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Tuesday, September 30, 2003
i'm somehow not tired...
maybe this is what happens when u study something u're (somewhat) interested in. although i'm not terribly estatic about neuroanatomy, it sure beats molecular biol or organic chem... somehow i'm keeping up w/ myself.. i managed to finish cleaning the house, finish studying for biol, finish studying for biopsyc, and still spent time w/ dad... we went to eat dinner at fukuroku after i picked him up from the airport. today let's see if i can fit in classes, time w/ dad, sleep, study, and tutoring... heh well... even tho i'm fully awake i oughta go to bed and just let my brain relax... this is so weird tho... i'm used to being all stressed out and tense and at the edge of sanity before midterms/finals, thinking i'm gonna fail... this is... this feels like... highschool tests... i'm more excited than afraid... hmm. nice. let's hope i do good tmw so i can keep my newly found confidence. Monday, September 29, 2003
tv is gonna be the ruin of me.
i watched 'it could happen to you' and a bit of 'you've got mail' and right now i'm trying to not watch 'sleepless in seattle'. >< didn't do any studying today yet, unsurprisingly... last night i had a dream that i was shopping in this expensive store, i think it was hills, and i instinctively knew that everything there was expensive... but i found a stack of quarter sleeve baseball t's that were on sale for $10... so i was trying to pick a color, except i wanted all the colors... and i ended up buying a black sleeve and a green sleeve one for myself and blue sleeved ones for claire and her sister... the blue sleeves were the same color blue as my nail polish right now, heh. so... i woke up really wanting a lot of quarter sleeve baseball shirts... so i'm gonna see if i can buy a lot of em from david... since his company gets them and prints stuff on them for ppl... wonder if it'll be a lot of work tho... if he'd have to put in an order and fill out forms or what-not... got up at 4pm today and went to eat at i-cafe w/ buubuu, then we hanged around and didn't do anything... went to get gelato across the street around 8:30 and he went to play bball and i've been doing laundry and watching tv... i wonder what other gelato shops have raspberry cheesecake flavour? mondo gelato doesn't have it... and the gelato shop across the street isn't that good... hmm. they have it in a store in granville island but they ran out the last time i went.. :p ........................................ i dun wanna go study... :( Sunday, September 28, 2003
i'm getting pretty lazy about having meals...
which might be a good thing cuz i'm losing a little weight... probably b/c i haven't been eating meat lately. dad's coming on monday night... he just all of a sudden decided, cuz he needs to pick up his PR card... he has like 10 other dates to pick it up but he's coming now cuz he has to go away on business for 6 weeks later and doesn't know if blah blah blah... so... he's coming for a week, and it just happens to be the week that i'm most busy for this entire semester. -___-" (or maybe the week w/ the chem midterm..) anyway, the point is, he's using up the last of his vacation days to come for a week when i won't be able to really spend time with him... :( hopefully i'll push myself to study real hard today and monday so i can spend more time w/ him... so... what have i been doing lately? not that u'd care, but i'm gonna go ahead and list em... friday sleep sleep sleep till it was time to go to public relations meeting at tim horton's at 7:30pm. carmen from pg is in PR now, and 3 more new girls. we're now an all girl department... interesting. need to find a LOT of money this year... probably the busiest year for PR since the first year of CASS... cuz we have to find money for sports + activities + drama this year, and get sponsors in january when the new mall opens too... if we renew sponsors in april then it'll really be the most work ever, heh. oh well... being busy is good sometimes. i still think about getting a real part-time job, like applying to starbucks... but i know that that would really interfere w/ my studies so i can't... :p hanged w/ dewi till it was time to go watch 'underworld' at RC... it was a pretty good movie... not as good as the trailer led me to believe, but i like any movie w/ vampires and accents and fast cars... it took me a looong time to remember what other movies kate beckinsale was in, and it turned out that it was b/c her other characters were so different... (she was in pearl harbour and serendipity). went home and i don't remember what i did... probably just wasted time as usual... watched tv or something. saturday slept till late afternoon, went to pick up mail from the post-office and walked over to starbucks to study abnormal psyc. i was there for nearly 2 hours but it seems like i didn't get much done... just some reading and started doing questions in the workbook. i figured out that i'm missing the cd-rom that was supposed to come w/ the textbook. >< that's ok tho... i don't really have time for it... went to eat pho in richmond by myself, then got home and wasted some more time... just watched some tv and then finally studied some more abnormal psyc... heard that csu's bball tournament went pretty well... still wish i could've went to see tho... sounded like there were like reeeally good moments... >< had a weird dream last night... well i have a lot of weird dreams, but last night's is kinda still in my memory. i think i married some guy who lived in a big empty mansion and who had a little son who didn't like me... the guy i married never appeared in my dream but i remember walking down the huge staircase in the big white mansion and getting food to eat and his son not liking me, haha. the son resembled david's brother, which makes a lot of sense... then we had a huge party at the mansion, and i walked outside and oddly the only thing that was colored in my dream was the grass outside... i was talking to emily and linda and i spotted this guy i used to like in gr6 and he looked almost exactly the same except a little older, as signified by a little beard stub... haha. it was a funny dream... now that i'm thinking more about it, i think in the dream i felt like i was trapped in a life that i didn't really want to live in... all that emptiness in the mansion and the excess of light on the huge staircase, and there was a huge half-transparent blind that was blown around by the wind that blocked my view of outside... and i remember that i felt so much more relaxed when i went to the kitchen to get food cuz somehow it was dark and kinda clustered... hmm. was talking to winnie about how there should be a dream interpretation course and what i would teach if i were to conduct such a course... there SHOULD be a dream interpretation 101!! :p maybe i'll get my hands on a copy of 'dreams for dummies' sometime. i started reading it but forgot and had to return it to the library years ago... but then i tell myself that i'm gonna read a lot of books... there's still a lot on my bookshelf that i'm supposed to read... including alias grace, lolita, emma, and the english patient... *sigh* and oh.. i wanted to read 'tis... it's the sequel to angela's ashes... is that the right word? sequel? or does 'sequel' only apply to movies? hmm. can cope w/ studying this week... but then i'm not making time for catching up in biol and chem... so i'm gonna be overwhelmed when those midterms come... >< i remember in biol 140 everyone dreaded the final lab report that had to follow basic APA style rules and was to be 1400-2000 words... well now i have to write two 20-25 page report for psyc 260... and a 1000 one for biol 200... *sigh* scientific writing sucks... i shouldn't complain cuz apparently i'm good at it, cuz it's following a very strict style and they expect very specific things, kinda like highschool essays... but... still... that's a LOT of writing... and i hate proof-reading enough as it is... having to proof-read a 20 page report several times is just gonna drive me over the edge. x___X" well. ok. enough ranting for one day... i actually feel like studying right now, but i'll just screw up my sleeping schedule even more and screw myself over for the midterms... so this girl is gonna go to bed. may u all have funny, illogical dreams about being a huge mansion that makes u feel like u're wearing a tight corset. Saturday, September 27, 2003
o...k... i'm back again...
