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Sunday, June 29, 2003
so i figured out why my blogger page has been malfunctional. apparently blogger no longer supports my original template.. what u see now is probably temporary... i didn't mean to showcase roz's blog, haha, i'm just not too good w/ this computer language stuff. i'll figure it all out later... hopefully later on i can get my old template to work, or find something like it... the other new templates blogger are offering aren't bad but there's something wrong w/ them all, the font is like... i dunno, 24 point font??? haha. i'm working on it, i'm working on it!
saturday night was fun... but sunday morning was just traumatizing, heh heh.
i was gonna blog about it all... but it just sank in that it's almost 5am and i've got stuff to do the next day... so.. yes, i'm logging on to say that i won't be blogging after all. ok i feel dumb now.. :p Saturday, June 28, 2003
hendra's b-day celebration tonight (friday) at sammy j. peppers. it was ok... the food sucked, but the dinner was ok... we sat at a long table, so i was at one end with lisa and dewi, and winnie was on my right... lemmie try to recount who was there... i didn't know who was there till dinner ended and everyone got up to leave, haha... there was hendra, kevin, peter, jack, shaolin, ann, jim, jenny, dewi, lisa, roz, winnie, jenn, me... i think that was it... i got bourbon bbq ribs, not very good... they cut the ribs up... only the mashed potatoes were ok. :p
a lot of confusion after dinner b/c i thought didn't have a ride home or to where ever we were going, so i called david to pick me up and hang out with me, but a few minutes afterwards they said they're going to the beach and i can squeeze in jim's car, so i called david again to not come... but then they went to safeway and they were going to drink at the beach so i changed my mind about going and went home... then changed my mind again and changed and went out again... yay, driving, driving, driving in my car~~ 80 feels slow and i didn't have music, but driving is always fun. didn't do much at the beach, they drank a little and made a very big fire. after a while the police came so we started walking away from the fire, and then the guys and the girls walked in slightly diff directions and stood apart, and a police officer came to interrogate the guys about if they started the fire and were they drinking and stuff. they checked for crimminal records. weird... what has that got to do w/ anything... anyway, we left and went home after that. rather eventless... but the sky was really really really nice tonight, u could see ALL the stars... so bright. come to think of it, i don't think there was a moon... maybe that's why all was so bright. rather mindless right now... think i'll go find something to read.
ooookay. so now i don't like the new layout for blogger posting anymore. it's just as, if not more, dysfunctional than its predecessor. i have noticed that for the past 15 hours all that is visible on my blogspot page is a short string of coding. -______-"
i have just thought of a wonderful refute to my own suggestion that "one should not complain about the flaws of a free service" -- icq is quite flawless. it's a free service. so is kazaa. and winamp. and many many more other programs. why can't blogger be flawless? :p can't do anything right now since my dad is sleeping in the living room and my mom in my room. which means i should stop typing in case i wake up her... aiii, what to do!! i should probably go to starbucks to study but i just don't feel like being around ppl today. i need a nice hideout where there's no ppl... so the swings won't do. neither will the beach. *sigh*. u know what... maybe i should be majoring in english and minoring in something like commerce/econ/accounting. then once i've earned enuff money from tutoring, i can open my coffee shop. heh heh. everything i think about lately is steering further and further away from psychology, even tho i'm still deeply interested in it. i present, the (n+1)th reason why i'm an english geek: i was just reading "the elements of style", a handbook on english grammer and well, writing style. i am in awe of it b/c it's been in print since something like 1919 and it's still apparently a highly recommended book for a writing guide. and the (n+2)th reason why i'm an english geek: during the moments before i start to fall asleep or when i daze out in class i find myself planning tutoring sessions... i envision myself giving grammer quizzes and working on punctuation exercises and correct essays and going over the symbols in textbooks... etc. i even consider the possiblity of pretending to be a gr11/gr12 english student and hiring a tutor to see how they teach. i'm really REALLY weird ain't i... :p i think i figured out last night (more like this morning) what's been bugging me the past week. or rather what's been slowly eating at me for the past 6 years... but i still can't bring myself to state it in words, to say it out loud, to write it down on a piece of paper... *sigh*. i just want to hide from that realization forever... partly b/c acknowledging it would be painful, and to admit it would mean needing to take the next step, and also b/c no one i know of in my life right now will understand anyway. we seem to have to face quite a lot of things in our lives alone... u could tell someone about it but it's really futile since no one would understand so it doesn't relieve u at all, and more often than not u end up feeling more isolated about it... *sigh* so there u go, the (n+3)th reason why i'm an english geek -- all these thoughts and feelings sprouted after i finished reading "harry potter and the order of the phoenix" shortly before 7am this morning. whoever thinks that much after reading a harry potter book...... -______-"
(june 27th 1am con't)
so... as i said.. quite a bad day... 1) waking up too early in the morning made me sleepy all day even tho i had enuff hours of sleep 2) dad smashing side rear view mirror and i can't say anything b/c well he and mom paid for the car didn't they. 3) slightly depressed from the card signing 4) had to change the time for the vancouver island trip from today (fri) to next weds. 5) getting annoyed from the $2/1.5 hour tutoring offer. ann said i should charge $20-25/hour b/c it's gr12 english and it's hard.. haha... wow. maybe after i get into english major... :p 6) oh, i forgot to mention... mom and dad went to the family doctor today and they found out that i should've gotten my hepatitis B vaccin something like 7 years ago. since my parents are hepatitis B carriers, i might have hepatitis B right now! probably not a very good thing to post when i'm about to have dinner w/ 20 ppl tonight for hendra's b-day and another 20-30 ppl on saturday w/ cass. hahaha~ i have a doctor's appointment on saturday afternoon... we'll see. i don't even know what hepatitis B is about, since my parents are only carriers (they don't HAVE the disease). does it... kill ppl??? o____0" there must've been other reasons why i thought today wasn't such a great day, but what's the point of recalling bad memories if i can't recall them at the moment? :p lemmie try to think of good things... sandy complimented me on my skin... tho i shouldn't feel particularly proud of something that's inborn... i don't really take care of my skin. that reminds me i should probably go remove whatever's left of my concealer and blush right now. maybe later. if i remember... i seem to want to blog and blog and blog tonight, tho i do have things i'd rather be doing... weird. anyway... time for fridayfive. 1. How are you planning to spend the summer [winter]? my plans always change, but i intend to study as hard as i can make myself for psyc 100 and chem 123 till the finals are over. then i intend to find some sort of job, hopefully a few english tutoring jobs that pay $18+/hr, and read a lot of books. 2. What was your first summer job? never had one...... :( what do u call the phenomenon where things u are thinking about keep on bringing themselves up?? i know we studied why that phenomenon seems to be in psyc (note: seems to be) in psyc, but i can't remember what that's called either. :p 3. If you could go anywhere this summer [winter], where would you go? i was about to say taiwan, but i wouldn't mind going to hawaii... actually no, i'd probably choose to go to hawaii in the winter... hate bikini season. so taiwan. :) if i had enuff $ to truly enjoy myself i'd go to hongkong and japan too. 4. What was your worst vacation ever? err... choosing among those that i can still remember, i would say that time me and my parents came to vancouver during my junior high first year. it was may and my parents had confirmed that we would be immigrating here in sept, so they dragged me along to check in as permanent residents and check out the place, schools, etc. i REALLY did NOT want to come, and i was still hopeful that they would change their minds about it, so i resisted all the time we were here and insisted to myself that i was NOT having a good time AT ALL. :P in fact, i DIDN'T have a good time. *sigh* 5. What was your best vacation ever? umm... umm.. umm... BEST vacation? i would chose one of the times i went back to tw... but that's more like "going home" for me. so among all the non-taiwan trips... 2 week student exchange to japan? 3 day trip to hong kong spent with amy? or one of those cross-country trips in the US that our family went to when i was a kid? hard to pick which one tho, b/c i'm not even sure how many of those trips we took... we covered a LOT of places... i know for sure that we went to both disney land and disney world, we went to the big apple, we went to atlanta, we went to see either princeton or yale (or was it both), we spent some time in california... we travelled over the border into canada... we went a LOT of places... by driving... heh. ah... this week's fridayfive brings up pleasant memories. :) i wonder if i'm as fat right now as i was when i came back from japan... not weight wise, just... volume....... heh heh. even tho i weigh about 6kg less than when i got back from japan, i feel just as fat... >___< was just talking about anorexia and bulimia in psyc today, the prof took up a serious tone cuz u never know there might be some anorexic/bulimic ppl in the class, but i just complacently opened the wrapper and helped myself to three reese peanut butter chocolate cups. hahaha~ i discovered my ideal type of girl in psyc class today. i think. i'm torn, if i were to have a gf would i have a very unique and defiant girl who does things her way, or the sweet kind that seems easy to hang out w/? hmm. i started thinking about do single ppl think about what kind of person they want to go out with? cuz for me it just happens, i'm never looking out for a specific type... i just go with what comes along and what i feel... wonder how it is for other ppl? maybe i don't think about "the ideal bf" b/c i know there's no such thing... guys suck. they really really do. in my next life i would rather be a guy so i can make some deserving girl happy. b/c most girls deserve better guys than this planet has to offer. :p
