在我22歲生日的這一天 遇見了百分百的ipod男孩
posted by melody at 2/27/2006 11:59:00 p.m.

i think that i'm a little angry that it's my birthday, what with everyone trying to get me to go do this and do that. i spent yesterday sitting in a tour bus with 40+ manic-depressive old women who insisted on singing karaoke the entire trip. i looked forward to some peace and quiet where i could finish some of my reading today but THEY JUST WON'T FUCKING LEAVE ME BE.

i keep on trying to figure out why i'm so angry all the time.
it seems most likely because i feel like there's nothing to look forward to, but i've always known that, haven't i?

what i want i will never have again, be it health, family, or whatever else.
there is nothing.
posted by melody at 2/26/2006 01:47:00 p.m.

[Celine's song] Let me sing you a waltz / Out of nowhere, out of my thoughts / Let me sing you a waltz / About this one night stand / You were, for me, that night / Everything I always dreamt of in life / But now you're gone / You are far gone / All the way to your island of rain / It was for you just a one night thing / But you were much more to me, just so you know / I don't care what they say / I know what you meant for me that day / I just want another try, I just want another night / Even if it doesn't seem quite right / You meant for me much more than anyone I've met before / One single night with you, little Jesse, is worth a thousand with anybody / I have no bitterness, my sweet / I'll never forget this one night thing / Even tomorrow in other arms, my heart will stay yours until I die / Let me sing you a waltz / Out of nowhere, out of my blues / Let me sing you a waltz / About this lovely one night stand

"Memories are wonderful things, if you don't have to deal with the past."

-- Before Sunset.
posted by melody at 2/25/2006 01:03:00 a.m.

teeheehee.
the editors at thesuperficial have amused me with their twisted sarcasm again.

writing on bobby brown's attempt at picking up tamala jones:
"Pulling a woman by the hair seems less like a 'crude proposition' and more like sexual assault. I tried it once, and instead of thinking I was hitting on her, the crazy woman freaked and called the cops. If you can't pull a woman's hair to show affection then what else are you supposed to do? Engage in civilized conversation? Screw you society. Screw you to screwsville."
posted by melody at 2/24/2006 07:20:00 p.m.

my birthday haircut.

the way it was supposed to be:

(isn't she so pretty...)

but i forgot to bring the picture, so we improvised.
the result was... i am now sporting my most radical hair-do ever.
my friends will know that's saying something.

at least it feels good to be rid of the dead weight that was my hair...
posted by melody at 2/24/2006 07:12:00 p.m.

"可是你內心好憂傷."


我... 我哪有...
posted by melody at 2/24/2006 05:16:00 a.m.

對不起 對不起 對不起
沒有找到對的言語來安慰妳
我們再也不要相信了 再也不要相信了 好不好

沒有一個值得相信的
ne humanus crede.


(si hoc legere scis nimium eruditiones habes.)
posted by melody at 2/24/2006 02:13:00 a.m.

a sad story.

my mom's coworker's sister got into a car accident a few weeks ago, just before chinese new years. she was hit by a small truck while riding a small motorcycle. she went through a coma, a vegetative state, was pronounced brain dead, and finally passed away last week. from the start her family tried to keep the news from her father, who was old and thin and depressed. they were hoping that she would eventually make a recovery. there was one incident where her mother whispered to her that if she could hear her she should move her toes, and she did. they later speculated that it was just coincidental spontaneous movement. this sister works for the bureau of investigation and as she was on a work related errand when the accident occured, her death was classified by the bureau as dying while on duty. as such, the bureau insisted on having the press report about the death in newspapers. this morning the girl's father read about his daughter's death in his morning paper. i believe she was in her 20s, and her father had no idea that his daughter was ill in any way before he opened the paper this morning.

i lack the words to comment on this.
posted by melody at 2/21/2006 11:26:00 p.m.

我真是一旦溺了就溺了 若膩了也就是膩了
就算是很不禮貌的行為 我也任信的不予理會

sir, you presumed too much.
posted by melody at 2/21/2006 10:20:00 p.m.

got out of bed nearly 30 hours later feeling weak and light headed but much better.
except for that bleeding from the ears thing. probably just a scratch?

in other health related topics, my spinal injury seems to have been cured. i don't know if it qualifies as a spinal injury really, just a bruised and inflamed tail bone. some anti-inflammatory medication and posture adjustment seems to have done the trick.

a constant stream of salty tears pour from my irritated eyes.
the salt in the tears further irritate the sensitive skin.
maybe my eyes are sad because my eyelash perm went wrong and now i have bent ricket-fence eyelashes. that or i need to see an allergy specialist.

