today was a good day. a relatively good day, anyway.

woke up at 1, eat. went to watch 男人四十 with mom at 僑興... it was an okie dokie movie, the artsy type. but it was good... if i watch it 20 years from now maybe it'll be better, cuz i'd understand better, i suppose... then ate shabu and went shopping by myself... i can't count the number of times ppl have complimented my skin since i got back... i guess i just haven't stayed long enuff to accumulate enuff blackheads. :p tried to buy pants n skirts, but i dun seem to fit into anything... >< tsk tsk...

spent more than half an hour in the cd shop but only bought ruien's cd... now that i'm listening to it, it's only ok. it doesn't make me stop what i'm doing just to listen to it, the way david tao or eason or OLP does... ai... when is there gonna be good music in this world again?

i feel like... i've changed too much... hate hate hate hate hate hate hate change... :*(

maybe the thing that's been wrong with my life these past two weeks is the lack of music... diskman doesn't fit well into a handbag... when did i start carrying handbags, anyway? AIIII... diskman isn't working well either. played too many burned cds, the laser is going cuckoo. i found out about 6 months ago that my diskman apologizes! heh. when the laser is malfunctioning, the display says "sorry"...

i need to find the "better man" mp3 by robbie williams again... i burned the song but the track's screwed up... arghhhh. that's one song u can listen to over and over and over again, even tho i dun like robbie williams. it's like kid rock's "only god knows why"... soooo good. ahh.. music... i wanna dance.. >< been talking about biochemist vs biochemical engineer vs biologist vs biochemical psychologist, etc with dad... can u see a biochemist free styling in baggy jeans with right blue long nails? heh... i should probably get rid of the blue nail color... nobody seems to appreciate it... or... too little ppl, too much controversy. but then i like it... hell, i'll get rid of it. and re-apply it all new n nice n BLUE... this is about ME, not THEM. :)

nice shoe store with LOTS of shoes on sale... ohhh i want shoes. cept the pair of pink "火雞鞋" i want isn't on sale... maybe i should get something comfy instead tho. like that pair of white nikes... super support... so comfy... hmm. i guess i won't be getting those boots for sure now.. ha

what should i do next term with my spare time? i can only pick one...
1) WORK, the most practical choice.
2) work-OUT, healthy choice, that doesn't require much money, but drains energy.
3) take up KICKBOXING, a very desirable choice, and works for self defense, but costs a LOT.
4) finally learn guitar, which will also cost $, since i've already tried teaching myself.
or should i be a total bore and devote all my time to my studies??? ew ew ew, how can i even think of that. heh.

ohhh the good ruien song! "討厭"... i can learn to like anything with a beat...
posted by melody at 12/31/2002 01:28:00 a.m.

bo0o0o0oring day, woke up at 2, got up at 3, lunch at 3:30, tv, dinner at 8, computer.. heh
i could've gone out, or i could be out right now, but i'm just so lazy. :p i'll just enjoy the junk food at home, permanantly full stomach~
watched armageddon again... it's sooo good... *sigh*. makes me wanna listen to the song "leaving on a jet plane" again... oh... the cd's right here.. heh.

i need to learn how to work my webcam.. i've had it for what, 3, 4 months? i always do this.. procrasinate, procasinate, waste time waste life waste opportunities.. i'm really quite unsatisfied with myself, i suppose.

wondering if i should buy textbooks next term... i didn't use any cept the english ones in first term... but then it's kinda weird to not have the textbooks.. i'll need to look at the diagrams for bio, that much i know. heh. have to change jet lag and get ready for school n all on sunday (6th) right after i get back... should be home at about 9:30~10am... need to settle car repair affairs, check letters, practise driving in case i forgot? heh. need to go find out where my classes are, get textbooks if i'm getting them... need to eat... need to enjoy seeing buu buu again... probably need to socialize... heh. i mean no, i love to socialize... what better use could i possibly put my time to? (j/king, heh)

hmm... i wanna go see what books we're reading for engl 110... i'm so looking forward to english class, haha... but if i were to major english, besides being out of a job, i wouldn't be one of the best at it... damn. i wanna be best at SOMETHING... something that i can recieve credit for. not just "she was a really good listener, she really cares about the ppl close to her..." something that i can recieve a medal for, haha... i'm extremely materialistic in that way... and vain. did i mention that b4? i can be sooo vain.

when i started out with this blog, i figured i'd be tempted to bad mouth everyone who comes across my path... but now i see that i'm mainly bad mouthing myself... that's good i guess, reflect on my mistakes and flaws... heh. i dun think i'd grow to hate myself.. would i? well i sometimes do... everyone does... i think. maybe there's no such thing as a good thing... what's good for u could always harm somebody else... ying and yang... bing and bang... argh.. booklist!! booklist!! outz...
posted by melody at 12/29/2002 08:54:00 p.m.