the following was composed on: june 27th around 1am
woke up around 12pm today from the unbearable heat. my hair was lying around my head (the way hair does...) on my pillow and i swear it was burning hot... i sleep under the window u see... even tho the shades are drawn and i have some highlights my hair still absorbs a helluvalot of heat. *sigh* lisa called just when i was about to fall asleep again and told me about a english tutoring opportunity for a would be gr 12 student. i was like "yippe"!! lisa was tutoring the relative for gr8 english or something like that and they said it would be 1.5 hours twice a week, and altho they hadn't discussed price yet she was thinking of charging $27 for 1.5 hours... so i was like yay, maybe i'll charge $30 cuz it's gr12 english, and it's my first time being an official tutor... so i got up and called, and the @#(* woman who answered offered $10/hour. WTF... she later made the offer of $20/1.5 hours... i take that as an insult to all university student tutors. i told her i'd call back tmw but i don't even want to bother... went back to sleep afterwards and since dad went to go golf-shopping mom didn't bother forcing me to wake up every 10 minutes, so i got to sleep with little interruption till 4:30pm... ate some lunch and soon went to psyc. i was 25 minutes early for class today!! so amazing. class wasn't that great tho... it turned interesting towards the end but for the most part i compleletely tuned the prof out. sucks, after a long session of "tuning out" he said that the stuff he just said about something reduction theory was "important". GRRR... sandy brought a family friend who was going to start at UBC next year and wanted to check out what psyc 100 was like... so hard working!! she took notes too!! and stayed in the classroom during break while me and sandy went out to get candy, chat, etc... amazingness... so intimidated by hard working ppl nowadays. after psyc mom and dad both came to pick me up, i guess mom was bored from staying home... so we went to london drugs to get bandages for my hand. dad had a toothache that lead to a headache tho so mom didn't get to shop, heh. ARGHHH, when dad was backing up into our parking space he SMASHED MY REAR VIEW MIRROR. ARGHHHH. :**( it's not all smashed up... the left half of the mirror is pretty much shattered and the side of the thing is all scratched up... *sigh* at least it's plastic so it won't rust... but still... feels nasty and looks ugly. *sigh* gonna have the mirror part replaced, but the outside part (that's painted) i think i'm just gonna buff it smooth then apply... spray paint.....? or get the toyota touch up paint pen, which i plan to get to repair a few rock chips anyway... but that can be really hard to use... i hear ppl invariably end up applying too much so it becomes convex... which means i need langka paint blob remover, which i have to order online... so much work, so tempted to use spray paint, haha... prolly call chris to ask for advice first. damn those side rear view mirrors cost something like $300 each to replace i think. so generally i'm having a bad day today... after we got home from london drugs i headed out intending to pick up winnie and get everyone to sign hendra's birthday card, but we ended up at shao's and everyone came to the sign the card there... which means i basically went out to drive winnie two blocks to shao's.... err.... it was also depressing b/c everyone i called was occupied... the couples were hanging out, roz was at the beach w/ friends, dewi's busy painting her room, etc... and it all reminded me that i haven't enjoyed david's company for over a week now... u can't really count watching him study silently for an hour, washing the car for 40 minutes, and falling asleep in his bed for 2 hours "spending time together"... -____-" felt quite miserable by the time i drove winnie home... went to get some bubble tea by myself but it's not cheering me up much... what i really want is the bubble tea i get in tw... this fake stuff that costs $3.50 is no good. :p so.... now i'm home again. i wanted to finish reading harry potter tonight, but it's already 1am, mom will be nagging me to go to sleep continuously... not quite a lot of time for potter. should read psyc instead, i'm getting REALLY behind, especially since he hasn't been covering most of the stuff in class so i have to study by myself... ai i should persuade sandy to study w/ me... like we agree to read chapters by a schedule and get together to quiz each other on information and stuff... but i'm not that motivated. maybe next year....... if u were a harry potter character who would u want to be? i think i'd wanna be hermione granger... so much self discipline. so smart. so geeky. hahaha. or fred and george b/c they really couldn't care less what ppl think of them... but i already have those qualities lurking in me... heh heh. ohh, i learned in psyc today why ppl on a diet should drink lots of water... besides b/c water wash out toxins... when u're taking in a lot of water, ur body believes that there is an abundant source of food and nutrients in ur environment, and it won't strive to extract the maximum amount of calories from the food u eat. ie, if u were thirsty all day ur body would try to squeeze out as many calories from food as it can, but it would only extract, oh i dunno, say half the calories u are consuming if u were drinking a constant and abundant amount of water. very interesting... Friday, June 27, 2003
Thursday, June 26, 2003
cool, blogger changed its editing layout. not that U can see...
so exhausted.. more exhausted than i'd like to admit... *sigh* another bee entered my room last night. oh, btw, i killed the last one that got into my room the night before that... so anyway this bee disappeared and didn't make any noise so i shut the windows and went to sleep, but sometime around 10am it started flying all around making bee noises, so i had to go sleep in the living room... didn't get very good sleep... was forced to wake up at 2:30pm, which i'll admit is a bit late but i still felt so tired... ate lunch and was dragged along to get the suitcase fixed, go take photos for the permanent resident cards, and stayed for quite a while at london drugs. i got rubber cement!! i don't know why i'm so excited about it, i just really really like rubber cement, heh heh.. gonna go play w/ it tmw. hopefully i'll get the chance to... barely have time to breathe... right after i got home at 5 something i headed straight out again to wash my car at buubuu's... then got home at 7pm and headed right out to guu for dinner... ate so much.. too bad they ran out of oysters, they only had "half an order" of fresh oysters left, which meant they only had TWO left. two tiny tiny ones too.. :p so we took that... i don't think they charged us for it in the end, i couldn't find an item that looked like it was for the oysters on our bill. had beef capricio, grilled beef tongue, salmon sashimi in garlic soy sauce, shrimp in chili sauce, lots of daikon, two orders of baked oyster in spicy blah blah sauce, kimchee fried rice, and what else... can't remember... ate quite a bit but didn't feel too full... we were gonna walk down robson but we ended up spending all our time in the body shop. damn!! juice it exfoliating body scrub is on sale for 50% off!! that means it's only $4!!! and the normal juice it shower gel is $5!!! GRRR. i think we bought... maybe 14 tubes of body scrub/shower gel... hahaha.. mostly for gifts.. two for me... and i got new perfume... i tried to fight the urge but it smelt so nice and clean and sufficiently light and it's actually a different sort of scent from my other perfumes... yes yes all excuses... heh heh... hope i'll remember to wear it sometimes... i never remember. i can go to the washroom, curl my eyelashes, put on concealer, apply blush, and then leave, all the while my perfume bottles are right under my nose, and i would never remember. got a HUGE bag of stuff from body shop... then there was only enuff time to get a berry binge from jugo juice and we had to go get the car~ we detoured and went to jericho beach on the way home. we got there around 10pm, and the sky was so so so nice... the sky was darkening blue but near the mountains it was orangy pink... ahh... how nice. if only i can enjoy a romantic dinner -> shopping -> sunset night w/ buubuu... but no... he's too practical and unromantic. *blows raspberry* right after we got home i started wiping the car clean of whatever dust it has managed to accumulate and started waxing it with dad... took 2 hours... in the end dad got really exhausted (he was up since 6am and went to play golf too) so we called it a day, but we didn't really put in a lot of effort to wax the front and back bumpers. and no matter how much wax we put on and how hard we rubbed it, the engine hood just isn't as smooth as any other part of the car body... have no idea why... GRR. it looks just as shiny tho, heh heh. if only i had the energy to do this at least once a month.. but my hands are already all rough and stuff... :p so... tired... i would post some meaningful thought here... but i really can't think of any. *sigh* oh... dad is now persuaded by mom that i should just stay here this summer and try to apply for a job in starbucks. he thinks it'll be a better job than private tutoring... even tho we calculated very roughly and found that my hourly wage for private tutoring will exceed the amount he makes in his job, hahaha~ i ought to quit psyc (quit b.sci. psyc anyway) and concentrate on english... just become a highschool english teacher by day and private tutor by night... OR.. i could stop worrying about my career crap and read my psyc text... -______-" signed up for those psyc tests and now i have to arrange a time to do them. hoping to stick them together on the same afternoon sometime next week. it just sucks b/c i'm doing these for credit, not for $. heh heh. suckiness, only something like 8 ppl i know are going to the DSC dance on saturday. it's gonna be such a bore... i think i might lose all interest for dances permanently soon. already. my virtually nonexistent muscles are sore... i shall read for an hour... then sleep... Wednesday, June 25, 2003
I PASSED PHYSICS 101!!! WITH A C+!!
