i need hope. or something...
i need something to prove to me that things will get better
at least show me not everything is getting worse and worse

but nothing is... nothing is getting better...
everyday it's just more bad news... more bad news...


a thousand cursed souls drag me down the pit
there is no light shining through the clouds
and no hand to counter the negative forces

i give up
i give up
posted by melody at 12/24/2004 07:25:00 a.m.

everytime i have to write about vancouver i get very negative.

constantly reminded of the song "give me a reason".
posted by melody at 12/22/2004 06:06:00 p.m.

i just need to feel wanted

not just needed -
i'm not a bandage for your wounds
or a receptor for your thoughts
or an entertainment unit to fill your void


if i became a ghost i have no doubt i'd be a malicious one.
posted by melody at 12/21/2004 09:36:00 a.m.

there's a big fire somewhere around my neighbourhood, my mom said she heard a lot of sirens and we can smell smoke... burning rubber... well i can't really smell it, my nose is all clogged up - damn allergies. i have to battle it every minute of the day... i wake up with puffy, red, itchy eyes and within 5 minutes of gaining conciousness, my sinuses start acting up. *sigh*

life has been rather busy here, there's a lot to do.. i don't have much time here, so i should be doing even more stuff right now. i've seen almost every relative here, been to two different hospitals (i'm always going to hospitals here), went food shopping at several locations, found a levi's outlet store... :) i also took my laptop to get it fixed (it got broken in SEPTEMBER). they managed to wrangle the cd tray open, then had some difficulty shutting it again, so i was instructed to bring it to the maintenance/fixing center on monday. but now it works...!! not perfectly, so i should still bring it, but i'm kinda lazy... i survived with a cd player/writer for 4 months anyway.......

mmm... i don't have much to say.
except when i was reading the signs in the hospital, i had quite a scare...
locations like "intensive care", "burn unit", "morturary", just gives me the creeps. how is it that i'm fascinated and terrified by images of death all at the same time?

i saw a picture of a guy lying on a hospital bed, and a scary corpse of a girl lying under the bed. the information claims that the guy was in the hospital for minor injuries sustained during a car accident in which he killed a girl. and if u didn't pass the image on to 5 people the girl will come find you. it's a little creepy, cuz the corpse had an intense gaze fixed on the viewer. but it looks photoshopped when you look at the location of the girl's body relative to the percieved height of the bed... still, it gives me the creeps.

i'm wondering, do really, really dark people still fear ghosts and death?
would an extreme goth still be scared of ghosts and spirits of images of suicide bombers' body parts strewn all over the place?

i was reading a comic where the goth artist is afraid that after he dies everyone will come check out his tatoos.

i dunno what i'm talking about anymore, i never do...

*A------CHOOOO!!!*

mmm... time for my meds
posted by melody at 12/19/2004 10:14:00 a.m.

I HATE MCDONALDS

THEY HAVE CROSSED THE LINE THIS TIME!!!

Over the years, Mcdonald's has claimed that their food became cheaper.
As far as I can remember, aside from the mcdeal's, it's only gotten more expensive.
but nevermind that, everything in general is becoming more expensive.

However, Mcdonald's has commited other crimes as well.
Recently, the coke and fries that come with your meal has been shrunken.
This applies especially to the fries.
Not only has the container become shorter, they don't even fill it up anymore!!
Does anybody else remember the days when your fries would flow over the top and it was near impossible to bring ur fries to your seat without dropping some? well these days, no more!! i once supersized my fries and not even one fry passed the top of the container!!

I have suspicions that the burgers have become smaller as well.
How is it that during the years that I was growing i could never finish a mcdonald's meal, and now somedays it doesn't even fill the void that is my stomach?
BK whopper has never seemed so big in comparison until now.

Mcdonald's (especially the one on 41st and boulevard) has also constantly been "accidently" overcharging me and coming up short in change. More than TWICE i have noticed that i got an entire $5 short in change.

They have also constantly forgotten to give me straws and every so often to offer ketchup or sauce.

AND NOW!! THIS MORNING!!!
I CAN TAKE NO MORE!!!

if i knew how to link pictures i'd let the picture speak for itself...

I ordered a hotcake, a medium orange juice, and a hashbrown.
The medium orange juice is half the size it used to be from no more than a year ago, but i was already used to this.
I got home and opened my bag.
They didn't forget the straw or the hotcake syrup and butter, good.
They forgot to throw in some paper napkins, but i guess that's environmentally friendly.
Then I looked at my hashbrown,
the overpriced but delicious hashbrown that i was so looking forward to...

THERE WAS ONLY HALF A HASHBROWN IN THE LITTLE PAPER ENVELOPE!!!

HALF a hashbrown!!!

ladies and gentlemen, share my anger.
i must find a way to get back at mcdonald's...
(too bad i can't boycott them, there's not a lot of food choices in the middle of the night..)
posted by melody at 12/12/2004 02:15:00 a.m.

i've fallen in love...

with the fendi white zucca wallet
and white zucca handbag.

and the hot pink dior faux fur bag is starting to look appealing...
i like the dice.

ohhh and the new royal purple coach handbag...

*sigh*

i've developing all these strange new tastes in bags...
EXPENSIVE bags.... >___________<
posted by melody at 12/07/2004 05:19:00 p.m.

i am so sick of studying.
i haven't done this in too long.
i basically didn't attend the last 2 weeks of classes,
even tho i only have 2 mornings of classes per week. :p


still need to:

psych 366
-read chapter 11, complete mastery test
-review chapter 1-6
-take notes on everything
-memorize equations, theories, definitions, etc
-do sample exam

psych 360
-read chapter 9
-take notes on chapter 8-9
-review everything
-memorize everything
-explore cd-rom, take chapter quizzes
-prep for essay questions.


but i'm soooo sick of studying~~ lalala~
i'm past the point of panic, arriving at the point of nonchalance.

despite all i still need to do for 366,
and the fact that i only have less than 7 hours left
- that's assuming i don't sleep -
i feel pretty confident.
why is that?

lalala.



oh... i think it's the meds... =_________="
i'm a little out of it...
posted by melody at 12/07/2004 05:18:00 p.m.