shit, i've gone from mainly suicidal to mainly murderous.
posted by melody at 6/29/2005 06:24:00 p.m.
rethinking my return flight to vancouver.
posted by melody at 6/29/2005 12:16:00 a.m.
because everybody lies sometimes.how can i beleive anything anymore?
once you find out that one thing was a lie, you start questioning everything.
even love.
i mean... how do you prove these things?
it would be great if nobody had to prove anything,
but there isn't enough trust in the world.
because there aren't enough reasons to trust.
posted by melody at 6/28/2005 05:38:00 p.m.
i just wrote the most depressing e-mail.
it started out with your usual things, and then it just got worse, and worse, and worse. it may have been one of the most candid letters i've ever written, but ironically no one would want have wanted to recieve it.
perhaps i say that because i don't
believe anyone would care to recieve it.
what would they have done if they had read it, anyway?
shrug it off. hope she never mentions that again. it's just one of her moods. perhaps instead of all the apathy someone should drug me and put me in a straitjacket already. sanity is suffocating me. it doesn't matter what other people tell me, it just doesn't become me.
for half a second there, two dark people managed to touch each other. and then they broke away, broke away and entered the light and tried as hard they could to try again. try harder this time. do better, because we live in a world where you can always do better, where your best is not enough, they always want better.
every moment where i felt like i couldn't hold on any longer, where i felt like giving up... somehow i always managed to drag my damaged self through. but was it worth it?
i closed my eyes and imagined death for the thousandth time. and perhaps for the first time...
posted by melody at 6/24/2005 01:49:00 a.m.
the question that has been haunting me for these last couple months must be resolved by 10am this morning. it should be, anyway.
the question is this:
should i torture myself and finish my degree in 1 year,
or be an ungrateful lazy-ass and mooch off my parents for 2 more years?
the thing is, i realize i shouldn't even call it torture.
it's just 5 and 6 courses each semester.
i could argue that they are all upper level core courses and most of them are pre-med crap so they're extra hard, and the non-hard english ones require lots of reading, and i'll have to cram and take 2 GREs and TOEFL (seriously, wtf) before december and volunteer as full time RAs in at least 2 psych labs and try to get published before december as well...
but the thing is... i think lots of people are doing this, or even more.
.....................
okay... i just read that third paragraph over.
i'm going to take that extra year, and maybe even one semester off cause i will be mentally and emotionally damaged from trying to come up with some brilliant paper that will get me funding.
posted by melody at 6/23/2005 06:00:00 p.m.
currently suffering from word constipation, poor concentration, and sleep deprivation...
i think i've forgotton how to write essays. good ones, at least.
and also dreading my presentation tonight... before the weekend i had the performance down pat, but when i was rehearsing last night i seem to have fallen completely out of character... i lost my semi-acceptable english accent too. then i tried on my makeshift costume and found it unsatisfactory. whyyy whyyy didn't i pick another character...
so... sleepy...
i wanna eat pizza.
posted by melody at 6/14/2005 10:43:00 p.m.
currently loving: the lyrics to garbage's bleed like me
Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me
Chrissie's all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy
He says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me
Doodle takes Dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me
Therapy is speedie's brand new drug
Dancing with the devil's past has never been too fun
It's better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me
JT gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar
After two drinks he's a loser after three drinks he's a star
Getting all nostalgic as he sings "I Will Survive"
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Just try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
You should see my scars
You should see my scarsi watched
Gia last night, wanted to see why angelina jolie won a golden globe for it. at first i thought it was ok... then when she got buck naked and began making out with another girl i thought it was all about porn... but i was wrong wrong wrong... the movie was just thoroughly depressing. i guess it's good... maybe if u liked
girl, interrupted. which i think none of my friends except me did...
posted by melody at 6/09/2005 04:25:00 p.m. 