i am determined not to whine about how close to a B- i was. now let's try to recall what i've been doing for the past few days. i haven't blogged for so long it seems that it's actually taking an effort to do this. saturday was a blur... i remember waking up and devouring lunch, then attempting to fall asleep again, but jenny woke me up b/c we had made plans to go study in stb. had to get mom and dad to drive me to dunbar stb... interesting, the fuse burned out or something so everyone got ushered out of the store for a while, and all the time we were there the store manager (owner?) and some of the barristas were sitting at the table next to us chatting. i, as u could expect, got intimidated and did not hand in my application form. :p didn't get ANY work done at all in the near 2 hours that we were there, what i shame. i read about 2 pages of psyc, and it doesn't even count cuz none of it really entered my mind. spent some time w/ jenny and roz after that and got home at 7:30pm for dinner and spent the rest of my night working... taking quite a while, i think i've pulled too much work on myself again. sunday it's really weird but i can't remember doing ANYTHING on sunday... all i remember is that after dinner i made mom and dad go eat dou fa with me, and dad was complaining that it wasn't good... then i delivered some dou fa to david and he drove me home an hour later, but we didn't really get to hang out b/c he was studying for his econ midterm. *sigh* ohhh, now i remember.. i woke up late afternoon to eat some lunch then fell asleep again till 7:30pm, and that's why i can't remember anything about sunday... it's b/c i slept thru all of it.. heh. monday woke up at 12ish and went to fukuroku for lunch with parents, then we went to costco AGAIN. i got ripped off!! harry potter is only $22.99 at costco. i bought it for $25.80 on amazon.ca thinking that 40% off was a great deal. heh. i didn't end up getting anil's ghost or oyrx and crake.. didn't get anil's ghost b/c i really can't convince myself that i enjoy michael ondaatje's writing style at all, and didn't get oyrx and crake b/c it's 23.99, and an entire set of harry potter 1-4 soft cpver was $29.99, so i got harry potter instead. yes, i'm somewhat ashamed that i dumped an atwood book for harry potter. especially since i've already read all the harry potter books.. but like my friends i try to convince myself that it's a setr of books that i'll read over and over again, that of which i don't doubt. i just don't go as far as to disillusion myself that my kids will be reading it too someday. i know that's the rational of a lot of ppl who pay up to $20-30 more for the hardcovers. so really, when u stop to think about it, the cheapest price around for the fifth harry potter book is $22.99, and the first 4 combined is only $29.99?? i think i'm starting to hate j.k. rowling and b/c of that i'm starting to hate harry potter as a character. i seriously find myself thinking he's a self-centered brat more and more as i'm reading "the order of the phoenix". i think i have now altered ur expectations for the book. muwahahhaa. while i browsed the book section in costco mom and dad managed to load the cart with about 30-40 bottles of vitamins and nutritional pills that they're supposed to bring back for their friends. it's CRAZY, so amazingly heavy... those pests, don't they have any idea how much those pills weigh?! i told dad he should take a photo of all those bottles and show them to his coworkers as a sort of joke so maybe they'll get the message and stop asking them to bring all those vitamins... but then if i really think about it i'm always doing such rewardless dumb errands for my friends too... so i did inherit my parents' values. heh. they'd tell me not to be a pushover but... i guess in some ways i'm just as much of a pushover as they are to their friends. mom and dad ended up deciding to get the pills another day tho, some complicated billing problem. or not complicated.. just that if they get the stuff later the credit card bill is for next month and while the money's still in the bank it gets interest blah blah... so it ended up being mostly my stuff... line paper, notebooks, harry potter 1-5 since i got the fifth one for jenny, box of candy... yeah.. all mine... :p i saw jacob in costco. i was turning around and i saw somebody who really looked like acer, and i was thinking "no... acer's still in toronto isn't he", and i realized it was jacob, heh... looks AMAZINGLY like acer. prolly b/c he's trying to dress like his brother and everything. i'd laugh my head off if he tried out for sunshine boys too, heh heh. after costco we had to go to safeway too... supposedly only to get caesar salad sauce but i knew mom wanted to shop more, so i dragged dad to petcetera with me for while. no cute dogs and cats that day... well, the dog there was cute in manner but kinda big and ugly in reality.. sigh*. i wonder if they'll ever find homes... esp. that 9 year old cat called "fat cat". and he's REALLY fat too, haha. that's the highlights for my monday... didn't study for psyc at all over the weekend. *sigh* tuesday woke up at 1pm today and went to do memory and cognition lab for psyc at 2pm. the girl who ran the experiment was really friendly but scary at first b/c she's the kind that makes a lot of eye contact when u talk (more like constant eye contact) and she opens her eyes really wide so u can see a circle of white all around her iris, heh. we had to walk from kenny to the pool and then out to bus loop and around and back to pool and then back to kenny during the experiment, and i think it was supposed to be part of the experimental condition that she chatted w/ me while we were walking, but anyway we chatted quite a bit... did so much talking.. in english... haven't spoken english for a few days now it seems, heh. did NOT cheer me up about psyc major tho, haha... telling me i have to work hard and might not get all the courses i want if i can't reg in them in the beginning etc. *shivers*... my worst nightmare u know. the experiment also made me feel kinda dumb... too lazy to explain it... but it did induce a feeling of fustration, haha... esp. the parts where i had to write synonyms for words and i couldn't write a lot, or the part where i had to read a long list of foreign words (and got taped, how brutal) and didn't recognize a lot of them. told u i'm an english geek... :p anyway, i got paid $20 so all's good, heh. signed up for 3 more credits worth of psyc experiements, and it took a lot of effort but i stopped myself from signing up for experiments that paid cash.. i need the credits!! went to brock to hand in my form to take the deferred chem final. it was too late to mail it already, that's how much i procrasinate. :p then went to buubuu's. i was gonna drag him to stb to study with me but i waited for him to eat his pineapple grilled cheese and then we had mango gelato and then i fell asleep... haha. slept till 5:45pm and slowly got up and went to the garage and he drove me to ubc, and i still got to school on time... amazing.. i can wake up 15 minutes before class and make it there on time in no rush... well... i didn't have to change or park tho. psyc was.... was... abysmal... haha no i'm misusing the word. didn't think much about psyc, was a little out of it this class, especially during the 30 minute video in the end i tuned most of it out. after psyc went to yamakiya w/ mom and dad, where they didn't seem to have anything that we wanted to order, haha... no raw beef slices no beef tongue no mushroom stick thing... :p ate a bit, then went to stb... kinda annoyed when mom and dad argue. they don't really argue, my mom says something that annoys my dad and keeps on doing it despite protest then my dad snaps a little at her and she gets pissed off for the rest of the day thinking they had a huge argument, while my dad forgets about it... do a lot of parents do this??*sigh* went to stb for a while afterwards.. forgot about frappuchino passport again.. well i remembered when i was waiting for my frapp but there were too many ppl so i didn't wanna fuss. dad wanted a coffee powder compressor thing for his expresso machine so i got it as his b-day present, but then we decided it looked too big so returned it on the spot.. then dad suggested i get another starbucks card while they still have that half a pound of coffee beans promotion but i was like NO, i'm not going up to the cashier AGAIN.. hahaha. wow, it's taken me really long to document my weekend... blogging is a horrible habit. i mean yes, i do sometimes wonder "what the hell was i doing on march 22nd 2002" and go back to check, but it wouldn't really hurt me to NOT remember... *sigh*. so blogging is like one of those things i should try to phase out of my life... well i don't think i'll be doing that anytime soon i think. :p
the following was composed sometime over the weekend during a blogger failure:
the question haunts me: do i only go out to fulfill my thirst for company? yes, of course, who doesn't, but what's worse... do i do it just to fill the void... did the little prince leave b612 b/c it was lonely and he felt empty? or did he leave b/c it was empty and he felt lonely... i don't want answers... i'm too chicken shit for answers. Saturday, June 21, 2003
i am now officially a B.sci psychology major student. muwahaha.
i just got the e-mail confirmation that i got accepted into the program, yippee!! i think they only accept 40 students every year, but i guess it's not that big of a deal if i can get into it... me and my crappy GPA. *sigh* i can't remember if i mentioned this, but i checked the last exam score for psyc 100 and i got 73%, which is not bad already i guess, but then he dropped the bomb - that's our mark BEFORE he scales it down. damn. this time class avg is 69% and he's gonna scale it down to 65% again. hope i won't get scaled down by too much... *sigh*. gotta work harder now for psyc!! if only i can find the time... starting to consider employment. picked up an application form for starbucks today for west broadway location, then i went online and printed out two more copies and filled them out, drop them off at safe #2 location and dunbar... more write some more. but i'm still considering, should i hand in these starbucks applications, or do the tutoring thing? cuz tutoring pays more, but involves time spent going to and from tutoring sessions in other ppl's homes... hmm. i'll think about it. it's not like i'm guaranteed a job in starbucks anyway. today's activities: i'm too tired for paragraph form -- 10am, wake up to pick up dad from airport 11am, picked up dad and handed over the car keys for the next two weeks or so. 11:30am, went to drink tea w/ family sometime in the afternoon, went to parker to buy crab and lobster, then went to costco and shopped and shopped and shopped. i decided that today must be the day that smart ppl go to costco, b/c i saw clarice and ann there, heh. i seem to bump into clarice everywhere this summer... my 戰利品 today (aside from food): dove shampoo, 3 boxes of dentyne ice gum, and... i think that's it... OHHH costco has glass bottled coca-cola now!! but it's twice the price of normal coke... *sigh* don't know if i should get it, since i'm going back tmw or monday to buy some books... costco books are cheaper than amazon.ca!! even after amazon takes 40% off. interesting. gonna get: "anil's ghost" by michael ondaatje and "oyrx and crake" by margaret atwood. margaret atwood writes REALLY fast... esp. considering she's still teaching at UT and everything... by the time we got home it was 4:30pm already, after a while i napped for 2 hours and woke up for dinner... crab AND lobster... craziness. after dinner i wanted to go to stb, and nobody wanted to go so i asked dad to go, then mom wanted to come too... it took a while so by the time we got there it was 10:30pm already, and we found out that the broadway store closes at 10:30pm so we didn't get to sit, damn! it's ok tho, i got my application form... heh. today was a good day.. i was really tired all day but it was a good family day. it feels so natural but i haven't had a family day for half an year already... 每次想到都有點感慨. funny event of the day: dad got so relaxed doing his yoga that he fell asleep lying on the floor when he was just supposed to be in a state of relaxation, hahaha~ happy moment of the day: too many... being w/ my family, finding out i got into bsci psychology major, finding books i wanna buy on sale, free frappuchino from my frappuchino passport... oh yeah... dad also got a starbucks card, loaded $20 w/ his visa and got his complimentary half pound of african coffee, heh. we've decided to get lots of starbucks cards so we can get lots of half-pounds of coffee, heh. i'm gonna use them all up sooner or later anyway. i also went to the bank to close down my account... kinda sux, i don't have my own active account anymore, just a joint one, and my new student visa has a limit of $600/month. don't get me wrong, i'm not a spoiled brat who maxes out her visa every month on clothes... i need my visa to pay for gas, to pay for food, to pay for books and most importantly to pay for tuition stuff online... $600/month just won't do... :p u know what would be cool tho... if i could earn $600/month... which isn't that hard... and then i can pay for my own visa bills... ie, pay for my own gas and food and shopping needs... that's a pretty cool concept... it'll be cooler if i can also pay for apartment management fee, property tax, car insurance, internet bill, phone bill, cellular bill, cable bill, electricity bill......... my god life sux. hahaha. i'm so far away from self-sufficiency... (esp b/c i'm just THINKING about getting a job...) Friday, June 20, 2003
brace urselves... the worst fridayfive ever.
