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Sunday, August 31, 2003
wulalalala
that's actually a song by coco lee. "wulalala". if anyone has the mp3 for it, can u please send it to me... i only have a .ra file while i just found last night while transferring files... i'm transferring files the stupid way - burning them onto a cd and pasting them into new computer. don't have a modem cable to direct transfer... can't find the ultra important urldata.ull file that i must've accidentally deleted, and i need it to open icq apparently... so i guess this means that my icq is lost... all the msg history and more importantly all the data i saved... like what me and buubuu ever wrote in our info section... sure, it's geeky, but it brings back so many memories... the earliest entry i've got from his info was before we were even together, he wrote some stuff about "be my valentine" and i already knew it was for me, tho i was still avoiding him cuz he seemed like a perv. (it wasn't till later that i discovered the perv side of myself too. haha~) i slept all day yesterday... i managed to stay in bed pretty much asleep for 16 hours. not doing that enough this summer... i think we went out for dinner but i can't seem to remember where we went... spent the rest of the night organizing new and old computers... there's still a lot to be done tho... gotta install the new 4-1 printer/copier/scanner/fax, install software for digicam, logitech mouse, webcam, adobe photoshop, penicillin(sp?), yadda... got 5 hours of sleep last night, watched some tv and phone calls in the morning, then me and dad went to oakridge to eat and see the doctor. I FOUND WINNIE'S WHITE HI CONVERSE!! HOLY COW... i thought it was impossible, and there it was staring at me from the display window in jessica. amazing. must be a new arrival, checked jessica a few times this summer already. i think jessica hires ppl according to looks... there are two AMAZINGLY cute guys working there... one guy looks like a doll, 100% pretty boy face w/ perfect skin and marshmallow-sweet smile and... i dunno.. blonde hair pink lips, u'd think i was describing a baby... he's a 'beautiful' kind... the other one was more GQ type, with a tiny bit of beard stub and tanned skin... so, shoes, and cute guys. ahh... heaven. talked to the doctor about my fingers, cuz the skin under my nails is itching and peeling and it's retreating... have to do some tests to check for bacteria and fungus colonization thingy that'll take up to a month... i'd better remember this after a month to confirm my report... i really really really hope it's not �D�w?b... which requires eating expensive medicene that harms ur liver for three months... otherwise it'll become really thick and turn gray and become deformed, ugh. but it's REALLY expensive medicene tho, few hundred bucks. i should stop touching stuff... wear gloves everywhere... went to futureshop again cuz the sales associate called and said there was a better deal for us than the 3-1 printer we took home last time... if we pay $80 and buy the 4-1 printer/scanner/copier/fax, we can get a mail-in rebate of $100... so we're getting $10 and an extra function (plus direct printing from digicam). that was cool... so now we got a new printer... we finally figured out that this way future shop will get to earn $80, b/c it's a manufacturer's rebate. no wonder they were sour about just giving us the printer last time. since last time i've decided to call the sales associate ������. he really is... went to costco to return some stuff, then went to check if the passport office was open, then went to richmond center. i don't seem to fit very well in all the pants that i try on. maybe i'm being too critical, i don't know... saw nice nice nice dress shirt and pants in old navy on sale and in my size too... would've gotten it, but i don't need semi-formal wear... not interviewing for any serious jobs... i could dress more... grown-up... for tutoring, but then i'd have to get a lot more semi-formal clothes... so it's not worth it... it'll just be weird, acting very much the same age as my tutor students but being their teacher... had dinner at pho, yums... renewed their sponsorship too... need to jot that down somewhere... went home for a while, watched some tv, then went to david's for a bit and went to viva, but it looked kinda empty so went to blox, which ended up being just as empty... sat and stood around for a realllly long time w/ david and his friends and left... we were going to go to viva again b/c the dsc dance was on, but got lazy and went to eat dou fa instead. the dou fa owner didn't read the contract/proposal i left on monday. :( don't think he will, tho i asked him to anyway... oh well. went to safeway, then hanged out for a bit at southlands, then came home, dad's asleep already. ai, i half would've preferred to have spent the night at home, even if it's with dad nagging about setting up the printer... i thought him and mom would be coming really soon to pick up the PR cards but he doesn't think they'll come again till maybe november or later... *sigh* i hate this. i really really do. nothing's planned for tmw.. or, there's lunch, granville island, dinner... and a trip to london drugs... and finishing up computer stuff. and i was supposed to be getting and selling books... oh well. reminder to watch 6 feet under on sunday, OC on monday, and new OC on tuesday. and to see psych advisor on tuesday 11-12, then drop by cass booth. and oh, right, go to class... call vinci about chem text... meet vinci on wednesday, also go process passport, find chris to fix mirror, call biol text guy... chores chores chores!!! i'm looking forward to winter vacation already. spent in tw... even tho claire didn't get into U and willing didn't get into public senior high so everything's all murky back there... i wonder how i would've fared if i had stayed in tw... would i still get good grades like i did in junior high? cuz willing had ok grades in junior high too... i think... and i just realized a while ago that one of the mandatory speakeasy training weekends is a "long weekend in january". that's probably the long weekend when the cass ski trip is gonna be. guess it's decided for me that i won't go then... oh well... can't really breathe on big white anyway...... tho i kinda could on the bunny hill... and there's the tubing thing... and i can breathe on the first day... and the dance... oh well... sacrificing in the name of helping peers!! heh heh. Friday, August 29, 2003
it's the end of an era.