alright day today.. woke up at 1pm for lunch... went food shopping with mom... bought NT $1952 worth of food... (how the hell did we do that... mainly junk food too). then went to grandma's to dinner, where we oohed and ahhed at colette's professional photos... then went to the night market again and FINALLY got my shoes!! white nikes with a orangy-yellow nike sign. simple, but nice... i just hope that for once i can keep the white parts white... all was good cept at the VERY end of the day mom kinda ruined it again... she argued with dad or something, i didn't hear it...so when i started looking at this jacket that i noticed last time and wanted to buy, she snappishly told me that dad's golfing tmw morning and we should go... so i left the jacket... so she got annoyed and said how her mom thinks she's an unsatisfactory daughter, dad thinks she's an unsatisfactory wife, and i think she's an un satisfactory mother... it was kinda mean but while she blabbed on in the car me and dad both ignored her... dad was tired and i still wanted that jacket... :p i wanna go back to get it, but it's so hard to get there.. have to take metro and then walk walk walk and then wait for a very slow bus... ><

i keep on wanting a pair of sharp headed, calf-skin, loose-fit, heeled boots... the desire HAUNTS me. but if i get it, when will i ever wear it? mannn. wanted this ring too.. cept it was copying tiffany design... and it looks like an engagement ring.... ai. i couldn't buy myself an engagement ring... can i?

confused about where to spend new years eve. too many ppl at the concert, plus it's rainy... too dangerous to go to a pub... or, just... not a very good idea. too boring to stay at home... shi-men? but i've spent so many new years eves there already... :p willing keeps on wanting to hang out and i keep on avoiding her. eeky feeling down my spine tonight when she kept on hugging and leaning on the couch when we were looking at colette's photos... i dun get it, i dun get why she'd feel especially close to me, or admire me, as mom thinks, or.. or something else. life sux that way. i like to have confrontations and get things out in the open, but everyone around me always avoids it...

boarding clothes are expensive... >< (i mean SKATE-boarding, che). and i found out that there's a brand called BAPE. but i dun get it... BAPE isn't APE?? they're two different things??? HUH? at first i thought paul frank = ape too... can somebody tell me???

annoyed when i shop with colette or laura, b/c they dun like 'fake' stuff... but this is TAIWAN, geez.. everything's fake. the ppl are, so why can't the brands be... we're alllll fake... fake fake fake hypocrites. :p

still so amazing that i haven't bought a single cd yet... by past standards i should've gotten 10 by now. but nothing seems to be good... this winter is so weird... there's no up and downs... or no ups... emotions range from +5 < x < - infinity... i'm just so TIRED... x___X"
posted by melody at 12/29/2002 02:46:00 a.m.

been tasting a lot of realy bitter eye medicene lately.. yeah i know i'm not supposed to eat it. it's just somehow it gets into my fingernails, and when i bite them it's bitter, or else it's... ok it's hard to explain. but it reaally doesn't taste good... the bitterness lingers on even after cups n cups of water... ><

pretty boring day today... indulged myself and slept till 2, cuz i didn't feel like waking up and cleaning the guck that was sticking my eyelids together... then mommy took the afternoon off to rest. we went to 泰平天國 for dinner... soooo good, except everything wasn't as spicy as i remembered. but my face turned bright red, and my lips burned... i really believe now that i've lost at least half of my taste buds, that's why i don't taste spicy, but my skin reacts to it... if u go, these are the MUST order items: 清蒸檸檬魚, 酸辣生蝦, 酸辣蝦湯, and if u like veggies, 蝦醬空心菜. i hope u're slobbering right now... i'm still tasting the bitter medicene on my tongue, tho it's supposed to have been washed down by now... that's a good thing tho, i guess it means it's working on my eyes right now. :)

was too full to shop after dinner, but i went to get some bakery stuff and bubble tea... ohhh i wanna try the little "cakes" that i got from the bake shop!! there was a caramel milky thingy, and another italian dessert that had a fancy name... damn i can't remember the names... but the look reaaaly good... mm. but i'm still so full... i'm always full cept for when i just wake up... i feel like my tummy's never been larger before... but then i weigh only 52 with all my clothes on... odd. wait... does that mean... i gained about 3kg? hmmm... i figured it'd be more... but anyway,. it's good. everytime i come back i either get a cold or weak or diarherra or SOMETHING, and always end up losing weight. gaining weight makes a lot more sense.

it's been soooo cold here, i feel like i could wear my feather jacket now. going out has become such a drag. so has waking up... i know it's gonna be colder in vancouver... ohhh boy i do NOT look foward to walking back and forth from B lot... i should really just bus. saves money in many ways... 1) no parking fee, 2) gas money, 3) possible car repair fees from my awful driving... :P

oh yeah... going to a car show with dad at 世貿中心 tmw. i dunno what's there.. dad said the current selling cars, but also racing cars like lambors too... doesn't make sense... trying to imagine a corolla and a lambourgini side by side.. i feel like i'm placing a westie next to a bull dog... hahaha... that's just very very funny in my head.

