have you left already?
all i need to do is call...
but what would i say?
what's my motivation?

tuesday
breakfast 6am w/ jenny n winnie @ denny's. not as good as whitespot, tho a lot more choices. i still order the same things tho... had coffee, it was better than i expected... winnie gets pretty high on caffiene... it seems ppl are always going to be addicted to something... u quit drinking but u gotta smoke, u quit smoking but u gotta have coffee, u quit the coffee but u can't stop sucking on candy...

went home after breakfast and spent a long time on websites, mainly celica-related websites... found out about the 2004 Bentley Continental GT, 560hp at just 1600rpm. no, i did not make a typo, @ 1600rpm. twin turbo, all wheel drive... 60 mph (~100km//h) in just 4.7 seconds on the way to a top speed of more than 190 mph (312 km/h). WHOA.

slept for a couple hours in the afternoon.. the heat and construction noise kept me up... buubuu came late afternoon, went to have subway... then went to jenny's for weekly car wash... so unmotivated to wash the car since i have to bring it to chris to fix soon anyway... roz tried waxing her car, she has diamond kote too, but... yeah... it's never as easy as ppl think, even when u expect it to be hard already.. :p

helped jenny wash the grill for the bbq but got two big mosquito bites again so ran inside... i'm never staying in jenny's backyard after 6pm in the summer again...

went to get a coke and then home for a while... found out that i do fit into my old jeans now afterall... why do i feel extra bloated then?

dewi came by to pick me up and we went to watch tomb raider II w/ jenny jim shao ann. sort of. i saw them for maybe 20 seconds combined. the movie was gooood... but damn accents i don't have time to think about what they're saying... they said something meaningful near the end and i can't remember what it was!! grrr. it had some meaning to me too, but i have no idea what it was and that just bothers me.

went oto #9 w/ dewi afterwards. i don't think we stopped talking the entire time... yak yak yak yak yak... haven't yaked so much continuously for a looong time... we started talking about raising children in the end, even tho i kept on saying "omg we're only 19"... it's... very very scary... i need to slow down and enjoy my teenage years. 'that's no excuse to not study chem tho,' says the voice in my head... :p

the thoughts are in my head but i can't capture them again... i think i'm gonna go read my 'birthday book'... it's a book about personality according to birthdate... a HUGE book... and it's very true in my case... but being a psyc student i really should know better. see, i'll never make a great psychologist cuz i willingly and knowingly fall for this type of deception. but that's human, right? we'll believe anything if it's along the general lines of what we want to be true...
posted by melody at 7/30/2003 04:35:00 p.m.

it's been a really hot day, i can't believe i got off my ass to do stuff in this heat... but i did, for once.

went to downtown around noon cuz the shoe store told me they'd order the converse shoes that i need for winnie's b-day gift, but it turned out they did order converse shoes but not that color or size. damn them... the guy who told me that wasn't there so i couldn't accuse him for being a liar... good thing too, i didn't like that guy for some weird reason. this is another point where i'm like my dad... if i don't like the vendor i'd go to lengths to avoid letting him get my $ - i searched quite a few shops before going to that one, even ones i've already checked before. :p

i was gonna bus to downtown since the shoe store is right in front of the bus stop, whereas driving means walking from around banana republic to capitol 6... but i got lazy, and figured i'll go get a jugo juice anyway... the roof-less parking lot was full so i ended up in the underground one, which is $3/hr... the shoes didn't work out, i went to get jugo juice, and was too lazy and unmotivated to shop, so i just hopped back on the car and left... so i was there for like 35 minutes. that's like... $1/10minutes. ouch. heh.

don't really see a point in shopping, since i know i'll end up thinking "this is all overpriced, i don't NEED anything anyway", and leave... well, i do need new jeans (b/c sadly i still don't fit in my old ones and i don't think i will again in the next few months)... but shopping for jeans in the summer is just a bad idea... u know how u sweat and it's not as easy to wriggle in and out of pants b/c it's humid... and also if u don't buy the jeans but u think there's ur sweat on there and someone else will end up w/ it unknowingly... heh. (i guess from now on u are going to wash all new clothes before wearing them, haha)

tried a new drink at jugo-juice - powerzone - strawberries, pineapple, lime sorbet, pure orange juice, and tropical nectar with energizer boost, cold-fighter boost & brain boost. tasted pretty good... but i think i still prefer stuff w/ a little yogurt in it... mmm... i'm obsessed w/ jugo juice, if there was one near home i'd go broke real soon... well... actually several locations in downtown are pretty close.. but parking, ugh.

got home, dewi asked me to go to granville island but my leg was aching where the mosquitoes bit me so i said no, but i ended up going out later anyway... oops. went to get winnie's card from peter but turns out he didn't write ANYTHING... b/c i said "oh u don't have to write much, just draw if u want", and he ended up JUST drawing... so had to wait and wait and wait while he wrote stuff. i don't think i've ever seen anybody trying so hard to think of something sensible to write... i was joking that if i end up tutoring joey and he was like peter i'd have a very easy job... just spend the entire hour making him write. heh.

peter has air con in the basement!! *sigh* i want air con... chatted for a while and then went to find winnie so peter can see the 'card', and went to the beach... i don't really know what we went to the beach for since we just sat on a log and... didn't really talk, haha, but the drive was fun for me. enjoyed driving today, altho it was burning hot, and traffic-y, and as usual some near crashes, heh.

made winnie go to the car to get my wallet and then buy me onion rings, but it turns out i forgot my wallet, oops. i later remembered that i had some money in my pocket, but too late. oh well, curly fries and onion rings aren't good for me... fatness and oil... re-used oil... i'm supposedly trying to cut down on sweets like candy, fraps and bubble tea, and try to stay away from fast food and chips and fries... but... i'll give it a week... maybe less.... going to watch tomb raider II tmw, will probably end up with a coke and popcorn w/ margarine. heh heh

jenny came for about 10 minutes.. i walked out a bit into the water, it was cool but not cold!! there were ppl walking pretty far out. the tide wasn't low but u can still walk out to really far and only have water up to around your elbow. well for me probably my shoulder. :p couldn't walk ooout tho since i was wearing a skirt.. grr.. i thought i was just going to pick up the card and go back home so i was wearing sneakers w/o socks... eee.

the ppl at the log next to us had two mats out and bags and food in the bags and they went off to play volleyball, and we observed as a few crows came to peck at the food... dragging bags of food out and pecking through the cover... and we just sat there and wondered if we should tell the ppl or not... i eventually went to shoo the crows away but of course they came back in less than a minute... when we got up to leave the crows flew away again but this time one of them carried a bag of what i take to be cereal away with him, haha... smart crow.

went to eat pho in richmond after driving ppl home. i'm getting more and more used to this eating alone thing... soon i'll be having steak dinners by myself. ok... maybe not... :p

got so full from noodles and iced milk coffee, started feeling sick on the way home... especially since i mixed spicy hot noodles w/ ice cold coffee, heh. stopped at jenny's since i swapped cell batteries w/ michael last time, stood in the doorway and 'made' them chat w/ me until jim showed up and i yelled "run~~~" and left. :p

was going to go to buubuu's at night to study w/ him since he's been saying he needs to study for a long time, but turns out he's only just going out for dinner right now... so i've got nothing to do~ well i could of course study by myself at home, but... not too keen on that... haha. i calculated and i need 45% on the final to pass the course. and i'll have a bit higher than 50% after that b/c 20% is the lab mark and... oh i'm too lazy to explain. heh.

fished out a few old cds i'd forgotten i had... two of them are those mix cds the record company produces, their best hits of the year or something... it's amazing how old the songs are... also fished out a cd titled "nature", it's a cd about that woman who studies apes... i forgot her name... joan something? i don't know... there's a song in there that leehom wrote and sang! i don't think anybody knows about this song, haha... i only have this cd b/c one of my cousins from my dad's side worked in a record company and was on leehom's PR team for a while. too bad she wasn't after he got really famous, heh. last i heard she quit the job and became a manager... as in manager for a singer... i wonder if that worked out and who she's working for now... heh.

WOW!! it's this song!! i don't remember the name of the song... i know 菺淏秖 and 笚雌鏗 sang it... (u can probably tell it's REALLY old now, heh). WOW... i still remember the music video for this song... WOW... haha i think i'm gonna go listen to these old cds now. i also unearthed "columbia jazz - super singers hits". mmm... music...
posted by melody at 7/29/2003 12:34:00 p.m.

had a bbq 'party' at jenny's on saturday. so much for a party... but then it might just be me, i think i've lost the ability to enjoy myself... felt nauseous so i went late and by the time i got there almost everyone was in the backyard already, but instead of going in i got out of the car and sat on the curb for a long while, wondering what would be the point of going in... it was an ok bbq, aside from the 3 big mosquito bites i got near the end that are still haunting me... they've actually become three huge hard lumps on my leg that ache and itch at the same time, and woke me up several times in the night...

after everyone went in from the bbq i eventually found myself in a separate room away from everyone else again... i ask myself what's wrong w/ myself, then i tell myself that t's probably just 'all in the mind', but then i ask, what is all in the mind? what's on your mind? and i don't know the answer...

went to the beach after i left jenny's, there was some sort of... i dunno what it was... i saw a couple firetrucks and some weird boat in the waters. rescue mission? i didn't find out tho, b/c i put the seat down and started gazing at the stars, there were so many of them... and next thing i know i fell asleep... woke up later and managed to get myself home and washed up to sleep.

was up by 9am again on sunday, which seems to be the norm lately... no matter how late i go to sleep, be it 12am or 6am, i always seem to be up by 9am.. finally got to go out for lunch w/ buubuu at white spot, then we brought the car to chris and he said i'd have to buy the entire replacement for my side mirror and that $50 is cheap... :p so after i order the parts i need to bring that to him and he'll fix it plus the air bubbles... damn air bubbles, it's always the air bubbles...

we were supposed to study but lazy-ass buubuu came home and fell asleep instead, and i ended up sleeping too. i think i must've spent a lot of time sleeping yesterday... i remember going to bed at 9 something at night, and this morning i was up at 9am...

anyway. went to kerrisdale on saturday near noon... it feels almost festive there, there was a soul/jazz group performing outside shoppers and ppl in summer attire walking around everywhere... spent a long time at the bank just trying to get my VISA bill automatically deducted from the bank account, a process that shouldn't take longer than a couple minutes, but the teller took real real long... they should have chairs instead of making ppl stand there and wait, and don't the tellers get tired from standing too?? :p

should start studying my chem, should start studying my chem. i tell myself that every hour or so, but how do i just start studying? well i'd have to clear a surface to study first... and it's always easier to have someone to study with, but everybody's done summer school and david isn't a great help... *sigh*
posted by melody at 7/29/2003 02:21:00 a.m.

i just realized i've never opened the booklet in the album of india arie's 'acoustic soul'. i take it to mean that the album is really really good... cuz i remember that i bought it and as soon as i got home i opened it and popped it into the stereo and there it has stayed... well, from stereo to stereo to discman... it's a really good album... norah jones got more famous for her grammys but india arie's album is much better. (in my personal opinion that is. not that i don't think norah jones is good. i don't know why i'm still ranting.)

posted by melody at 7/27/2003 08:20:00 a.m.

very creative issue of fridayfive.. i'll try to answer it creatively... don't take me too seriously tho.