i actually logged on and then off again in the past two minutes... i was about to turn off my comp... and i use windows xp, and when the turning off computer window appeared, the desktop background turned into black and white... and maybe it does that everytime, just that i always click "shut off computer" fast so i've never seen it... but... u see, my desktop background is of this sunny beach w/ clear blue water and blue skies... i dunno... it just... scared me when that dimmed into black and white... i'm fussing... i shouldn't fuss. i should go to sleep...
well... i'm here... but i'm too tired to actually say anything... *yawn*
i'll just leave u with something funny. (wrong, but funny) me and dewi were driving to richmond center today and while we were waiting for a red light two teenage girls ran across the street giggling obnoxiously, and dewi said "probably get hit by a car..." and we laughed. then the girl tripped and fell, and dewi said: "oh my god, she fell! and her butt crack's showing! ...and that old guy is staring at it!" and we laughed even harder. maybe u had to be there... Friday, September 26, 2003
i don't like ppl who act all constipated and just wait for u to ask what's wrong
i don't like ppl who can't shut up about themselves (except in a blog setting of course, since u're supposed to be talking about urself) i don't like ppl who won't shut up in class i don't like ppl who are insincere i don't like ppl who only do things cuz they expect to be rewarded i don't like ppl who are all talk i don't like people. Thursday, September 25, 2003
i'm just saying...
it's not easy, u know? wednesday stayed in bed and the sofa the entire day till 9pm... went to eat at suishyaya w/ buubuu... then home again... don't feel like studying, as per usual... but... o-e. i don't feel like doing anything... school seems bearable now that i don't try to go to biol anymore... i mean, it's not that bad to wake up for biopsyc, since i got my 2 hours sleep afterwards, and then chem is like "what the hell is he talking about" but since it's not test time yet i'm not so concerned... then i get a break and then psyc... so... not bad... i just need to find something to do during my break after chem... i'm too zoned out to study but there isn't anything else to do... will i spend all of those breaks just sitting on a bench feeding the birds? -_____-" haven't told mom and dad about the new scratch on the car or the ticket yet... don't want to deal... i guess i don't want to deal w/ a lot of stuff right now... which isn't a good idea cuz knowing me i'll let it pile up and then i'll panic... *yawn* not today. not tonight. there's always at least two ways to think about things... i could think that i just have to make it thru 5.5 hours of class time tmw, then it's the weekend, or i could think that i've barely got enough time to study for the 2 midterms and quiz tmw AND keep up with organic chem... i think i'll take route one. Wednesday, September 24, 2003
I found a website that provides free english exercises, like grammer or diction... yay, 100% in everything, cept for the idioms section... >< i'm learning, i'm learning.
been preparing tutor material... i should just spend a couple hours at once organizing enough grammer exercises and provincial questions for the next few months... but i always get tired of typing. :p i ought to take up a second tutoring job... things i wish to pay for w/ my own money: (i've probably listed all of these before...) 1. speeding ticket 2. fixing car scratches, dents 3. want hair cut n professional hair color 4. part of tuition 5. skitrip 6. car mods (i'm never gonna get to this part. *sigh*) was so tired on tuesday morning, even tho i didn't bother getting up for biol... zoned out a little bit in biopsyc, but didn't miss anything important, phew... it's so much easier to concentrate in class when u're interested in the material - something i didn't get to experience in 1st year. went home and slept for a full 2 hours instead of studying for biopsyc quiz like i should... luckily we got out of chem early (esp b/c i forgot to bring my notes so i had to write a lot down). there didn't seem to be anywhere to go during that break, i ended up sitting on a bench near north parkade kinda studying for biopsyc and feeding my bread to the birds.. the pigeons never get to eat much cuz the crows are so mean.. and a sea gull came and took all the big crumbs, heh. they were entertaining... even tho i hate birds in principle... got sick of studying so i went up to the office and ended up cleaning it... i cleared up all the stuff that got mixed during clubs day... so now the cass section is pretty organized, just a lot of stuff that need ppl to take home... but the half of the office that now belongs to dance horizons is still a total mess, and it sucks like hell b/c their half is the half near the door, so the first thing ppl see if they open the cass door is a huge mess.... not very good, as u can imagine... grrr... i wanna repaint the office loh... clean the window, paint the room something light, like light blue, or some color that'll make it look bigger... get a better shelf, etc... but... i don't think anyone will help me do that... haha... it's so much work, cuz u gotta move everything out and clean and scrub and then protect the floors and fill in the holes in the wall and paint and wait for it to dry and move everything back into the room... >< did ok on my psyc quiz, so far i think i got 18/20. i knew something was wrong when i identified the structure at station 8 as thalamus and then wrote the same answer for the structure at station 9... heh. we learned the horribly tedious rules of APA style writing, then spent half an hour staring at the cage waiting for the rats to start humping... haha we need to know and be able to identify the actions rats do when they have sex so that we can quantify them in our experiments later on... but the rats were experiencing sexual burnout from humping all day or something so nothing happened... well one rat was starting to dry-hump (i forgot the real term for this, but it looked a lot like dry humping), but... he gave up for whatever reasons... i'm guessing it's b/c when it started doing that, the TA removed the other pair of rats from the cage so that we could see better, and the dry-humping rat lost his interest cuz he thought he could engage in some sort of orgy... hmm. it's a probable theory, cuz he and the female rat stopped and started looking up... heh went to dinner w/ emily at yamakiya after class, lucky for me she was studying in the library... we went to the superstore afterwards cuz i wanted to get another foldable chair for my balcony, but all the ones left were broken. i'm serious, ALL of them were broken.. -___-" so i'll still have to fight over the comfy chair w/ buubuu when we go on the balcony... haha~ i ended up buying coke instead. feel so weird, go to superstore just to buy coke... came home, tried to read psyc, watched tv, then have been doing various things on the internet... oh, i took notes for biol for unit 4, but it doesn't really count as productive work cuz i was just copying it off the web and i didn't really understand it. *sigh* two psyc midterms coming up next week... not at all nervous about the abnormal psyc one, but i know i'm gonna have to start studying for the biopsyc one real soon cuz there's SOOO much to memorize... >___< o-e... i let myself stay up till nearly 4am again, this is not good... i SHOULD be going to biol class... guess i'll make myself go to bed now... i hate self-discipline. Tuesday, September 23, 2003
aww... and it started out as such a nice day...
