WAHOOO!!!

i came online to check on some school-related stuff, thinking crap, it's 1 something and i've got class at 8, and i found out that i don't have class tmw!! WAHOOO!!! i dun think i need to go on thursday too, it's just 3 classes of review/question periods. :) but maybe i'll go... to one or two of em. we'll see. i haven't been in school for a week... wow. and i've done NOTHING... absolutely nothing. i read two scenes of the merchant of venice, but that essay isn't due till dec 26th... heh.

so now that i know i don't have class, i'm all slack... i'll probably reply some e-mails, read some more magazines, fall asleep...

i've been reading so many magazines lately. in the past half year i'm sure i've purchased more magazines than i ever have in the same period of time. i kinda wish they had 4 issues of cosmo every month, or that magazines like us weekly were cheaper... i'm always attracted to vogue and in style too but i don't get as much enjoyment out of them. mmm. i'm rambling pointlessly...

i've got one week till finals. i haven't studied at all, lalala. somehow i still manage to believe that i will do fine... maybe it's cuz i haven't had finals at the very beginning of the exam period before, so i can't smell the fear yet. or maybe i've had too little exams this term i'm too relaxed. maybe it's this regained overconfidence, which is gonna take its toil... :( i know a lot of ppl didn't like what they got on the last exams for my psych courses, even tho the class average was above average for both classes. these are very hard working and serious students... they will cram and get like 85% class average this timeor something, i know they will. that's gonna hurt me... i better cram.... but oh so lazy.... *mel dazes out again*

maybe i should stop tutoring ppl and hire myself someone to sit there and make me study.
posted by melody at 11/30/2004 05:36:00 p.m.

i have forgotten how to write "beautiful prose"
all i think about when i write essays now are
- content
- organization
- introduction, conclusion
- transitional sentences between paragraphs
- thesis statement
- topical opening sentences for paragraphs...

i've forgotten all about similies and metaphors and personification...
i just wrote 3000 words for my term paper (i'm not done it, this is scary), with ONE similie in it... that's all the figurative language i've got in there. and i felt silly for putting it in too, the whole paper sounds so solemn and serious, i felt ridiculous for allowing that similie to stay.

when did i become such a BORING writer...

i think being in the science faculty is bad for me.
sometimes when i think about issues, i don't know if it's me talking or my education talking... is there a difference?

since when did my brain become accustomed to rational and logical thinking?

o-e... i hate my essay, i wanna delete all 3000 of those senseless words. or i could just patch up some poorly connected paragraphs and start concluding the damn thing already.... 3000 words and still not at the conclusion... so THIS is what happens to me when the prof doesn't set a word limit...
posted by melody at 11/18/2004 03:50:00 p.m.

would you be there for me when i need you?

of course, of course, they replied

but where are they now?

i blindly reach out and grasp desparately around me in the darkness
but my fingers only close on air

after a while i let my arms drop

despairingly

i stare into space

and fade... fade away.
posted by melody at 11/12/2004 03:30:00 a.m.

wait...
how can i be highly avoidant but also highly dependent?
although that does makes sense to me... hmm.
posted by melody at 11/11/2004 06:05:00 p.m.

when i was studying personality disorders last term i was thinking about which ones i'd qualify for... and thinking it must be just medical student syndrome or my melodramatic nature...

but A-HA!! i was almost completely right!
("almost" b/c i turns out i underestimated my sickness)

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html

posted by melody at 11/11/2004 05:47:00 p.m.

i'm fading...

正確的說, 這幾年以來我都在慢慢消失
跟老朋友見面不會懷念 因為老朋友們已不像老朋友了
可是仍念舊的固執的執著的排斥新的面孔

只有那些已離的不可能再更遠的
但卻在下次見面時一點也不生疏的
讓我真正的懷念

懷念, 也負載著歉疚

變了 變了 變了 變了
與其說我變了 不如說, ｆａｄｅｄ．．．

我很想念我自己 卻似乎再也追不回來了

posted by melody at 11/11/2004 05:08:00 p.m.