watched hannibal and vertical limit today. i've re-watched soo many movies since i got back... i always do that... good movies are always good no matter how many times u've seen them... mmm they're playing "dude where's my car" on sunday.. haha.. now THAT's a pointless but hilarious movie~

thinking if i should go get my nails done.. the "fancy" way. since i dun seem to be spending my money on anything else... i know i ought to offer to take this "congrats u made it to U" $ to fix my car, it's not even close to enuff... but i wanna spend it... i dunno when's the next time i'm gonna get this type of "scholarship"... :( claire n them all admire that i'm the only one who's going into sciences, but ppl in science are just as lost as ppl in arts... a B.S isn't better than a B.A.... B.S. = bullshit.. :p

always, always wondering what my life would be like if i stayed... which school would i have gone to, which friends i would've kept, and met... which ppl i would've... oh well. it didn't happen. stop stop stop stop stop thinking about it...
posted by melody at 12/28/2002 02:26:00 a.m.

what??!! HEY... that's not right...
i retook the purity test and now i'm only 52% pure??!! aww man....
and 95% of ppl are more loveable than me. well i long suspected THAT.
posted by melody at 12/27/2002 01:23:00 a.m.

excruuuuciating headache!
woke up feeling like my whole face is swollen, as usual... but it really was this time -- eye infection. >< so i went to see the doctor and it's all "highly contagious, takes a while to cure, sleep early, rest ur eyes, blah"... man, and i just started getting into the going out mood... tsk. so i came home and watched like 3 movies on cable, and well now i have the headache...

it's really getting cold here in taipei... plus the rain... even doggie doesn't wanna play much anymore. i put him in his new clothes tho, he looks like a cute blue pup.. who's really about 8 years old. OMG!! i forgot gig's b-day... >< and today is doggie's b-day... 12/27 :), a whole family born on the 27th! :)

blah blah blah blah. okie... i need some tylenol to make sense... and then i start putting weird medicene in my eye... something's ALWAYS been bothering me... one of the questions asked on the purity test at thespark.com is "have u ever licked someone's eyeball?"... i keep on wondering if that's really done... but isn't the saliva bad for ur eye?? haha... i think i'm always gonna be stuck at 63% pure. *wink* thespark.com has new tests up... i suggest u go take a look. especially the iq test... kakaka...
posted by melody at 12/27/2002 01:16:00 a.m.

merry christmas everyone!
had an alright christmas... met up with colette and her friend to do some shopping. it was all happy n chit chat till later on today colette told me her friend's story, about him and the girl he's christmas shopping for... ai... then i feel sad for him, but it's just ironic... anyway, he got her the NICEST scarf... more like, a neck-thing, heh. it's bunny fur... yeah i know, wearing dead animal skin, but it's freakishly nice and soft!! we went to 五分埔 by TRAIN! i've never been on a train before in tw... i got a reaaaly nice sweater that's too small :( and a yellow shirt and me n colette got identical scarfs (not as nice as the bunny ones tho). then me n colette went to shi-men where many a store clerk tried to persuade us to buy overpriced stuff... and the evil sticker machine gave us too little time!! arghhh.... THEN, we went to my house to have hot pot with my mom.. it was goooooood hot pot... mmm.

found out that buu buu went to the ACG dance... damn, i wanted to go. why don't i get to go to dances without him, but he can go whenever he wants? and he didn't tell me he was going to go either... fuck double standards...

the WEIRDEST thing... all the cousins (5 girls) on my mom's side are pretty close (me, colette, claire, laura & willing), but there's this one oldest cousin who we didn't really get along with -- not b/c we hate her or anything, b/c her mom is a bitch... (we're related to her dad, not mom). so colette goes out to meet with net friend A, and net friend A brought along net friend B, whom colette also knows... but net friend B = that oldest cousin!! small, smalllll world. oh well... they're friends now... i remember we didn't really like her tho cuz she was supposedly smart, gets into good schools, etc. (she's in med school now). ohhh i always took pride in the fact that i could beat her record. haha... now i doubt i can... :p

have on bright blue nail polish right now... i swear it looked so nice in the bottle in the store, haha... at first i thought it's too dramatic but now it doesn't seem as bad... nothing seems bad... i'm getting so used to taipei again, the fashion and everything. but i can't stand it how everyone's so into gucci, prada, channel, lv, etc... yes, i like burberry bags and i reaaally want the lv hat, but i don't want them just b/c they're brand name... ai... we're all slaves of commercial propaganda...

can't wait till it's tmw, and i go out n wander the streets again. :) it would suck to go alone cuz of all the weird ppl out there ... met a weird survey guy today... kept on tagging me even tho i had my headphones on and kept walking away... i finally pulled my earphone off and said "look, no i can't hear u, and no i dun wanna fill out ur survey..." but he kept on asking... >____< my friends think i've got a lot of attitude towards sales ppl or survey ppl sometimes... but, i just know what i want... and i know how much i'm willing to pay for what... haha...

i went to the store i got my last pair of boarding shoes at, and i found that they're selling the same pair for NT2480.. but i bought mine at 980?! so i asked him why, and the guy was like "this is from the company, urs is made in tw (水貨)." so in my head i was like "oook... so, u're openly admitting that u sold me fake shoes... errmmm..." but then the same pair is only $50 canadian in vancouver, which is about $1200 NT... so what's up with the jacked up price now? ai... one less boarding shoe store to shop at... :(

i'm either bored out of my mind these days, or just brain dead... i haven't really felt HAPPY for a while... well i'm happy to see claire n colette, to see my dog, my parents... i'm happy that i can eat a lot of stuff, etc... but i dunno... it's not really.. "happy"... i need to be... deliriously happy... how long haven't i felt that for? quite a while...
posted by melody at 12/25/2002 11:38:00 p.m.