finally finished reading english society in the 18th century - the intro to 18th century england that is supposed to serve as background reading and took me 2+ weeks and put me to sleep a dozen times. i don't think i learned ANYTHING that i didn't already know. population increased, rise of industrialization, union of the oligarchy and state, poor laws sustaining the lower orders, opportunities for individual betterment... blah blah blah. it's all common sense. maybe i wasn't paying attention. i am 35 pages of textbook away from starting to read my first actual novel this semester. *sarcastic applause*
posted by melody at 2/21/2006 03:37:00 p.m.

i woke up early this morning unable to breathe
i staggered to the kitchen for some water
my visual field bleached white, my pulse rapid, my body clammy
i downed a glass of water and dashed to the washroom to vomit the contents of my stomach
and fell back onto the mattress, slowly drifting out of consciousness and into an uneasy slumber

i'm frightened.
posted by melody at 2/20/2006 02:23:00 p.m.

mood.

不睡覺的時候 心情就會很奇特
看了奇怪的電影 和好看的mtv

the secrets of m. night shyamalan
是一部莫名其妙厚臉皮侵犯別人隱私權的紀錄片
看完了覺得對製片人深深的怨恨
可是我自己還不是看八卦看的津津有味
看完了之後只有一個感想 就是我還沒看到 the village (怨)

我睏了 書還是沒讀 我看我會來不及交作業
如果金錢能力允許的話 還真想休學 去流浪去

我一直沒有成為我想要做的人
我覺得我最近生氣 氣的其實是這個
我在別人身上看到我自己的懦弱 自己的猶疑 自己的無奈還有遺憾

電腦的喇叭一直發出雜音... 是white noise耶
好可怕 還好已經天亮了
趕快跑回棉被裡去好了
posted by melody at 2/19/2006 08:54:00 a.m.

my personality disorders rating from 4degreez.com, now and 15 months ago:

Disorder/Rating Feb 2006

Paranoid / Moderate
Schizoid / Low
Schizotypal / Moderate
Antisocial / Moderate
Borderline / Moderate
Histrionic / High
Narcissistic / Low
Avoidant / High
Dependent / High
Obsessive-Compulsive / Low


Disorder / Rating Nov 2004

Paranoid / High
Schizoid / Low
Schizotypal / High
Antisocial / High
Borderline / Very high
Histrionic / Very high
Narcissistic / High
Avoidant / Very high
Dependent / Very high
Obsessive-Compulsive / Moderate


nice.
posted by melody at 2/17/2006 01:16:00 a.m.

baz luhrmann's william shakespeare's romeo and juliet has catapulted itself back into the spot of my number one all-time favourite movie. for a while there eternal sunshine of the spotless mind was setting up nest in the throne but i'm watching rj again and i nearly cried when juliet found out romeo is a montague. maybe i'm being silly but the build up to that moment is just too perfect. *sigh*

i think i'll be wasting my time re-reading romeo and juliet later today.
posted by melody at 2/16/2006 04:32:00 a.m.

偷偷的抄L從rent抓的歌詞. 我也想去看耶, 本來沒有的.

Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play.
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you.
Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you.
posted by melody at 2/15/2006 03:29:00 a.m.

喜歡順子唱的短短的一首老歌

baby it's cold outside
and i don't wonder why
things go on in my life
and i know that i should get myself together
oh baby it's out of reach
i don't know why
baby what's going on
can't tell me why
baby it's cold outside
and i don't wonder why
posted by melody at 2/15/2006 03:24:00 a.m.

原來我跟 L 回家後都看了電視重播的cold mountain
然後兩個人都想了一樣的事情 想要往那口井底下看看
i wish there would be nothing there to haunt me anymore either.

真的好喜歡 L 喔. 嘻嘻
posted by melody at 2/15/2006 03:20:00 a.m.

情人節 跟 L 開心的去約會
本來要去淺水灣... 嫌遠
後來想說去福隆好了... 還是覺得遠
想說去採草莓好了... 宜蘭太遠, 內湖沒有開
後來也想說去基隆啊 陽明山啊 可是都好不方便
討厭 討厭

最後兩個貪吃的人 排了很多吃的行程
去吃了鼎泰豐的小籠包 好滿足 之後排了個奇怪的行天宮行程 因為要求籤
我求到了一支中吉喔 籤裡面寫的都好棒喔 感覺其實明明是一支上上籤
就去問那個... 是叫廟公嗎? 總之啦 找他幫我解籤啊
他說我的問題沒問對耶 太含糊了 這樣很難解籤
所以大概了解一下之後他就事論事的給我指點迷津 哈哈
可是終究是解籤的廟公啊 所以他要講的玄一點我覺得
結果他說了很好笑的話 我都沒聽到 是後來L告訴我的
廟公那時就有點困惑的看著我說 "以市價來說喔... 你是精品店."
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 聽懂了之後覺得他好好笑
他一定每天都幫一些傻女生解籤 一定覺得怎麼女生都這麼傻

後來啊 我們決定再求一次籤 這次我講的很清楚喔
雖然我忘了確認我是不是求對籤了的步驟
結果我這次抽到一支... 下下籤!!!! 有一些很可怕的字眼呢 唉
前一支籤覺得對過去來說很準 新的籤 對現在 也是很準.
是兩支完全相反的籤. 我覺得其實抽到下下籤是一個好事.