so let me start from the beginning... did english and looked at biol a little last night before getting bored so i watched tv till 5am.. watched 'drop dead gorgeous' again, it's such a good movie. couldn't make myself get up in the morning so i didn't go to the biopsyc optional tutorial as i had planned... i hope i'll be able to identify the brain structures on my own later... it's not like i can pull it out and ask someone "does that look like the genu to u?" got up and looked thru the class notes for an hour, ate some instant noodles and went to class... i somehow got to class in 10 minutes today... from starting the engine to turning off the engine after parking... so amazing... come to think of it i didn't have to wait for any lights... the biol quiz turned out ok, i think i passed, maybe a little better than passed, depends on how the TA is gonna mark it... then went to visit oyama w/ jenny roz shao and winnie.. we sat in her back garden and there were so many insects, eee. heh heh... but there was also an apple tree!!! i want an apple tree for my future home... it's sad to see the looks on my highschool teachers faces when i tell them that i'm not actually doing so well in highschool... they look like they think i'm kidding, and when i say i'm not kidding they say something that expresses that they think i'm talking about getting B's.. no, i tell u, i have D's now!! >< went home and watched tv... watched "great expectations", it was so good! totally unlike what i thought it was gonna be... although i'm not sure if the movie was good b/c it was really good or just b/c ethan hawke is too awesome to be true... the storyline wasn't clear enough actually... the characters weren't developed enough... but omg ethan hawke! heh heh. i still dun like gwneth paltrow... went to find buubuu and we went to fukuroku again, and for the first time i managed to stop myself from ordering too much food, heh. then we went to sky cafe for a while, looked at amazing car magazines... there was this feature of a C-one celica that was almost the exact replica of my dream celica, except i would opt for TRD side body kit and a different spoiler... but everything else in that car was exactly the way i would want it... so nice... drove buubuu home (or he drove my car to his house)... he was going 100km/hr on marine dr... u will see the significance of this later... so i left his house and decided to take the long way home, namely on the highway into ubc and through chancellce (?) blvd and out to w. 4th ave... i usually go around 120-140 on chancellce blvd... and i was, until i started to think that the headlights in the opposite lane don't seem to be moving... so i jammed on my brakes... but too late... i got pulled over! >< didn't display N sign - 80 something didn't display renewed insurance sticker - 50 something 98km/hr in 60 zone - 300 something >___________________<" luckily, the officer bought my bullshit of "N sign stolen, i thought my insurance expires on the 24th, isn't this an 80 zone?" so i only got a speeding ticket of $173... yay... so... i'm pretty content... since i purposely took a long route to drive fast... and it's already ~$300 less than what it would've been... yay... and i'm also glad that i didn't tint my windows, or get HID lights, and that i turned out my blasting stereo first... i'm thankful... i'm thankful.. but of course remorseful that i can't do something else w/ my first tutoring paycheck. >< so lemmie see, unexpected expenses so far this year... need to repair paint chip/scratch/dents - ~$400-$600 speeding ticket $173 ok... bye bye ski trip... Monday, September 22, 2003
was feeling sick again, but today (sunday) was ovreall a good day spent w/ buubuu~
we hanged out at my house for quite a while, then went to eat dinner w/ his family at fukuroku~ then we went to his house for ice cream and i studied his hw... now i'm home.. need to finish up hw and studying.. quite a lot to be done, but i don't feel like doing anything... >< i'm supposed to: read/do english study sheep brain study for biol quiz/catch up on bio notes major studying for chem and some studying for psych... that's too much... i wanna go watch tv... >< biol quiz is only 2% anyway... and psych is only 5%...... heh heh Sunday, September 21, 2003
i'm... so... tired...