what a HORRIBLE christmas eve... day... ha. it's not that bad, just weird.
went to a new place for shabu for lunch w/ mom, and since the bar was full we had to sit at an 8 ppl table, then these three moms came and shared the table. they're into classical music or something, so all of them send their kids to music lessons and stuff. so this one mom was talking about how one day her son didn't want to practise violin and they got pissed off at each other, and the son says that he's gonna run away from home and never wants to come back, etc. then the mom was like "i don't care if u run away, u finish practising today, and then go where ever the hell u want." and then she started proudly telling her friends how kids these days say stuff but they're never gonna go kill themselves or anything, they're just so lazy, etc etc. and her friends were all argeeing n stuff... three typical moms who send their kids out to the states or canada and force them to take courses, develop talents... just b/c the MOMs think it's what kids should do... i got so annoyed by the conversation that i spilled the soup on my jeans.. x__X" bastards... kids DO go kill themselves, all the time... that's why we're called the freaking peach generation, we bruise easily and we go nuts and we slice ourselves up... haven't they been watching the news? don't they know how much teen suicide rates have gone up by? that suicide kills more teens than cancer, smoking, homicide, car crashes all combined??? jeez...

then i went to watch "the sweetest thing". it was at one of those theatres that play older movies for cheap, and u get to watch two movies with one ticket, one cheap ticket... the movie SUCKED.. and there were so many old men there, so the sexual jokes in the movie all became so sickening to me... i didn't even bother to stay for the next movie... (which was 'possesion'). then again, being in ching-mei always makes me feel funny. i dunno, i'malways afriad to bump into old friends, but then sometimes i wish i do. hmmmmmm. all those familiar places that i used to walk past, for a whole year...

then there was a horrible clerk in watsons... i put the shopping basket on the cashier counter and she just stared at me, so i took everything out of the basket and put them on the counter, and she yanked the basket away, almost pulling my headphone strings off... then i asked her about something and... UGH just WORST service EVER... bad service, fine, everyone has their bad days, but must u STARE like that?? what have i done personally to affront u? ai. THEN, when i got off the metro, this old man wearing all gray kept on staring at me... he was in front of me in the escalator and he kept on turning around to look... THEN, after i got out of the station and was crossing the street, this little kid coming towards me stared too! (it's not just my imagination, i stared back...) ai... i checked, but there was nothing wrong with me or my clothes or anything... wtf...

today's just not my day. it feels so weird.. it's christmas eve... there's no concerts, no parties, everyone here is bogged down with work, exams, reports... >< i dun feel unhappy, i just feel... WEIRD... like, something's wrong, and i can't tell what. doggie's been acting weird too... everytime i go out today he runs out into the corridor and doesn't wanna go back in... maybe he just wants to play, but he doesn't usually do that...

o-e... whatever... new nail polish ought to cheer me up. even tho thinking about the store clerk doesn't... che!!
posted by melody at 12/24/2002 05:30:00 p.m.

got to see claire tonight(since i'm in tw, this should really be 2am on the 24th...), even tho she's supposed to be studying for finals so i had to say that i went out alone... found a good noodle place. :) finally got down to looking at jap, and i realized there's no way i'm gonna finish studying the material during this break. wondering if i should be taking jap at all, i've forgotten so much... >< prob worse with physics in summer. i'm in the wrong major, in the wrong faculty, in the wrong school, in the wrong city, in the wrong country... ai. shi-men is like i remembered it but something's diff -- i'm getting too old for it. i can't catch up with the life here, and i barely have a life in vancouver. judging from that u'd think i belong in biochem. heh. oh well... talked about relationships with claire, our conclusion: there's gotta be something wrong with me. something majorly wrong... stuck in my own thoughts... can't stop thinking... stupid mosquito bite right on my throat helps stop the train of thought a bit... but it's really irritating, so crazily itchy... helps explain why i'm making little sense, i guess. my crazy thought concerning the bite:
it's a small patch of skin, and so thin. i should just cut it off, then it won't itch. no but then i'd cut open a major vein, they'd think i'm suiciding. it's not worth it to die just to stop a mosquito bite itch... maybe if i sliced it really carefully...
hahaha... losing my mind, if there's anymore of it left to lose.
posted by melody at 12/24/2002 01:59:00 a.m.

finally got out of my house, even if it was just walking around the nightmarket... got two jackets... one very significant one - it says CNTW across the chest. it's canada - taiwan!! haha. cept it also says 69, hmm... what do u make out of that?
just remembered that i've still got the christmas cards. damn, i guess nobody's getting their cards. oh well, i only got ONE card too. not even electronic ones... wuuu...

it's weird, on a sunday night at 12am, there's only english speaking ppl out. haha... the rest of them have work the next they i guess. we're such a weird species... black hair (or originally black haired) ppl walking the streets at night speaking foreign languages.