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
4.5% acidic. it's one of those titles u'll never understand the significance of till u've watched the movie and paid serious attention, reading btwn the lines and stuff like that. and it's also one of those annoying titles b/c u just can't seem to figure it out and it bothers ppl, and i bother ppl. sometimes i think i revel in being a nuisiance to certain people, despite the backlashes of that.

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
stuff like TLC- my life, nic- �s�?�?, mayday songs, ��?k�?, OLP... mostly songs w/ a lot of personality... about not being understood, or being misunderstood, and being unapologetically me but going slightly nuts nevertheless... like matchbox20's unwell...

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
live-action. b/c animated films tend to be too vivid in color and everything... i expect something like moulin rouge, sometimes the colors are gray-scaled, sometimes vibrant w/ too much going on...

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
i wouldn't get ppl i know to play me, b/c they'd probably interpret my character the way they see me, and that tends to be very different from the way i feel about myself. whoever gets casts has to be somewhat eccentric... according to emode it would be angelina jolie, i guess i'd agree. angelina jolie from girl interupted tho, not angelina jolie from tomb raider. actually... winoa ryder might be better...

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
u begin by me sitting somewhere... on a small boat in a lake, in a dark underground room, something inexplicably eerie, and the camera spins around me and everything spins till i shoot a glance at the screen and everything but me staring at the screen is spinning. dizzy yet? then u start falling. or i start falling. or the camera does, and everything in my life flicks past real quick, kinda like in X-men when xavier uses that machine of his to search for mutants. i don't know how i want the trailer to end tho... we'll see about that.
posted by melody at 7/27/2003 08:15:00 a.m.

currently listening to: india arie, album: acoustic soul

been revising the sponsorship proposal form and trying to translate it into chinese... i can't believe how much my chinese sucks now... i have to pause continuously as i try to remember how to write a certain word or how to phrase something... *sigh* what am i gonna do?

ups and downs again these days... at least it's nothing too extreme.

been losing track about recording down the events of my life... i know i slept about a total of 20 hours on wednesday... started studying for my psyc test around 2-3am on thursday... managed to finish reading the 5 chapters in the text but didn't have time to review... hastily read over my notes 3 minutes before the exam and realized all i needed to know for this 10 mark short answer question was right there organized in my class notes... :p felt like a big doofus, but i did alright..

was kinda worried b/c i half-forgot whether the fundamental attribution error is when u blame other ppl's actions on their personality or on the situation they're in, b/c the short ans + related MC could cost me 7+ marks if i got it wrong.. but i assumed correctly, yay~

not too stressed about psyc results, think i'll have a low B or B- at least... now i'm just sorta subconciously stressed about the chem final, tho i haven't done anything about it yet...

friday was supposed to be my day off - no studying, no worrying... didn't really succeed at that. i got up at 6:30 in the morning and waited till noon to call ppl for lunch, ended up at fukuroku w/ jenny and ann. my appetite has really shrunk... should it be 'shrunk' or 'shrunken'?

it felt like i spent a lot of time in the car on friday, since i was out from 12:30-4:00 and lunch couldn't've taken longer than an hour... found out that armorall protectant wipes are much better than armorall protectant spray, since it doesn't get messy... but u also get a much much much more glossy effect... my dashboard constantly looks like someone just wiped it w/ a wet towel...

i think i have a tendency to cry for no reason at all... i just get really emotional and then the tears come out. i think buubuu's probably really sick of it by now, when i start loosing my wit and trail behind him holding his hand as if he's going to disappear the next second if i let him leave my sight... the reasoning is ridiculous but the emotions are real...

finished reading the handmaid's tale a couple hours before my psyc test, :p. i'm so amazed how i have no memory capacity for what i read in books... i don't seem to remember anything about the handmaid's tale, or a lot of the other books on my bookshelf... maybe that's why i can stand reading the same books over and over again - i can even completely forget the ending. i tend to remember only bits and pieces that had meant something to me... take 'macbeth' for example, i can remember lady macbeth's speech about making her a man so she can take things into her hands and blah blah, but i don't remember anything else that happens in the play until ppl start reminding me. even now i only remember that there were witches involved, and something about macbeth wanted to kill a king and he did but he got paranoid. and i only remember this b/c i saw a short documentary about the actual macbeth on tv...

yearning for the beach, but not anxious to see the crowd... wish i knew where to find an empty, unoccupied strip of nice beach.. yeah... right... i have to remind myself this isn't hawaii... there're only so many beaches and ppl swarm all over like ants over spilled juice.

using a Freudian perspective, is it significant that i described ppl as ants? or that i initially typed "an empty strip of nice ppl" by mistake?

don't mind my obscure thoughts... i feel pretty flat right now... lowered dopamine activity, :p
posted by melody at 7/27/2003 08:02:00 a.m.

i love it when i get interesting/bizarre quiz results:





take the virgin-whore dichotomy quiz.


and go to mewing.net. where we're all studs.

posted by melody at 7/26/2003 07:46:00 p.m.

almost crashed to my death just now... will explain in a bit...

sunday
didn't sleep the night before, went out to whitespot to eat breakfast by myself, yummy nat bailey's fabulous french breakfast with two sunny side up eggs two sausages two strips of bacon 4 slices of french toast and hashbrowns. mm. picked up winnie and roz and met at jenny's to go to stanley park for s.u.c.c.e.s.s. walk with the dragon.

took a while for everyone to get assembled... it was only me jenny winnie roz florence hector ahboyboy n ahboyboy's friend... that's pretty sad considering we're going as c.a.s.s... there's only 8 ppl and only 6 are execs... :p oh well... the walk was pretty boring, we just walked and walked and walked. oddly enough i wasn't tired, i was actually a lot more hyper than i would've thought i could be... we almost finished the 3km but turned in to the parking lot a while before the finish line. it didn't feel like 3km... i really think we took the 5km or 7km course by mistake... cuz 3km = 6.8 laps around the pg track, and that definetly felt much much longer than 7 laps...

roz and winnie were dead lookin' by the time we were done and *ahem* finally found our way out of stanley park, heh heh~ but it turned out to be a sunny day afterall so me and jenny went to wash our cars... i took so long to wash kaka, took so much care... but then i didn't have the energy or time to wax her, AGAIN. buubuu says i'm crazy b/c i wax my car TOO much, it's gotta be bad for it or something.. the truth is, i've only waxed my car 2 times since i bought it... that's once every 5 months, very reasonable, isn't it? heh~

i dunno if it's just b/c i don't closely inspect everyone else's car, but i feel like there's so many more scratches on mine. *sigh* and I DIDN'T DO IT!! -______-"

after a really long car-wash session i went home to meet w/ buubuu. i went into a crazy cleaning mood, cleared up stuff and washed all the bedsheets etc... then we dozed off and when i woke up it was night already. i don't remember much of what happened so i assume i just wasted the entire day away again... slept at about 3am...

monday
woke up at 6:33am and decided i might as well go get some breakfast and buy breakfast for buubuu too. he didn't really want me to go school w/ him cuz he had a full day of class and bball afterwards, but in the end he asked me to go w/ him b/c he knows i wanted to stick w/ him all day, :)

ended up sleeping in the car for first math class, then for econ david fell asleep and i tried to read up on freud... then we skipped another math class w/ the hot professor... then he had tutorial and i read more about freud.. then lunch, horrible cold pasta, exactly like the ones they have in pg caf now... afterwards he went to play ball and i read MORE freud... i can't believe i spent the entire day in sfu reading about freud and taking notes... for 20 pages of the text, i took 5 big pages of notes... that's all i did... *sigh*

i went out to the car early and drove it into a shade cuz it was so hot i could barely breathe... aired it out and since i had nothing better to do i wiped off the tree powdery stuff that accumulated in the morning... turned on air con and drove to the entrance to wait till david comes out from bball... i feel saintly, by the time he got into the car it was refreshingly cool. got bubble tea at dunbar and went home afterwards. i think i slept... like i said, it's all a blur to me. i can't seem to remember anything, or be able to account for the lost hours... it all feels so far away.... i know i woke up from my nap, and slept again around 5:30am...

tuesday (today)
woke up at 8:30am and stayed up cuz it was so unbearably hot and noisy from the construction. watched some tv then studied a little, then decided to go out to get subway.

this is when the weird thing happens... i passed the construction site and a worker looked at me and came over, i thought he was gonna ask me for the time or somethin like that, but he ended up saying something like "hey, how are u", "are you going to the beach?", "alright, u have a nice day". @___@

i'm puzzled... it was weird not only b/c he just came up to talk to me, but also b/c... i dunno. it was just... very very weird. and after i got my sub and was walking back (on the other side of the sidewalk, intentionally), he was on what will become the second floor of the building and he yelled "you have a nice day now!" again. @___@"

afterwards i started wondering if maybe he got told off for being rude to the ppl who lived around the construction site or something so he's doing it to spite his boss or something... *confusion*

tried studying all afternoon... i finished the chapter on personality at last... only one chapter, ai~ went to the psyc experiment.... the medical stimuli lab is the worst experiment ever... it's so formal, and it's questionnaire after questionnaire after questionnaire... and then the lab researcher kept on asking me about the minor inconsistencies and details of my answers... blah blah... and it was only for credits! ai~ finally got it done tho... went to psyc...

today's class on social psyc should be pretty interesting, but i started half falling asleep, and that's when i suddenly realized that i only had 3 hours of sleep... at one point i was rested my head on the desk while i listened to him talk, and i started to fall asleep when suddenly my entire body jerked and i woke up... shocked sandy and apple and the ppl around me, haha. i don't know why i jerked either, we were joking about how i was entering stage one sleep, hahaha~

went to get my jacket from the parkade during break.... amazed that i didn't just drive away, b/c we're just watching a video for the second part of class.. it was a good video talking about stress and health... there was a guy w/ severe depression in it b/c he was more or less a workaholic and he got fired... there was a woman who didn't have time for her kids or herself... there was a young japanese girl who died of karoshi (over-worked herself to death)... and this computer guy who's weird and sings opera to himself, i didn't get what his point was.

started thinking about karoshi... don't think it could ever happen to me just b/c i'm so lazy. tho it could right now, i'm getting so little sleep these days b/c of the heat and what not... maybe i'm stressed about the psyc and chem exams.

awww, somehow apple got 1% higher than me on the last psyc test, when she copied me! HOW!! hahaha~

oh yeah... about how i almost crashed to death... it was a 3 way intersection, i was at the stop sign left-turning to join the main road... i knew i was tired so i triple-checked that no cars were coming, then i pulled out, and all of a sudden there was a car coming, really really fast, so i had to step on it and turn really really really fast, and the car just missed me... it didn't honk, it didn't slow down... it just went ZOOM... i don't even know where it came from...?!! if i wasn't so tired i think i might be traumatized, especially after going over the whole memory of that ER clip during the psyc experiment. it occured to me that maybe the driver didn't see me... but HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE, he was inches away form smacking into my side!! o-e.... well i'm home safe now...