i bought my new computer today. tonight is going to be a long night of reviewing everything in this computer and deleting a whole lot of memories (pun intended)... i think i'm too sentimental. bordering on melodramatic... woke up at 9am today and couldn't fall back asleep AGAIN. this is getting really annoying. stayed up and watched tv, then went to ubc w/ winnie in the afternoon. i feel so idiotic, the psych undergraduate advising office wasn't open AGAIN. (or it was, but appointments only). so i have to go back on wednesday... plz plz plz sign me into psyc 300c... oh, right, i almost forgot... I PASSED CHEM 123!! and i didn't just pass, i somehow got a C+!! not that i'm proud of it or anything, it's just a lot more than i expected. either i got everything i wrote on the final correct (i left about 40% of the exam blank), or they messed up my exam w/ someone else's... what do i care, i freaking passed!! this is so unbelievable. i feel like my summer's finally started. when in truth it's really ended... checked out discount bookstore and went to ubc bookstore twice and still didn't get any of my textbooks. i did find out that the text i bought for psyc 300c is the wrong one.. i got the one for the correspondence class. i was gonna just sign up for that instead since the text seems so interesting, but i figured the lectures ought to be interesting... (geeky, yes, i know. u know what's more geeky? i was considering buying the full collection of shakepeare's plays. i mean, i'll need most of them later on for class and tutoring anyway...) the ams speakeasy interview was amazingly short, i think it only lasted about 7 minutes... it was supposed to be a 30-minute interview but i guess i think and talk fast. stutter a little more than usual tho... i don't have perfect interview skills... my body language suggests that i'm intimidated and nervous, tho i did admit that i sometimes become intimidated and withdrawn and i know it's something i need to word on. and i need to stop stammering and stuttering completely. and not move around so much (where should i put my hands?). and i can promote myself even MORE... hmm. got a frap, went to find buubuu, went to get mcdonald's (the seasoned wedge fries are really good), ate, watched king of the hill at my house, then went downstairs to 'wipe my car'... u see, my car has become unbelievably dirty... mainly dust... so i just used a really soaked cloth to wipe it, since vancouver has that whole water crisis thing. i still haven't figured out if we're running low on water supply (how is that possible) or they just need the water pressure to put out the fires... interesting thought i pointed out today -- they're not letting ppl water their lawns and stuff, so the grass is turned yellow and dry... which makes them more flammable, which means a higher chance of fire, then they'll need more water to put those fires out... heh yes, i realize, it's probably still better than not enough water pressure to save the current big fires, but it's just... the irony! i'm a big sucker for irony... i think most english geeks are. went to futureshop w/ dad afterwards. drove david home w/ me and dad in the car, i think he was somewhat terrified, haha~ i tried to get him to see how this is exactly how i'm terrified when i'm around his parents, but i don't think he really gets it. the speakeasy application/interview kept on reminding me about 'empathy', and i don't think me and david have any.... ever. took forever to buy the computer... there was this whole deal about getting a 3-1 printer/scanner/copier for free after rebate thing, then for some reason they tried to get us to take a cheaper printer and give THEM 50 bucks, then they said the rebate thing won't work cuz the price is 193.99 not 199+, then the manager had to change that price, then was the question of what we should be charged taxes on, then was the problem that hp company can't tell we paid 199 for the printer, then they said hp would know that the printer was 193, so they tried making us take the cheaper printer again... a whole lot of arguing and 'speaking w/ the manager', until everyone started to verge on losing their tempers and me and dad darkly hinted that there was false advertisement and company integrity issues.. yadda... anyway. bottom line - we ended up getting the good 3-1 printer/copier/scanner for free w/o having to go thru mail in rebate stuff. yahooooo~ i do feel a little bad for the sales rep and manager tho... cuz i was sitting there while they were finishing up last details w/ customer service and i started thinking... a couple days ago i decided it's horrible to be a waitress b/c of bad customers, then it's bad to be a vendor of any sort cuz of nasty/fussy customers too... but then i all of a sudden realized... as a potential psychologist, most of my future clients will have mental illnesses, which is defined as maladaptive, atypical, unjustifiable, DISTURBING behavior... whoa... a lifetime full of disagreeable clients... sh*t... went to yamakiya for dinner, we were sooo starved... the beef tongue was really eally good... and now i'm exhausted and half asleep, but must do the file deleting... mm.. i'll talk to u again when my new computer is up and running. Thursday, August 28, 2003
still having trouble sleeping, and as a result still having trouble keeping track of the things i've been doing. i'll try tho...
monday went to ubc in the afternoon w/ buubuu but didn't accomplish too much since the psych advising office was closed and the bookstore ran out of second hand copies of my biol and chem text. i got my two psyc books tho, and i'm really psyched about psyc 300c. even tho i still don't know if i can register in the class. *sigh* handed in my ams speakeasy application and got a call the same afternoon for an interview on thursday. that's today... not really gonna bother prepping for it... this is good, my first job interview is one that i don't have to ace so i can relaxed and just learn from the experience. regretting a little that i didn't apply for the ams office positions tho, like assistant coordinator stuff (which seems just like a fancy term for secretary w/ extra work). realized that after dad pointed out that i would learn valuable office skill stuff, whether in filing things or the general office system or computer skills or learning how to write proper memos yadda... and it's also a secure income of $4000 from sept-april. anyway, it's too late. plus i didn't have a very good chance of getting the job. saw an annoying kid sitting outside brock hall on the bench sorta thing, and he was glaring at me and david... i kept on muttering "i wanna push him off i wanna push him off"... it would've been an 1.5-2 meter fall if i had pushed him over. oh that would've been nice... i hate kids. (most of them, anyway) went to richmond to finish off sponsors but didn't get ANY in the area that i was targeting.. that's pretty sad. :p o-e i feel like just going around after all the shops close and just sticking stickers on... a lot of them have too many clubs that they sponsor they probably won't even notice. :p went to bubble tea afterwards where i finally renewed ONE sponsor... was grumpy at david almost all day cuz it was hot and there was so much to do at ubc and i only had one hour on the parking meter... a very expensive hour... goddamn ubc... went to the keg to eat w/ dad at night in granville island. had to wait about 50 minutes for a seat, but not as bad as a korean family who had 11 ppl... about 30 minutes after the 11 ppl party arrived, about 3 adults and 4 kids came in and asked if they could be squeezed in, and the hostess put them in cuz the kids were gonna sit on the adult's laps or something, but the grandpa-ish person of the 11-ppl party got pissed and demanded why they haven't gotten a table yet (even tho the hostess told them it'd be a 1.5-2 hour wait). then he got all grumpy and wouldn't speak to the host and hostess, even tho they were really polite and sincerely apologetic about it.. boy am i glad i was too lazy to apply for waitressing jobs... dinner was goood... and really filling... but not as filling as compared to this amazing couple we saw... they started w/ a bottle of champagne, then moved on to a few appetizers, then they had their main courses, then they each had a sort pot of sweet tea, and THEN they had desert, this huge multi-layer tart deal... WHOA... they sure eat a lot. and it probanly sure cost a lot. but they didn't look like they were having fun... sucks to be them. heh. got home and rested from a bit and went out to have bubble tea w/ jenny at edge. come to think of it, i really did a lot of stuff on monday... very interesting laughs while we were there... 1. the two guys in their car who were looking at themselves in the vanity mirror and pointing out things to each other 2. me seeing ppl and not really seeing them... it's kinda hard to explain... saw a whole bunch of pg (or mostly ex-pg) guys there. does nobody change at all? the owner still vaguely remembers me... she's going to call me back about sponsor thing... but that's what they all say... tuesday dad left to play golf and i was home sleeping. later i realized that they were testing the fire alarms that day from 12-7, so the alarm kept on going off and letting out that super loud and super high pitched tone... killed my brains... finally escaped from it 7 something to go eat guu... shared table w/ a young couple, who once again proved my theory, most couples who are one cantonese and one mandarin usually each speak their own languages to each other. how come i can't just speak mandarin to david, and him cantonese to me? went to eat gelato afterwards again, then starbucks, then home. dad fell asleep so i finished his americano... i don't think i like coffee as much as i used to anymore... or maybe it's just b/c it was getting cold.. wednesday only slept for less than 3 hours before waking up at 7am... -_____-" watched some tv and i was gonna go back to sleep for a while, but dad said that since i'm up we should get started on the stuff we're supposed to do... went downtown where the parking is $2 for 30 minutes to try and get a document that proves i am a student in canada so that dad can take a few days off work to come next time, but we didn't get it done... stupid government services... they all suck, seriously... beauracracy... futurama mocks it well. then we went to costco, lunch at �B�?, future store, nevada golf store, then superstore, then parker... SO MUCH SHOPPING... we were out from 9 something to 6pm... ZZzz shopped for computers at future... OHHH it's future SHOP, not future store. haha. anyway.. found the one that i want, but still gonna look around a bit more to be sure there isn't a better deal out there... it's not a pentium IV processor but it'll do... it has dvd anyway and that'll bring me up to speed w/ the modern world. somewhat. can't afford dvd-rw. haha also saw a totally affordable laptop that i like, but it's too small... i think it might've been 13 inches... but it's lightweight, pentium IV, dvd, i think it was 120GB hard drive, and what else... oh well.. too small!! too small!! i argued that i could just hook it up and still use my lcd screen but... nah... also checked out stereo systems since my original one is screwy. is it.. when a stereo says cd-r/rw playback, does that mean that it can play burned cds? and if it doesn't say so u can't? and that's how i f--ked up my current stereo? hmm. spent an hour in the golf store... legs were so sore and mind was so bore-d. i saw mr tyler, my old math 9 teacher, but i didn't know if he remembers me so just kinda half avoided him. slept a while after i got home, then food+tv and now computer. yeah, i'm tired of updating, my hands hurt. haha~ things i'm hoping for -- 1. i get the ams speakeasy position but only have to do the minimum 3 hours/week 2. i get the drc student assistant position 3. i get another tutor student or two, so i have 4-8 hours/week of tutor work 4. i passed chem123 5. i get into psyc300c successfully 6. i become super rich and spontaneously drop 5-10lbs. Monday, August 25, 2003
oh. i almost forgot. i called the cops on the noisy neighbours last night. but i think they ended the party before the cops got there. damn. i felt like hurling rocks into their apartment... (they were blasting music at top volume and yelling and stuff at 2:30am...)