i was supposed to finally go out with claire today, but she wanted to go to the zoo with K... knowing them and their seeming "obsession" with the penguin house... i dun think i should go bother them. ai but i wanna drag claire to go shoe shopping! saw these nice ethnies today... u can pull of the ethnies symbol and change colors... red green and army color i think. and then the nike tennis shoes are always nice too. want the white one with bright orangy-yellow nike sign... there's also lots of real nice DC skateboarding shoes, and over-priced but real nice Vans ones... oh god, shoes... *slobbers*

ai... night market.. cotton candy... roasted chestnuts... "duck blood"... etc... life's so wonderful. heh

hmm so what shall i do tonight... home alone night. catch a movie or go eat some ramen or both... aiii i'm in HEAVEN.
posted by melody at 12/23/2002 03:17:00 p.m.

i found the quote from the blog i was talking about last time.. here it is.
"...eyes are teary ...doing well in school ...that's true happiness for me ... it's my stability. When all falls apart, this is the only one left standing. It always prevails."
it's freaky how there's ppl just like u out there... i talk about marks = happiness, she does too. i talk about it's good being home, she uses the exact same words... did i mention that she's also in some sort of biochemistry major? haha. it would be truly funny if someday she came across my blog too... wonder if stuff like this happens... u wander into a site, and it has a link to urs...

went to a HUGE lunch with my parents today.. my dad's old schoolfriend's dad's 80th b-day. sooo many ppl... over 20 tables and only one cute guy. tsk tsk tsk. we were gonna sit at that table too.. haha. but we didn't... oh well... these dinners... i'm always half-stiff... keeping up my nice, polite, indepedent, smart girl image... :p. oh well, it's fun to not be urself for a couple hours. haha~ finally went out with the prada bag dad got me too... the thought is weird. me? toting a prada purse? but once it's on my shoulder i forgot about it... mmm... sheep skin leather IS soft. hahaha~

such an unproductive day... why does everyone have to be busy... i wanted to go to shi-men sooooo bad today.... not even for the concert really, tho seeing edison live is always a perk... i dunno... i wanna go mingle in the crowd again... go sit in 魚窩 on the swings, etc... i realize i've listed my accustomed activities in tw wayyyy too many times to do it again... :p tsk. i really need shoes, jeans, and jackets tho...

mmm... india-arie cd. i got it in summer and just forgot about it for a long while... but it's SOO good... is it gonna replace 'the miseducation of lauren hill' as my fav overall best cd? mmm. come to think of it, i think the two cds won the exact same grammy awards or something... heh. but nah... the lauren hill one is definetly better... even if it's just for the "tell him" track. U!!! u sitting right there... u should go buy these two cds... NOW.

aww why does tmw have to be a sunday... i wanna go see lord of the rings 2... without the crowd. maybe i should resume shopping alone... that, or making new friends. it sounds ridiculous but making friends = jeopardizing my relationship.

just like i thought, no one's really happy for me that i passed chem... it's all "yeah. so have i told u about me...?" or "oh.. u passed huh. a C u said? *frown*"... it's ok.. i'll be happy for MYSELF. this education is supposed to be for my own good too isn't it. but it's ridiculous... during her health check up my mom was asking me to see if i could translate kidney, pancreas, liver, etc into chinese and name their functions... and i couldn't. i mean, i KNOW i just did these in biol111... but i can't remember anything. i don't even know what the pancreas is. x__X"

oh well... cappuchino makes it better. even tho a tall cappuchino is like 4 bloody canadian dollars... (wtf, seriously..)
posted by melody at 12/21/2002 11:01:00 p.m.

OMG!!! i really should sleep now, but i just wandered into the ubc site and accidently ran into my grades... I PASSED EVERYTHING!! I PASSED CHEM!!! i feel like waking my parents so that i can have somebody to share the joy with, but they'd probably just be like "what the hell do u mean, u've got a C"... oh well. i was overjoyed for like 2 minutes but now remembering that no one really wants to share this joy is making it die away fast. i'd call buu buu, but i dun think he wants to listen. these days i doubt if he's listening at all to anything i'm saying or feeling. i ran across this blog, this girl was saying how no matter how bad things get, she always has good marks to fall back on as some sort of comfort or happy thought... i gotta work my ass off to get that back... i am my parents' child... in a list of B, B, C, B-, i'll only see the C. just like my fxxking highschool transcript... that B for AP calc is gonna haunt me for life, i swear...
posted by melody at 12/21/2002 02:37:00 a.m.

god, it's sooo painful to be without internet for 4 days.
it's also painful to surf the web at 53,333bps on dial up modem and to not have icq on ur computer...
i guess i won't get to mail my christmas cards afterall. oh well... it's just cards... it's just words.

can't tell u how good it is to be home tho... even tho all i do all day long is eat, sleep, read and watch tv. it's good tho, i'm just gonna relax this break.... everyone's prepping hard to get into senior high or university (or... just any form of post secondary education, it seems...) but... there are TWO concerts tmw night... hmm. family dinner or concert? concerts both with edison?? hMMM.

for the first time in maybe 5 years, i didn't get an aisle seat on the plane... it's like "i need to peeeee again, wake up, wake up, i need to goooo...."