ZzzzZZzz. think i'm gonna go get some sleep.. if i can. got no energy for anything.. i'm starving but i've got no energy to eat... or the appetite for it... maybe i'm way more stressed than i realize.... x___X"
posted by melody at 7/23/2003 01:10:00 p.m.

wow... the mtv for evanescense's song "going under" is cool...

if u could have a super power, what would it be? a very specific super power...
i think it'd be cool to be able to manipulate ppl's dreams...
give all the ppl i hate horrible nightmares... i would probably have a drowned ghost like in the "going under" mtv to haunt ppl, and all sorts of deformed demons walking around, etc... or put them in a dream where they are schizophrenic... make them think everyone is out to get them... mmm...

if i was asked this question a couple years ago i would've probably wanted to be able to read minds... but now i find that it's not that great to know what everybody is thinking... it'll make life very very miserable, b/c we're all so *#&$# inside. i'm not quite sure what *#&$# is... evil? envious? competitive? ugly? i think i'm starting to believe that ppl are basically evil more and more now.
posted by melody at 7/20/2003 07:23:00 p.m.

currently listening to:
some song that goes:
"after all they shared
how could he simply say no
after all they shared
he turned away from her to go
she said she wouldn't cry
that was really just a lie"

after going to this website i started thinking, what would i do if my baby was deformed? after all, the number of abnormal babies are rising, and is expected to rise b/c of all the industrial changes and drug use, right? what would YOU do if ur child was deformed, but lived?

WARNING: the website listed above contains disturbing photos of deformed babies.

happy moment of the day(20th): time spent w/ buubuu in the afternoon. :)

i was up till 9:30am in the morning.. didn't get a lot of good sleep today, kept on waking up. buubuu came over in the afternoon for a couple hours... after he left i fell asleep again till night time.

went to watch legaly blonde 2 w/ jenny and peter. big mistake, it was bad! it was horrible! nothing like what i expected... *sigh* afterwards we went to bubble world on granville but i didn't want to eat instant noodles there so i only got a drink. i figured i'll just go get some other food when we go home.. but i didn't... so i'm stil starving right now... all i ate today are a couple crackers (and it's ?��L so i'm still starving) and one bubble tea. *sigh* i think i'll wait a couple hours, then go eat mcdonald's breakfast. or go eat whitespot breakfast by myself... i should... try to read some psyc...

after i got home i felt like maybe i should've just stayed home all night... felt slightly worse than when i left the house...

been depending on books and tv to stop myself thinking dull pointless depressing thoughts... watch about 4-7 hours of tv per day i think... at 4am i start watching saved by the bell, then 2 episodes of lois and clark (haven't seen that for years, dean cain is still cute)... very tempted to continue watching 2 hours of dawson's creek, but b/c i've never watched it i feel like i can't keep up... plus if i did i'd be awake till 9am just watching tv. :p

can't get myself interested in any new books, instead i keep on re-reading the old ones... right now i'm reading the handmaid's tale again. and the august issue of cosmo. :p

saw th generation supra concept car in a magazine today... 360hp... i forgot the other specs... it looks somewhat like 7th gen celica cept smoother, and 360hp... mmm. too bad they don't have supra in canada at all.

just realized that i've only got 4 days (less than that) till my psyc final and i haven't read anything, and i've missed a class. ouch. i'd still pass, i could even just start reading the text the night before... but i shouldn't do that...

i should worry more about the chem final, i still haven't found out for sure whether it's on 29th or 4th. i'm such a lazy #$(*&.
posted by melody at 7/20/2003 07:08:00 p.m.

i feel like lately i've been hearing a lot of ppl complaining about things that they chose themselves or have control over... and i think to myself, if u don't like it, then why do it? if u're tired of it, why stick with it? and then i remembered that i do that myself... i choose something, thinking it'll be good... then i complain about it as it gets stressful, but for whatever reasons i don't quit, i just keep on complaining and make life more miserable than it already is for myself...

when in these situations people often use the excuse that "i didn't ask for this"... well... u didn't really refuse it either, did u?

the bottom line: we can only blame ourselves for the misfortunes we encounter? -______-"

been hurting my left ribcage lately, since i go to sleep after the sun has come up. in order to avoid the sun i have to sleep on my left side and half roll over, so i'm pressing down hard on the left side of my ribcage and surrounding areas... and it's sore. :( wish i could get heavy blinds to completely block out the sun...

things i would like to do to my apartment...
1) install a real light in my room b/c the flourescent lights are giving me so many moles/freckles/sun spots.
2) get blinds to block out sun in my room.
3) install an air conditioner. (this is less realistic)
4) find a day and way to clean the windows, inside and out. apartment management hired a company to power-wash the windows and balcony railings but as far as i can see they bare did ANYTHING... don't know how i'm going to do it tho, most of the windows i can't reach, even with a squeegee.

i think that's about it... i've quit the idea of putting chairs out on the balcony cuz of the construction noise and dirt... and the view isn't that great either.

things i'd like to do w/ my car, chronologically:
1) wash it.
2) repair paint chips.
3) wax it.
4) vacuum inside, wipe dashboard and rub in protectant, clean windows, shine wheel rims, etc.
5) repair broken side mirror (need ~$80).
6) talk to chris about the air bubbles. this is more important but i'm just lazy and haven't thought up my plan about how to confront him yet.
7) repair dents on both sides of car b/c some jackasses didn't look when they opened their god-damned fucking car doors. (need ~$1500+). will probably never do this cuz it's not worth the $... unless i can get the dents 'sucked out'...
8) mods. i'll probably never get to this point so i don't think i should list it... it's never gonna happen... :(

mmm... 7:27am. go buy pancakes n coke, or go to sleep? or french toast... i really really really want french toast!! i need a midnight dinner and breakfast buddy...
posted by melody at 7/19/2003 10:36:00 p.m.

i just remembered having a dream last night... i dreamt that mom and dad were here, but dad was leaving later that day and mom the next day.. i was in bed and dad said he'd better get to the airport now, and i started crying and crying... i remember dreaming that i rolled over in my bed and kept on weeping... then i woke up. and realized i was still crying...
posted by melody at 7/19/2003 10:14:00 p.m.

a very sensitive issue of fridayfive:

1. When was the last time you cheated?
the last psyc test i helped a friend cheat off me. the last time i cheated myself was the last math midterm in math 101. i still failed. :p

2. When was the last time you stole?
*thinks* i don't remember when, but one of those times when i told the 7-11 clerk that i had 20 gummies, when there was really 21-22 in the bag.

3. When was the last time you lied?
*thinks* it must be rather recent. i'm a compulsive liar u know. i could be lying about being a compulsive liar right now, in fact. maybe last night when i told peter he's really not that ugly... hahaha, kidding. i can't remember specifically... only white lies lately.

ohhh yeah... david sprouted allergies on his forehead, and i told him that it's becuz i put a hex on him, if he smoked he'd get ugly stuff on his face... i think he believed me, haha. that would've been a cool hex if it really worked. that was only joking tho... the lie i've been telling all my life and recently is most likely "i'm okay".

4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property?
i broke pin's wax hand a few years ago. since then i've also broken a test tube in chem12. *squeezes eyebrows in concentration*. that's all i can remember so far. i was also afraid i had broken jenny's toilet on the first floor, but apparently every once in a while the water will just rise to the rim and then slowly go back down (or not). :p

question 5 deleted.
posted by melody at 7/19/2003 10:13:00 p.m.

craving coca cola. or a cig... but can't have either.
well i could have a coke... but i'd have to get dressed and go out to buy one... and it's less than an hour from my bedtime. :p
oh yeah, my sleeping is finally somewhat stablized... i sleep from approx 7:30am-4:30pm now, unless i gotta get up for stuff.

on thursday i missed a psyc 100 class for the first time. >< i was so determined not to, even tho i was having horrible stomach cramps... i got up, got dressed, packed my bag, went down and got the car... but i didn't get very far... by the time i reached kits secondary (that's about 4 blocks) my stomach hurt so much i had to turn back. the darnest thing is that by 7:30pm the tylenol and ginger tea kicked in and i was well enuff to go out to get dinner. :p i probably should've gone for an hour of class, but... oh well. i ended up convincing myself that i wanted congee, so i started driving... i stopped to get gas and decided kfc is fine afterall, and headed back home. mostly been at home fighting cramps since...

i wonder if there's anyone out there who isn't a prisoner of their past... it's hard not to keep on thinking about it.. the past...

it's hard to keep a sensible thought in my head when i'm craving coke this much.. now i crave pancakes and french toast too. who can i wake up for breakfast? nobody... if anyone even picked up the phone they'd probably just curse me and slam it back on the reciever anyway.

oh, i just remembered a funny little story i kept on forgetting to blog... one night i decided i wanted to eat some boiled egg, so i popped two into a small pot and turned on the fire. i went back to bed to read and i fell asleep. a while later i woke up, and immediately felt like i forgot something. then i smelled something burn... i jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen to find that the water in the pot had completely dried and the egg was smoking a bit, so i shut off the fire, thinking "phew it didn't burn". then i paused. there was one egg in the pot. i put in TWO. then i realized that the other egg had literally exploded into a hundred little pieces and was ALL OVER MY KITCHEN. i started to clean away the pieces, but for the next two days i kept on coming across some egg or shell stuck on another pot or the cupboard, etc.

when u soak a raw egg in vinegar, it becomes rubbery.
when u cook a raw egg too long, it explodes.

i don't know if i should be glad to have this experience and knowledge...
posted by melody at 7/19/2003 10:06:00 p.m.

if only there were something to do right now.
something fun and enjoyable to do.
so that rules out dishes and general cleaning and studying.
tho i should really get a move on w/ chem...
i was reminded by the chem department that my registration in chem 233 is based on the assumption that i will pass chem123. :p

i finished reading all 5 harry potter books... surprised myself by reading the entire 4th volume in a 24 hour period...
haven't been doing much besides reading lately tho... tuesday was my most eventful day... kinda dizzifying in a way too.