i guess i really wore myself out over the past week w/o really realizing it.. lemmie try to backtrack a little... tuesday first time skipping biol - just couldn't get up at all... had a pretty tiring day at school since i didn't get any sleep during my breaks... went to david's house afterwards and had a nasty argument b/c he was being homophobic to an unreasonable degree and i swore at him in front of his siblings, which he thought was inappropriate... although if anyone else was being that much of a bastard i probably would've scratched his eyeballs out... got really fustrated that entire night cuz it just seemed like there were so many irreconcilable differences btwn me and david that neither of us would likely ever change... i knew all that all along but i guess for a couple hours on tuesday night i let it sink in and i saw that theoretically and statistically and realistically our relationship could never work... but life is better when u're dreaming.... so i went to sleep on tuesday night and i'm gonna keep dreaming that things will work out somehow. wednesday got violently sick for apparently no reason starting in the wee hours of the morning... it felt like i was horribly sea sick... i was dizzy and weak and felt like puking and had hot/cold flashes... i'm guessing it was a combination of being too tired too sad and getting cold and smoking too much at once... spent the day in bed instead of going to ubc to help out on clubs day, then went to tutor at night... it rained pretty hard when i was coming home and i went to no.3 rd to get dinner and a benz (i think E class) almost crashed into me... didn't shoulder check or something. but the car was almost right next to me... i suppose the driver just didn't check at all... pish. now i'm permanently haunted, don't like to pass cars anymore... there's no telling when they're just gonna randomly cut into ur lane while u're right next to them... thursday tiring, tiring day... couldn't get up for biol again (or figured it wouldn't be worth it, really)... spent the entire 3 hour break helping out at the club booth... negotiated w/ the chess club to switch booths w/ us the next day, altho we didn't end up taking it... but it proved i'm good at haggling, haha... rushed to chem and since it was organic chemistry i lost my appetite and barely ate any of my bagel... went back to the booth till we packed up and grabbed mcdonald's w/ jenny and roz before going to abnormal psyc class... it was the best lecture i've ever attended... not that there were any special presentations or anything, it was just the material and the discussions and the way the prof presented it, talking about proposed theories for mental illness and proposed treatments from past to present... i wanted to start a drive where ppl donate money and time to repaint the shabby mental institutions in the city... but... kinda lost the enthusiasm now... none of the ppl who've heard my idea responded positively... society's just weird like that i guess... it's like, ppl feel sorry for cancer patients but don't want to talk to them cuz what would u say, right... and they feel sorry for aids patients but wouldn't exactly wanna give them a reassuring hug... and then they just don't seem to feel sorry for mental patients at all cuz hey, crazy ppl don't have feelings.... (i'm being sarcastic..) was somehow hyper after class... it was too cold to do anything tho, so i just went home... watched tv, etc... got an e-mail saying we needed to wear dark pants for the icebreaker so i ended up mending the length of my new jeans till 3am... it's a little crooked... but not noticeably... ai, have to re-sew it again someday. friday got up at 8 something to go 'fight' for a booth on the main floor... after much work we got one, yay! i originally agreed to go help get a spot in the morning and then i was gonna sleep till it was time for ice breaker, but i ended up staying for the entire day... i must've talked to... i dunno... 50-100 ppl... or more probably... by the end of clubs day i couldn't really hear my voice anymore, and i had the whole 'introducing the club' speech pretty much memorized in all three languages, haha~ didn't sign up as many members as i'd hoped... but... i definetly tried 110%... so... i guess that's good enough... i actually signed someone up who joined b/c she wanted to learn more about chinese art and culture and was genuinely interesting in the stone engraving workshop, heh heh... maybe this year for the first time a non-exec will attend the workshop... haha~ j/king went home and passed out for the greater part of an hour and came back for the ice breaker, which seemed amazingly long... played some... really... weird games... haha... our group pretty much came last in everything... for the first event we were supposed to make a tower out of newspaper and tape that would support a ping-pong ball as high as possible, and the 'engineers' in our group decided it would be a good idea to roll a giant pole that is supposed to miraculously stand on its own and not bend... haha... the groups that ended up coming first and second were the ones that used triangular support bases like i proposed... -__- that's about the only thing i learned from science 9's spaghetti bridge contest, haha~ (that's about all i learned in science 9, come to think of it) anyway.... i thought the ice breaker was kinda successful... turned out better than i imagined anyway, cuz last year's ice breaker was.... eh... yes... haha~ by the end of the day i felt like i should be a 'language coordinator' instead of PR exec... and maybe continue jap classes? hahaha went to dinner at venus w/ laurence deborah leon jenny jenny lam david kwok and a couple other ppl whose names i forgot... i suck at names, i really do. (and especially on a day where i've talked to over 100 ppl.......) it was funny, the 'old' ppl on one side of the table and 18 yr-old arts ppl on another side... aww, i'm 19 and in science and stuck in the middle, haha. at least the ppl whose names i forgot thought cutting up rat brains in labs was cool. (for ONCE somebody didn't respond w/ a grimace!! heh) went to the dance at blox afterwards w/ some cass ppl, techniquely... music sucked... not a lot of ppl... david stank... heh. we ended up leaving when the music got good... oh well.... was kinda out of it all day cuz i was really drop-dead tired,. but being busy felt so good i didn't wanna stop... went to bubble tea w/ jenny, then finally got home... still stayed up for a while... saturday been tired all day, but i still made myself get up at 1pm cuz i didn't wanna screw up my sleeping and not be able to wake up for biopsyc. i think i'm gonna give up biol classes, haha... they're pretty useless anyway. didn't do much today cept hang out w/ buubuu.. went to eat at whitespot then fell asleep for a while when david was doing his chem homework... felt sick again, woke up quite a few times cuz my throat and head was hurting... the second time i woke up i got up and started trying to help david w/ his chem hw.... it all seems easy cuz it seemed like stuff we sorta covered in highschool, but it turned out pretty hard... somehow i just couldn't get the redox balancing right.. >< ended up getting 7/16 on the assignment, heh... then we went to eat at glouchester... then home... i watched tv and david said he puked out red stuff...... but he didn't eat anything red... >< and... o...k.... i'm.. tired... barely thinking anymore... hope i can seriously get some work done tmw, quizzes!! OWW... i've been leaning my leg on the back of my chair, on which is my jacket, and my leg was pressed on the zipper and now there's a really really really deep purple mark where the zipper was pressed in.. oww.... my skin isn't bouncing back!! getting so old... what happened to the days when i could go for 48 hours w/o any sleep?? i remember there was once i went for 72 hours w/ just a couple hours of shut-eye... now i can't focus on anything if i stay awake for 24 hours... >___< Saturday, September 20, 2003
*sing along using alanis morrissette's "hands in my pocket"
i'm beat but i'm hyper i'm stuck but i'm still holding out i'm screwed but i'm really not so i must be crazy, baby~ i'm so tired, and my voice sounds distinctly different than the way it sounded yesterday.... but... this kind of tiredness is nice... beats studying for chem, anyway. ;p updates about club days n activities tmw. (or... in a few hours... need to crash) Thursday, September 18, 2003
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced
altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "Everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." The woman below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going or what you are doing. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now somehow, it's my fault." -- source unknown Tuesday, September 16, 2003
i think i rather enjoy wasting my time doing unnecessary things. for example, i have been somewhat productive today - i organized my papers, my bookshelf, cleared off my desk, read some text, copied and organized notes...