i've seen everyone cept claire, which is odd... we've only chatted on the phone once too... now that i told her about the concert, she's probably gonna go, and i'm probably gonna be the good girl and go have the big family dinner... and hate the fact that i'm not at the concert... hah. oh well... it wouldn't be the first time.

i keep on saying i'm gonna work hard next term, but i can't even make myself open the jap binder... how am i gonna finish the entire japn 102 in 2 weeks? i dunno... i just wanna relax... and i might as well eat all i want, cuz apparently sometime, sooner or later, i'd get down or stressed out and i'll lose all that i gain anyway.. kakaka. my only expense now is going downstairs to the supermarket to do junk food shoppin... it feels good tho, to not have to pull more money out of "red pockets" to fill my wallet. (yes, i'm ignoring the fact that swiping a visa card also takes money out of bank accounts...)

i just watched "save the last dance"... and now i wanna dance... >< maybe i DO dance funny... do i? i don't think that i do, but then i've never seen myself dance. and nobody wants to dance... why DON'T my friends dance... huh? why ARE dances = socialization... i dunno, it's what i hear... i guess i'll see for myself soon. it's creepy, david's turning 20... he's not a teenager anymore... haha, somehow the idea that i'm dating a non-teenager is weirder than the thought that i'm turning 19. i guess... in tw, i always feel like i'm still in junior high. cept when i see the junior high kids i marvel at how small they are, even tho i didn't grow any taller since i was in junior high. heh. i wonder what's up with everyone... i would call and find out, but i dunno. what's there to say... i know i should've at least asked where everyone's at, school-wise. but it just seems so futile....

looking at my student ID for SAT, it all just seems ridiculous, the fact that i went thru all that trouble. passing by the subway station exit, everything seems so familiar and at the same time so strange too... same thing when i pass my old schools, too. the odd thing is, even tho i won't, i know that if i stepped thru and bumped into my old teachers, they'd remember me. i was supposed to become something. i don't exactly know what, but ppl just always had high hopes for me. it's... it's annoying really, whenever ppl say "well it's different for u, u're smart". i feel like refuting every time, but what's the use... knowing that they'd never agree that i was being "honest", i'd rather be seen as "modest" than "pretentious"...

i've gotta somehow stop this... i keep on feeling melancholy after every single movie i watch, even brainless comedies like "dude where's my car". it's not even becuz of the content of the movies... i just... get sad. weird eh... well i'm a weird person... :p
posted by melody at 12/21/2002 01:51:00 a.m.

i'm gonna be laaate for my fliiiight!
then why am i still sitting here typing u ask?
well uhh... cuz i'm just one big fat lazy ass. :p
i finally realized something over dinner last night...
the stupid engineers (no offense, u're all still my friends and everything), being so stressed out for the entire term and all. but they've only got chem, phy, comp sci, math, and applied science... applied science is like free marks, no attendence necessary. math i didn't have to work, so why are they complaining... and ok, phy chem comp sci are hard, but they're even doing less work. only 3 chem labs?? and their lab mannual make more sense?? wtf... engineering is easy than science... pish. (umm yah, merry christmas, engineers. heh) they're so absorbed in their "o i feel so sorry for hard working self" thing it'll probably take them a couple years to realize i have a blog anyway~ :p

i guess it all depends on what u expect from urself tho. i was sitting in the bio final and an hour passed, i was half done... so i tabulated the marks. hey, i can pass without writing another word... maybe i should just leave, i mean i'm passing... haha. i really almost left but no one was leaving yet... it's just... passing seems sufficient now, i keep on forgetting that the final is worth 60%...

i didn't finish my christmas cards in time! oh well... i guess ppl'll have to get cards after the winter break.. hah. i really wanted to stay this time tho, really. finish my errands, study jap, go skiing, road trip, something like that. (as long as road trip doesn't involve parking. i'm serious, just set it on cruise control and we'll switch seats before we get to a stop!!). but it's all good... i get to see my doggie and parents. and ohhh if u've got a webcam i can finally show u my dog!! he's NOT an illusion, he really exists!! hah.

mm i had something else to say, but what was it...?? nevermind. i'd better go pack. my brain is mush from all that cramming for bio, i don't even remember what i'm supposed to bring.
posted by melody at 12/14/2002 11:03:00 p.m.

i can't believe i forgot this again...
happy 28th anniversary to buu buu and me! :)
at least we had anniversary dinner parts I and II...
soup, caesar salad, amazingly delicious bbq chicken wings, and coffee ice cream for dessert..
i'm really starting to like cooking.

but really all i'm doing is wasting time... i struggled so hard to get up last night from my nap so that i could start studying biology... but no... i woke up at 5am... so that means max 9 hours of study time... it's only 8:30am right now and i've lost my concentration! and i'm just starting on the important stuff, that i don't understand.. and there's not enuff room on my cheat sheet for everything.. and i'm panicking!! panicking!! or.. actually i'm more nonchalant than panicked. just one little voice is panicking. mmm panicking makes me think of pancakes... uh-oh. heh
posted by melody at 12/14/2002 12:33:00 a.m.