do u think it's wrong to give the cops ur name and address and # when u're reporting something? my parents seem to think it is. tho it's not like they can't easily get that info from call display. yeah. well.
things will sort themselves out in the end.
i spent the entire summer talking about needing a job, an income. but i didn't do anything cept sit on my ass and whine about it. and now a job has come to me. score. but now i'm gonna have to work... after the agency called me w/ basic details of my new tutor student i lied in bed (cuz i was sleeping) worrying about how i'm not gonna be good enough, since i don't have any real english tutoring experience, and what if they read books in class that i didn't cover before, what if they read hamlet, i never read hamlet... etc etc etc. but figures everything will turn out ok... i'm hired more as an overall home tutor than english tutor anyway, i'm supposed to cover ALL homework help and if necessary communicate w/ the school for them and stuff. now i'm just hoping we can schedule 2 hour classes so i won't feel dumb driving all the way to richmond for one hour of class. it's not that bad really.. if they read jane eyre or hamlet or something that i didn't read in gr12, then i'll just read it. and read the coles notes. it's extra work, yes, but it's the kind of extra work i find entertaining, that i've been meaning to get around to do anyway. yeah, jane eyre is on my list of books that i intend to get around to reading someday. gave up on reading anne frank's diary for now, it's so boring. well, for an actual diary it's pretty good... but i guess whenever i think holocaust i expect to read about gory images and savage terror and stuff. speaking about that, i got an e-mail yesterday w/ graphic descriptions and savagely graphic photos of rapes that took place during the indonesian rebellion. it's really gruesome and all, but a tiny voice in my head just keeps on saying: some ppl will probably read this e-mail and get turned on. it's gross but it's true. there are all sorts of funny ppl out there... started reading bits of paradise instead and so far so good... i started wanting to read fitzgerald books since i saw half of a documentary on him on tv.. i started watching right after they got over the part where he wrote the great gatsby and all started to go downhill. it's all slightly different than the impression i got of him in class... anyway, the stories in bits of paradise are REALLY REALLY good, espcially 'the popular girl'... now ranked as my top 3 favourite short stories, which includes 'the red door' (i don't know the author) and 'what is remembered' by alice munro. i seem to like stories with dark humor... been cooking dinner lately. it's not so bad when i don't have to do the dishes. kinda afriad i'm gonna gain 20 pounds with all the food i'm eating... but oh well. tmw i must go run errands in ubc. and hopefully wash my car and finish up the sponsor business, now that kerrisdale carnival is over. yesterday (24th) was mom's b-day. my sisters got to take her out for dinner. i got to say happy birthday on the phone. and her cell phone had bad reception. i don't really want to think about how that makes me feel, even tho i'm supposed to be getting in touch with my feelings and identifying them and all. Sunday, August 24, 2003
u know ur life is sick when u don't feel like having fun and u ask urself why and u find out that u're preventing urself from having fun becuz u're convinced that u can never really truly have fun and be happy again and if u do happen to enjoy urself in a moment of fun u feel tremendous guilt cuz u know u're not supposed to have fun and that wasn't supposed to happen and it's all going wrong so horribly wrong i know where i'm headed and i don't really want to go but i can't stop it they cut the brakes they cut the brakes
there are annoying drunk ppl out on the street making noise.
they played good music tho, for a short while... now they're just... drunk again. i think i'm finally starting to see drunk ppl for what they really are... they're not fun, or amusing, or entertaining... they're exactly what they are medically - ppl who have lost the ability to control their behaviour. (tho they're still amusing in the sense that it's like a live recording of 'stupid behaviour caught on tape') ********* i think i've turned into the bitter and cynical old hag i've always feared i'd become... then... what's the next step? Saturday, August 23, 2003
i've gotta say, the world deals pretty well w/o me.
haven't even turned on my computer since... since wednesday. or tuesday? can't remember. accidently slept till 4pm on wednesday and had to rush cleaning the apartment cuz dad was arriving around 8pm... i still stayed in bed till about 5pm tho cuz i'm so incurably lazy. didn't realy clean the house up enough... didn't dust anything, didn't completely finish the dishes, didn't clear off my desk... but it's ok, so far no complaints from dad. maybe he's just trying to act tolerant and understanding. went to #9 after i picked him up, then safeway to buy some food. realized i didn't even know what to buy - what would i cook? i haven't cooked in ages. i can't even remember the last time dad came here (w/o mom). was it sometime this spring, was was it last year? yesterday i slept at about 4am but was up at 6am and couldn't sleep again till 9... that kinda sucked, but i finished reading the phamtom of the opera... got up at 12 and went to eat at asa sushi w/ dad. the waitresses there are ALWAYS changing... and i'm still confused, how come everybody in that store speaks a diff langauge (jap/mandarin/korean)? it happened to be kerrisdale day so we walked around a bit but found nothing interesting. well, i would've found hills interesting, but i don't feel like shopping much this summer. everything seems expensive... went to the old bookstore, at last. i should've gone weeks ago, there's only 10 more days left in summer and there's tons of books i want to read. i ended up choosing the following three: 1) anne frank: diary of a young girl 2) alias grace - margaret atwood 3) bits of paradise - F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald. i went to the bookstore to find "the beautiful and the damned" by f scott fitzgerald but i'm ok w/ what i ended up getting. i wanted to read 'the last of the crazy people' by timothy findley too... and a lot of other stuff... i was also tempted to get this tiny little leather bound copy of macbeth that must be like 100 years old or something, but i think it was like... $30... also wanted to read the hunchback of notre dame, and the english version of the phantom of the opera. and ohhh so many other books... and i told myself i'd read a hemmingway book sometime. this is all bugging me to death - all the books i want to read but don't have time for. went to costco after that, where i gazed at more books... i still want to read the new margaret atwood book, and carol shields except i can't decide btwn 'happenstance' or 'unless', and i also told myself i'd read stephen king to see why he's so famous sometime... alright. enough about books... we somehow managed to buy $254 of stuff at costco again, then went home and i watched some tv, and me and dad both fell asleep... we were supposed to go eat guu at 8 but i was too tired so i didn't bother waking dad up... we ended up going to yamakiya at 9ish, had too much beef, heh. today i slept at 5am cuz i was reading cosmo and anne frank, then was awake from 6ish to 8ish again, which really sux. i've been having unpleasant dreams for the past week or so too... stayed in bed till 3pm, then had to get up and deal w/ some bills and what-not... now i have to apply for medical insurance on top of passport... all easy things really, i'm just lazy lazy lazy. i've also been thinking about volunteering to become an ams speakeasy counsellor, but there is a 5 page short answer application form to fill out and interviews and stuff.. it seems kinda dumb if i went thru all that trouble and i don't get picked... and it's quite a lot for a volunteer job, cuz there's bi-weekly training and u have to hold office for more than 3 hours per week for the entire year and yadda... but then it's a pretty good volunteer job... it's on campus, u can really help ppl, it's somewhat easy, and it's good for my own experience since it relates to psychology and PR and stuff... oh what the hey, i'll go fill out that application soon. :p finished parker and continental area sponsors a while ago... still need to cover kerrisdale and the little mall next to parker. passport application. medical insurance application. house chores. tuition. find out about chem mark. forced registration form for psyc. buy textbooks. sell textbooks. review chem123. read my new books. yadda yadda...
