long argumentative road-trip that ends in the State of Matrimony. Caveats have been made for engagement, as most rules still apply. Section 1: Terms of Separation (hereafter termed the Breakup) (a) The rights of the Dumpee shall be directly proportional to the severity and immaturity of the methods of Separation used by the Dumper. For example, a Dumper (hereafter termed a Good Dumper) who breaks up with Dumpee face-to-face, in person, in a private place, and outlines issues which the Dumpee was aware of, and in fact is not too surprised at, with said discussion ending in a tearful hug cherished by both parties, and perhaps an incident of Goodbye Sex, shall not be severely punished. However, a Dumper (hereafter termed a Bad Dumper) who breaks up with a Dumpee in an especially cowardly way, such as over the phone, through email, or by having a friend tell the Dumpee, shall experience extensive limitations on rights after the Breakup. Most severely punished shall be those Dumpers (hereafter termed Assholes) who repeatedly Breakup and then Beg Forgiveness, and Dumpers who have Cheated. (b) Exceptions to the Dumper/Dumpee division of rights are as follows: Dumpees who provoke the Breakup by avoiding the Dumper until such time as the Dumper feels forced to end the relationship. Dumpees who intentionally get caught Cheating and are shortly afterward, Dumped. These Dumpees shall be considered as Dumpers for the purposes of this document. Section 2: Division of Property and Space (a) Material Property (1) If the Dumper is a Good Dumper, all material property that Dumper brought to the relationship shall be returned to the Dumper. Likewise, all property the Dumpee possessed before the relationship shall be returned to the Dumpee. (2) If the Dumper is a Bad Dumper, or an Asshole, Dumpee has the right to destroy or sell any property left for any period of time in the Dumpee’s possession. This includes, but is not limited to, furniture, electronics, kitchen wares, clothing, CDs, and cars. Dumpee is aware that destruction of items holds a possibility of legal ramifications and continuous retaliation, and destroys Dumper’s property then at their discretion. (b) Gifts (1) Dumpee retains all rights to gifts he or she received during the relationship, especially expensive ones. In the case of a Good Dumper, Dumpee can determine whether return of these gifts is acceptable. If the Dumper was female, and the Dumpee was male, and said parties were engaged, and said engagement ended in a Good Breakup, the engagement ring should be returned to the Dumpee. If the Dumpee does not want the ring, the Dumper can sell it on Craigslist and split the profits with the Dumpee. Bad Dumpers and Assholes retain no rights to jewelry or cars. (2) Dumpee can, if feeling spiteful, box up all gifts received from the Dumper and return them to Dumper with a tear-stained letter. Dumper should feel sufficiently bad, and should not, under any circumstances, maintain possession of these gifts in order to give them to future Girlfriends/Boyfriends. Said gifts should be sold and Dumper is then welcome to use the money to take a vacation to Tahoe and hopefully, break their leg skiing. (c) Exchange of Property (1) If the couple was living together, and the Dumper has moved out, the Dumper should send a friend to pick up his or her belongings. The exception is a Good Dumper, who may be on sufficiently good terms with Dumpee to come back and retrieve their own things. If this is the case, it should still be done while the Dumpee is Not Home. Bad Dumpers and Assholes forfeit their belongings, as outlined in Section 2: (a)2. (2) If the couple was living together, and the Dumpee has moved out, the Dumpee will send a friend to pick up his or her belongings at an appointed date and time. Said friend will not be late and will not linger. Said friend may make a few rude remarks to the Dumper, but such remarks should be brief and to the point. Again, if the Dumper is a Good Dumper, the Dumpee can pick up their own belongings when the Dumper is Not Home. (3) If the couple did not live together, exchange of property should be done in public at an appointed date and time. Both parties shall be on time and shall not linger. Again, rude remarks shall be brief. (4) Items not claimed by the Dumper within one calendar month after the Breakup are the property of the Dumpee, unless exchange of property arrangements were made prior to the end of that month. Likewise is true for items not claimed by the Dumpee. (5) Items that “Cannot Be Found” by either party shall be considered a lost cause after one month. If it was really that important, you shouldn’t have let that idiot have it. (d) Big Ticket Items (1) If the relationship included the purchase of a car, a house, a prize-winning show dog, or other such item of which you now both have dual legal ownership, you are in Deep Shit. Maybe you should have thought about making that kind of investment together before you pissed your whole life away? Wait until you’re married, dumbass. (e) The Pet (1) See Section 2: Article (d)1 first. If you still want to deal with the Pet (hereafter termed the Dog), we’ll continue. Dogs that were owned by either party before the commencement of the relationship shall return to their original owners. Dogs acquired during the course of the relationship shall preferably go with the owner who gave them the most care. C’mon, you know there’s one of you who did all the feeding, the training, the walking, the pooper-scooping, the leash-buying and the ball-tossing. The Dog goes with that one. Except in the case where that person is a Bad Dumper or an Asshole, in which case, Dumpee retains possession of the Dog. There shall be no Split Custody, or Visitation Rights involving the Dog. It’s not good for the Dog, and it’s not good for you. If all things regarding the Dog were absolutely equal, then a Poll of