went to pick up buubuu at 10:45am so he could go do his psyc experiment. i parked in west parkade and drive round and round and round till the 4th level, accompanied buubuu to his experiment room, then decided i should go to the SUB and photocopy and mail some stuff, but was lazy, so i drove to north parkade... then i drove back to the psyc building to pick up buubuu and went to the village for lunch. the sushi place across from starbucks isn't that good... at least the sushi wasn't, i'm told the terriyaki rice kind of food is pretty good. while we were in starbucks i realized that i had left my driver's license in the photocopying machine, so we went back to north parkade and then SUB, but my driver's license was no where to be found. i asked the post office and copy center but nobody had turned it in, and since it's been an hour i don't think anybody was going to turn it in... *sigh*

kinda distressing to lose my driver's license... getting a replacement isn't a bad hassle and turned out didn't cost as much as i expected($17), but the thought of someone using my ID out there... (otherwise why would they take it)... using it to buy cigarettes alcohol or to enter clubs is minor, but a really annoying voice in my head tells me that they might use to it to make fake ID for other purposes... like use my identity. eeeeee!! i'm just being slightly paranoid...

anyway, me and buubuu both had two more psyc tests that afternoon so i drove back to west parkade again. i'm not supposed to talk about the experiment AT ALL, but for one of them i was told i'd be watching some ER footage that might be somewhat disturbing... but before the video i was instructed to pay attention to the medical procedures, and i did... so i saw a guy who had a car accident get wheeled into the ER, i guess they think he broke his neck cuz they had a collar around his neck... the guy kept on saying he was fine, but his blood pressure dropped all of a sudden and then they all of sudden had to pump his chest, then they cut him open and found out his aorta burst, so they had to do all sorts of things, and there was blood ALL OVER the floor... then they started electrocuting his heart, but it wouldn't beat properly, and all of a sudden the doctor said "5:37... all right, thank you everybody." and walked out of the room, and i realized that the guy had died...

i'm supposed to keep a memory diary over the next week and record every single time i spontaneously think about the film and precisely what i think about, but the last three times i thought about it i just kept on thinking how i didn't realize the guy was dead, and i felt NOTHING throughout or after the video. for this kind of psyc experiment u usually do a form before and then afterwards... before the video when asked if i felt pleasant, i said "somewhat" b/c i was cold... after the video i chose "moderately so" b/c my afternoon's experiments were almost over, :p. and then when asked if i thought about what the patient was feeling, or what the patient's family might think, i said "not at all". man... jenny and ann kept on saying i'm cold blooded, heh.

u know... i think i just gave most of the experiment away. it's ok... nobody will see and happen to do the same experiment... heh. i haven't told u the point of the experiment anyway. i think the girl might've told me not to tell anybody ANYTHING about 'what i have to do' b/c if i did tell ppl that u had to go in TWICE, and do a memory diary, they wouldn't volunteer anymore, hahaha~ especially since they were only offering course credit, not $$.

after the experiments me and buubuu went to get me a new driver's license, then bubble tea on dunbar and some subway then went to his house to eat. i took a nap on the sofa till it was time for class, and went to west parkade AGAIN. ><

this time the prof didn't give us many overheads AT ALL, but i still managed to take 8 pages of notes... annoyed by myself, haha. but then the topic was "psychopathology", i can't be blamed. (in case u don't feel the way i do about psychology, psychopathology is the most important and interesting part to me).

afterwards i went to stb w/ jenny and ann and tried to study... but all i did was recopy the psyc notes from last thursday, when we took 10 pages of notes and i was writing so fast it was super messy and unorganized. then we went to i-cafe to eat and they kept on trying to get us to leave cuz they were closing... really rude about it... then we went home.

ai, my head's hurting all of a sudden don't want to finish blogging, heh... but just for my own remembering purposes, monday night me and buubuu went to eat at yamakiya, then rented '8 mile' and watched it w/ buubuu at his house. was that monday? and were those two events on the same day? i can't remember.. oww... pain...

posted by melody at 7/17/2003 07:11:00 p.m.

*sigh*. i couldn't register for chem 233 and 235 b/c i haven't officially finished chem 123 yet.
didn't know missing that final would have this many repercussions.
this is all so annoying.. add contacting chem department to my list of chores now.
posted by melody at 7/14/2003 11:08:00 p.m.

what do you want for your birthday this year? - my birthday already passed this year. yeah yeah i know u mean the next birthday. depends, at this moment i would say a 70-horse power chip for my car. but that's unrealistic. maybe a thorough pampering for my car... pay for repairing all the rock chips and scratches, the side rear view mirror, and then give it a good wash and inside detailing and waxing... basically a spa ticket for my car.
have you ever egged somebody's house? - nope.
has someone ever egged yours? - nope. tho i did find out that a year b4 i moved into my guardian's house peter egged it. very interesting...
do we all go a little mad sometimes? - we're constantly mad. i am, anyway.
what pisses you off more than anything in the world? - broken promises, when they are broken b/c the person never intended to keep the promise. and fakeness. and self-centeredness. here we go again...
do you still go trick or treating? - i want to, but no one would go w/ me. if i put on a mask i'm still the right height...
do you believe in santa claus? - that such a person actually exists, and delivers toys all over the world on christmas eve? no.
have you ever worked in a supermarket? - no.
how about a restaurant? - no.
if yes, do you agree with me when i say that those are the two worst establishments to work in? - n/a.
what color is your bedspread? - pink.
do your eyes change colors? - as much as any normal person's eyes do.
do you believe that we walked on the moon? - yes.
what's your opinion of the u.s. retaliation in afghanistan? - dumbass americans trying to be heros.
do you live by yourself? - yes.
have you ever gotten a computer virus? - yes.
if so, what was it and how did you get rid of it? - don't remember what it was... don't know if i ever got rid of it... i never fixed it, i just got rid of the computer.
describe your junior high/middle school gym teacher - there were a lot of them... i don't feel like describing them all.
how do you react when someone is talking to you --up in your face-- and they have really bad breath? - if i know them somewhat, i wince, say u stink, and offer them gum.
what was your first date like? - awkward.
did you go/are you going to the prom? - yes. i did.
if you've already gone, was it good or bad? explain why - good b/c i danced the night away w/ buubuu. felt rejected by my friends b/c of certain ppl who didn't want to take photos with me and certain ppl who didn't want to be caught dancing w/ me, but screw it, friends are.. yeah i'm not gonna say it.
do you get uneasy when you see a person of a different color than you walking down the same street as you in the middle of the night? - no. unless he/she was green or something.
if yes, do you think that makes you racist? - i answered no, but i know well enough that i'm somewhat racist and have preconceptions of ppl based on race.
are you a vegetarian? - no.
how about vegan? - what's that...
if no to both, do you think you could be? - hell no. keg steaks, babyback ribs, kfc... are u kidding me??
have you ever given up a certain type of food? if so, what was it and why did you do it? - kiwi, b/c i got allergic to it. but then i found out that only my skin is allergic to it, if i swallow it i'm fine. but i still don't choose to eat it.
spit out a random song lyric for me. make sure you tell me the name of the song and who sings it! - this is hard b/c i'm listening a song right now, but aside from the one i'm listening to... "all night hearing voices telling me that i should get some sleep b/c tmw might be good for something. hold on, feel like i'm heading for a breakdown, and i don't know why. i'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell, i know right now u can't tell, but in a little while u're gonna think of me, and how i used to be" - matchbox20, unwell.
who does the chores around your house? - nobody. they stay undone.
name one person who annoys you more than anyone else, and tell why - pass...
what movie could you watch a million times and never get tired of? - gone with the wind, or sleepless in seattle, or u've got mail.
what movie have you watched a million times, and you still laugh at the jokes? - i haven't watched any movie a million times.
what movie do you hope you never see again? - baseketball, dick...
have you ever hugged a stuffed animal or pillow and pretended that it was your significant other, or someone you had a crush on, and then someone caught you talking to it, and stroking its soft, fuzzy fur, and laughed at you and told the whole school? - no. i think it'd hurt my stuffed animals' feelings if i pretended they were someone else.
do you drive? - yes.
if so, do you like to drive at night or in the day time? - night.
has anyone ever called you a bitch? - yes.
has anyone ever called you an asshole? - probably.
are you a bitch/asshole? - more or less, yeah.
what's the first thing you do when you get home from school/work? - umm... pee?
favorite pop tart flavor - ew, pop tart
do you play any musical instruments? if so, what? - no.
tell me about the best school-related activity you ever took part in - hmm... hmm... it's a tie btwn 'knit for the kids' and badminton team... b/c knitting i do anyway, and badminton team had its up and downs...
have you ever built a snowman? - yes.
did you cry when it melted, or when the kid next door knocked its head off with a shovel? - no. but if the kid next door knocked its head off with a shovel i'll chop HIS head off with a chainsaw, damn kids.
what's your religion? - atheist.
do you try to force it on other people? - no. i try hard not to ridicule them in their beliefs of a higher power. i only do so when THEY try to force it on ME.
do you knock on people's doors at 7 a.m. on saturdays, trying to give them a pamphlet and tell them about the lord, or ask random people at the mall if they?e been saved, yet you think that doesn? count as forcing religion, you son of a bitch? - nope.
what's the best restaurant you've ever eaten at? - umm... umm... keg.
have you ever been flipping channels late at night and caught a glimpse of some porn on skinemax? - what's skinemax?
if so, did you watch it? don't say no, i know you did - n/a
what's the code word or phrase you and your friends use for the word SEX? - we just call it sex.
is sex an uncomfortable topic for you? - nope.
what is the one thing in the world that just looking at it makes you vomit, or come close to it? - vomit. haha.
when other people vomit, does it make you sick? - yes.
do your clothes match? - *looks down* at the moment they do.
what are you wearing right now? - ape t-shirt and blue striped pj pants.
did you ever have those fisher price roller skates that go over top of your shoes? - no.
did you have a bike with a banana seat? - no.
could you ride it? - wha
have you lived in the same house your entire life? - no.
what? the weirdest thing you've lived next to? - a monkey. one of my neighbours in tw chained a monkey in their front balcony. it disappeared after a while. i have a nasty feeling they ate him.
who is the ugliest person you've ever seen? - now let's not be mean...
do you watch talk shows? - no.
do you think miss cleo is full of shit? - who...?
if not, have you called her and wasted your money, you idiot? - wha... oh, is she that tarot person?
what are your thoughts on keeping animals in captivity? - i don't think about that.
what do you think of all the ?uperstores?that are popping up everywhere? (super walmart, super k-mart, super target)? - refer to last answer.
what do you think of pop music? - don't really like the bubblegum pop genre... but i don't mind.
tell me something i don't know - u obviously don't know that biased surveys suck. it sucks to have questions like "... didn't u, u idoit?". i highly suspect that u are copying thespark.com, as that was the first place where i saw the use of that.
posted by melody at 7/14/2003 10:20:00 p.m.