1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short? straight and at the moment long. one hairdresser recently told me that my hair is naturally curly, but all my friends agree that he must've been a lunatic to say that. 2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime? i've had hair so long it reached my butt, i've also directed hairdressers to take a razor to my hair and make it shorter than guy's hair. i've gone from my normal black hair to strawberry blonde to innumerous shades of red and a few failed blues. the past two years have been the boringest for my hair life as it has barely changed at all. i smell change in the air... 3. How do your normally wear your hair? ponytail, or under a hat when it's too messy or oily to even be slicked back in the pony tail. funny thing is that i usually get complimented on the hats. so i get complimented on my hairstyle on my bad hair days? 4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like? it would be an all over light chestnut brown color with a hint of red and highlights. it would be a "short hair style" but not exactly short, i will have hair in the front that covers half my face, and i will gel it to a very natural bed-hair look. i would look cool... just gimmie about $150... 5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened? some ppl get a perm that doesn't make their hair curly but just adds volume. i tried to get one of those perms. i took a long time communicating with the hairdresser that i do not want it to be curly. she said she understands. she repeated my expectations. my hair ended up curly. unmanageble curly. ugly curly. they blow dried it so the ends of the hair flared out dramatically, and my bangs were wavy. not in a nice way. to top it all off, they charged me $140.00 for the haircut and perm. someday i am gonna burn that store to the ground... or, there was also that day when i was aiming to lighten my hair color a bit so i could dye it red, but left the bleach on for too long, went back to the mirror to discover that i'm blonde. very shocking experience. i feel so shallow now.. i feel like i can go to sleep believing that as long as i have good hair everything will be fine. too bad tho, i know better...
it's hard to provide a quality update with my mom walking around and around, so expect infrequent and choppy updates for the next two weeks, minimum. *sigh* this is how my life feels like now too, choppy. i just realized i have a lot on my hands right now... kinda can tell from my past 24 hours...
i didn't get to sleep after cleaning, went to attempt to do some banking in the morning, headed to the airport to wait, then grocery shopping, lots of it... then unpacking, until FINALL FINALLY i got sweet sweet sleep -- but just a bare 2 hours of it, before rushing off to psyc class. to make things worse, the prof left his overheads notes in kwantlen so he lectured for the entire class without jotting anything down for us to copy... i think he felt sorry about it tho so he didn't cover a lot of material and kept it pretty amusing, telling a lot of stories... too bad i missed the last story cuz i got sick in the afternoon... stomach got cold... no more sleeping in small tank tops... didn't go to starbucks... which is probably a good thing b/c mom cooked some food when i got home... ate that, then went to mcdonald's with buubuu and had strawberry shortcake mcflurry against my better judgement. at least buubuu has a sick stomach now too, haha. he complained that there wasn't enuff sauce on his mcchicken burger, and i warned him that they might spit on it but he said he'll watch them... but they gave him a new one with lotsa sauce.. then he went home and got sick, haha. wonder if it's linked. while we're talking about mcdonald's tho, their mcnuggets are REALLY made of chicken now, haha. the crust still tastes like recycled paper towels tho.. the brown kind u get in public washrooms... FINALLY got to watch the last two episodes of friends from the last season. i know i know, that was soooo 7 weeks ago... but i had psyc class and winnie recorded them for me and never gave the tape to me, heh. it was good... but then not that good... joey and rachael??? that's so wrong. haha. don't really know what to say... my god, i've lost the gift of language. *gasps*. j/king i have things on my mind but it feels too heavy to put into words... *sigh* i think it's from the daily minimum 2 litres of water, my skin is finally improving... i was prepping to go to sleep just now and went to the washroom to wipe off my cosmetic-healthy-smile w/ make-up remover and facial wash, but after i did i still looked pretty healthy... (note: healthy compared to the normal me). miracle... heh heh... usually my face is ash white with dark spots after i remove my make-up and crash into bed. if i even bother to remove my make-up... staring blanky at the sticker photos claire sent me. if u make urself smile, or force urself to laugh, will that produce endorphins? will faking smiling make u really happy? i always want to verify that... Thursday, June 19, 2003
u know how when ppl prepare for a baby they "baby-proof" the house...
well i'm "parent-proofing" my apartment, and i'm exhausted. yes, i did take a lot of breaks since the last post, but i did accomplish a lot... the place just doesn't look like i did much to it... probably b/c i am still really far away from being the standard "clean" place. *sigh* three and a -half months of free living results in this kinda dump. starting to get hungry, and the only thing available at this hour that i care to eat is #9 seafood congee, but if i go get it and come back and eat it that'll be a good hour wasted, and i'll be sleepy afterwards. boo. i need to be awake for the tidying up part (putting things where they belong).. i can be sleepy for the cleaning part (scrubbing the tub, vacuuming, dusting). i KNOW that, but i keep on doing the cleaning parts first... ai-ya. if u don't know me very well, u must be wondering how can it possible take this long to clean an one bedroom apartment. well... u obviously just really don't know me very well. hahaha~ *hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go*
currently taking a break from cleaning my house.
mom called last night to announce that she's arriving at 9:25am, not 2:30pm... so i'm pretty screwed, as i was planning to clean till 7am-ish, then sleep till 2pm... now that i've overslept this afternoon, i prolly won't get to sleep at all b4 i go pick up mom, which would really really suck... cuz say i got pick her up at 10am, then prolly go to yaohan and places, then get home, eat lunch, help unpack... only get to nap 2-3 hours before psyc class. and i didn't do my reading for psyc yet!! it's a really good habit, since the course material is getting more and more interesting and i can doze thru most of class, only really paying attention when i notice he's talking about something that's not in text. cuz he talks non-stop for the entire 3 hours, it's physically impossible to hang on to someone's words for 3 entire hours... hoping i will be a good girl and when i'm taking a break from cleaning i'll finish my psyc reading. wow, i just realized i didn't update yesterday... i got up at 8am to send my car in for repair... it took quite a while b/c the guy had to confirm that the gas tank they ordered came in, and it didn't... he said they won't get the tank till later that day so they'll start on my car the next day, meaning i can take the car home and bring it in again this morning, but i chose to just leave it there. it's too painful to wake up at 8am again just to send the car in... i went home and slept till it was time to go to psyc class. i think david thought i was implying i wanted a ride so he came and gave me a ride to class, tho i really didn't mind busing.. oh well. psyc was excellent, as i mentioned before, cuz i already read the material... there were a few "important for the test" points tho that i took lotsa notes on, i'm so proud of myself... hahaha~ seriously... cuz it was a really productive class for me. after class buubuu picked me up and we went to his house, he studied and i just lied in his bed reading whatever... left to go eat subway, then i went to jenny's with pin... soooooo boooooring... except looking at pin's annual, which wasn't that fun either... at least i got to see ms. letourneau's old photo, when she was supposed to be "le-turn-on", hahaha~ (no, not really). got home at... can't remember, but i cleaned some last night for maybe 3 hours... tho i ended up reading comics and magazines till 6am, hehe. they finished with my car at 12pm but i didn't get up till 5pm to go pick it up. there was NO GAS in the car!! like nearly no gas whatsoever... the warning sign was on and i looked to see if i had one bar of gas (since my display is electronic), and there was NONE... haha. so i went to the nearest chevron possible, which sucked b/c i had a hard time turning back on to the road i needed to be on afterwards... stupid construction. it was amazing tho, being able to get "full tank" without calculating in my mind about how much gas i should be getting.. that satisfying click when it tells u that ur tank is full... oh my gawd, it's a miracle!! haha. went home and cleaned a bit more b4 going to glouchester with jenny and ann, where it took me 2 hours to eat (and i didn't finish my food, heh). very interesting, the 3 girls sitting there comparing relationships, talking about how boring couple life can be... haha... jenny and jim are the rich couple, ann and shao are the cheap couple, buubuu and me are the married couple. :p and yay, jenny's gonna be my light technician for my special event... heh... need to enlist somebody to help her.. hmm. got home at 8pm and cleaned more... so exhausted right now.. i threw out maybe 30-40 water bottles, haha... some homeless person will come collect it from the recycling bin and be able to buy a mcdonald's meal. ai-ya i dun wanna clean anymore!!! there's so much left to do.. i already gave up on handling the banking stuff or even changing the broken lightbulbs (there are maybe 7 lightbulbs that need to be changed in my apartment right now). damn cleaning... wish i could just throw stuff out... or have dust magically disappear... from today till right now i've washed 6 loads of laundry... that's like... half of all my clothes?? heh heh. packed up a lot of stuff that doesn't belong to me... found out i have a lot of buubuu's jenny's and roz's stuff all over my house. mostly comics... o-e. since physics ended it feels like summer started, since i only have 6 hours/week of psyc now, and studying for it isn't painful at all... even tho i've still got a lot of things to do, it all feels good~ Tuesday, June 17, 2003
OH! the nth reason why i'm a total english geek: if u watched "celebrity look-alike behaviour" on fox, they got someone who looked like anna nichole smith to go to a community college english writing course and "prove she isn't dumb", and i got all but one of the questions the prof asked. MUWAHAHAHA. i didn't get the term for when the reverse of the word is the same, ie ANNA backwards is still ANNA... should've known mel, should've known!! GRRR. haha
watched "anything for love" on fox.