but all i did was really unnecessary compared to what i should really have been doing - actual studying, club work, insurance papers, passport applications, car-maintenance. woke up just in time to go to class, hurriedly got a garlic and oil bagel w/ cream cheese and ate it hastily as i fast-walked to biol tutorial... the tutorial is kinda useless, if the TA wasn't cute i would probably hate myself for going to school for an hour on monday just to be bored out of my mind... the tutorial is also good for another thing tho - everyone i meet seems to have a better idea of what's going on than me. that intimidates me and motivates me to study. i think i need a little more motivation than that tho, cuz... it's not really working yet... asked about 7 ppl to go to hang out or study w/ me after class, but everyone was tired or busy or sick... i was gonna go home but i knew i'd just waste my time, so i went to starbucks to try and study some biol... the new starbucks (well, month-old now) on broadway and stephens is nice... little ppl, comfy seats... comfy sofa seats... they had a table that was kinda desk-like and perfect for studying too, but i opted for comfiness instead... i ended up re-reading sections of the text that i didn't understand but weren't terribly important, made up my mind about how i was gonna organize my notes, cuz the material for the course is just scattered EVERYWHERE... we have a whole bunch of stuff online that we're supposed to look at, that links to ten thousand pages so u can't just print it all... we have the purchased printed out content modules, we've got class notes that are almost exactly the same as the outlines online that were not provided in the printed copy, we've got readings from the biol 112 manual, we've got readings from the current text, we've got strongly recommended readings from the old text... GRRR... just b/c our prof is super nice doesn't make up for the fact that his course is poorly organized... anyway. i stayed for about an hour i think... sat outside for a smoke afterwards but no interesting ppl walked by, shucks, heh heh. went to safeway to buy some food to eat as lunch... then went home, watched tv, tried to clean up my room... went to buubuu's at night and then we went to sky to have bubble tea, tho i spent most of the time copying notes.. it isn't as grand as it sounds, i was just copying lecture notes (that are online too) into my notebook so i can have it all in one place... and hopefully to reinforce my understanding and memorization... o-e. used the new c.a.s.s. card for the first time, yay.... it's interesting... to be using a sponsor card at a store which i got to sponsor... i dunno.. it's just interesting. i feel like i tricked them or something. been home and cleaned my desk somewhat and have been copying notes again.. kinda pointless... need to lay out my plans for the rest of this week tho: tmw - spend all day in school. either tutor at night or go renew sponsors...? *doubtful* wednesday - try to get up early to passport office in richmond, visit as many sportsmart locations as i can to get sponsor stuff, meet w/ apartment/car insurance broker at 11am, if i'm still alive, go help out at clubs day booth til 5pm, go home, collapse, get up, do biol pretest, study chem, read psyc 300. thursday - school all day w/ booth instead of 3 hour break. go home at 7:30pm, collapse. friday - booth, 10am-5pm. ice breaker, 5pm-7:30pm. dance? *doubtful* weekend - try to lock myself up somewhere to STUDY, seriously, exams coming up.. already... that's so sad. Monday, September 15, 2003
tried to study and work all day, but i'm just gonna give up now.
i'm not in the mood. that's not a valid excuse, since i'm rarely in the mood to study anymore, but fuck it.. now i figure that the balcony is good in the winter, even tho it catches all the wind. it gets too cold... too cold to be sad. re: maslow's hierarchy of needs. sat outside deleting numbers from my cell. 14 less ppl i'll talk to. felt a strange compulse to click on 'erase all'... what's the use anyway? Sunday, September 14, 2003
oh yes, one more thing i forgot to blog...
i periodically re-take thespark.com's purity test, and i've gone from 63% pure from a couple years ago to 51% this feburary... but i took the test again a couple days ago and now i'm 49% pure. this kinda sucks... i don't remember doing anything that would make me less pur in the past 7 months... ><
feeling all weird and stuff... probably b/c i was in bed the entire day from period pain and slept too much...
so it's a good thing i didn't do the speakeasy job, otherwise i would've had to endure an entire day of training while going thru excrutiating pain... took 3 pain killers... my self-set limit is 4 extra strength tylenols per day... i slept thru most of friday cuz i was all tired after thinking, and i woke up mid-afternoon with an AWFUL headache on my left front... or my left hemisphere frontal brain in anterior direction or something, haha... psyc 260 terminology... it eventually spreaded to my entire head too, sucks... put on a hat and went to GM meeting... so little ppl were there! i couldn't remember who was supposed to be there tho... it's been a long time since i've seen the CASS ppl i think... meeting was surprisingly uninforming... the only thing i found out was that we're supposed to dress up as school girls for the ice breaker. i mean white shirts and plaid skirts... eee... i'm having trouble finding a white skirt and plaid skirt... but i think i'll look convincing enough in a striped white shirt and knee-length black skirt, cuz i have bubble-socks.. haha i became member # 10027. i kinda wanted 10227, but we're not quite on the 200's yet... heh. hmm 10027 is pretty good... and our gifts are good too, two diff folders and a cute dog keychain thing... which was really cute but not very practical in my point of view... another good thing came out of the meeting - we're gonna have baseball t-shirt club t's, and david's gonna get to print them! so that means i get good-looking club t-shirt, and david earns some more money. yay~~ heh heh went to eat in downtown afterwards. it was a little weird b/c i thought that everyone was going to dinner so i said i'll go, but it turned out it was only laurence, deborah, ben, jenny, and I. (i'm starting to learn to say __ and I instead of 'me and ___'). it turned ok good tho... we were gonna go to guu but they didn't wanna wait so we got to go to kintaro!! YEAH!!! finally got to go there... the ramen was good... really good, in vancouver standards... we talked a lot about food... it seems all there is to talk about in the club is hk and food. oh... considering that, i should be happy we talked about food, not hk... haha went back to jenny's house after dinner and we sat around watching the boringest chinese tv ever for a while, then i went to sit in david's car and hang out for a short short while, then went home... did various things and slept really late again... saturday as i mentioned i was in bed all day... david came around 6pm amd i weakly lifted a shaking finger to say hi... so sad, haha. ate some mcdonald's and started to feel better tho. he was kinda sick today too so we just lied in bed and talked in that pointless way couples do... flipped thru the guinnes book for a while till i got too tired to prop myself up on elbows... haha~ it was a really nice 4 hours we spent together. :) we didn't argue AT ALL until david disrupted my recording of tv, but then we didn't argue either cuz i didn't wanna get mad over small stuff and ruin the perfect mood~ i should feel this way more. haha so THANK YOU BUUBUU, for being so nice to me. :) went to totoro to find roz winnie jenn jenny jim and hendra~ kinda boring but not in a bad way... spent the entire time flipping thry magazines and watching them play some sort of airplane chess game... went outside for a smoke and walked around looking at all the stores w/ sponsor stickers, haha. i know it's not my responsibility to cover alexandra road sponsors, but i know that if i don't do it no one will and we'll just have no sponsors in the most important area... ai... gonna see if i have time and energy to go do that tmw... but i might have to tutor tmw, and duh, seriously gotta study... *sigh* *yawn*... don't think i have energy to type anymore. oh..one more thing... it hit me sometime last night that all the ppl in cass seem to be concerned about sponsors, but all they really care about is whether or not the stores that they like are sponsoring us... that's why all of them ask about specific stores, not the big picture like how many sponsors have we got and which areas aren't covered... pish... kinda annoying when u've personally been going around talking to stores u've never been in before and worrying about it not being enough... oh well... that's PR work for u. every department has their own woes i suppose. Saturday, September 13, 2003
HAHAHA! finally, the best analysis of my name EVER:
MELODY -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From the German root meaning "Licker of Toads" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Expression melody is a pathological liar. Personality melody never stops testing the limits of your patience. Natural melody is weak of spirit. Emotional melody hates happy people. Character melody uses violence as a means of self-expression. Physical melody could use some penicillin. Mental melody once killed a man for snoring too loud. Motivation melody likes to cause mental and physical pain. courtesy of triggur.org Friday, September 12, 2003
finally decided that i can't do the speakeasy thing cuz i can't imagine being this tired every night...