some government organization is conducting a survey about first year university affordability. well what's the point of asking ppl who are getting the education and thus is somehow paying for it? what, the majority who can't get in or can't afford it don't count, they don't get a say or vote? what kind of fucked up country is it if u need 84% to get into U?

modified my posts so that i could give this URL out to my friends. guess i'll have to find another space to trash talk them. haha~ j/king.

i wanna thank dewi jenny n roz for being there for me today... i was so drained of energy i could've just fallen asleep and forgot about it, but it was nice being around ppl. company helps in some situations... so does coffee, when u haven't had any for like an year. tho it made my muscles TWITCH involuntarily... that can't be good, can it... hmm.

but i started feeling so miserable after i called dad and told him about it. i told him i think it'll cost at least 3000 bucks to repair the car, but he said that it's not much, and cars are costy things to maintain... but i know 3000 is a LOT... my crummy half-job only earned me like what, $300? for this entire term too. i still remember how dad and me both really wanted the trd body kit, but thought 2300 was way too much to spend on a car... i feel so guilty... for going on the ski trip, for wanting a lap top and digital cam, for taking jap as an elective when i could spend the money on a physics course... for slacking off everyday when i should really be working my butt off to get another scholarship... taking that stupid 1st year university affordability survey actually made me think. i'm lucky, my parents are nice and willing to spend reasonable amounts of money to let me live comfortably, and i don't ever have to worry about tuition costs cuz they take it for granted that i'm meant to go to university and they'd pay willingly even if i don't get anymore scholarships. and well, i DO have scholarships, even enough to cover the summer term. but what about others... one of the questions in the survery asked what i do to cut down expenses... all i put was work for scholarships, and planning to get a part time job... but the other options were like, live at home, go to a closer university instead of a preferred one, share accomodation, take only required courses to finish degree faster, take longer to finish degree so ask to work for money in between... argh. i feel lucky and almost as if i should be ashamed.
posted by melody at 12/12/2002 10:51:00 a.m.

feels so weird knowing that kaka isn't in the garage right now.
she's only been here for 2 months and i've sent her in to like, what, 5 repairs?
i really dun think i'll ever have to pay for washing her...
just leave it for the next repair appointment.
i'm kinda wishing that they find that the little problems lead to some big problems and i can get a brand new car.. haha. but how likely is that... also i checked today, downtown toyota doesn't have ANY new 2003 celicas right now.. MUWAHAHA... so far mine is the only 2003 that i've seen on the streets loh... since some colors (like yellow) aren't even out yet. i THINK i saw 2003 special edition celica today, but i just saw its back... it could be an older version who just happens to be silver and have the TRD body kit n spoiler.. ohhh TRD body kit. *slobbers*

FINALLY got to go eat shabu last night... i can't stand the weird store owner!! my god. and what's also confusing is, there's nothing wrong with the bill, and everyone always feel that they've paid enuff or more, but there's NEVER enuff. what the hell... everyone should bring a calculator and pay to the exact cent, if u ask me... i hate to be the bitchy person who always pulls out the cell phone and starts punching #s and telling so and so to pay a buck more, but i'm also sick and tired of paying more than my share every single time... it adds up u know... i can't afford to let it add up... ><
posted by melody at 12/10/2002 02:24:00 a.m.

have u ever woken up in the middle of the night
choking on ur tears
and everything is not ok
and nobody gives a fucking damn
posted by melody at 12/08/2002 08:14:00 p.m.

x___X' i'm seeing stars...
woke up at 6:45am for my math final, which i think i barely passed... then lunch at pho and i somehow found the strength to go the 6 hour chem review... mind u, i was dizzy and feeling puky when i went... it's odd, the ppl who actually go to the review session all seem to be somewhere btwn failing and maybe C+... i guess the material we covered isn't in depth enuff for the B ppl... pish. i keep on thinking, what if i still fail, after paying 40 bucks and wasting 6 hours of perfect sleep time...? what if??? it's no use worrying i guess. after the TA went over all the material, everything seems so easy. of course i still have a lot more memorizing and practice to do... but, why didn't any of this make sense to me before? prob becuz i was never in class... haha. if only they could have these review sessions earlier... then i could skip the entire term and just pay $40 and go to this review session, do all the work, and be ready for the final... haha. now's a bit too late tho... >< AI!! so braindead, but definetly need plenty of sleep before my eng final... i was gonna get a ride to eng, but then i figured i'd finish like an hour before everyone else... stupid SAT training. taking more than 45 minutes on an essay is like impossible to me now... after 35 minutes i'm always like "oh... time to proof read." and that's usually followed by "oh there's prob little mistakes, forget it...."
posted by melody at 12/05/2002 01:54:00 p.m.

ai yai yai. i studied till 11am n then slept till 10pm... hahaha~ but it wasn't even good sleep, since i had my cell phone alarm clock on all the time, so i basically woke up every 5 minutes to shut it off... right now there's about 7.5 hours before i have to leave to take the final... and i'm absolutely panicking... except panicking doesn't equal to working hard... it just means that i'm sitting here in my chair wondering what the hell i'm gonna do if i really fail the final. would i? if i dun get any sleep before the final then sure... i guess i might... everyone said that last year's final was easy... i looked at it and couldn't do half the questions... sometimes i really don't know why i end up doing better than others, i really don't know ANYTHING... hmm.
posted by melody at 12/04/2002 05:03:00 p.m.