show that left a deep impression since bridezilla, as in it makes u laugh but then it leaves u aghast also.. the things ppl do for love, the things ppl believe for love... willing to become a strip teaser to win husband back? after years and years convince ur ex-bf to break up with his new gf and marry u? ignore the lie detector results and believe that ur rock and roll bf never slept with another woman and then marry him right after on national tv? whack!! seriously. someone should whack them on their heads. the situation is funny but really all the viewers are just pitying someone's stupidity... i didn't sleep last night, but stayed up the entire night and went to school w/ buubuu instead~ went to get mcdonald's breakfast and then went to meet buubuu~ damn lucky sfu kids, all they gotta do is walk down the hall to another lecture theatre for the next class, can leisurely go smoke and chat w/ friends btwn classes and still get everywhere on time... not like in ubc where u get less than 10 minutes to run from building to building... (i will never forget my forestry -> buch trips). today's buubuu's worst day... we got there early, so went to smoke outside first and buubuu chatted with his freaky 'friend' who is apparantly nearly failing everything and spits A LOT... it's like everytime he takes a drag on his cigarette he's bound to spit... eeeck. heh buubuu sounds geeky when he speaks english, no matter how much swear words he puts into it. :p then we had calc III (sfu's weird term for 200 level math). i studied psych!! :) i actually managed to finish reading the entire chapter on memory today. anyway.. then there was more smoking... boring econ... more smoking... linear algebra... WOW, the linear algebra prof is HOT. and i don't usually use the word HOT, but i'm using it on a prof, so u know he is really HOT. hahahaha. i mean tho, veri veri muscular and toned and tan and cute-looking... amazingness. i was joking about how ppl wouldn't mind sleeping w/ him to get an A, they'd prolly do it even if there weren't benefits... :p i think there was MORE smoking after that... what is wrong w/ sfu students... -____-" then buubuu had to go to tutorial so i found a cubicle to study and took some notes for psyc. there were interesting interpretations of SFU as an acronym: "Simon Fucked Us", "So Fucked Up", "Seriously Fabulous University", etc... but my favourite one is "So i Failed UBC", HAHAHAHA. went to eat in coquitlam afterwards, cheap but not so clean twnese food place, but the owners were so nice... felt really sick by then tho, cuz of all the sun and my stomach cramps and lack of sleep and i was seriously dehydrated. *sigh* went home and pretty soon fell asleep from i guess 3pm-6pm till i had to get up and drive buubuu home.. then i came home and watched tv, and that was my day. looks like i'm still maintaining my record of only eating one meal per day... i can't really feel hunger right now (not this week of the month...) but i guess i must be, been 10 hours since i ate... but too lazy to go out and buy food. i have to bring the car in for repair at 8:30am, and it's at 7986km (maintenance should be at 8000km) right now with the low fuel alert sign on, heh... tho i know my car can go quite a while even with the sign on... come to think of it... that means i used quite a bit of gas today... not me really, buubuu did the driving... he just doesn't feel right if he doesn't go up to 4k, 5k whenever he starts up.. *sigh* or, right, i'm sorry, it's probably just b/c my car's not powerful enuff. pish. did i mention my bank account got frozen? these are the main tasks i gotta do before my parents get here: clean up / 'defrost' my bank account / straighten out the shaw cable bill / find a way to get back copies of the magazine i should've subscribed to for dad 7 months ago / stack up on some healthy food / get car fixed cleaned and waxed.. hmm. doesn't sound like too much, but the "clean up" part is gonna take hella long. Monday, June 16, 2003
the july issue of cosmo is so good... i read almost every single page... even the commercials were good. ALMOST got me sucked into cosmetics again... but nah... i dress too casually now to have a made-up face. i dress a little bit more than causal now, i practically wear my pj's out these days. it took quite a long time to leave the house before the dance on saturday b/c i wanted to be comfortable in my big beckham jersey and jeans and ethnies boarding shoes, but david wanted something more.. more girly and fitting... but not revealing... so picky. he got to pick the shirt but i ended up just looking like regular me anyway b/c i put on a jacket and kept my jeans and etnies and hat. :p u can't change me, u just can't... no matter what u do i'm just still me... just like no matter what pink wears she's still gonna be called pink, and no matter what nichole kidman puts on today she's still gonna be a goddess, haha~ i've been watching the "all access - best and worst dressed" show, that kept on calling halle berry and nichole kidman "indestructable goddesses", heh heh. unsurprisingly christina aguilera got listed as worst dressed, which i still have trouble agreeing with. the only really bad outfits i recall seeing on her were the slashed up red dress she wore to some performance and the clothes she wore in some mtv's for her first album... ppl ppl ppl, just like to thrash talk everybody. if gwen stefani is 'best dressed' then how can aguilera be 'worst dressed', they are both original in their own rights. :p
i woke up at 6pm on sunday... was aching a little b/c i slept so deep all night i barely changed positions... watched a LOT of tv before finally going out at 11 something to buy some congee... really sucked too cuz i was having stomach cramps since i got up... and just wasting more and more time right now, but wasting time feels nice, especially at night... some days i don't even need anybody to talk to... just being awake at night makes me feel good. or maybe it's just the painkillers and the coffee that's numbing my senses right now... heh. lucky that i had nothing to do, b/c i found out that the deadline for applying to enter Bsci psychology major was june 20th. originally i thought i apply at the end of second year, but apparently i'm supposed to apply right now... they didn't ask much besides which requirements i have completed, how many credits i have from 2002W and my average for 2002W, so i'm a little screwed, since my average (as i've said many times) is 68% and the general admission minimum is 72%. *sigh* i could always complete psyc 217/218 and switch over to arts psyc, for which i don't need to apply to enter, but it's such a huge waste of all the time and money i spent on science courses... even tho i am more interested in arts psyc and it'll be easier for me to get higher GPA and blah blah blah. i'm just gonna be lazy and stubborn and stay in science. i don't seem to be fearing my physics mark at all, i guess since it's done there's no point worrying about it... the best part is, there were some ppl on discussion group saying the test was hard and it covered material that wasn't really taught in class and blah blah, and generally only the hard working ppl would go on discussion group online so hopefully this means everyone didn't do so great, heh heh. i should prolly stay awake till 7am so i can call and see if i can bring my car in for maintenance today, tho i kinda need the car these days... i should go to TA office hour this afternoon about the last psyc test, and i have psyc research experiment and class from 3-9pm tmw, and on wednesday i should stack up on healthy stuff to prep for mom's arrival, and thursday and friday gotta pick mom and dad up from airport. as long as i get the car back to pick mom and dad up i'll be ok tho... just worried about that b/c downtown toyota sucks at completing things ontime. seriously, downtown toyota service department has the WORST service... if they don't get the car back to me when they promise to this time i'm really gonna bitch at them... sell me a dysfunctional car, deny it when i complain, and then admit they were wrong, and take forever to fix it? GRRR. did i tell u about that time they took 3 days (they said ONE day) to do the checkup, told me there was nothing wrong with my fuel tank, left it outside so there were big blobs of bird poop on it, and unapologetically charged me for gas used to check the fuel tank? BASTARDS! can't get myself to settle down and do some quality reading with my free time... i've divided up most of my time btwn tv, magazines and comics, while i have tons of good books to read stacked up, *sigh*. now i'm anticipating harry potter 5, which i will recieve sometime btwn june 25- july1... mmm... harry potter... everyone seems quite self-absorbed lately, i can't tell if it's b/c they really are becoming more and more self-centered or is it just b/c i have feelings that i want to share and their ignorance/indifference therefore seems magnified... watched grease 2... the guy who played the main character is so handsome. *sigh*~ and michelle phieffer just NEVER ages, does she... :p Sunday, June 15, 2003
uh-oh... i'm hungry... but i just got home. :p
shoulda forced winnie and roz to go get take-out w/ me at #9, heh~ can't blame me for being hungry tho, all i had yesterday was some 魯肉飯 and a can of chunky soup and all i had today was a bk whopper meal. that's all i ate in the past 48 hours... >__< oh, i also had a strawberry shortcake mcflurry... but that's it... slept quite a bit today... slept till 3pm till buubuu came, but we just went back to sleep together till we went out at 8 something... went to eat bk then went to the YOURS dance at viva~ yay, guest list = free and also = no ID~ it was cold for the first hour tho... as in pretty empty. :( later on more ppl came but i was still bored cuz it felt like buubuu was just socializing w/ his friends and i had nothing much to do except hold his hand and well... be bored... danced veli veli little... couldn't dance till i forgot i existed so it wasn't good dancing. :p saw christine and katie there, hoping to get EVERYONE (or as many ppl as i can find) to go visit oyama together in the next week~ also saw queenie and angie later on... and also saw a LOT of david's friends... boo... after that went to meet up with roz winnie jenny jim and ended up at jenny's house, and no one wanted bubble tea b/c they already had bubble tea, damn, heh... should've gone to get bubble tea b4 bubble world closed but i kept on thinking maybe they'll go w/ me later, heh heh~ we ended up watching "the return of jafar"... horrible, no wonder it didn't make it to theatres. ai-ya!! the bug bites i got a couple weeks ago are STILL itching! it's so irritating... it's bumpy and red too. oooooh yeah... i got a call from "private number" while i was at the dance and i picked up and it was mom.. i couldn't really hear her so i ended up hanging up and didn't pick up when she called again and again and again.. oh i'm gonna have fun explaining the loud music in the back... -_____-" gotta think of something... car music? no she wouldn't approve of car music being that loud either... hmmm... static...? do u think it would've sounded like static?? o-e. arghhh, i'd update, but the itchy bug bite is seriously irritating me, so i'm gonna go read magazines instead. or something like that. tars~ Saturday, June 14, 2003
after visiting hotornot.com i decided i must be a pretty harsh critic, since the scores i gave were usually lower than the average by 4~6... :p
i was looking at my old photos just now, esp the prom/grad ones... seem so long ago, much longer than 1 year... i also saw the "prom" photos... the very very few prom photos, of which i'm not a part of, haha. kinda regret that i didn't take any photos during prom, it's really as if i didn't go... esp. since my friends were drinking afterwards so i didn't hang around too much. :p anyway, the point was... i feel like i was so much more confident and sure of myself before, judging from the photos... did i just learn that i'm not so great, or just lost some of the natrual fierceness that used to define my personality? if so, then why am i softening, why am i backing down? i still hate compromises, but i think i just got tired of confrontations. i really need some water... been drinking a lot of water these few days, maybe to wash down the mcdonald's meals? heh. if i boil water now it'll take forever to cool, but i'm too lazy to go out and buy water... have to change and get in the car and drive there, just seems like a lot of work.. too tired to enjoy driving. but if i don't, i'll be thirsty... which is ok, cuz i drank a lot of water today so my body's not thirsty, i just feel like i have a dry throat... BUT, i'll need water tmw... esp after i wake up... and it'll be sunny outside, and there'll be traffic. now why am i complaining about WATER, i'm turning my blog into a trash board... let's get to the fridayfive and see if i can squeeze some meaningful thoughts out. 1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have? i've wanted to confront a few ppl about the way they've treated me, things they've said about me... but it doesn't seem to be worth the trouble. what if they give me a really nasty answer that just ends up hurting me more? -_____-" 2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest? i'm pretty honest but only b/c i don't know enuff to hold back my thoughts. i generally don't make mean comments tho... most of the time i can tell when ppl are asking for compliments or if they're really asking for opinion and i act accordingly. 3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened? a friend...? let's not get too personal. not on the blog where a "friend" may see... heh. j/king. i don't know, found out something about a friend and then wish i hadn't? i can't think of anything specific right now, and i don't think there is any... i like knowing everything. i guess i could talk about incidents where u find out a friend is not all that sincere and has been doing/saying things behind ur back, but more often than not i'd rather know about it. except for this once... i still try to suppress my knowledge about what that person has said about me, but only b/c i'm being too forgiving and dumb. i should really pour acid down his throat instead. 4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why? like i said before... 我想活在張震嶽的歌裡, b/c it's a rather similar world to what i imagine i'd be living in if i were in tw... and very carefree, less restrictions... woudln't mind being in u've got mail either, i can be a bookshop owner, cool. heh~ 5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted? self-restraint. knowing what's good/bad for me and chosing wisely. basically i lack the skill of following my head instead of my heart. i don't ALWAYS want that tho. maybe i want to be cold-blooded. one part of me does anyway. and shrill and vicious and plain mean, haha~ *mel's dual faces*
I' M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE!