fridayfive:
1. When was the last time you laughed? i'm not sure. i think i laughed when i was on the phone w/ jenny a while ago me: oh oh oh, do u wanna be my contact person? jen: sure. u wanna be mine? me: (how does she even know what i'm talking about..) what?? but i can't remember if i really laughed. it must've been more of a confused laugh tho. 2. Who was the last person you had an argument with? hmm... i had a minor 'argument' w/ dad about the printer, but i assume u mean the last person i had a row w/. (or in roz's words had a beef w/). that would be david. actually, the last person i had an argument/row/beef w/ was myself, but i tend not to think about her as a person. she're more like.. a friend, that i know doesn't exist. and she usually opposes my ideas. and she needs to stop talking aloud to me in public. not that i'm ashamed of her or anything... this kinda thing is just not done. 3. Who was the last person you emailed? the undergraduate psychology advisor at ubc. 4. When was the last time you bathed? *cocks head and thinks* *sniffs arm* yesterday. 5. What was the last thing you ate? orange juice, caesar salad, and turkey breast slices on toast. if i replaced the caesar w/ a green salad w/ light dressing then that would've been perfect diet food... Monday, August 18, 2003
i'm sorry
i guess i misunderstood when u said u'd be there for me u see, i thought u actually meant it. that's my problem. i usually think ppl are being sincere. but really they're 'just saying'. i guess there's a time and place for everything including giving support to the ppl who need it. charity is alright, when u have the money and are feeling generous... and when it's not one of those times, ppl can just starve to death, right? Sunday, August 17, 2003
been a little low these two days.
alright. so that's an understatement. blame it on the weather, blame it on hormones, blame it on my doomed diet and the resulting fact that i'm constantly hungry... or blame it on myself. all my miseries result from my own choices, don't they? but i can't choose the kind of the person i am. and i can't choose the kind of person he is. and i have no control over what happens when u put two basically incompatible ppl together and try and make it work. there are days i tell myself that in the long run it just won't work, and in reflection i don't know if i should call those moments ephiphany or pessimistic thinking. i don't know what to think, and i'd rather not think... but haven't i avoided the problems long enough? i don't know how to think -- with my heart, or with my head?
This is the place where I sit
This is the part where I love you too much This is as hard as it gets Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough I'm here if you want me I'm yours, you can hold me I'm empty and achin' And tumblin' and breakin' Cause you don't see me And you don't need me And you don't love me The way I wish you would The way I know you could I dream a world where you understand That I dream a million sleepless nights Well I dream a fire when you're touching my hand But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights Friday, August 15, 2003
just remembered something slightly depressing... i was watching an episode of saved by the bell where all the characters got their SAT scores, and they ranged from mostly 1000-1200, and they were saying that's pretty good, way above the national average and stuff... and zach got 1500, and all the colleges were clamouring to have him study there... well if art reflects reality, then how come the 1490 i worked so hard to get got me no where? -_____-"
mmm i just remembered... roz tricked me into eating a sardine flavoured jelly bean from harry potter every flavour beans. UGH! do NOT buy those jelly beans!! so gross!!
anyway, here's the really shortfridayfive. 1. How much time do you spend online each day? it goes in phases... for the past week, about 20 minutes per day. mostly spent deleting junk mail. 2. What is your browser homepage set to? my.yahoo.com. i've been intending to change that to mail.yahoo.ca for quite a while, but i'm THAT lazy. here's an idea, everyone change their homepages to www.cass.bc.ca, so that the website will get more hits and i won't be as embarrassed when i ask sponsors if they want to spend $80/year to have their company banner put on the website... 3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)? icq. 4. Where was your first webpage located? geocities.com 5. How long have you had your current website? if a blog counts as a website, err... i don't know actually, will u go check my archives for me?
been a while... can't really remember what i've been up to...