slept at 5, woke up at 8, and couldn't fall asleep anymore... that AWFUL NOISE in the back alley!! why is there ALWAYS some sort of construction going on there... first installing the speed bumps, then fixing the garbage can by hammering it, then fixing the electricity wires, now knocking down an entire building... when will it ever end!! ai. i guess in part i should thank them for prepping me for exam times... but i'm so brain dead i don't see how i'm gonna be able to write math n chem at 8:30am. maybe the reason why these two courses have the highest failing rates is B/C the finals are scheduled for 8:30am... >< eat my pancakes n work now.. check in later.
posted by melody at 12/04/2002 01:11:00 a.m.

ugh.. UBC library during exam time is filled with hard working freaks... seeing them just reminds me of the fact that i'm no longer a hard working freak. and for that i'll probably have to pay... ><

about once a week my neighbours gather in the corridor outside my apartment door and sit n chat, while their dogs run around chasing each other, barking merrily. i wish i could be part of that circle... not b/c i'm interested in what they have to say, but b/c i wanna be a successful young professional, live leisurely in a nice apartment that i bought, walk my cute dog like 10 times a day, and... well, i'm not too sure about the sending my kids off to private school part... heh. but for now, i'll have to stick with 5 courses per term, neopets, and my tamagotchi... which keeps dying!! why would a fully fed, happy, healthy tamagotchi die everyday?? confused and annoyed... if it's never gonna get past level three, then i might as well reset it everytime i wanna play with it, rather than conforming to its sleeping patterns...

oh, for anyone who has sensitive teeth, DON'T use crest whitestrips... or if u're going to, use it just once per day, and brush only 2 times/day... right now my teeth are sensitive to cold, hot, warm, and body temp. in other words, they're sour ALL THE TIME... ><

now i'm starting to look forward to going back to tw... walking from B lot to library gives me such a headache.. the cold wind, etc... i actually saw a frozen imitation pond this afternoon... is it just me or is vancouver getting colder and colder?? tw will be relatively warm... and there'll be concerts and yummy food and crowds... crowds to mingle in. the only problem is, i need a ticket back to.... WOW. as soon as i typed that, my agent called and i have a ticket back. hahaha~ amazing, amazing...
posted by melody at 12/03/2002 10:48:00 a.m.

real friends? hmm.. dat's a hard one.
fun friends come out for drinks, take u to interesting places and get u to try new stuff.
useful friends have every assignment done 2 days b4 the due date n has a fax machine.
crap friends call u up when they're down and disappear when it all blows over.
but real friends... real friends know how to be fun or useful
but even when they're being crappy, u don't seem to mind
--cuz u know they put up w/ it when u do it too.
posted by melody at 12/02/2002 09:46:00 p.m.

15 hours of sleep, sooo good. cept it's another day down the drain~ oh well, i doubt i'll ever start studying, till the night before maybe. going for bubble tea is always good... and the fog finally cleared up, i couldn't tell u just how much i hate fog right now!! haha. it's nice to drive home at night... so smooth going down king edward n arbutus, with no cars around, starlight ahead... ah~ make me want to drive to UBC beach, but NO... i dun think i'm ever gonna drive down there again.. haha~
there are three celicas on my block, excluding mine... and they're all fully altered... the white GT just got a carbon fiber engine cap... i dun like those things... it used to look nicer, just with the white wheel rims n lowered... cept i wonder how they get around the many many speed bumps around my block... i wanna join their little circle, haha~ but my GT is so bare minimum... >< after comparison with other cars, i finally realized that celica has a cool look, but specs aren't that good... 140/160hp and 125/150 torque? not good enuff... but whatever... i still luv kaka!
posted by melody at 12/02/2002 06:52:00 p.m.

what a day. i was gonna say "what a rotten day", but i guess i can't call it rotten...
decided to go get breakfast and a drive despite the fog at 6:30am, and i got LOST in ubc... i couldn't see like 10m ahead of myself, and it was a long windy narrow road, so i couldn't really U-turn back either... so stuck, for half an hour, driving around, trying to recognize the roads thru limited vision. and every once in a while, a car passes me going 70, 80, 90, faster... how can they see thru the fog? why couldn't i? felt like such a dork... wanted to wave my white shirt in the air, "i give up, i give up!" this dumbass game called life... at least i had pancakes to console me when i got home.
and then later getting stuck on 41st & granville... i can't believe i missed the light change. TWICE... ai!! i feel like such a rotten driver, how the hell did i pass that road test with only 10 hours of practise...
shiseido seminar!! the guys at the seminar -- weirdest EVER! haha... got to try out the entire skincare line from shiseido. and look at my enlarged skin pores on a screen... >< in the end,
"how does ur skin feel?" ... "soft..."
"and how do u feel?" .... "soft..."
hahaha...
posted by melody at 12/01/2002 08:51:00 a.m.