assuming i did ok i just finish my last physics class for the rest of my life. never say never, but hell... i'm done with physics... i totally blanked out on the test tho, there was sooo much on diffraction, waves, interference and all that stuff that i didn't really study, and there were so little questions on waves and angular stuff which i know thoroughly... not enuff fluids questions too... GRR. it's alright tho, if i passed math, then of course i passed physics... right? heh. don't know what i should do for this summer now, i still have like 6 more weeks (?) of psyc 100, and also have to study for the chem 123 final, so should i take a 200-level english course, try to find tutor job, or just.. relax.. haha. i think i'm gonna end up relaxing, reading books... reading a lot more psyc... so bloody tired... i was maybe the 2nd or 3rd person to leave the exam, not b/c i was completely done but b/c i really needed to pee, haha... it's not really a smart thing to bring an 1L bottle of water to a 2.5 hour exam. :p after that i went to jenny's to give her the parkade pass, waited till she woke up, and like an hour later went to eat... it's sizzling hot outside, and i hate parking in parker... GRR. went to the car shop AGAIN. it doesn't feel good, i'm always there, i don't seem to ever buy what i want... (ie. blue lights, license plate cover, razo pedals.. *HINT*) i was too tired to drive home (seriously), so we stopped at granville stb to study... i can't believe after so much studying i can still make myself read more psyc. and i still remember what i read this afternoon too, mainly b/c i was reading the chapter on "memory" and the author kinda kept on saying memory is faulty so i'm like "i'll show u perfect memory..." haha~ i really need challenges to excel... i remember in highschool i usually would set a goal to beat. more like... a person to beat... and i always did... but now in U there's no one to beat, there's just me.. well yes there is the other 239 students in psyc, etc... but no one person that i can single out and say, hey, i'm gonna do better than u just b/c i can and it'll piss u off. no motivation!!! :( i could motivate myself to do really good in english just to prove that i'm really good at it and it's not just a string of luck, but i can't even get myself to go to english class at all... or even proof read my essays. or just generally spend more than one night (in other words 4 hours) on it. *sigh* now see i was talking about something else before... oh yeah, we went to stb... and next time i go i get a free frapp! about time too. heh~ but it was freezing cold in there, so jenny confirmed that fackie was back w/ the pass and i drove her home, then struggled to drive myself home... i only ended up sleeping for about 40 minutes this morning, and it wasn't real sleep either since i was only really asleep for like 5 minutes... so i had to drive extra cautious today, i can't seem to judge speed and distance correctly. i mean, even worse than usual... haha~ so i just kept on waiting and waiting till it was absolutely safe to pull out, absolutely safe to turn... heh~ i was safe today. that translates into i was boring today. :p didn't even sleep after i got home tho, i read comics.. then i finally fell asleep for maybe 4 hours... now i'm up, watched tv, and still feeling groggy, but it's nighttime (primetime)... just doesn't feel so prime when i'm this tired... 3 days of studying... that's just whack... -_____-" dunno what me and buubuu should do tmw, go to YOURS dance at viva, CSA dance at blox, watch 2fast2furious, or just do normal stuff like dinner/dessert/cuddle? OR, YOURS dance for a short while (since buubuu says he can prolly get us on dj's guestlist) and then home... but then stinky and alcoholy... *shivers* oh yeah.. fridayfive... but i can't think right now... eee. there's this 200-level engl course i can take in summer, i forgot which one, but the reading includes the english patient by michael ondaatje(?)... the book i've started to read 3 times and never finished... x___X" i'm gonna need engl 220, and one of engl 221, 222, 223, or 224. try reading that sequence of numbers out, it's pretty funny.... 221, 222, 223, 224... well.. funny for me anyway. Friday, June 13, 2003
damn... it's friday the 13th... *knock on wood*
so weird, i combined european and chinese superstition, hoping they'll cancel each other out, ha.
i need a break from studying!!
what i really need is a nap, but i'm not quite confident enought that i'll wake up in time for my final, and also i haven't gone over all the test material yet. i found out that i only need about 28% on the final to pass the course w/ 50%, HOWEVER, i'm pretty sure physics is one of those courses for which u must pass the final in order to pass the course, so i will need 50% on the final... damn... 28% i am confident, but 50% will depend on the markers... cuz i don't understand ANYTHING about light interference and diffraction, and not very good at any other topic anyway... so... it's all gonna be depending on the marker! and how awake i can be during the test... i suppose there's no point babbling on about what i think may happen on the test, when i can just tell u about that after i get home 6 hours later. i originally wanted to log on to do the fridayfives, they're interesting this week... but i'm starting to realize how much i need sleep, even if it's just 30 minutes lying in bed beginning to fall asleep... (all that studying about sleep and dreams and rest fr psyc is screwing my mind up)... so... yeah... i'm gonna sleep... and i MUST wake up within an hour to finish studying, i MUST!! u see, i have to stress the importance of waking up in my head many many times so i subconciously realize it too and i will not automatically hit snooze 20 times before conciously realizing what i am doing. seriously, u'd think after so many hours of studying about this topic in psyc just yesterday, i would have a much better understanding of concious processing and know that my theory has no basis whatsoever, but heck... lemmie believe what i want to believe. there are so many grammatical mistakes in the last paragraph i don't even wanna think about it. oh yeah, david's sister (i should probably refer to her as dorothy from now on, takes too long to type david's sister) introduced me to a tutor place where if i sign up w/ them they will find me tutoring jobs and i get paid $23/hr, which is hella good, except they charge commission $5/hr so i really earn $18/hr. so if u are out there, and u need help w/ highschool english, contact me NOW and i will only charge u $20/hr... kekeke. i'm actually being serious... by september i will either join this tutor thing or actively start looking for students... no point wasting my 94% on engl provincial, MUWAHAHA. (just let me be a pest for now will ya, engl is like the only thing i'm good at now. damn.) i thought i said i was gonna sleep.. screw it. i'm in a blogging mood... i got up at 1:30pm yesterday to study for psyc and studied allll the way till it was time to go... i didn't even have time to read over my notes, but i did finish reading the text, and i skimmed thru most of my notes before the test, but i don't think i did terrific... i don't even care that much tho, b/c it's gonna get scaled anyway and what i get won't really be what i get... :p stupid prof, doesn't he know that scaling follows a variable-interval reinforcement schedule which most ppl do not like... if u can even call scaled grades a reinforcer... it's more like a punisher... GRRR. after psyc i went to david's and proceeded to waste 4 hours of my precious study time... by 10pm i wanted to go home and sleep but i needed the 2nd physics text from roz and she was in richmond, so i had to wait for her to go home at 12am (it turns out i don't seem to have time to read the text...). anyway, i was gonna sleep for 1.5 hours or something, but david's mom wanted me to help dorothy write 8 essays for this job employment thing, i'll talk more about it later if i remember to, but the basic gist is that she needs to write 8 essays and whether or not she gets the spot will be determined by the essays so i have to help b/c 'we're family' (david's mom actually said that). so i ended up chatting w/ dorothy for nearly an hour, and she told me how much life will suck if i didn't do co-op or have any long-term volunteer work/job experience on my resume by the time i graduate... freaking me out a lot... heh. she kept on asking me to tutor her in conversational english too, but i really don't know how to do that.. besides talking to the person... (i was offered something like $260 for the summer since that's how much a conversational course at community college costs... scary, $260 to teach u how to TALK???!) lalala, so didn't sleep.. got the text at 12am, wasted lots of time in btwn, and now it's 6:40am and i still got a lot to study... tho i prolly can pass the test now... ai-ya. i don't know if i should bother trying to figure the light/diffraction etc stuff out loh... i should b/c the prof said more theoretical questions than # crunch, but then that'll require thourough understanding which i don't think i can get right now... ai... screw it, think i'm gonna sleep for an hour, get up at 7:30ish and review for an hour, memorize some equations... yeah... should i? ARGHH can never make up my mind. :p and i didn't even get to the friday five... i suppose they can wait... Thursday, June 12, 2003
i couldn't get myself to focus on schoolwork so i ended up going out for a drive, and didn't get home till 3 something... it feels like i get home in the wee hours of the morning everyday now. :p
sorry buubuu, i got u worried about me... i'm just really 心煩 about all the academic problems i'm having... first of all my course registration date is the latest possible date so i might not get most of the courses i want, then my average is too low to enter the majors i want... well for psyc u need 72+ for them to consider ur application, and english i'm gonna need 72+ in 6 credits of 200 level english to be considered, and if too many ppl fulfill that requirement they're gonna look at overall GPA... i'm pretty screwed right now, and it's making me not want to study even more, which will screw me up even more... ai. i know this is what i have to do for this summer: 1) study as hard as i can for my upcoming psyc test and physics final right after i complete this blog entry, sacrifice sleep and fun and thinking for a mere 30 hours, something i know that i am physically capable of. 2) study really really hard for my next two psyc tests this term 3) study really really hard for my chem 123 make-up final, since i have 77% for miderm + labmark, it'll be a big waste if i bombed my 65% final... 4) start studying regularly and take it all more seriously next year... come to think of it, i should take a 200 level engl course right now in summer, since that doesn't take a lot of my energy... hmm. i'll see. (probably won't.. :p)
since i can't seem to leave the computer and go study i guess i might as well update.
i woke up at 4pm today, that's 4 hours longer than i intended to sleep, so i screwed up my plans from the beginning.. and till now i have only read 1.5 chapters of psyc today, not even taking notes, or really remembering the details that i need to know... :P i guess this means i won't have time or conviction to look at physics till i'm done psyc loh. (at which point i should be amazingly tired). buubuu came later in the evening and we fell asleep for like half an hour, after which he left and i slept a bit more and then watched an hour of tv... then i went to kerr stb, which was full... then granville stb w/ buubuu... granvlle stb would be a nice place to study but the music is too loud and even tho there's no one there the barristas talk a lot. :p so we only stayed for... quite a short while, before going to eat at 'the jap place'... i got yaki-udon, raw beef and sauteed chicken liver, YUMM... haha. dun criticize my food choices man, i am twnese. :P so that was our 34th anniversary celebration lu~ happy but not so perfect b/c david's still being a homophobic racist sexist jerk. :p but i'm happy anyway... 34 months is just.. unimaginable... i know if i look back in archives it's likely that i say this every single month, but still... every single month is amazing to me.
mom is coming next thursday.
dad is coming next friday. YAYYYYYY!!! our family is gonna be together again, for the first time in over five months. i'm so happy i don't know how to describe it... so what if they get pissed off at my report card so what if i'll have to clean and scrub on short notice so what if i won't have a car and can't go out much or late I AM GOING TO BE WITH MY FAMILY. :) soaring into ecstacy (and temporarily forgetting that i have to study for psyc and phys). Wednesday, June 11, 2003
s~ o~ t~ i~ r~ e~ d~...