survey:

do you type really fast? - no.
does it annoy people who are around you (like in the library)? - i'm too self-concious to do anything annoying in the library. i try to believe that ppl are there b/c they like to study or read in peace in quiet. that reminds me... a little disappointed about libraries in universities... cuz ppl are there mostly b/c they have to be, not b/c they enjoy reading. :(
do you/did you like high school? - well i didn't hate it. when i didn't feel like it i just didn't go, so it didn't really bother me.
how old are you? - 19...
do you know anyone who has the same birthday as you? - oh, oh, oh!! i do!! haha
favorite pen color - err... navy blue...?
what word do you constantly misspell when typing? - "calm". i always type "clam". so now everytime i see "calm" i think "clam" and i chuckle.
do you have trees in your yard? - i don't have a yard...
name one comedian that everyone thinks is funny but you absolutely cannot stand - eddie murphy. wait... the guy in austin powers, i temporarily forgot his name... probably b/c i'd rather not think about him.
name one director you hate and tell why - hate a director? anybody who choses to cast dummies like twins.
do you like tim burton? - who...?
what annoys you more than anything? - fakeness. lies. selfishness. self-centeredness. self-righteuousness. basically anyone thinking they're better or more important than anyone else, that they suffer the most, that they deserve but get the least credit or something and start pitying themselves.
tell me about the weirdest pair of socks you own - hmmph. this pair of socks that goes halfway up to my knees and is horizontally red and white striped. wide stripes.
if you woke up tomorrow morning as the opposite sex, what would you do first? - probably go back to sleep. why the hell would i wake up in the MORNING in the first place? haha, ok, seriously... i'd probably try to find out why men are horny and brainless.
did you read fear street books? - wha...
how about sweet valley high? - wha...
babysitter's club? the boxcar children? - wha...
goosebumps? - oh, those, not really.
favorite show on nickelodeon (can be from the late 80's/early 90's when nick was good) - wha....
did you watch are you afraid of the dark? - wha....
did zeebo the clown scare you? - who... (i'm starting to feel very... outsiderish right about now...)
where do you vacation every summer? - tw. sadly, which the exception of this summer.
do you like the beach? - yes. more if there isn't tons of bony girls in bikinis walking about.
do you tan or burn easily? - nope. i barely tan at all.
do you make up your own words and lingo? if so tell me about it - frumpy. ;)
do you eat lots of tv dinners? - yes. in one sitting, i mean.
favorite hot pocket flavor - what's a hot pocket...
if you could make one celebrity magically disappear, who would it be? - ohhh, so hard, so hard! michael jackson? or... oh wait, why do i even have to think, TWINS! wait... did u say ONE? damn...
how is life treating you? - at the moment? i think life forgot about me. which is better than it torturing me, but it doesn't feel good anyway.
do people like you? - i really don't know anymore.
what do you think it is that makes the "popular" people popular? - they know when to be fake and are good at it.
what do you wear the most: jeans, cords, dickies, khakis, skirts, or shorts? - jeans.
are you using a pc or mac? - pc.
do you like chunky peanut butter? - more than normal peanut butter.
what amazes you about the opposite sex? - so freaking arrogant.
are you in love with anyone? - yes. an arrogant person of the opposite sex.
do you like anyone? - i told u, i hate ppl.
if so, who - n/a.
why do you like them/why are you in love with them? - n/a.
favorite cereal - kellogs frosted flakes
name a movie that makes you cry - gone w/ the wind.
what's something you like about the opposite sex, physically, that your friends think is odd? - that my friends think is odd? my friends are never interested in listening to me talk about the opposite sex, unless they need advice and i need to recount some past experience. i doubt they were really listening, either, since i can seem to tell a story 5 times and they'll still be like 'really? i didn't know that".
is it true that only the good die young? - no. think about it... what kills young ppl most? suicide, car crashes, drinking, drugs, smoking... ppl who suicide are mostly mentally troubled, so they're not exactly good. ppl who drive recklessly, drink, do drugs, or smoke are definetly not good either. so no.
if so, are you going to live forever or die soon? - if only the good die young, i'll live forever.
do you live for today? - no... i live b/c i'm too lazy to choose the opposite.
how fast can you run? - i can barely run at all.
favorite band from the 60's/70's - n/a.
have any of your friends had kids as teenagers? - no.
did they finish high school? - n/a.
favorite 80's television show - n/a.
were you even born in the 80's? - yes.
what year? - 84'.
have you ever taught a little kid a curse word? - not intentionally, i think.
if so which one was it? - i really can't remember...
do you think little boys are horrendously ill behaved? - all little kids are sent from hell to haunt us.
have you ever thrown anything at a moving car? if so, what? - umm.. i don't think i have.
name a villian in a movie that scared you when you were a kid - hmmph. i'm not trying to sound brave, i just can't remember any... oh, i was freaked out during the 3-D movie w/ michael jackson in it... i remember being scared of... some woman, was i? i was also scared by michael jackson. i still am. the guy's derranged, send him to shrink already!
have you seen the original friday the thirteenth? - i don't think so.
the original chucky? - yes.
the original halloween? - don't know...
what's your favorite channel? - i guess fox, since vancouver cable is HBO and MTV deprived.
what do you say when you stub your toe off of the corner of the coffee table? - ow.
what's the highest thing you've ever jumped off of and landed unharmed? - *thinks*. *thinks harder*. i don't know... i guess i haven't ever jumped off something REALLY high...
does it snow where you live? - yes. like once per year....
if yes, do you go sled riding? - there's not enuff snow
have you ever used anything weird, like a frisbee or a trashcan lid, for a sled? - i've used trash can lids to clash them together to attract attention.. i forgot why... oh did u say "sled", i saw "shed", and i was like, what, to block rain? hahaha.
how many people do you know who were born in november? - HUH...? uh... a lot..???
what month has the most people you know born in it? - currently, off the top of my head... feb. no.. no.. october. or feb...
do holidays make you festive? - depends. if i'm with my family then sure. if i'm in tw (which means w/ my family) then sure. if i'm here in vancouver i just feel lonely. even if mom is here for new years...
magazines you subscribe to - none, but i buy enough copies of cosmo to make it worth subscribing to.
do you read the supermarket tabloids? - no. i scan the headlines in the lineup tho.
have you ever smashed somebody's halloween pumpkin? - no.
ever had yours smashed? - no. i never had a halloween pumpkin.
do you celebrate christmas? - sort of... it's more like christmas gives me an excuse to 'celebrate'.
if not, do you still watch "how the grinch stole christmas" when it comes on television? - yes.
do you think the grinch movie starring jim carrey was a waste of money? - yes. no. wait. i don't think i've seen it yet.
ever had a hot teacher? - *thinks*. yes, my teacher in grade... err... forgot which grade. somewhat hot... :p david has a hot prof for econ..... heh.
if yes, did you flirt with him/her? - I WAS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! haha
how do you treat people you are attracted to? (this is not a stupid question; some people are immature and are mean to those they like) - i make the mistake of letting them walk all over me. metaphorically, of course.

posted by melody at 7/14/2003 09:43:00 p.m.

after 2.5 harry potter books, 2 magazines, numerous movies and tv shows, and bottle after bottle of cake and bag and bag of junk food afterwards, my mood has lifted a bit... maybe it's the rain... long overdue rain. it's annoying b/c it'll get the car dirty but i like rain nonetheless. it also meant less ppl at the beach at night.

haven't gone to the beach at night for a long while... took giga w/ me. amazingly, the men's washroom was open and bright at 2am... the light from the washroom got distracting after a while so i drove along to find another empty parking lot but didn't come across one, so just drove home instead.

i just realized i've more or less lost track of time, so i'm reporting events out of order... the beach trip was last night... been spending too much time by myself at home, losing track of things... but this is what summer is supposed to feel like. summer in vancouver, that is.

now david tells me that his parents are planning a family vacation after his summer school ends. great... i'll be staying in vancouver alone... possibly jobless... i think david might be pleased... i've been home since the huge meal for winnie's b-day on friday night, and althought i barely stopped stuffing my mouth w/ junk food since then, i've still managed to drop to 108lbs w/o trying.

*scrolls down past posts*
WOW... i've actually w/o intending to, refulfilled my goal as stated on july 9th... it's not july 14th, and i'm 108lbs. :p
the last time that i was here all summer i went from 56kg to 49kg from may to july. :p

after much talk about it from winnie, i looked thru the tape she used to record friends for me and watched "america's next top model". they were discussing whether they should cut one of the girls, the bitchy judge said she was way too old and big to be a model, and tyra banks got all pissed off and gave a lecture about how that panel of judges were the reason girls all over the continent are puking over their toilets right now. i just kept thinking, if u are not trying to condone that type of behaviour, u wouldn't even have such a competition on national tv at all... and what's her name, elyse, is sickening-skinny... *shivers*

letting my mind roam back to friday... slept at 7 something in the morning and struggled to get up starting 12pm, but didn't really wake till peter called to say that all the courses we want are nearly all filled up... i think i was pretty cross at everybody all day thursday and friday... i wanted to quit the card so many times but i kept on remembering that i'm not mad at winnie and it wouldn't be fair if she didn't get a card just b/c i'm annoyed by other ppl... and it was my idea to make a huge project anyway...

rushed right until it was time to leave for dinner already... felt like i did i horrible job b/c nothing turned out the way i would've wanted it to... couldn't find a good picture for the last page or have time to decorate it, the "beach party" page didnt' have any ppl on it... i destroyed the original layout plan, haha. i didn't even end up decorating shao n shao's pages, thinking since they took so damn long they probably drew something themselves, and luckily they did.

went out on friday afternoon w/ jenny to get a cake and try for the last time to find winnie's shoes... surprise surprise, hits boutique DID carry the shoes, however the smallest they had was a men's 7, and they're ordering more but the store clerk had no idea what color or size they've ordered and wasn't willing to provide any more info... she directed us to some store on granville tho so we went. we didn't find the store, but apparently every store had the shoe! just not in the size we needed, but a guy in a store said he's sure they've ordered a men's 3 in that color so i left my #... damn him tho, he was the highest priced store, and it didn't help to stand there and see him give a women $20 off one of the clearance items, knowing it's impossible to get a discount on the shoes we wanted. :p

quick walked to gelato, but unfortunately me and jenny together were still $2 short, so had to run across the street to get $ and got charged $1.50. damn money-sucking banks. it's extra annoying knowing that the store definetly has a visa or interac machine stored away they just don't want u to use it... and that they're probably escaping taxes... GRR. anyway, they were also out of ribbons, and i was instructed to only hold the bottom of the box... it was like waitress training, haha.