後來去了永康街還有天母 排了一個小時的隊才吃到一家聽說好吃的不得了的日式炸豬排
不怎樣嘛 可是氣氛不錯 磨芝麻也瞞好玩的 之後還碰到友善的專櫃小姐
在誠品買到了桐生操的新書(是個怪作家 我喜歡他) 還有很適合我的怪異的筆記本
總之 是很愉快的一天.

可是後來回家後看到一個東西... 我還是哭了.
我猜其實 L 也有偷哭.
我們真是不爭氣.
不可以這樣!! 我們可是精品店呢.
posted by melody at 2/15/2006 02:28:00 a.m.

看太多wretch相簿了 眼睛快睜不開了
每次看都好羨慕喔 不知道自己在眼紅什麼
照片當然都是多采多姿的快樂照嘛

今天下午瘋狂搜尋夢想的靴子
看了過百雙 試穿了十來雙
結果 還是跑回公館買之前物色好的
我是一見鍾情型的購物狂(?)

lancome的時尚彩妝秀活動
上妝時彩妝師把我的睫毛塗的好濃密 眼睛突然會傳神喔
可惜他一直叫我往上看往上看 我不能玩這個啦
眼皮猛往下垂

今天看電視啊 綜藝節目的主題是幫林佑威找約會對象
看著看著想到 討厭耶 我再也不可能跟任何人深情相望了
我... 我開始走內斂路線好了
你好, 我是全新版的木訥美樂蒂
(一點都沒有說服力耶)

我覺得我該去開個wretch才對 要入境隨俗嘛

可是大家還是笑說我是個外國人
上禮拜啊 我看大家都趕一樣的流行
所以感嘆說路上的年輕人看起來都一樣
阿馬就說只有外國人才會說這樣的話
前天啊 去逛誠品的時候 我在考慮一本東方風味的筆記本
L就說那種東西只有外國人才會感興趣
ㄟ 你們幹嘛圍攻我啦 我已經很努力了啦

一點都不想要讀書啊
english society in the 18th century
是本很有趣卻困難的要命的書
好看不好讀 這個時候就會覺得自己很遜

今天中午去台北魚市吃飯
有兩個日本觀光客坐旁邊吃耶
好厲害 明明就是個躲在後巷的地方
服務小姐也很厲害 會講日文
原來帶台灣國語口音的日文是這個樣子
哈哈哈哈哈 我笑翻了
posted by melody at 2/13/2006 02:45:00 a.m.

看完了brokeback之後 L笑說 李安很好笑 總是喜歡說同一句話
拍臥虎藏龍的時候他說 每個人心中都有一把青冥劍
拍綠巨人的時候說 每個人心中都有一個綠巨人
現在拍斷背山 果然又是說 每個人心中都有一座斷背山
我當時笑了 可是之後想一想 真的耶 每個人心中真的都有一座斷背山

我就知道我不該去看那部電影
雖然沒有被劇情影響 可是莫名的到了早上八點了還睡不著

------------------------------------------------------

L考慮他與前男友的事 發現:"這樣下去我們會錯過彼此."

那好. 那樣剛好.

遺憾跟痛撤心屝, 我們該要開始學習選擇遺憾.
posted by melody at 2/12/2006 02:09:00 a.m.

oh and calculators are not allowed on the GRE so it's ok that i forgot to bring mine back.
posted by melody at 2/11/2006 05:23:00 a.m.

good news at last!

because i will not be taking my GREs in the United States, Canada, American Samoa, Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands, or Puerto Rico, i will be taking the pencil-paper version of the GRE test instead of the CAT (computer adaptive test) version.

some weirdos out there may actually prefer the CAT version but to me it sounds like complete hell. just trying to understand how it works is confusing. and you can't skip around on it or go back to questions. but the major point is, you'd have to stare at the computer screen for at least 3 hours, which i can't do without my eyes failing me.

there is one slight problem though...
i intend to take the GRE again in october and the psyc GRE again in november, at which time i will have to take the GRE CAT i believe... hmm.
posted by melody at 2/11/2006 05:18:00 a.m.

i am very angry.

這樣打出來的話會覺得很好笑
可是我是很認真的 氣到在發抖
我生別人的氣 也生自己的氣
我真的很氣
posted by melody at 2/11/2006 01:33:00 a.m.

to be read by july 2006.
posted by melody at 2/07/2006 10:57:00 p.m.