however, now that i've made that decision, i have this illusion of being really free, and as a result i've been here listening to old cds on headphones and talking intermittently on icq... but now winnie's gone to sleep it's just music... i think i'm in desparate need of conversation... living alone is just too much quiet time... which explains the whole talking-to-myself-out-loud thing... lately i've been lapsing and talking to myself out loud in public when i'm walking around sometimes.. haha... not really good for my image, but it helps cuz most of the time i'm reminding myself what i'm supposed to do... tho i know it just sounds like crazy mutterings... "u gotta go to the library first..." "i wonder where the u-pass thing is..." "oh there's an acg guy, need to avoid him..." "can't just walk around him, that's kinda mean..." "just... wear ur evil look!" "and stop talking to self.." "oh yeah.. right..." aiiii! i'm bored, i feel like writing essays for some crazy-ass reason... maybe i've just gone too long w/o writing a formal essay... yeah i realize that sounds sick to most ppl. :p maybe i'll go write some sample provincial essays for tutoring... or... just fish out my old ones... after all i can't just write a paper and assign a mark, ie tell my tutor student that 'this' is a '6' paper... ***boastful remark deleted*** i've been considering whether or not i should ask my psyc prof this question that's been bugging me... how come schizophrenic ppl (the ones w/ 'positive' symptoms) exhibit such specific 'hallucinations'? it's nearly always that the person is the target of some unknown voice that devours secrets to the individual, usually about some sort of conspiracy or invasion, and the person feels like a martyr, and feels like ppl are spying on them... i mean, why are the hallucinations so specific and consistent among schizophrenic patients? after all, there's no specific spot in the brain to damage that will illicit these exact hallucinations, and it's unlikely that schizophrenia will affect the same few spots in the brain of every patient that illicits this type of hallucination... the reason i don't wanna ask the psyc prof is b/c if they asked me "well what do u think causes these specific hallucinations?" i'd have to answer: "well maybe there IS some big conspiracy out there, and these select individuals can hear it, and the reason for frontal lobe brain damage is b/c receptor devices have been implanted and that's why they can hear the voices, and they're really tapping in on all these secrets, and we're calling them crazy and putting them on medication and making them doubt themselves..." and.. that wouldn't be a very good argument to pose in front of your psychology prof... the biopsyc prof might reconsider my admission to the major, and the abnormal psyc prof as winnie said might ask me to make an appointment for therapy, hahaha~ :p
lemmie update about the past couple days first...
my psyc lab seems to be fun, i've got three TA's, one's really nice and helpful, one's got a stoner/boarder look, one's a honger. amazing, it's a honger TA!!! heh. uhh... they can't track my blog down by e-mail, can they???? haha anyway, psyc lab seems like it's gonna be real fun, learning and marks aside... we're gonna work on sheep brains, observe rats having sex, and other interesting stuff. the ppl from my class seem to have come from all provinces of canada and other countries too... ie russia, taiwan... i almost feel like i'm in some sort of elite class where a bunch of ppl come together to learn something they're all interested in... and it just made me question even more how the hell i got into that class... haha. dun have much academic self-confidence nowadays. so right now i've got my sheep brain lying on my desk in a ziplock bag.. i'm supposed to study the parts so i can dissect it next class... which i already know, i guess i just brought it home cuz it's not everyday u get to bring home a sheep brain. haha~ i was gonna put it in a glass jar to annoy buubuu, but decided that's too mean... wednesday i was relatively productive, i studied some biol, read over all the introductory/overview material for all 'my' courses, corrected emily's essay, prepared provincial material for tutoring, worked on mom's PR card application stuff... went to david's for moon festival dinner, tho i suspect i only got invited cuz his relatives cancelled, haha. whatever tho... dinner was good... but i got a bit allergic, i think it was from either the big shrimp or the abalone... it's really sad to be allergic to abalone... went to tutoring afterwards, spent most of the time doing capp assignments again... i dun think i ever did so much writing in CAPP. or... actually now i think about it i did, it just... didn't take me nearly 1/10 as long... :p realized i have a LOT to teach in provincial prep... -____-" david's right, it wouldn't really be my responsibility if my student ends up failing eng 12, but i'd feel partly responsible, and bad, like i wasn't a good enough teacher... but hey i know that's untrue!! hahaha but then u know... what u know and how u feel... not always the same. tutoring was from 9:30-11:30, so i didn't get home till 12am... went to bed a bit late, esp cuz i had trouble falling asleep... i'm still used to have my mind racing at 2am... i produced my best work during 2-4am man... haha was really tired on thursday... i was actually able to get to biol class on time, but i decided i'll get breakfast instead.. so i got a plain bagel w/ cream cheese and hot chocolate and OMG so yummy... i'm gonna have breakfast every tues and thurs now and just be late for biol, i don't understand any of it anyway. hahaha i was totally lost for the material in biol tho... biopsyc was alright today, we listened to a lot of case studies again, which is always interesting... that's what's great about psyc class... u're interested in the funny brain parts ppl decide to cut, or the bizarre psychopathologies and solutions ppl propose... unlike in biol and chem, learning about some supposedly ultra important discovery in some special function of a teeny protein isn't gonna make u stay awake during class... i was supposed to go to the club booth from 1-2 so i went to check if the booth was up, but it wasn't so i went home and slept... or actually i made caesar salad, ate it while watching tv, then slept for 50 minutes (not enough!). then i found out that there WAS booth! GRR. anyway... went to chem and got more lost in the material (even tho it's supposed to be review). i thinki can figure it out tho, maybe after 5 hours of studying, haha. walked around kinda aimlessly during my break for a while... passed the ACG booth where i successfully put on a "don't u dare come and try to persuade me" face and they left me alone, haha~ got my u-pass, then went to the sub 2nd floor to read my psyc text. it's nice to study there. or rather just sit there... a little windy but the sun was warm... winnie came later and we sat there and i kept on talking while she tried to study her jap... got 'dinner', went to abnormal psyc class, fell asleep during the video, woke up again when the prof started the real lecture... yadda yadda...psyc's always good. :) went to jenny's house for moon festival dinner (thank youuuuuu)~ yums... i ate two bowls of rice... apparently i was very hungry... then went to hang out w/ buubuu for a bit, b/c it was our 37th month anniversary!! ^____^ then i got home, watched the movie 'gossip' (ahh it's still good... watched it second time), and have been thinking about whether or not i should do the speakeasy thing till now... pretty pathetic... heh. i guess i'm gonna go back to thinking now... o-e. i'll talk to u again when i get around to it...