aside from the long wait dinner at the keg was superb... i found out that the sirloin classic dinner was A LOT... i ate two pieces of the bread, then ate a full caesar salad which came w/ the meal, then i guess a 6 ounce (or was it 8oz) steak and huge baked potato and bean sprout and mushrooms... a lot of food... the steak was the best part, i asked for medium rare thinking they're gonna overcook it again, but they actually UNDERcooked it, so it was that perfect range btwn medium rare and rare!! YAY!! :)

too lazy to recount the details of dinner.. i just remember mainly roz's absentmindedness, haha. aside from that i just remember that i mainly talked to dewi. it's funny, i always end up sitting near and talking to dewi at all the dinners... and i'm usually no where near the birthday person. hmm.

oh yeah... i remember the hostesses coming over to see the calendar card and asked who made it, and i said that we all put a bit in with a forced smile... :p

after dinner i went home while the others went to jenny's b/c david wanted to see me for our 35th anniversary, but it was too late and he had to go home... :( i got changed into pj's and brushed my teeth and after a while went to jenny's, not really wanting to but knowing that if i stayed home i'd later regret 'missing out on the fun'. i didn't end up missing much tho, i ended up in a separate room reading. went to #9 w/ roz and win afterwards and made the mistake of ordering congee... i was way too full i just didn't feel it. :p

after that went home... and have been home since... from friday night till now. well i went out for dinner w/ buubuu tonight. haven't seen him all this time... was feeling pretty deserted about 24 hours before now... if i hadn't gotten to see david tonight i might've... i dunno. fallen into a deep, irreversible... eh... fall. i don't know. i try very hard not to think about 'what if' in the bad sense b/c i always end up getting to caught up in it.

went to yamakiya, where they were hiring, and once again david banned me from applying. i have this horrible feeling (more like i KNOW) that david's too lazy to really nail a job and he'll never be happy w/ me working, so what's our fate? starve to death? i vowed to him that i won't marry him if he ended up taking over his dad's business and spent half his life in china, but i don't think he took me very seriously. i don't think he took it seriously either when i said that if i do get in i will leave for the states for grad school. since i didn't leave for university... mom and dad are saying now it's a good thing i didn't go to UT or waterloo b/c of SARS and everything, but i know a year ago they would rather that i went...

sulky sulky sulky... shouldn't've fought off the urge to go walk in the rain yesterday, now it's not raining hard enough. (or at all, i don't know... i don't really know what goes on beyond these walls). the thing is, i have no urge to take a walk in kits, even tho it was fun walking down broadway last time... just so used to walking around kerrisdale.... the familiar route from the house on 36th to kerrisdale elementary, or to the community center swings, or into the ravine in the back...

picked up my newest sticker photo album earlier tonight and was looking thru it... the last sticker photo i took dated back to january i think. i miss tw so horribly much, but i finally realized tonight why mom wants me to stay here and find a job, aside from SARS concerns... tw's economy has been going down and tw money's worth is going down (i dunno the correct phrase for that...). so if i earned money here, they wouldn't have to 'lose money' in converting tw -> canadian... ahhh, pressure. heh.

registering for my courses at 7:30am... don't know what i'll do if all the time slots i want are really filled up. should go run errands afterwards... take passport photos, photocopy documents, buy stamps, mail things (passport application, tax form, job application), go to PG see if i can get the principal to be my guarantor (don't count on it), etc... banking... but i know i'll just flop back into bed afterwards... ugh, the sun's already up.

i think i'm gonna sulk for one more day...
maybe it was all that smiling back at the store clerks when we were shopping for winnie's shoes... it probably got to me... woke up the people-phobic bit in me. what's the correct phrase? a fear of ppl? i still think that's what homophobic should mean... a phobia of homo sapiens!! if u wanna say phobia of homosexuals, why not.. err... homosexaphobic. or just gayphobic. ...
posted by melody at 7/14/2003 08:40:00 p.m.

1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?
yes. somebody.

2. Are you still in touch with this person?
not really.

3. Do you have a current close friend?
not really.

4. How did you become friends with this person?
n/a

5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why?
no. ppl aren't worth trusting.
if u start to believe they really care about u,
u'll get hurt by the truth.
posted by melody at 7/13/2003 04:44:00 p.m.

taking a break before i get another breakdown...

the pastweek has been hectic... saying bye to mom and dad, prepping for exam, then a helluvalotta work for winnie's card... i feel like it's the week of finals or something... i mean, it's summer... don't i get to just rest and do nothing? or how about getting to sleep more than 6 hours a day? but no, i don't get any of those perks, b/c i'm such a bit iddiot i had to offer to shoulder all the responsibility...

got so fustrated last night when nobody was done on time (cept dewi and hendra and jim, thanks)... i'm so sick and tired of all sorts of excuses ppl come up with when the only fact remains that they promised something and failed to do it... i have a life too, i have feelings too. if u didn't want to do the project then when i asked u should've said "no, i don't want to do it." what, were u afriad i would take a knife to ur neck??

being fustrated doesn't help at all tho. this is so stupid, i'm gonna get myself even more sick and i'll end up being too sick to go to dinner. but that wouldn't really be a bad thing anyway, i hate people...

the two things i hate the most right now... sunlight and people. i am sick and tired of working on things until 7am when the sun is up and then attempting to sleep a little while the heavy construction is going on next door and sunlight is filling the room. i'm sick and tired of everything. i'm sick and tired of being in an empty house, being alone. it doesn't even matter who i'm with, what i'm doing, it just feels the same...

i think.... at age 4 when dad went to hawaii i started growing a hallow shell... my physical self might be maturing and i learned the logics of the world and what is expected of me, but i never quite grew otherwise... i might've, but then leaving tw and everything i was used to, then leaving hawaii and everything i was used to, and then leaving tw and everything i was used to again... i think i just stopped growing... stuck... baby-like...

but NOOO, i'm supposed to be independent.
responsible.
strong.

everything that i'm not.
posted by melody at 7/12/2003 07:01:00 a.m.

oh, did i mention that

I HATE YOU?

posted by melody at 7/10/2003 03:30:00 p.m.

7 hours of sleep, one relatively easy psyc test, a good dinner w/ buubuu's family and time spent w/ buubuu, 2 terrific romance movies w/ friends afterwards, i find myself feeling blue.

why is that?
is it b/c i happened to be listening to a mildly blue song in the car on the way home?
because i was going over all the things i need to do on the elevator?
or because i'm home... and it's empty...
and i have all the freedom in the world
it's 3am and i can be wherever i like...
and that's making me blue...

currently listening to: miles davis, kind of blue.

i think i'm gonna go grab some haagen dazs, bottled coke, shrimp chips... and a good book... curl up in my poang...
(so much for trying to return to 108lbs by jul14th...)

oh, i do have a plan u know...
my weight oscillates btwn 108-112 so i'm hoping to be 108 by july 14th.
yeah... that's it... i have no ambition to be skinny, i just wanna fit in my jeans again. :P
posted by melody at 7/09/2003 06:58:00 p.m.

oh, and i'm relatively healthy. relatively.
still waiting for the analysis of the *eww* stool sample.
mom started freaking me out by saying that it sounds something like intestinal cancer, which my grandma died from and which asians are at the highest risk of. >______<
i don't think i can catch planes fast enuff...
posted by melody at 7/08/2003 06:44:00 p.m.

grades don't matter.

relatively, that is.
i don't want to bother to study for my psyc exam mainly b/c
1) i'm too lazy
2) it'll all get scaled anyway so it's all about luck
3) i am already in my major of choice

however, i feel that it's also b/c i feel satisfied in other places...
i feel loved and alive... and tho i have been crying an awful lot in the past 48 hours, i actually feel more happy than i feel sad. this is a really amazing feeling... i felt like i should blog this, just b/c i have the tendency to only write when i'm somewhat depressed or agitated... i wanna be able to read this one day and go "hey, on july 8th 2003, things weren't exactly going perfectly, but i was still happy."

it's silly, i know. but sometimes i do get into a state where i need to remind myself that there are good times in life as well as bad times.
posted by melody at 7/08/2003 06:40:00 p.m.

did i mention i bought a copy of the july glamour magazine... it sucks.
or it seemed that it did when i was reading it late last night.
but it turns out it doesn't suck so much...
i started crying half-way thru an article about a girl who had cystic-fibrosis and died at the age of 22. i didn't really start to choke up until the part where she found love i think an year before she died, and the guy told his side of the story, how he knew from the beginning that she only had months to live and he was falling into such a situation and etc etc. :*(

there was also an article about sexual assualt in a military school in the states
and an article about how ppl always say the word "like".
it's like, such a great issue, it like, makes me wanna like, buy the next issue, u know? :p

but since i'm not working towards conserving money, i might just subscribe to cosmo instead and stick w/ that...

i remember now what the adults were talking about during lunch at shabusen... they were talking about SARS and how the scary reality had two major dimensions... 1) u never know who around u is carrying it, and more importantly, 2) how it extinguishes life so fast. and once u're diagnosed to have it that's the end... u're blocked off from all your family and friends, u don't get to leave last words, u don't get to see ppl for the last time... and as soon as u die u are immediately cremated into ashes... i never thought about SARS that way before.

they were also talking about the older they get the more they hear about old friends or relatives who've passed away... more and more of them. i don't know if it really is a blessing to grow old. i mean really old. *sigh*

i wasted my day doing nothing related to studying again. let's see... i have 16.5 hours left till my exam, and i will need 4-6 hours of sleep. so that's 12.5-10.5 hours of studying. minus the time i know i'll spend monkeying around. crap, why do i always end up in this situation??

i finally called the tutoring agency, and the guy took some basic info, ie. school, year, major, languages and told me he'll fax me the information, company policy, employment agreement stuff to me tonight, but he hasn't yet... and it's 1:30am... -___-" did i not sound sophisticated enuff over the phone? but i demonstrated my trilingual abilities! hahaha~

i had wagamama ramen, left-over veggies, and my favourite canned snack (掍粕) for 'lunch' and campbell ready to serve new england clam chowder for 'dinner'. note that lunch and dinner are in quotations b/c they were held at 4am and 1am respectively. :p

also had snacks, candy, bubble tea, and some haagen dazs ice cream. it's gonna take a long time for me to slowly return to 108lbs...