saturday (08/09) went to pick up my passport photos and successfully persuaded the photo store to become a sponsor. yay, the first sponsor i asked agreed and it was a 'new' sponsor too! that was good for my confidence, heh. there were a lot of photos i didn't remember taking in the roll of film i got developed... the first was a photo of me and david in jenny's house, and i had bangs, so that must've been last year september-ish. so that makes the roll of film 11 months old. whoa... there were also photos of me and my dog, tho my dog didn't look good in the photos... well he did in one photo, but only b/c i was holding him so his back faced the camera, and the sweater he had on looked good, haha. no, i'm not the kind of person that puts cute little pink sweaters on my male dog, it's b/c he gets cold in winter... he sleeps all winter, it's pretty depressing... next is ONE photo from the ski trip, and i'm not even in it, heh. then there's camping photos... quite a few of drunk peter... some photos of korean bbq, some of us at the beach, one photo before we went to camp i think.. or was it the bbq? yeah it was the c.a.s.s. bbq. then two photos of hendra's b-day dinner. i appeared 9 times in 27 photos... if u exclude the ones with my dog, i appear 4 times... aww... i need more photos of myself. after getting photos dragged jenny to go find sponsors in parker w/ me. it didn't turn out to be as hard as i thought.. the shops that wanted to be sponsors were very quick and decisive about it... but felt a little bad cuz i didn't try too hard to persuade the shops that said no. tho it's parker... they go thru this sponsor hunt from all clubs every year, i guess they're pretty much got their minds made up.. [excuses...] didn't finish tho b/c i ran out of contract forms... found quite a few new sponsors, yay~ there's a lot of shops out there that sponsor clubs but not c.a.s.s... this sucks, everytime i go anywhere i'm staring at all the sponsor stickers and making mental notes... got curry chicken rice and went to eat it at jenny's house, then went home, then went to watch fireworks w/ buubuu. took quite a while to decide which beach, then finding parking, and we ended up parking soooo far away from the beach, we walked for maybe 25 minutes... the fireworks were really really really really good tho... even tho in the beginning david's friends kept on calling to see where we were b/c they wanted to smoke pot together or something... GRR... after we finally got back to the car we found that the car behind us hit david's back bumper... he was parked really close when we left so we took down his license plate # already, but when we called ICBC they said that they're just going to treat it as a hit and run... pish! and they have that stupid recording where they say hit and run is a serious offense and they will contact the police and stuff, well they don't seem to be doing a lot of investigation when we already have the freaking license plate # for them! it's so easy, find the other car, check the make, match the height of the bumps, and then check the other car for paint/scratches! damn icbc... bitter sweet satruday.. *sigh* sunday (08/10) can't remember a thing. probably spent the day watching tv and sleeping. monday (08/11) THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!! :) spent the entire day w/ buubuu. :) we went to eat burger king, then went to sing k at icon. i wanna go sing k again... even tho i don't sing much, and i still don't like singing w/ the mic... started crying after watching the ending to ���q��'s ?g����?N... david said he never knew the ending was sad b/c he always cuts the song, haha... it's so sad tho... never watched it? come sing k w/ me and i'll show u!! heh heh. afterwards went to eat dou fa, then walked around parker... eee, walking around parker... got kinda sick of it after saturday. i still have to go back some day and finish finding sponsors tho. went to richmond center wayyy too earlier, slept in the car for a bit. well, david slept... i spent quite a while hunting for my bank card, b/c i took it out and turned around to hide my purse in the back seat, and when i turned back i couldn't find my bank card... sounds silly but i really spent about 5 minutes wriggling around the seat trying to find it. went to watch american wedding again b/c i know david wants to see it... it's still funny the second time around, but it's like watching a rerun episode of friends... we finished a large drink and large popcorn, whoa... we could get refills too, should've, but the nestea was making me want to peeeee. went to eat at top gun steak house afterwards. someone should tell the owner that if he wants it to be a nice restaurant, he's gotta learn to serve nice food... the "steak" was like... the kinda beef they use to make crappy beef stew or something... pretty gross... and i got it "50% done", ewww. i barely ate anything... i just had soup, two bites of steak and the mango ice cream... >< but everything was still good, b/c it was me and buubuu's 3 year anniversary! it's so amazing... three years... oh... oh damn! i forgot to celebrate our 1000th day anniversary, haha. tuesday (08/12) don't remember anything... didn't go to playland as planned b/c the closer it got to tuesday the more i realized i really did not want to be spinning in the air at all. don't know what's wrong w/ me... but usually when i want to go i really want to go. oh yeah, tuesday i watched pirates of the carribbean w/ winnie and roz. it wasn't as good as i hoped it'd be... got very confused w/ the plot... i also started choking on a piece of popcorn during a big fight scene and kept on coughing and had to go to the bathroom to choke... that kinda sucked... heh. we went to estea afterwards, where i ordered pearl green milk tea, but they ran out of pearls, so i changed my order to just green milk tea, but they forgot, and when i asked them they said they already closed the bar so they cancelled my order... wtf... ai. dragged winnie and roz to go eat at #9 w/ me afterwards cuz not getting my tea made me hungry... heh. wednesday (08/13) went to buubuu's late afternoon-ish and we'd just started playing the video games we got on anniversary (my half-gift) when david's uncle came b/c he took the eclipse to fix some engine problem... so david had to go upstairs to chat, and he stayed upstairs for over an hour! :( i was starting to wonder if i should sneak out the front door... cuz david's mom invited me to dinner, but what if the uncle wants to stay for dinner... so sad, david's mom treats us like we're engaged already, but i'm still 'hidden' from the relatives. pish. washed our cars after dinner... it was dark already by the time i finished washing kaka... didn't do a very good job of drying cuz there were bugs out, yuck. ohhh, they found a beehive in the roof right above the backdoor they always go thru... i wanna see when the hired ppl get rid of it.. but u're probably n ot allowed to stand around and watch that kinda stuff, heh. if it was my house i would probably keep the beehive there... we waced david's is300 using my buffer.. it still took really really long, and our hands itched and hurt so much b/c the buffer vibrates and leaves our hands all red and super irritated... but we were able to buff in a lot more wax in a lot less time than it would take if we were using hands... we were working in the garage tho so couldn't really tell if the car became visibly shinier... it did become noticeably smoother... i guess we'll be able to tell the next time we wash it... tho knowing david that might be months from now. david's mom said something that i guess should be 'scary' to me... she said something about we should study harder now, and she really likes us together, and basically if we study harder now we'll be able to have a happy family later on... haha... i didn't find it that scary... it was more scary when she asked me again when mom was coming and we should have lunch together... i don't think mom thinks of me and david's relationship as 'going somewhere' yet... it's a good thing that dunbar bubble world got busted for selling weed, b/c david's mom wouldn't let us go to bubble world, so we got to go to richmond at 11:30am... went to sky, where i had to try really hard to eat my kimchee noodles b/c the seats are level w/ the table... worst idea!! thursday (08/14) tried to rent a video at blockbuster w/ winnie but we couldn't decide on anything b/c jenny's seen most of the movies, and while me and winnie both really wanted to see house of 1000 corpses we were sure jenny and roz wouldn't want to.. we ended up going to sky (again) w/ me and winnie in pj's. was one of my more boring days of summer again, since we just sat there reading magazines. and i had really salty food... eee. and.. now i'm home, blogging. i don't feel like i've been doing a lot of stuff till i try to blog it all and it takes me forever and i realize all the stuff i've been doing. i also remember doing other stuff bwtn the last time i blogged and now but i can't seem to place them... i went to eat pho by myself and the waitress knew my order... i went to lei dou to eat w/ jenny... hmm.. when did i do that stuff?? chem mark is still not out, so i'm still not sure what courses i'll be taking next year.. this kinda sucks, since the booklist comes out today and i intended to start early in psych and biol readings... can't register for psyc 300C either for whatever weird reason... aiiiiii! annoyingness. and my second term timetable is a mess... >< (not that 2 days of 12 hour school per week in first term isn't f--ked up..) got quite a lot of stuff i'm supposed to be doing, but i still spend most of my time sleeping or watching pre-recorded tv or reading. right now i'm reading the le fantome de' l'opera, chinese version. bought the book years and years ago and read it years and years ago so i barely remember anything... now i know why it was so cheap tho, it's horrible translation.. i should start writing dates on the books i buy again... for a few years i used to write the month and year i bought the book in and my name in all the books i bought, mostly b/c i keep on finding my books in my cousins' houses and they always confusedly said that it belonged to them... still annoyed that my mom gave ALL the english kids books i had to my cousin b/c she said she wanted to learn english, and then they misplaced ALL of it. threw it all away, more like. it hurts my head to think about how much money was spent on those books, and how much good behaviour and good grades went in the exchange to buy them... books are my trophies!! ai... i want them all back... been extra needy for attention and affection from buubuu since the anniversary. also b/c it's summer and we're done w/ school and i'm in vancouver for the first time ever and we're spending so little time together... it annoys me to think that i'm here in vancouver... all the things i do every summer... shopping, eating, buying 10-20 new cds, etc... playing w/ my dog... eating the bento from downstairs... night markets.. saturdays at grandma's... aww... Saturday, August 09, 2003
new song that i'm addicted to:
My Immortal by Evanescence i'm so tired of being here suppressed by all my childish fears and if you have to leave i wish that you would just leave 'cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears i held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me you used to captivate me by your resonating life now i'm bound by the life you left behind your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone but though you're still with me i've been alone all along p.s. u know what's odd. if u try to go to www.evanescense.com, u end up at 'hanky panky college'... the official url for the band is actually www.evanesence.com. so it's spelt w/o the c? that's odd.