Friends may be taken, or a Coin may be Flipped. Decisions made by PoF or CF about the Dog are final. If you did not get the Dog, and you are distraught, wait 2 weeks until your head clears, and then go to the Humane Society and get another one. You will be much happier that way. (f) The Kid (1) Sigh. Okay, first see Section 2: Article (d)1. You are an idiot. Haven’t you heard of birth control? Well now it’s not just you in this boat, so a lot of the earlier terms and conditions about Dumpers and Dumpees may not apply. Even if your Breakup involved a Bad Dumper or an Asshole, you will have to be nice, for the Sake of the Kid. This is really outside the range of this document, so go to court and try not to screw up your Kid’s life any more than you already have. Section 3: The Friends (a) The Dumpee gets the Friends. Sorry, dems da breaks. If you were smart about picking your relationship, you were dating somebody who was not from your immediate circle of friends, so when you Breakup, you each go cry to your respective group and everything is dandy. Unfortunately, many friends become Booty Calls, which can then become That Girl I’m Sorta Dating, which can then become Your Girlfriend. Relationships over one year also have a high incidence of Combined Friends. Regardless, the Dumpee still gets the Friends! But there are some details/exceptions/conditions associated with the possible future division of Friends, so here they are: Specifics of Division of Friends (1) In the case of a Good Dumper, Split Custody is acceptable. Within the first 6 months, a Good Dumper has the right to still hang out with the Friends, but only if the Dumpee is not present. After 6 months, it is acceptable for the Dumper to call the Dumpee and request mutual access to the Friends. If Dumpee is amenable, the two may attend a party or barbeque together with the Friends. The Good Dumper is at all times aware of the Dumpee’s feelings, and will be the first to leave if things get awkward. After one year, expect normal Friend-Dumper-Dumpee interactions to resume. If you got dumped by a Good Dumper and you are all hanging out again after a year and you’re totally cool and you’re not strongly reconsidering getting back together, then Damn. He’s probably gay. That’s cool that you guys are still friends though. Maybe you can shop and stuff. (2) In the case of a Bad Dumper, Visitation Rights are acceptable, under some circumstances. Bad Dumper only retains Friendship Rights with his or her Best Friend, and then, only at Best Friend’s discretion. Everyone else is fully justified in telling you to piss off. After one year, a Split Custody arrangement may be made, but Bad Dumper is never to be allowed at a party that the Dumpee is attending. This must be enforced strongly by Friends and the Dumpee. (3) In the case of an Asshole, no rights are retained regarding the Friends. Not even to the Best Friend. You fucked up but good, so now go find yourself a bunch of shallow, selfish people just like yourself, so you can all get drunk and stab each other in the back. This also applies to such Dumpers described in Section 1; Article (b), as those Dumpers who pose as Dumpees are especially despicable. (b) Relationships with Friends after the Breakup (1) Under NO circumstances is a Dumper allowed to sleep with any of the Friends after the Breakup. ESPECIALLY the Dumpee’s Best Friend, but truly, there are NO exceptions. Even if she says it’s okay. Even if you guys have a long talk about it and she says it’s fine and she wants you to be happy. You better take a good look at a girl’s Friends before you get Committed, because if you would ever like to possibly sleep with one of those girls, you should not enter into the Relationship. Good Dumpers who break this rule can then be qualified as Bad Dumpers. Sleeping with the Best Friend immediately qualifies you as an Asshole. (Best Friend can also then be Broken Up With, and most of the terms of this document apply.) Remember, Assholes are open to justifiable destruction of property, and are often deserving of a swift kick in the Balls. Section 4: The Neighborhood (a) The Dumpee retains all rights to the Neighborhood, including but not limited to, grocery stores, shopping malls, dog parks, coffee shops, bars, hang-outs, strip malls, carwashes, and restaurants. If the Dumper sees the Dumpee in one of these places, the Dumper must immediately leave. The only exception is a Good Dumper who is back on Good Terms with the Dumpee, especially one year or more after the Breakup. See Section 3; Article (a)1 for details. All terms of this document are not legally binding, but they make a hell of a lot of sense. Don't be an Asshole, and your life will be so much easier. (In case you didn’t get it, this means I get the stuff, the friends and the hangouts. Quit whining about your freaking sweatshirt and stay the fuck away from me.) - myjokesandfunnystories.blogspot.com
am i "fractured" or "exploded"? what's the difference? fractured. i think i am fractured. the pieces are still there, they just need to be put back together.
on the one hand i am eager to correct your (i presume) misconception of me; but on the other i am afraid you will be equally indifferent towards what i really have to offer. indifference can sometimes hurt more than disdain, which can sometimes hurt more than outright contempt.
我和我的文字熱戀 "anarchy without the existence of authority is as unthinkable as the reverse formula, authority wihout the constant threat of disorder and chaos." - john cooper. how does someone say something like that? so much in so little words, each perfectly chosen and fit together... Friday, March 03, 2006
it's just two meaningless words. a customary gesture. yet i'm still disappointed to have not heard them from you. was i waiting for something? should i stop waiting...? 如果有一天你回頭的時候 發現我已經不在你身後追尋你的腳印 你會失望嗎 i want to stop being your shadow.  |