can't make up my goddamned mind...
today at 5pm in SUB 205 will be the mandatory CASS general meeting. today at 5pm in SUB 214 will be the mandatory training session for AMS speakeasy. which one should i attend? it will be ok to miss the cass gm since i can always get the info later... but if i don't attend the speakeasy training then it means i'm passing up on the peer counselling position i was offered. here are the pros and cons about speakeasy: PROS: - i will get excellent training in dealing w/ troubled ppl, which is important and useful for my intended profession. - i will finally meet ppl who are concerned and knowledgeable in areas of controversy like homophobia, classism, racism, sexism, etc like me. FINALLY. - i will meet new ppl/friends. - i will get a free dinner and 4 free lunches. :p CONS: - i will be extremely busy for the next two weeks from heavy schoolwork, clubwork, tutoring, plus about 30-35 hours of training. - i might go nuts from the workload. i'm always going nuts from my workload. will have to hold 3 hours of office time for the rest of this year, and i'll probably have to do it on friday this term so as to not interfere w/ test studying, which means 4 days of school for me instead of the original two. - i will miss the mandatory cass gm in which i can probably learn just how to say everything i need to say at booths in cantonese... i've been getting crappy in all the languages i speak... - midterms start soon after training ends, and i'm already behind in class, which means my marks will very likely drop, which would affect my application for english major, or cause failure!! failure!! yeah... i've listed more cons than pros huh... there's also the fact that i did submit an appication and go to the interview... even tho they said that the job offer is conditional upon me completing the training... man i dunno what to do... i've got a maximum of 15 hours to figure it out tho. uhh... that means... little time to sleep.. crap... Wednesday, September 10, 2003
so... positive thinking... positive things...
well, i probably got the speakeasy job, and although it's gonna be tiresome and apparently not helpful for getting into the clinical psychology program, it's still a positive affirmation of my skills... i think... otherwise it's just saying that i'm good at altering the truth ever so slightly to get what i want, haha... u know, when they ask u what weaknesses do u have in relation to the job, u can't exactly tell them that u're emotionally unstable and violatile.. oh, right, POSITIVE things. well i kept on thinking biol tutorial is gonna be such a bore, and it sucks to go to just one class on monday, and it's pretty far from the parkade too.. but turns out there's a good side to all of this -- my tutorial TA turned out to be amazingly HOT. yes, it's a weird word for me to use, but it's more efficient than saying "cute tall tan buff cute smile white teeth abs looked very good in the black rcmp/police t-shirt." and he's a biol TA, so that also means smart. wow. ugh.. i was gonna go on and talk about positive things about psyc lab... but... i don't feel positive enough to go on. i'll just leave u with this: today i got home around 7pm and went upstairs with a bag of KFC chicken and a bag of sheep brain in my hand.
i think i've bit off more than i can chew
got a call from ams speakeasy on my answering machine, gotta call back tmw... since they called i suppose i got the position... which is... not necessarily a good thing anymore... can't get completely used to sleeping early before tuesdays and thursdays, so i've resorted to coming home to sleep for 1.5 hours during my 3 hour break... but if i work speakeasy hours, i won't get any shut-eye at all... unless i can manage to move all my speakeasy hours to monday, but that would be going to school when i don't have to... the most important thing is that the following two weekends will be devoted to mandatory training, and i really need the time to catch up w/ school work... o-e. why did i sign up for this thing??? but i suppose there's no backing out of it now... can't just sign up for something, interview, and then tell them u don't want the job anymore... constantly getting that feeling i had before my chem final in summer... that waiting for the scary roller coaster ride minus the excitment feeling... butterflies in my stomach, not in a good way, and the pressure on my chest... and it's only the second week of school... i'm probably just being too hard on myself... but... i dunno... overheard a conversation of a girl and my biopsyc prof today, apparently they denied about 200 applicants for the biopsyc major... so 40/240... that's a 17% admission rate... i still have no idea how i got in... the prof was also saying how if u don't have an average of 70's, high 70's, u can't get in... so... what? did i punch a wrong key during my application and accidentally lied, that's how i got in? i can't help but feel inferior... maybe all the stress is b/c i'm not used to feeling academically inferior.. but then no, i would've gotten over that last year... man... i dunno... this sucks... i need somebody to talk to... somebody who won't end up veering off about how their life is stressful too and i'm being self-centered... somehow everyone ends up doing that when one person starts to vent... i do it too... it's just that... while it's good that both ppl are getting it out of their systems, wouldn't it also be like... both of them are feeling like the other person doesn't really give a damn about themselves? i think i should be TALKING to a speakeasy volunteer, not becoming one... >< Monday, September 08, 2003
so, what's new?