so this is what summer in vancouver feels like...
watching clouds on the balcony... real and artificial clouds... gas is up to 83.9... i wouldn't be surprised now if it just stays above 80 and never goes back down again.. i mean, a few years ago we learned in school that natural gases are supposed to run out in 10 years, right? so that means there's only 5 years left now, right? no more fun drives for me then... which is ok... stereo system on my computer is probably 10x more powerful than my car stereo... i just can't turn it up full volume... right now i have woofer and treble on highest and volume at about 1/5... and... i think i'm gonna turn it down.... if the neighbours knocked on the door to complain i don't think i'd be able to hear or feel it... heh... ai... it's too quiet around here... went to get my passport photo taken today, and also finally got that roll of film i've been shooting since january developed. well, i get to pick it up tmw... i don't even remember what's in it... i think there's some photos of me and my dog... some photos at camp... what else? got my psyc marks... a B. it's actually 1% higher than i expected! but i still feel a little bummed, b/c at the beginning of term i was all like 'ohh i'm gonna get an A+, u just watch me.". heh heh. and in retrospect i can't imagine how i didn't do better... i mean.. the material is based on the text, the short ans questions he usually drops enough hints... and it's 80% multiple choice... and i went all minus one class, and read the entire textbook! (ok, maybe not chapter 2 and half of chapter 4...). that's serioulsy the most work i have ever done for any class in my life... even tho i read the text the night before the exam... :p how did i cruise through school so easily before? mmm... i don't seem to have anything to say... might have something to do w/ the gross canto-pop/rave music i'm listening to... why the hell would anyone (and by anyone i mean buubuu) want to burn a copy of this crap? and edison really should quit trying to sing... Friday, August 08, 2003
apparently blogger no longer supports chinese characters. (?)
well if u would like to read the very interesting article about cell phones affecting our lives (not medical, i promise) that was posted here, ask me to e-mail it to u then. and WHOOHOO, i got my old template back. :)
currently listening to - evanescense, album: fallen.
been away for a while.. kinda out of it... went to live at david's house, cramming for our exams... tho i wasted a helluvalot of time doing non-study stuff... like tv, eating, sleeping, panicking... mainly panicking... the only somewhat positive thing about exam time is that we become ok to each other smoking... don't know how i did on the chem exam... i'm prepared for the worst of course, i registered for arts psyc courses already... but i heard it's not that easy to transfer to arts... why does getting an education have to be so hard? i mean, we're here to learn, right? well i'm learning things, but it feels like i'm getting punished b/c i'm not learning enough, i'm not learning the stuff on the curriculum... why do we have to follow a dumbass curriculum? the worst of it all is, i'm PAYING to get punished... i could read all the textbooks i'm interested in by myself (tho i'd only read psyc and bio and eng textbooks...), but then i won't have a piece of paper to show the world and prove that i have read the books and memorized the material... the whole education system is screwed up... maybe i'm just being critical b/c i might be failing a course for the first time in my life, i don't know. i left three whole pages blank on the test... and i believe there was only 8 pages or something... they almost didn't let us use a calculator too. the exam booklet read "no calculators allowed preprogrammed with chemistry or physics material", and i guess the examiner just read "no calculators allowed" and decided that was that... i had to ask the exam supervisor three times before he finally agreed it was impossible to compute -log(1/.8x10^-5)/1.4x10^-33, or e^(6.6/(8.314x298) in our heads... (tho david argues that u can using matrix...) anyway... enough about the test... i don't want to dwell on it... if i fail then i'll try to transfer to arts, if i can't then i'll just have to take biol200, biol 201, chem 233, and chem 235 all in summer. or stay an extra year... assuming they don't kick me out of my major... if i PASS, i will have to force myself to study the material throughly over summer so i'm better prepared for chem233... yuck. after i finished my exam i went back to david's but he was stuck in sfu, so i washed my car and left... just my luck, it rained that night and i had to wash the car AGAIN.... went to oakridge, got lunch, and waited 50 minutes to see the doctor, and all he did was jam a needle in my arm and we were done... do they really need a doctor to do that? what else have i done in the past couple days? oh, i went to see the fireworks w/ dewi at spanish banks... it was good... somewhat... i dunno, i saw fireworks every friday in hawaii, it's just not very impressive now... :p oh.. i also went to watch american wedding... it was REALLY REALLY REALLY good, but there was one really gross scene that actually made me gag and want to puke... if u've seen it, u'll know what i'm talking about... went to eat in the late afternoon w/ jenny today, went to yaohan, came back... low gas alert sign on again... *sigh* washed david's is300 while i rinsed my car the second time... i have never washed a car quite so filthy before. and it didn't LOOK that dirty at all... but oh it was... mud chunks behind the wheels and everything. >__< mmm... don't have much to say... for once i don't feel like recounting all the activities in my life. i think i just need to get out for some fresh air right now... tho there isn't anywhere to go or apparently anybody to go with... i hate calling ppl up and hearing that they can't or don't want to come out over and over again... it just... u go from bored and slightly sulky to bored and sulky and irritated. i know, i know, it's all very 'not dancing b/c u're afraid of falling', but... it's just the way it is... Sunday, August 03, 2003
friday
went to the beach w/ jenny winnie n dewi in the afternoon, they said they were going tanning, i didn't know that was seriously all they were gonna do, haha. i don't really tan so i got pretty restless, especially after an ant crawled into my can of coke... :p went out to walk in the water a bit but couldn't go very far... ah i wanna stay there tho. really wanted to swim, but it would take a long time for my jeans to dry... went home and showered before going to hotpot w/ ann jenny dewi winnie at sa bou. sat at an 8-seat table by self for quite a while, but amazingly i've gotten so used to it by now... there's always my phone anyway, i call a couple ppl. i make a few calendar notes. i play a game of space impact... heh didn't really eat all i could eat... wasn't even full when i stopped eating. i think next time it might be cheaper to order by the plate, heh heh~ dinner was fun tho... the only downside is that after peeling a plateful of shrimps my cuticles were orangy, but i managed to scrub it off now w/o ruining my nail polish. went to �A眅 afterwards. i seem to be the only person who doesn't mind waiting... maybe b/c i was the only person who wasn't cold... and also there's so many cars to look at, i'm not bored at all, haha. ohhhi just remembered.. i walked back to my car to get my jacket, and when i passed this guy who holding a camera and saying "稛��疑蹄鉊, 褫祥褫眕質鼴珨狟", but he wasn't talking to me, he was just talking w/ the ppl he was with, so i wasn't sure if he was talking about my car or the bmw next to me.. but it turned out it was my car, and i said sure, haha, kinda awkward. i wanted to tell him there was an altered celica across the parking lot too, heh. but yay, someone would rather take a photo of my car than the bmw! and a handful of other nice cars that were around there too! wheeeee~~~ ^________^ ......... wheeeeeeee!! that was my happy moment of the day! heh. WHEEEEE!!!