the amazing thing was, i was trying to see how bloated i really got, so i took measures, and i found out i lost an inch on my ass. as compared to the last time i took measures, which might've been about a year ago... so cool... but not that cool... b/c i gained 4 inchs on waist, hahaha~ TOLD u i'm bloated. :p

hmm. im' thinking about what else i can do to avoid studying.
oh i know, i'll transfer all my stuff into the LV wallet dad got me for a while. it's thick and not the letter monogram pattern that i prefer... but i might as well use it. cool... i went from using fake nike wallets to having a leather polo wallet, LV wallet, and a paul frank one to alternate thru. :)
posted by melody at 7/08/2003 04:49:00 p.m.

saturday
drove dad to the airport in the morning and headed to costco w/ mom...
i felt like a man on sunday... chauffeuring to the airport, chauffeuring to costco, and then wandering off to the automotive care/equipment section, hahaha.

changed gear and became a decent girl for lunch w/ my ex-guardian, old neighbour and one of my ex-guardian's friends and mom... we went to shabusen so even tho i had to endure conversation that doesn't involve me, it was alright. my old neighbour reminds me of emily... haha~ she said she'll call me to go out sometime... very interesting.... hanging out w/ an auntie person... don't really know what to think about that... she's probably really bored here since her sons are either away or distant and she has to hang out w/ my ex-guardian, eeek.

lunch took forever, i think we were there for 2.5 hours, maybe more... i didn't even eat all that i could eat b/c i still had to be... somewhat 'ladylike', hahaha~ i don't know why i feel compelled to act all girlish in front of my parent's acquaintances... i guess i just got used to it.

went home and watched some tv, then went to jenny's to wash my car... i bought a bunch of armor all car wipes... cleaning wipes, window wipes, protectant wipes... yeah they don't work too well. heh... they claim to be lint-less, but i guess that's based on the assumption that u're only gonna use the wipes for a small area... otherwise it starts to leave lint. after i got home i went back down to the garage and sprayed and rubbed in armor all protectant spray on the dashboard and doors and all other plastic surfaces cept the back... then i cleaned my wheel rims and sprayed on 'wet look' rim protector shine thingy.... i think i might've breathed a bunch in... heh.

just when i thought my car is unbelievably sparkly clean tho, i found out that all the air bubbles left from the paint job BURST... i can see tiny little dots of metal!! NOOOOO!! i don't intend on getting chris to re-do the entire paint job, but i have no idea what i'm supposed to do.. sit and watch my car rust? heh. maybe he can patch it up w/ the paint pen i got or something... *sigh*

stayed up till 4 something am doing nothing for the rest of the day...
didn't really help mom clean oir pack anything... heh. :p
posted by melody at 7/07/2003 06:29:00 p.m.

sunday
sulked in bed for most of the afternoon after i drove mom to the airport in the morning.

it's hard to face the fact that it's just me again.
yes, me with buubuu and friends, but it's just not the same.

buubuu came over and i just kept on sobbing and mumbling stuff like i want mommy, i want to be w/ mommy and daddy and feifei etc... i'm amazed at how baby-like i can be. maybe that's why i don't like kids... they remind me of me sometimes.

tried to get everyone to go to buubuu's club's bandshow/dance next thurs at atlantis, but failed miserably b/c everyone said they have class on friday morning. i will never understand ppl who will forgo a night of guaranteed fun b/c they have to be at class the next morning... like, i understand the reasoning, but i don't understand the mentality... i have to remember that most ppl take school more seriously than i do. i hope it's not b/c they're just yet to find out that good grades get u no where...

anyway. after a short nap i managed to get up and make some very late lunch for me and buubuu. left-over rice and chicken with chinese style chicken-corn soup and lots and lots and lots of caesar salad, and glass-bottled coke. did i mention dad got me glass-bottled coke from costco? :)

haven't made a meal for buubuu for ages... it felt nice to be sitting there eating again.. but my apartment is already starting to get messy.. *sigh*

we tried to study but didn't study too much... napped a bit and went to dinner at 49th pho at 9pm. i'm so paranoid about ppl opening their doors and denting my car now... since i identified the dent on the driver side of my car to also be caused by that. GRR. food was ok.. i wasn't really hungry...

and i've been home since, wasting my time watching tv for the entire night and drinking monster amounts of water since i've been having a sore throat all day. it's not really sore it feels swollen... probably a small infection. i need to sleep it off but i don't feel like sleeping just yet. or studying for my psyc test that is indescribably important and not very far away. i am SUCH a procrasinator.

i did do one productive thing today -- i got the number for the tutoring agency. yay for me.

now i am going to go slack off more by reading blogs and then reading the magazine i got.
i really shouldn't be getting magazines days before a big test...
posted by melody at 7/07/2003 06:20:00 p.m.

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY WINNIE! :)

***********
wow, an entire cd (18 tracks) of cheesy love songs. haha~
the cd is ���H�?�V�?.... it's one of those collection cds...
might be the greatest movie love songs sort of title...
dun really know, i have a burned copy...
18 cheesy love songs to listen to over and over again! haha.
posted by melody at 7/07/2003 06:13:00 p.m.

sometimes i just need to hear the words
cuz i just don't feel it sometimes...
and i don't wanna think about that.
posted by melody at 7/06/2003 01:48:00 p.m.

friday (aka today)

got up real early at 8 something am. haven't waken up at 8am since physics final... *shivers*
got mcdonald's breakfast, haven't done that for a while too.. went to see the doctor, I DON'T HAVE HEPATITS B!
i barely have any immunity from it left over from my vaccine 17 agos either tho, heh heh. so that meant i had to get a shot... but it turns out i should get a hepatitis A shot too,today, one more shot in a month, 2 more shots 5 anothe rmonth after i get a blood trest to see if the vaccines are working. that's a lotta shots... oh well... i'm apphrehensive about blood tests but not shots somehow. it's not an aversion to needles... i think i might just be afriad of blood tests b/c i've seen nurses who missed the vein over and over and had to keep jabbing the needle in different directions... eek. that's probably gonna happen when i get older, esp. since i have low blood pressure... >__<

anyway, so i got my shots... turns out they can use hydrogen peroxide to disinfect my skin instead of using alcohol. cool... i'm not allergic to that. :p

the more i go to the doctor w/ my parents or grandma the more i start to fear getting old. i'm not talking about becoming 20 or graduating from university and assuming responsibilities, i'm talking about GROWING OLD. u become so vunerable to diseases... ur medical history grows and grows... u have to get all sorts of check ups all the time... sure, chest mammograph is only once per year, full health check up is only once per year, but u add all the check-ups together u'd be going to the hospital all the time. *sigh*

i also found out that if u get something like breast cancer when u're young, it's usually severe and life-threatening, but less so if u get it when u're old. how interesting.

no really, that's interesting! why is that???
(perhaps i should still consider biochemistry)

went home to nap for an hour or two afterwards. i woke up so tired i couldn't make myself eat any lunch... rushed to downtown for the appointment to change my citizenship card. i don't understand why i need to make an appointment w/ a specific person to go and change it... but anyway... also went to get the suitcase that we sent in for repair... then headed for richmond..

went to superstore... i was looking for a buffer (the kind u use to wax ur car) but couldn't find one, but ended up buying other car stuff... car wash shampoo, wheel rim shine spray, dash board/trim etc protectant spray... and mom got really excited by all the cheap prices so we shopped there for quite a while. i got lollipops! and... i don't remember... dried banana chips... that's all i got. self control, yay~ haha

went to richmond center afterwards, mom was too tired so she sat down and me and dad shopped... didn't buy anything tho. considering a gap bag... been wanting it for so long.. it used to be $49.50, and i swore i'd sooo get it if it goes on sale. now it's $19.99 and i'm questioning if i REALLY need another bag... of that size... and it's pretty heavy even when empty too. and it's white... it'll get so dirty and i'll be too lazy to wash it.. etc etc etc. and i've just been spending wayyy too much lately!! *sigh*

went to eat vogue afterwards~ ordered wayyyy too much, when the ??戚褧 came we only ate two pieces and packed the rest up, heh. we ate so much that now, 3 hours and one coke later, i STILL feel full. that's a record really. i'm never full for this long...

went to canadian tire to buy a buffer... couldn't find a small and light and cheap one! ended up getting a pretty heavy but small one for $46... so expensive. true, it's cheaper than getting the car waxed professionally and saves a lot of energy as compared to hand waxing... but... $46... i'd better wax my car twice a month!

aww... when we came out of canadian tire i noticed a new small dent next to my gas thing. *sigh*
it doesn't look like a car door hit me tho, it looks like... something threw a rock at it or something. ARGHHH, whyyyy, why such bad luck!! or why such dentable side boards! i'm making up words and i don't even care!

so so so tired now that i'm home... i could just go to sleep, but then dad's leaving tmw morning and i think i should be awake... i'll see him when he comes again in september but who knows when the next time i'll be with both my parents again... possibly in december... but the next time that all three of us is in vancouver?? ........... *sigh*

oh, right. b/c i have to get my hepatitis B shot in august i'm probably not going back to taiwan. or actually i still can cuz the shot is for augist 4th... but we all think it's a better idea if i stayed and got a job or two instead, what w/ SARS and bad economy in tw and me smashing up the car and everything, haha. so that means i'm going back in the winter... i was kinda hoping to stay and enjoy christmas and boxing day and dances and everything... oh well. i can enjoy christmas/new year concerts, ALWAYS cheap shopping, and also clubbing in taiwan too. :)

o-e i'm starting to lose brains. how can it take that long just to document everything i've been doing?
i once said that the prerequisite of having a blog w/ content is to have a life.
i must now admit that having a full life means no time for having a blog.
having a full life would mean school + relationship + friends + family.
i don't get to live that life very often... :(
posted by melody at 7/05/2003 02:07:00 p.m.

the super store in richmond is looking for a hot dog vendor and will pay up to 35,000 annually.
i wonder if they'll take part time applications... heh heh
i've been paranoid about any money earning oppurtunity these two days, and i'll tell u why in a bit.

thursday

i am getting so forgetful that i have to type out what i did each day in point form, then work from there... maybe i'm just tired... very very tired. didn't exactly get enuff sleep on wednesday night, but woke up early again on thursday morning, at 9:30am. (that's like... WAY TOO EARLY for me). we didn't end up going out until noon tho.