i didn't go to physics on tuesday morning... i knew i should've, since i was awake in time for class and all.. but i just didn't want to make the effort... i ended up calling buubuu last night and brawled about stuff, mainly my own 胡思亂想... fears about our relationship going stale, questioning david's priorities, etc... i started with normal phone conversation about sweet nothings but he just wanted to sleep so it turned into nagging then crying then brawling then accusing then more brawling. then we made up and there was more sweet nothings. everything cycles. and the cycles never end. should i be saddened or thankful? :p got up w/ somewhat puffy eyes on tuesday afternoon and did nothing till buubuu came w/ mcdonald's... we're poor, we only have enuff money for one meal which we must share. :p when i can get ppl to sponsor me and buubuu's 3 year anniversary then i'll know i'm a true PR exec, haha. i already have plans... i need someone to help me tho... ahem, volunteers? anyone? heh heh... went to psyc class, boring boring boring boring! i wanted to leave so much but he said there was something "important" in the stats section that's not in the text, so i stayed... once i make up my mind to stay it's not that bad... heh. after psyc did some phoning and ended up in granville stb w/ peter and jenny. damn peter, he said that stb closes at 10:30 but they closed at 10, so i barely got to study... at least peter knows the barrista so i ended up getting a VENTI cappuchino but only paid for grande. at least that's what i think, since peter wanted to use the stb card so he ordered it... hmm. then me and jenny went to get pho take out and i ate it at her house while all her family members came around to see what i was eating, haha~ jackie and his crazy fistful of gums... and jenny's mom asked me to leave the rest of the sauce for her, heh... weird tho, they gave me a small container of sauce that's kinda spicy and kinda... well it's VERY good, but i have no idea what it is, and i don't recall seeing it IN the store. i should go again today just to find out... haha. after eating i studied at jenny's till 4:30am!!! @_@ didn't know i was capable of that much studying, i didn't stop much... the thing is, i only finished ONE CHAPTER. that's just pathetic... *sigh* i wanted to finish two chapters by 6am so that leaves me one hour left to finish about 3/4 of chapter 6...? heh.. naw i don't think so. aww, i went to mcdonald's on my way home to see if they had breakfast meals already but there was no one at any of the windows, so i left.. but as soon as i pulled out i regretted it cuz i all of a sudden felt reallly hungry. :p should've honked. i should spare some time later today to go stack up on instant noodles... but drive to richmond just to buy instant noodles when i should be treasuring every second of studying time...? ohhh oh yeah i'm supposed to go to pho again tmw to check out the sauce anyway, haha. but that wouldn't be wise cuz i want to do something at night for anniversary too... hmm. ok maybe i shouldn't celebrate anniversary right now... so damn busy. if i get 50% on my physics final i will get approx 62% final mark in phys101, so that's what i'm aiming for right now... today after i wake up i plan to go over my physics notes with emphasis on the material on the midterm i didn't study for, then focus on psyc, taking naps as needed till i get really exhausted, prolly wake up at 3-4pm on thursday, review and go take my psyc test, then study physics from 9pm thursday to 9am friday with maybe a 2 hour nap in btwn, take my physics final at 9:30am... collapse at 11:30am friday. heh heh. i know i'll end up slacking off and taking much longer naps than i should... but this is what i hope to do. i think i'm also going to buy my own parking pass once chem starts, since chem is everyday and buying the expensive pass will motivate me to go to class... and also b/c my current method of pass-sharing isn't working too well... if i enter the parkade w/ a ticket and leave w/ the pass, it won't let me out... damn technology!! grr. mom's arriving on next thursday afternoon now, so i will officially be unable to 隔離 b/c i have class at 6pm that i REALLY shouldn't miss and she'll have a hard time getting home herself (ie me not see her till i get off class)... so i'm just not gonna take extra precautions to 隔離 at all, since once i go to class i'll be with 240 ppl. (actually i think only half that number or less comes to class...) so anyway, the point of this is, don't see me if u prefer not to, i won't be offended. :p i wore pajama-y clothes to psyc class... i didn't actually sleep in them but they are my regular pj's sometimes... so comfy... w/ my sandals too... i'm glad i did since i ended up at jenny's for 5-6 hours... heh. ai's, i'm starting to stare into space now, gonna go nap... actually i'm gonna attempt to read some psyc, till i can't process it anymore... then sleep... and wake up before 12... that's my plan... yes... does anyone wanna save me a spot in psyc260... pretty pretty please... there's only 40 spots in that class (and only ONE CLASS) and my registration date is the latest possible date (july 15th)... yeah, i'm dumb, i know. :p Tuesday, June 10, 2003
still listening to the vitamin C cd... the music for the most part is err. but the lyrics are fantastic, like "not that kind of girl", "smile", "graduation"... but other songs like "turn me on" and "about last night" is... *shudders* i was gonna recommend the cd but... nevermind...
i just realized that today's the 10th, which means wednesday is the 11th... which really sucks, b/c that is me and david's 34th anniversary, yet i have two huge tests on thurs and fri that i haven't started studying for, f**. wondering what to plan for the anniversary, i know i'll want to spend time w/ buubuu despite however busy i might be... dinner? movie? OHH 2fast2furious? heh. or just stay home... i know i should... OHHHH. i'm not gonna say it, i'll tell u if i did it afterwards. stay tuned. :) aiyaaaa, 煩吶煩吶煩得不少呼吸煩得沒有力氣煩吶 i wanna wake buubuu up to talk to me, but once he confirms that i once again don't know what's wrong with me he's just gonna grunt until i tell him he can go sleep. don't u hate it how guys can always talk on the phone w/ u allll night about absolutely nothing before u start going out or in the very beginning, but in the end sleep takes over? well admittedly i prolly do that too. maybe less b/c i dun typically sleep at night... but... still.... fustrating! oh yeah, mom's coming on the 20th... supposed to 隔離 for a week, but there is no way i am going to not see my mom for a week while she's here, that's just nuts... so i think i'll stay at home w/ mom from friday till my class on tuesday night... probably... who knows... i'll let mom decide, ha. u know how when it's other ppl u say they should 隔離 but when it's close to u, u tend to think "naw they won't bring germs"... heh heh. man i need to CLEAN UP the place... that is gonna take.. a helluva lot of energy. and i gotta practice safe driving. shoulder checking. full stop at stop signs. not running yellow lights. or red lights. no more illegal turns. no squeezing btwn cars to right turn. stop for pedestrians. and smooth stops. and no more loud music (*WEEP*). i really wanna know how loud volume 45 really is... in decibels... how do i figure that out leh...? w/o buying expensive equipment... should ask my prof that tmw.. oh shit... not tmw, in 4.5 hours... mannn, i don't want to sleep yet. or wake up later. GRRR. that's it... i'm waking buubuu up.
now listening to vitamin C's "graduation"
this is the best graduation song... for my grad they chose U2's "beautiful day", which was an excellent choice too, cept i was in the second row so i exited the gym first and i only got to hear the beginning of the song... i'm remembering prom now, i remember someone said i dance crazy... who was that... was that peter kim?? hmm. o-e, dancing makes me happy tho, i wish i could go right now. i mean yes i can dance in my room right now but... need the surrounding mood too. i need dancing friends grrr. ones that don't need to get drunk to move to the beat... (and then breathe alcoholic air into my face) so we talked all night about the rest of our lives; where we're gonna be when we turn 25 i keep thinking times will never change. keep on thinking things will always be the same but when we leave this year we won't be coming back no more hanging out cause we're on a different track and if u got something that u need to say, u better say it right now, cuz u don't have another day. cause we're moving on and we can't slow down; these memories are playing like a film without sound and i keep thinking of that night in june: i didn't know much of love but it came too soon and there was me and you, and then we got real cool; stay at home talking on the telephone with me, we'd get so excited, we'd get so scared --laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair and this is how it feels so if we get the big jobs and we make the big money when we look back now will our jokes still be funny? will we still remember everything we learned in school? still be trying to break every single rule will little brainy bobby be the stockbroker man? can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan? i keep, i keep thinking that it's not goodbye; keep on thinking it's a time to fly and this is how it feels will we think about tomorrow like we think about now? can we survive it out there? can we make it somehow? i guess i thought that this would never end and suddenly it's like we're women and men will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round? will these memories fade when I leave this town i keep, i keep thinking that it's not goodbye; keep on thinking it's a time to fly as we go on we remember all the times we had together and as our lives change come whatever, we will still be friends forever
i updated my toiletry stuff today...