1. name : melody
2. nicknames: sooo many... melmel, melz, mel... ok.. so uncreative. 3. location : vancouver, canada 4. sex : female 5. marital status : going steady 6. birthday : feb 27 7. piercings : 4 earrings 8. tattoos : regrettably none. 9. height : 157cm 10. shoe size : 6 11. hair color : black. with barely visible brown streaks. heh 12. length : past shoulders 13. eye color : i'd like to say black... 14. pets : a yorkshire terrier, he's in tw tho last 15. movie you rented : i can't remember.. i remember we watched it at jenny's... damn, what movie was that? u could say the last movie i rented was chicago, b/c i borrowed the dvd from winnie. 16. movie you bought : bought? chocolat 17. song you listened to : right now, joey's ?_?��^�| 18. song you had stuck in your head : since i'm listening to a song right now, and it's very repetitive, that's the song i have stuck in my head.. 19. person you've called : jenny 20. person that called you : my mom. or my dad. i don't know, i didn't pick up. 21. tv show you've watched : saved by the bell 22. movie you've watched : chicago. in theatres: tomb raider II 23. person you were thinking of : buubuu 24. person you hugged : buubuu 25. person you kissed : buubuu 26. person you went to eat out with : hotpot w/ jenny winnie dewi ann. so THAT's what i forgot to blog... 27. person you slowed dance with : hmm... probably buubuu 28. person you yelled at : buubuu. 29. person who made you laugh: buubuu 30. person who made you smile : buubuu 31. person who said they love you : buubuu (u know.. the person i got this survey from had the most depressing answers.. for this one he said "no one for a very long time...".....) 32. person to talk to : roz, on icq Best 34. feeling : esctacy. haha 35. thing in the world : thing, like, material thing? money. i'd say cool cars, but u can buy that w/ money... u can also buy delicious food w/ money... 36. thing that happened to you today : finally getting to see buubuu, and he looked so cute too! :) people 37. closest : buubuu 38. tallest : yao ming. haha~ what, person i know? probably... hendra 39. shortest : me... haha... there's also linda 40. meanest : me or dewi, i can't decide objectively 41. nicest : roz. probably b/c she doesn't know better, but it's a good thing, haha 42 loudest : ann. it's the pitch of her voice... 43. smartest : hmm... ann? 44. craziest : i'd say myself, but everyone thinks they are insane, and u can't really measure this type of thing. i should make a 'check-list of crazy things", like do u talk to yourself out loud, do u think u're the only one god trusts, do u believe u have a national top secret file..." 45. most violent : from what i've heard, jim 46. best singer : cindy 47. best dresser : hmm... from my point of view? hmm... probably peter. but i keep on seeing him in the same things... heh 48. makes you laugh the most : well, laugh AT or laugh WITH? heh... i don't really know... maybe roz. 49. makes you smile the most : define smile... do u mean when u get that warm feeling and u light up and then u smile? heh. i have no idea... 50. has a crush on you : nobody i think 51. gives you a funny feeling : define funny feeling?? 52. turns you on : warning, adult content, autourization denied! :p DO: 53. you have a bf or gf : yes, buubuu 54. you wish you could live somewhere else : yes and no... i want to live in tw but i gotta admit it's not a very ideal place to live 55. you think about suicide : yes. less seriously than before now, so no worries 56. you believe in online dating : casual online dating, i suppose. my view is that once u log off all bets are off... 57. you want more piercings : yeah... one more on my ear. i considered a nose ring but won't u have something inside ur nose then? and it'll be harder to clean black heads, use nose masks... heh 58. you want more tattoos : yes, but i can't decide what to get, and my parents will disapprove 59. you drink : as in alchohol? no. 60. you do drugs : yes, acetaminophen. heh heh... (i mean painkillers) 61. you like cleaning : not really. if i'm at other ppl's houses i have an unnatural urge to put a few things back into place, wipe a few dirty spots... but my apartment is usually beyond untidy, so i can't be bothered to start. 62. you write in cursive or print : print 63. you carry a donor card : no. i used to support the idea, but i'm glad i didn't go get one now... i'm not quite sure how i feel about being cut up right after i die... for or against: 64. long distance relationships : if it's a long term or permanent long-D relationship, then i'm against it, cuz ppl are gonna get hurt eventually. 65. using someone: against, but i'm a hypocrite... 66. suicide: umm... i don't really think about if i support it or not... i believe that it's a person's choice whether or not he/she thinks their life is worth living, but if u stop to consider the pain it'll bring those in your life... i don't know... 67. killing people : this is vague... i'm for the death penalty, altho i do wonder how many innocent ppl have been killed... i guess i'm against killing ppl... but only b/c i think it's more malicious to mentally torture ur enemy than to kill them, haha 68. teenage smoking : who am i to say? 69. doing drugs : against. i think. 70. premarital sex : yes. virginity is overrated. 71. driving drunk : AGAINST!! what are u, out of ur mind?! 72. gay/lesbian relationships: for. Favorite (man i suck at defining favourites) 73. song : uhh... 74. thing to do : have a fun or meaningful conversation. i guess i enjoy connecting w/ ppl. 75. thing to talk about : anything controversial, taboo, or gossipy, b/c it generates interest and debate. 76. sport: basketball. even tho i suck miserably at it. 77. drink : coffee, coke, tea (rose and green), depends on the mood. 78. perfume/scent : currently... (goes to washroom and sniffs some of my perfumes)... "shi" by alfred sung. that's for women... men's perfume i like "tommy", and "blue jeans"... mmm. or dove soap... heh 79. holiday : summer holiday, it's the longest, haha 80. ever cried over a girl/ boy : hasn't everyone? 81. ever lied to someone : hasn't everyone? heh 82. ever been in a fist fight / arrested : fist fight yes, arrested no. 83. first crush : i hesitate to consider what if that person reads this, but seriously what are the chances... this boy i was friends with in hawaii. yes, i was only 6. :p 84. first love : the wrong guy. :p 85. most recent crush : crush? i'm not allowed to have crushes. what 86. shampoo do you use : dove 87. are you scared of : loneliness. 88. do you look for in a bf/gf? : somebody i have 'feel' for. 89. do you think is cool? : mint. or a nice convertible. non-convertible cars are ok too, if they are a lambour, or G35 coupe, or sti... u get the general idea. heh number 90. of times I have had my heart broken: i quote the last person to write this survey: "Twice, and i'm FUCKING SICK OF IT". .... *thinks*. maybe only once... 1.5? 91. of hearts I have broken: i don't know... from what they tell me, two, but i hardly believe them. 92. of boys I have kissed? : if i answered this and buubuu saw i'll be in trouble 4 a looong time. 93. of girls I have kissed? : 1 94. of continents I have lived in: 2 95. of drugs taken illegally: 0 96. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: true friends, maybe a handful, maybe less... i don't know... trust-with-my-life type friends? probably none. i am yet to find a single person who's completely ok w/ who i am... 97. of people I consider my enemies: 0, but i have a lot of ppl that i'd like to do evil things to... u know, mutilate them, roast their eyeballs, pour acid over, etc. 98. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with: seeing as i've only graduated for a year, quite a lot... and there's ICQ, it's so easy to stay in touch. 99. of cd's that I own: not counting burned cds, about 200. 100. of things in my past that I regret: many, many, many... i once said "i regret some but i'd change none". i'm not so sure now tho... there are things i would've liked to change, but who knows if they'd've worked out better. wait... oh i can remember something i'd definetly want to go back and change... it probably would've changed the answer to question #90... *sigh*
yay, i finally got to see buubuu...
i'm supposed to be living at his house right now since his family is out for vacation, but his aunt came from hk and is staying, grrr... so btwn showing the aunt around and tutoring lessons, i don't get to see buubuu at all... the only times i've seen him this week are all for about an hour, rushing around... >< he finally took a hint and took me to go see the fireworks, tho we didn't go to the beach... we went somewhere near king edward and macdonald, and u can see the fireworks really really far away... wasn't very impressive. at all. but everyone said that canada's performance was gonna suck anyway... still going to see the next two firework performances~ :) went to get some mcdonald's and went home... yucky big mac has no ketchup in it! ugh! and now that i'm done eating, i'm supposed to be studying.. but i don't wanna, so i'm gonna do a survey, even tho it kinda sucks...