we went to richmond automall and headed for nissan b/c dad wanted to test drive the murano... it was an alright car, pretty good choice if u're looking for a lower priced luxury SUV... it has AMAZING trunk space. there's also a handle in the trunk so u can put the back seats down w/o getting into the car to do it, and he back seats lie flat down, so it's SUPER DUPER trunk space. it's pretty comfortable, suspension almost comparable to lexus RX 330... but not quite... 245hp@5800rpm, V6 engine, optional all wheel drive otherwise front wheel drive... it's a pretty good car. but the entire time we were in the showroom my eyes were glued on the 350Z next to the murano, haha... 350Z!! a white one! it was so nice *slobbers*. too bad didn't go sit in it b/c i saw a sign that said it was reserved... tho on second thought it's in the showroom and unlocked so other ppl are gonna sit in it... :p

after that we went to open road toyota cuz i wanted to get the toyota paint pen to repair some rock chips and my side rear view mirror... not a very good thing to do, b/c as soon as i walked in i saw the 2003 special edition celica... let's see, the specs were something like... ABS, keyless entry... i have these... but there was also TRD body kit, TRD spoiler, TRD front bumper (not just a front lip!), 200watt panasonic stereo w/ special face plate (which i didn't get to see b/c they didn't install it in the demo), remote control for stereo (i assume on steering wheel), MP3 player on the stereo, what else... those are the most impressive specs... but that's not all... the biggest pang came when i checked the price... the drive-away cash price total is about $34,000. THAT IS WHAT I PAID FOR MY CAR. no trd body kit. no trd spoiler. no fancy 200 watt brand name stereo. FUCK!!!!!!! GRRRRR!!! @#(*&$@!!!!!!

i was so determined to get 3 summer jobs and trade in my car for the special edition... but now after 36 hours i've calmed down a bit... it doesn't make sense to put in over $5000 to get the same car... and $5000 is a really conservative estimate already. plus special edition only comes in silver... i could just spend $5000 on mods on my present car. but there's so much stuff wrong w/ my car too... *sigh* anyway... i don't think i'm gonna spend all i earn on changing my car anymore, but there still remains the option of changing into a new car, as in beatle convertible, accord V6... or simply adding mods to my car... or better yet, not wasting money on car accessories, save it up, pay tuition... hahaha.

i am trying to get a job tho... my plan is to join the tutoring service thing that charges $5/hr commission and also put up tutoring signs by myself, but as i don't have a BA in english or anything yet that won't work too well. i think i am also gonna submit a few applications to a few starbucks locations... cuz if i get the starbucks job i will have restaurant experience and cashier experience, those are nice to have, and having cashier experience means i can apply for ubc bookstore cahsier which i heard pays a lot... i forgot how much at the moment. so that's my plan, hopefully i follow it...

i filled out my starbucks application forms on june 21st, i've changed the date to july 4th... i'd better get them in tmw...

what else happened on thursday? *checks list*. oh yes... after automall i was very emotionally distressed about the special edition celica, and we took forever to find some place to eat... there was some traffic and where ever we went we had to find parking... we tried vogue but they said something's down in their kitchen. then we tried to go to ramen at ���� but it wasn't open. we finally went to �P������... wasn't that good but i really couldn't care less.. heh. we went to richmond center b/c i wanted jugo juice and ended up shopping a little.. got a shirt in AE that i've been eyeing when it was $34.50, got it for $11.97. muwahaha. it's horizontal stripes... screw it. i don't care i don't care i don't care!!

after richmond center went home for 10 minutes, then went to psych class. it was a good class... material was slightly interesting and for the second half of class all we did was watch a video, that i paid attention to! whoopee for me! we got out early too, at 8:40pm. went to eat pho in richmond w/ mom and dad.

oh yeah, i got a call on thursday from the doctor's office that my hepatitis B report was out, but they wouldn't tell me the results on the phone, so i scheduled an appointment for friday morning. somehow i'm not very scared of hepatitis B... i guess it's b/c i've known that my parents are carriers all my life and... up to a certain age ppl see their parents as somewhat immune to deadly diseases. i ought to know that's not true... but it's easy to think that "if they've dealt w/ it all their lives then i will be able too." i keep on forgetting they have annual check ups, and having the disease is very different from being a carrier of the virus, w/ low possibility of transmission... :p
posted by melody at 7/05/2003 01:43:00 p.m.

i hear birds... *sigh*
i wish i could go to bed before 3am, so that the sky's still dark when i fall asleep... perhaps the only thing i miss about the basement is that it's very dark, even at 6am in summer. ah well.. this is better than the last apartment i was in. an entire wall of the living room and the bedroom was comprised of window... there is no wall, only glass.... and the building sucked up all the sun, all the light, all the heat... *shviers*
posted by melody at 7/03/2003 07:24:00 p.m.

tuesday, july 1st (canada day)
went to granville island in the afternoon. we were stuck in traffic for a loong time... traffic was barely moving INSIDE granville island. it kinda sucked, we paid $5.50 for parking and after we walked out we spotted a parking space right outside of the parkade. oh well, "it's much much cheaper than UBC anyway".

it was very festive on granville island, but there really wasn't much going on... a lot of the stores were just operating like normal, but everyone swarmed into the public market and stuff... we went to granville island fine teas in the public market and there were tons of ppl crammed into the tiny tiny tiny little space b/c they were selling iced teas, cept they make the ice teas on the spot and customize flavour and everything... the guy at the tea shop was so nice!! the chubbier one was... the skinny man kept a stern face, i think he thought was annoyed by the crowd... heh. dad wanted to find darjeeling tea, and he ended up buying the 1st flush kind (aka the most expensive one). the tea shop guy was nice tho, we didn't even mention it but he said he'll give us a 15% discount, then he rounded the price off by another couple dollars, and when i asked him where to get the filters he uses he gave us a 40 pack of filters... and in the beginning he made two cups of tea for us to try the 1st flush and 2nd flush too, and we refilled the 1st flush tea and took it w/ us. so even tho we paid $35 for 200grams of tea, it really is more like... i dunno.. $25? $20? and he said "i hope u had a nice experience here!" really earnestly too. i like the tea shop guy!! makes me want to go there a lot... there's a tiny little table space where u can sit there and have tea... anyyyyone wanna go with me? heh heh

aside from canada day celebrations it was also the last day of the jazz festival, so there was jazz... there was supposed to be jazz island-wide but i only saw a few ppl performing outside the public market for a while and the ongoing jazz performance in the brewry taproom, but they could only have so many ppl in there... when we went to look there was a jazz vocalist... she was pretty good... loved the "i've got music, i've got rhythm, i've got my man, who could ask for anything more" song. and the "summer love" song was reaaally good too. *sigh* the joy of good music.

we walked around the island all afternoon and had dinner at the keg.. saw a lot of pg ppl working there. or two... :p it's always weird, it's always like "does she remember me? oh she does, but i know she doesn't remember my name... so should we bother acknowledging we graduated together at all? but what's the point"... :p

dinner was gooood... i wanted steak, dad wanted lobster and ribs, mom wanted ribs, so we ended up sharing the steak and half lobster dinner and honey bbq ribs... lobster was ok, not really my thing... but the STEAK!!! MMMMM!!! as usual they overcooked it a little... next time i'm gonna ask for rare. but then it'll probably come completely bloody, quite fustrating... i want medium rare!! >< but it was still so so so good... ahh.. *mouth waters*. we thought about going to watch fireworks but we weren't really sure where it was and it was cold so we just headed home. it was a good day, the nice tea shop man and the jazz and the mouth-watering steak put me in a good mood. :)

wednesday, july 2nd (an ordinary day)
or the day vancouver won the bid to hold 2010 winter olympics.
mel lets out an extremely sarcastic *yippee*

we were supposed to go to vancouver island today, but we called it off cuz it didn't seem worth it. i vaguely heard mom and dad arranging a meeting with the notary at 2pm, then they went out w/o me to do that, then to metrotown, then to costco... i got up at near 4pm, ate some "lunch" then went out w/ buubuu. we went to the post office on broadway and we ended up walking up and down the street occasionally venturing into a few shops... :))) so nice~ buubuu NEVER just walks along the street with me!! HEEE~ ^________^ we found a very nice old book store, except if u'd believe it i thought it was TOO nice... no old book store feel. :p we went into "the toy shop" where we found stuff we used to play w/... a couple clothing shops... shoppers drug mart.. haha~ there's a new version of the davidoff perfume i have! i think it was called "summer shimmer", and the only difference is that it has shimmery powder in it so if u shake the bottle it looks really nice... it smells the same.. but i still want the shimmery one, hahaha... i'm so easily tricked. :p

we saw lots of dogs... lots of hound dogs, heh heh, buubuu got so freaked out... there were two great big dogs too i dunno what breed... they look completely like wolves. fat, well-fed, complacent, cute looking wolves... but buubuu was scared anyway, hee~ there was also a brown dog who had a funny looking eye. upon close inspection it turned out that he has cataracts or something in his eye, and he only had one eye. :( poor dog...

went to guu w/ mom and dad tonight again, finally had oysters... too many oysters? i only had 4 actually, but i think 3 is the perfect amount.... it still tastes great and u yearn for more. 4 and u're satisfied... heh. had beef carupucio(???) and yaki-udon and pork/kimchee nabe and assortment of oden and shashimi salad and... that might've been it... sooo good! so freaking full!!!! i should NOT have ordered another piece of daikon, i was so full in the end i really thought i'd puke... had to eat a mint. or i didn't have a mint so i just put a piece of gum on my tongue...

we walked on robson for a while, dad got a polo shirt in banana republic and i got a jacket in gap, wheee! it's a really plain jacket, but it looks a lot like my old favourite hoodie jacket... i would still wear the old one but the sleeves are all torn and have holes... :( i was gonna get a navy blue one, but all my stuff are navy blue... so i got white~ i never have white~ :P

gap makes me happy sometimes, b/c i'm typically a S if not XS at gap. but it's also disappointing sometimes... there was a nice khaki shirt but medium was wayy too big... oh well. i have my new jacket!! it made me realize i haven't bought new clothes for so so long... the last time was the AE shirt (from guys section, heh) probably... more than a month ago... the time before THAT, would probably be JANUARY. WOW.

afterwards we went to casa dolce, i guess i'm never as full as i think, heh heh. dad had crazy looking devil's food cake... *shviers* i had the usual strawberry cheesecake w/ rose tea. i see that now they no longer add honey for u when u refill the pot, hahaha.

went home after that and watched some tv. a couple days ago i watched a french version of "the count of monte cristo" on tv and i felt like the movie ended realy weird. today i found out that the movie didn't end, there's apparently several parts to it... i dunno how much i missed... but the worst part is, i dunno when the next episode is?? ahhhhh. i wanna know what happens!!

tmw we are supposed to do a lot of stuff... go to automall, QE park, some shopping... and i have CLASS! yikes, i didn't read anything yet. i'm forgetting that my test is next tuesday... that's no good. *sigh* better prep to sleep now... i'm supposed to be up in 5 hours.
posted by melody at 7/03/2003 07:21:00 p.m.