i just found out a while ago that i'm supposed to have a biol test today. wha-hoo.. i haven't studied at all yet... so naturally i got all freaked out about it... but then i started studying, and so far i'm still stuck learning the stuff under "review"... i forgot if i mentioned this already... but i was supposed to take biol 112 before biol 200, cept as a psyc student i didn't have to, so everything that other ppl consider 'review' is completely new to me... >< spent my weekend doing nothing... thursday after class i went to david's, then we went to get bubble tea at totoro. i slept thru all of friday and saturday morning, then went to david's on saturday afternoon, except he got really annoyed cuz my phone wouldn't stop ringing all afternoon, mostly about dinner plans... i'm so close to just giving up on making plans altogether... a simple thing can somehow become so complicated... what is the rule on these things anyhow... i've tried telling ppl about events a month in advance, a week in advance, a day in advance.. they always complain anyway. so futile... dinner turned out to be bearable, somewhat... we took a while to pick a destination for afterwards. i picked up a cappuchino and headed to jenny's, where all i can remember doing is flipping through my abnormal psyc text (thanks winnie for getting it for me) and making comments about the material that may or may not have been heard... went out for a while to have a smoke w/ david... somehow marbolo is making me sick, this can't be!! >__< spent nearly 3 hours at jenny's.. got home, was all exhausted, but still ended up watching tv till the wee hours... drove home in heavy rain too. it's been a LOOONG time since i've driven in rain at night... forgot how much i hated it... sunday i slept thru too... cooking pasta and salad dor david which he ate and then we fell asleep (pigs), then went to dunbar bubble world... i think we stayed there for quite a bit b/c we kept on ordering food... sunday was a generally happy day... (of course, till i found out about the biol test). school is really overwhelming... i blame myself for leaving it until now... o-e. my biol and chem class both suck... biol b/c there's an overwhelming amount of poorly organized course material online and the pre-tests and self-tests and post-tests are driving me nuts... the prof is this really really really nice old man, and there is double-sided cheat sheet allowed in midterm and final, but still... the website and workload is driving me nuts. i think all second year (and above?) profs act as if theirs is the only course students are taking... i haven't actually seen my chem prof yet, but already i hate him... for various poor reasons, like he made us pay $7 to buy crappy class notes, and he doesn't have the decency to be here for the first week of class, and he seems mean in his notes, and also b/c the substitute professor we got was really nice and good at teaching and pleasant to look at. HAHA psyc 260 (biological psyc) was good... even tho during the first class i found out that the chances of getting into the ubc clinical psychology master program is about 2%... >< the prof is pretty good and nice, tho his lectures are somewhat un-organized.. psyc 300c (abnormal psyc) was the best class of all... same un-organized lectures, but it's sooo freaking interesting... it kinda annoys me to see everyone taking notes and i don't seem to be finding anything really noteworthy tho, heh... it annoys me mostly b/c it's a 3rd year course and it's mainly 3rd years and i can't help but think that they have a better idea than me of what they're doing and what's necessary for survival... still struggling w/ my new computer.. the font is kinda screwed, i can't view or type chinese properly, icq is totally malfunctioning, and i'm not used to using music jukebox instead of winamp, and not having microsoft office is a pain in the ass... but then i'm too lazy to do anything about it. these are some bits and pieces of my life... i think i'm going thru one of those phases where u wonder what's the point of keeping a blog, but i'm doing it anyway cuz i ought to keep it up... or something... hell... i don't know. Saturday, September 06, 2003
burns...
it's a hot and stuffy day (at least in my apartment it is)'. yet i'm sitting here having hot tea. it's stupid, i know, but i can't resist the tea... it's so good! it's cherry rose rooibos... got it when i went to the granville island tea shop w/ dad the day he left, which was the day before school. we also went to guu for dinner and shopped around robson and had an caramel apple w/ white chocolate chips. it turned out the chocolate chips was a bit too much... but now i want a caramel apple again... don't really have anything on my agenda today... oughta do some studying and more buying/photocopying books stuff, but too lazy to go out at the moment. i'm also waiting for my tutor student to call (if he does) to know if i'm supposed to be tutoring him today. this is tedious... wait, i think i'm using the wrong word here... hmm. somehow right now tv or books or movies all can't interest me... i wish i had air con so i could just sit here having tea and doing nothing but have tea... or have tea on my balcony, but doing that alone is rather idiotic, and i don't have a table out there... the fold-up chair thingy i got goes perfectly on the balcony... i'd too lazy otherwise i'd go buy another one just so i won't have to fight for the comfy chair w/ david. it would work a lot better if the construction was done tho. :p ohh.. i know what i would want right now... ice cream! but who can i call to make them come over to the gelato place across from my apartment to have ice cream w/ me, and then send them off again afterwards? hmm... if i don't do something about my weird on again, off again dislike of ppl, i'm gonna turn into an old lady living w/ her car(s)... i just typed car(s)... i meant cat(s)... see, freudian slip!! :p i think i'll go lie in bed and read while i wait for david to finish his club work. ah... life is back to the miserable norm again. Friday, September 05, 2003
so busy, so dizzy. there's always too much happening in the first week of school, no time to blog it all, so i suppose i just won't. not till later maybe, anyway.
went to visit the cat who liked me in petcetera but i guess he doesn't like me anymore, but i found a new one... oskar... he's so cute, he likes it when u pet his face... i really eally wana adopt him, the big fat cuddly thing... but it'd be unrealistic... first of all, i don't have time for pets... second of all, i live in an apartment full of dogs... third of all, oskar's already getting old, he's overweight, and he recently had to be de-wormed... but... he's already been in the store for 4 months, and no one has taken him home yet... and what if no one does? :*( david says we should call him oskar robinson, after the nba player. so if i ever get a cat it'll be named oskar robinson, i suppose... or gypsie robinson, for a female cat... haha... that's just the worst combination of given name and last name... 'maya' might be a better name... but why dream... it's not like i can get a cat anytime in the near future. zzz... i have much more to say but it's 3 hours past my self-appointed new bedtime.... that's unacceptable, even for a non-school night. :p  |