SURVEY!
1) First Grade Teacher: err... err... ms.... ms something... 2) Last word you said: "bye" 3) Last song you sang: eason - 魂翍嗣疑 4) Last person you hugged: my stuffed bunny 6) Last time you said 'I love you': yesterday 7) Last time you cried: this morning 8) What's in your CD player: computer: coco, car: nicholas, headphones: eason, stereo: broken. 9) What color socks are you wearing: not wearing any 10) What's under your bed: *peeks* a pair of glasses and some tissue 11) What time did you wake up today: 12pm 12) Current taste: coca cola 13) Current hair: black, long, straight, parted sideways... 14) Current clothes: umm.. 15) Current annoyance: don't want to study 16) Current longing: something salty. i think i want bbq ribs, or a juicy medium rare sirloin. 17) Current desktop picture: celica photo from speedoptions.com 18) Current worry: i am going to fail my chem123 exam and get kicked out my major and all my courses next year. 19) Current hate: my procrasination 20) Story behind your LJ username: what's LJ? i'm melody_b612.. 21) Current favourite article of clothing: orange checkered short sleeve shirt 22) Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex/same sex: eyes 23) Last CD that you bought: *thinks really hard*... christina aguilera - stripped 24) Favourite place to be: deserted beach on a starry night. 25) Least favourite place: err... gross public portable washrooms 26) Time you wake up in the morning: why would u wake up in the morning? 27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: guitar 28) Favorite color: n/a at the moment 29) Do you believe in an afterlife: somewhat... i believe that if we have a strong thought when we're dying we'll leave an electrical pulse in the airwaves that ppl call ghosts 30) How tall are you: 157cm 31) Current favourite word/saying: *sigh* 32) Favorite book: ��陑縉溜虛眳貉 33) Favorite season: fall 34) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: from my past? that i'm not longer in touch w/? then no one. i think... 35) Favorite day: christmas eve i think 36) Where do you want to go: taiwan 37) What is your career going to be like: successful. hopefully. 38) How many kids do you want?: ideally, zero. realistically, two. 39) What kind of car will you have: a ferrari 360 spyder for fun, a bmw x5 for family, a celica for mods, a sl55 for work... the list goes on. 40) Type a line you remember from any book: "gazing up into the darkness i saw myseflf as a creature driven and derided by vanity; and my eyes burned with anguish and anger." 41) A random lyric: i just answered this recently in another survey... insert lyrics of matchbox20's "unwell"... aww... that didn't take long enough, i'm still stuck with nothing to do except study. i could recount what happens if i don't pass this final.... 1) i won't be able to take biol 200/201 2) or chem 233/235 3) or psyc 260 4) i'll get kicked out of my major 5) i'll have only 3 courses next year so it's pretty serious... i don't know why i'm not freaked out and panicking yet... just... feel like a walk. but there's too many ppl prowling around outside... ppl = yeeeyuk. Saturday, August 02, 2003
fridayfive: why are they always either too deep or too shallow?
1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings? when i absolutely have to. :p lately i've been getting up pretty early, but still slowly getting later and later... 2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late? yes. ideally, until the sun goes down. 3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning? hit snooze about 10 times until i need to get up to pee. 4. How long does it take to get ready for your day? not including the snooze time, 5-10 minutes. 5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast? whitespot~
wednesday
spent the day watching tv, as far as i can recall. went for a walk in kerrisdale in the evening, but too many kids in the playground... drove home to get my cell and dvd, saw some fireworks on the way, a pre-show or something... was heading to dewi's house, changed my mind ten thousand times, and finally ended up picking up ann and dewi to go see the fireworks, cept it was too late to go to the beach so we ended up on the highway, the sight seeing place, and we couldn't see anything, but we could hear the fireworks explode... :p it was nice anyway tho... u can see the ocean and i guess the coral or whatever it is... and stars... :) drove ann home, got some ice cream and went to watch 'chicago' at dewi's. we had brownies w/ hagen daaz ice cream... mmm. thanks to that and two cokes i regained the 3 pounds. :p the movie was good... not as good as i expected, but good anyway. went driving around and around and around after i left dewi's... very nice night for driving around aimlessly... stopped at the beach for a while and saw a big shooting star! for the first time i thought of a wish the instant i saw the star, but it was a stupid wish... kinda wasted it. so smart mel, pish. :p well... it wasn't a stupid wish, it was a good one... but why didn't i wish for something for myself, like 4.0 GPA or perfect health or something... when will i ever get around to making a wish for myself for once?? all the paper stars and paper cranes and wish bracelets and 999 planes and shooting stars... thursday went to safeway for 'grocery shopping'... the only healthy thing i got was grapes... the other stuff i got were like frozen dinners, canned soup, a dozen cans of coke... and i've already drank 3 cans... >___< went out w/ roz in the afternoon. we were gonna wax her car, put it in my parking space and got all the equipment down and stuff, but it turned out her car was already too dirty to wax... when's the next time u're gonna wash ur car roz? heh. ended up in dunbar bubble world where we played 6 games of tai-play and photo-hunt... feeling pretty slow at the games, heh. shopped in shoppers for a long time too... my fascination w/ lip gloss, analyzing different hair removal products... and wow, olay's daily face wash cloths are really improved! better texture and it really lathers and exfoliates better than before! i can feel the difference!! heh heh. ******************* so... today's friday... my final is on tuesday... and i haven't started studying yet... something tells me i should, but... not in the mood for it. everyday i clear my schedule to study w/ david, everyday he runs off doing other things and doesn't see me, or call me... yadda... true, he only does this when something important comes up, but there's ALWAYS something important coming up... this midterm, that exam, this dance, this test, this event, that bandshow, these finals... is this the way the rest of my life is gonna be like? consant reassurance that i'm the most important, but he just has to take care of something else first? i'm tired of being put on hold!
today i am going to focus on my faults.
i procrasinate. i exaggerate. and the older i get, the more that only-child-complex starts to take over... when i am left of the picture i get spiteful and my feelings get hurt way too easily and i jump to conclusions - ppl don't like me, ppl don't care about me, ppl think i'm annoying. and then i become annoying. am i gonna do anything about these faults of mine? nah. i'm also not very good w/ responsibility.  |