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high

mm. i figured as much.
posted by melody at 2/06/2006 01:42:00 a.m.

I wanna go to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you
I wanna know if there could be anyway
That there's no fight, and I'm safe and sound with you

And every time I look, I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now

今でも?付かないでしょう(至今仍未察覺吧)
この?かな空に(在這個寂靜的天空下)
いつでも思い出すけど(雖仍常常想起)
もうどこにも?れない(時光一去不復返)

そしてずっと心で(然後一直深藏我心)
醒めてそっと?付いて(夢醒時分悄然發現)
いつかきっとやさしさ(祈禱總有一天)
見えてくるように(會看見溫柔)

What's stopping me? I get stuck again
Is it really OK? It's never OK for me
What's got into me? I get lost again
Is it really OK? It's never going to be

そしてもっと探して(之後更加努力地尋找著)
目の前に?付いて(留意著眼前的一切)
明日はきっと風向きも(相信明天的心情)
?わるように(一定會改變的吧)

風がそっとささや(風悄悄地吹著)
蠢くのはこの大地(輕彿著整個大地)
迷わないでやさしさ(不會再迷惑了 總有一天)
見えてくるように(會看見溫柔)

And every time I look, I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now

I wanna go to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you
posted by melody at 2/06/2006 01:37:00 a.m.

今天看到一首 有人?我寫的歌

我哭了

原來是這樣的感覺
我好希望 我能夠一樣
可是什麼東西 沒有的 我沒有
空空的 該有感覺的地方...

眼中的一抹憂鬱...

這樣也被看到了
我還以為 我笑的多開朗
原來 笑時臉頰那微微的顫抖
還有靜時不自然的沉默
還是被人看在眼裡

對不起.
我還不夠努力.
posted by melody at 2/05/2006 03:50:00 a.m.

燒死了也不知道的人.

今天是回來之後第一次拜訪西門站

沒有像以前一樣喜歡捷運了
覺得車上燈光好亮 想要帶起大墨鏡和帽子 躲起來
出站的時候 看到一個好大好大的霆鋒的臉
呆呆的望了很久

去mtv看鬼片 是一個韓國片 叫紅鞋子 一點都不可怕
吃了藥眼睛還是好累 閉上眼休息的時候突然ㄆㄧㄚˋ一聲
螢幕變黑了 緊急照明燈亮了起來
朋友去看看說好像是停電 我還悠哉的想說睡一下覺吧
後來發現不太對 朋友問我有沒有聞到什麼味道
過沒多久 緊急照明燈也不亮了 一片黑暗
原來失火了 我們之前聽到的警報聲不是隔壁包廂的電影音量太大
是真的警報聲 還有警車 消防車 救護車的聲音
燈黑了以後我們還是很悠哉的綁鞋帶穿鞋拿東西
服務人員很詭異的說 走樓梯不安全要搭電梯
後來聽說是因為三樓那邊樓梯間堆放物品塞住了
從九樓搭電梯下去 在失火的情況下 怎麼想都很奇怪
這時候鼻頭已經嗅到濃濃的煙味了
大家都很順從的排隊等電梯 在台北很難得的景象
結果 電梯在八到九樓中間的地方 突然停了 燈也全黑了
電梯裡面的十幾個人都好安靜
過了幾秒鐘 燈亮了 電梯緩緩的開始移動
來到樓下 好多消防車佔滿了整條街
原來是附近的燒肉店著火 燒到整個區域斷電
火都已經救完了 我們才慢慢慢的開始逃離現場
救護車載著傷者響著警報聲從我們的身邊飛過

我覺得我真的是 被燒死了都不會發現的一個蠢人.
posted by melody at 2/04/2006 01:50:00 a.m.

feburary 1st, 2006.

the streets of taipei are flooded with abercrombie & fitch and hollister goods.
there are no A&F/hollister stores here - it's just the stuff from the factories that got leaked out. EVERYWHERE. everybody is wearing something with a little moose stitched on the left front breast. i feel like a royal iddiot for buying stuff from the actual stores with actual prices. i found my precious 200USD coat on sale for NT$2000. $&@#^$@*&^#$&@%#

老胡臭豆腐出現了 可是招牌改了 老闆娘也不見了
問問看攤子的新老闆 他說跟以前是同一家 以前的老闆娘是舅媽
他沒有說那老胡到底怎麼了 為什麼不出現了
味道還是一樣的 可是也不一樣了

my grandmother is being unreasonable.
my mother is taking it out on me by being unreasonable too.

i miss being utterly alone.

savouring the phrase "magnificent desolation".

心情有點糟.
posted by melody at 2/01/2006 09:12:00 p.m.