added dove volumizing colored hair shampoo and cetaphil skin cleanser. so i've decided that to take my mind off other things i shall publish my first issue of: mel's consumer report on her cosmetics: cetaphil skin cleanser: not as good as everyone says. it doesn't make my skin too dry, it successfully removes all oils, but i don't think it deep cleans. and it contains traces of alcohol. so much for hypoallergenic. that term means nothing to cosmetics companies nowadays... dove shampoo: rating: excellent. i wouldn't recommend any other brand. however, if u can get ur hands on the ORIGINAL kind, the kind they had last year when dove just started producing shampoos, it's a lot better than the new product line. lancome tonique clarte toner: good. but not great. contains alcohol. i would recommend ponds white essence line, but it's annoying b/c there's one toner for daytime and another for nighttime, and i apply toner whenever i feel like it... shiseido the skincare eye and lip makeup remover: it WORKS! it WORKS! definetly recommended, altho it is slighty overpriced. the bodyshop juice it kiwi and grape exfoliating body scrub: smells excellent, might attract fruit flies... also recommend strawberry and mango flavour. i mean... scent. the "exfoliating" part i suspect is a hoax, so i teamed it up w/ exfoliating srub thingy also from bodyshop. i forgot what it's called... :p clinque all about eyes eye cream: as they will tell u, it's velvetly. it feels absolutely fantastic, but i don't know if it works b/c i get allergic to it. clinque lies. clinque dramatic difference lotion: aka the yellow stuff, very very very very good, produces fast visible results, but it's scentless, and after a while it starts to seem like it has a faint not exactly pleasant scent... (before the expiry date of course) lancome renergie cream: this thing might have an english name but i don't know b/c my mom's friend got it in france. and i think it's targeted for mature women... but it is PERFECT. doesn't feel oily, doesn't feel heavy, not clogged, works for all seasons, and if my skin is any indication it works wonders. clean and clear blackhead astringent: contains SHOCKING amounts of alcohol and is definetly NOT recommended. i've only used it TWICE and it RUINED my skin, now i'm considering using it to clean my make-up brushes and tweezers etc, since it should remove oils and the alcohol will kill germs, ha~ clean and clear deep action cleansing mask: i don't think it really works, but u really get a "cool tingling sensation". and weird enuff, if u use this mask and then proceed to use biore blackhead peel strips, the peel strips work. dove invisible moisturizing deodorant: deodorizes, moistures, but is NOT invisible. john frieda beach blonde ocean waves: this product claims to be a "sea spray texturzing styler". know that nice texture ur hair gets after u swim in the ocean? this product aims to achieve that. and it doesn't work. and ur hair will end up smelling like cookies. avon dry end serum: (it's for ur hair) smells magical, works wonderfully, but too heavy. don't know how to diffuse it... if i wanna work it into all my ends i'll end up smelling like i spilt half a bottom of perfume on myself. fructis stytle mousse: smells good, kinda works... doesn't hold ur hair in place, but oh well, it doesn't make it stiff either... now i've somewhat stopped thinking but am extremely bored, listening to z95.3... haven't done this for a while. i always seem to do this on exam nights... damn i don't want to go to physics, but i have no one to contact for missed notes, and what if she gives hints about the final, heh. maybe i'll just go at 10:30, since i'm gonna fail the midterm even if i tried. :p wow... i did that mel's consumer report thing to quiet down my mind and it really worked b/c i'm absolutely brain dead right now. u know what... i'll give the cetaphil skin cleanser a better rating... my skin feels smooth now. can't tell if it was the cleanser or the trusty lancome renergie cream tho. :p i should back away from that bag of chips next to me now... i'm sorry, am i putting u to sleep? let's try to think of something w/ more content. i remember i promised winnie to do a 2000 word essay on why love hurts. or more like i volunteered to write that... but i can't really do that right now... ohh... let's talk about grad.. jenny and winnie went to watch the pg ppl grad last friday while i went to david's sister's grad. i thought they were going to watch ubc ppl grad, and i was like i thought those are over... heh. it's amazing, some group of ppl out there are going thru the same things we did last year... i keep on thinking how come the ppl in pg now seem so different from my year, and right now i just realized that maybe it's b/c i'm not representative of the general trend of pg ppl really, and since i'm extracted from that environment now i might feel that they're different... but the general trends still exist... oh yeah, saw smart janice again in stb, this time i said hi, but i don't think she REALLY remembers who i am, haha. i highly suspect she forgot my name, and she also forgot our last conversation the last time i saw her in stb, haha. oh wellz~ all we had was gr10 badminton i think, and she's been friendly ever since. friendly ppl usually scare me, but janice is smart and amazing talented and friendly and that's rare... currently listening to: matchbox20- unwell How I feel All day staring at the ceiling Making friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices telling me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for something Hold on Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown And I don't know why But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be...me I'm talking to myself in public Dodging glances on the train And I know, I know they've all been talking about me I can hear them whisper And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me Out of all the hours thinking Somehow I've lost my mind But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be I've been talking in my sleep Pretty soon they'll come to get me Yeah, they're taking me away But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be Yeah, how I used to be How I used to be Well, I'm just a little unwell How I used to be How I used to be I'm just a little unwell
"sunday"
can't remember what i did during the day, besides sulking... then i went to stb briefly w/ jenny and pin to "study" again, but obviously none of us got much done... we drove back to my house to get chips and then to mcdonald's again and then to jenny's, and then drove pin home, and i went back to jenny's... not the smartest idea in the world, haha... b/c i got kicked into michael's room and just talked to jenny and other ppl on icqtogo... :p everytime the mouse got stuck i felt like just yelling down the hall... haha~ then jenny snuck out and i had to 'pretend i was her', which wasn't that hard b/c her mom didn't wake up.. she took kaka!! >_____< so i spent my night in the living room.. my entire night... i didn't leave till 6am.. with lots to think about... so haunted by the past these days... "monday" got up in early afternoon, went to meet david at 'the place under the place', but almost right after my food came jenny told me i had to go to dunbar stb to give an interview immediately... so i ditched my food and david and got there, met peter in the parking lot, and gave the interview... it turns out amy is in my psyc 100 class, interesting. (not really). oh well... now i know the entire sports department. haha~ i have no idea why i'm still in PR really. then we attempted to study but i completely lost the mood, so we ended up going to jericho briefly. somehow i feel like there's more ppl there at night? weird. after that i went to david's for dinner, and his family wouldn't let me do the dishes afterwards... which really sux, cuz if i don't do the dishes then it implies that i'm a guest, but i'm not exactly the guest either... after dishes (and an amazing amount of mango gelato) we went to london drugs and my house, then later drove him home and took a long ride home.. i was gonna drive down to the beach but there was this car going UNDER 40 in front of me... so i went straight instead of turning onto the road that leads to the beach... and ended up on w.4th. by the time i got home i was immersed in the worst mood ever, and i don't even know why... it's just been building up and keeping me half submerged these days. i would say it's pre-menstrual stress but as i have learned now most women only IMAGINE they're having mood swings before their period, but they really don't... :p i ended up falling into some evil trance, as in i'm asleep but i conciously know that i'm not asleep and it's like everything's murky... *sigh* i wish i had something more lively and happy to entertain u with, but that's been my day... Monday, June 09, 2003
after 2 hours of lying in bed awake i got up and got dressed, fixed my hair since i went to bed with it wet last night, and even put on some makeup so i won't look so dead... then i walked back to my room... messed up my hair again, and flopped back down onto the bed.
the only good thing so far today is that i found my coco mix cd. that means i'll be doing a lot of fun driving tonight... shall i go get david's parking pass and drive up to sfu to study? :p i'd do that but i'm so not in the mood, i'd probably end up driving up and coming right back down. every time u take a happy hike u always plunge back down. second law of thermodynamics, the universe favours increased entropy (disorder).. guess i shall go back to my bed now. i feel like i should stay there this entire week. even though there is nothing to eat in my house and i just lost 2 pounds overnight from hunger. Sunday, June 08, 2003
i am sitting here typing not b/c i have anything particular to say but b/c i have this weird feeling that i'm obliged to blog. is maintaining this blog taking over my life? well no it isn't, b/c having a life is a prerequsite to blogging, otherwise what would u blog about?
i guess this is good for me, however. this way i'll get precious practice for english writing. i know i'm not as good as many other ppl in english, and once i enter the major i will meet lots and lots of talented writers that might've aced the SAT test (both SAT I and SAT II english) if they had taken them... i know i will be intimidated and discouraged and sad. but i know that this is a necessary process nonetheless. we can chose a path to walk on, but we can't control the scenery or the happenings along the path, much less decipher the destination... *sigh* i am going to start posting "proof that i am an english freak" whenever i think of any now. see if u are also an english freak? maybe when i accumulate enough proof that i'm an english freak, i'll publish a quiz for ppl to find out if they are an english freak too. :) 1) i wrote david's sister's thank u card to her prof a few days ago and i used the word invaluable to describe her experience working as the prof's TA. they asked me why "invaluable"? why not "valuable"? (now think about this one first, see if u get it..) i gave the reason that "valuable" means worth a lot of money, while "invaluable" implies that it is priceless... 2) i'm planning to major in english not only b/c i wanna leave teaching english as a second option, but also largely b/c "i would probably take most of the required courses as electives anyway". i don't know a single soul that is planning to take even 200-level english, or thought that english is fun... 3) i like shakespeare. i love the words, i love the poetry. i have no trouble whatsoever reading the play outloud... i'm guessing most ppl around my age can do that too...? but in highschool there were always a lot of ppl that stumble on every word and mispronounce everything... not just w/ shakespeare either. 4) when i was in either gr1 or gr2 in hawaii, there was a small group of kids chosen as readers, and we would spend a while each week or something listening to them read stories. that's the general idea, cuz i really can't remember this well. i just remember thinking disdainfully that i should be up there reading tho, and even feeling slightly hurt that i wasn't. 5) in gr1 we had weekly spelling tests of ten words we had to memorize. on my first such quiz i was just starting to learn the english language, so i wrote "d" instead of "b", and got 90% on the quiz. i was so pissed off i studied extra hard and i NEVER got anything lower than 100% after that. 6) i liked mr lloyd's english class. maybe except when he taught from the "dense" poetry anthology. 7) while typing number 7, i considered the possibility that saying "poetry anthology" was redundant, as "anthology"= a collection of poetry. 8) everytime i read my blog entries there are inevitably spelling or grammar mistakes. and these bug me to death. 9) if u made a verbal grammar mistake i'll get put off for a while. sometimes it haunts me for a few minutes even. i'm most allergic to tenses and singular/plural mistakes... maybe this is why i can't talk to ann - my mandarin is barely enough to carry on a smooth conversation now and her spoken grammar gives me a pounding headache... (ie "we did went to the beach") i'm imperfect tho. i know i do this but i always neglect to learn the proper way... u know how when u and a friend went somewhere, u're supposed to say "today __ and i went..." i always say "me and ___ went __ today." i don't want to change that. hope i'll remember to when i write papers... i'm amazingly tired now... i can't believe i found thoughts to blog about... i originally logged on just to record what i did tonight.. which comprised of lots of tv and waxing my car. yes, i went down to the garage and waxed my car, except i made the mistake of applying way too much wax again, so it took me 2 hours to wax just the front of my car (engine hood and two small front/side boards). and i'm all exhausted, and my fingers hurt from the rubbing. and it doesn't even feel that smooth, i don't know what the heck is wrong. the weird thing is, some parts of my car is just smoother than other parts... i originally thought it's b/c of the repainting on the crashed side, but it wasn't... weird... maybe it was b/c i didn't apply wax so evenly the last time i waxed my car. or that was paint protector thing... that looks and works and smells exactly like wax, heh... but it REALLY makes my car smooth and shiny... better than the wax i'm using now anyway, apparently. *sigh*. left windows and sun roof open so i could listen to music while i waxed, and tried not to think about stuff... buubuu was out late for his exec bbq and meeting. when he called i was following a depressing/mad train of thought, so he was alerted and came to check on me. :) today buubuu makes me happy. thank u buubuu...  |